TheFerret
TheFerret's JournalWell, I Have a New Least Favorite Town Hall (Ferret)
Grossest week in a while, wasn’t it?
Straight from the E. Jean Carroll verdict to the raw, human horror of that CNN town hall. Sharp drop.
(Links version, as always: https://showercapblog.com/well-i-have-a-new-least-favorite-town-hall/)
The judge in the Carroll case felt compelled to advise the jury to avoid publicly identifying themselves, as doing so would expose them to harassment and possible murder. Sound advice.
Yeah, MAGA’s still ugly, if anybody out there was wondering. I guess we can keep yelling at each other about whether CNN should’ve loaned the little turd their platform in the first place, but I think it provided a fucking sobering reminder of the nature of the fight we’re in.
This is how a room full of Republican primary voters behaves. It’s who they are. There’s no secret legion of rational moderates, aching to hear Asa Hutchinson’s stump speech. It’s a mob.
It. Is. A. Mob.
Of course they jeered along with their butter sculpture strongman’s performative cruelty; the cruelty is, and always has been, the ENTIRE FUCKING POINT.
They like that he sexually assaults women. They like that he brags about it. We’ve known that since the Access Hollywood tape. They elected him precisely because he hurts people, and they hope to re-elect him so he can hurt people again.
“Makes me want to vote for him twice,” proclaimed one Thomas Tuberville, reminding the nation how he earned a spot on the Turd Reich’s Capitol Riot calling tree.
You know what? If a man of such unshakable Christian principle as Dr. Tuberville wants to single-handedly undermine the nation’s military readiness, who are we to object, with our pizzagating and our furry kid litter boxes?
Tommy wants more white nationalists in our armed forces, by the way. He said that to NPR. Good thing Doug Jones isn’t your Senator anymore, Alabama. You wouldn’t have anybody working so diligently to give the next generation of domestic terrorists the sort of training only the U.S. military can provide.
Hey, speaking, as we so often must, of our loser violence epidemic, the Texas mall shooter turned out to be a standard-issue MAGA loser, complete with Nazi tattoos, radicalized online by standard-issue MAGA losers like Tim Pool. (I’m told he was unavailable for the CNN town hall audience, being dead.)
Still, credit where it’s due, Republicans continue to offer sensible, good-faith solutions to America’s wacky gun conundrum. Fox put their deepest thinkers to work on the issue, and what they came up with was “have a plan to kill everyone you meet.” As Mary Poppins so memorably taught us, in song.
Marsha Blackburn proposes unleashing an army of gun-toting grandparents upon our schools, and what could possibly go wrong? We should definitely give a bunch of Newsmax-addled retirees the opportunity to act out their bucket list Rittenhouse fantasies, ideally in the vicinity of as many children as possible.
Meanwhile, Lauren Boebert is co-sponsoring federal legislation to make the AR-15 America’s “national gun.” Because it’s killed so many kids, you see. You wouldn’t want some sissy-ass gun that can’t even slaughter a classroom full of schoolchildren in seconds as your NATIONAL GUN, wouldja, ya groomer?
Anyway, we shouldn’t move on without pausing to honor the real victim of the Texas mall massacre: Representative Keith Self, whose religious liberty was riddled with a hail of rhetorical gunfire as vicious as any incel’s murder spree. Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this trying time, Keith.
These teasers for the impending Fox/Tucker shithouse knife fight are really working for me. I will order that pay-per-view. Go for it, creeps. Rip one another to shreds for a change, leave the rest of us the fuck alone.
Tucker’s teaming up with Elon now, presumably seeking to pool resources in order to capture Captain America, and strap him to some sort of experimental explosive device.
Speaking of, Ukraine shot down Pooty’s “most sophisticated missile,” but at least he was able to scrounge up a whole tank for his big “Victory Day” parade. That picture’s going in those history books you were aimin’ at, kiddo. Maybe even the cover. Lookit My Last Tank: The Humiliating Fall of Vlad…Vlad Something, Who Gives a Shit.
Ron DeSantis continues shrinking before the very eyes of anyone who still bothers to look at him. He seems to think he’s performing extremely impressively in that weird, embarrassing fight he picked with Disney. “They have not made a peep,” Ron boasted, which is nowhere close to true. They are literally suing you, my dude. They threw a Pride Night, legally gutted your lunatic “board,” and sued you.
Not a “peep,” though. Okay. Sure. You’re winning so hard, you should mint yourself a challenge coin, dawg.
A group of House Republicans are actually pushing a bill that would abolish the no-fly zones over Disneyland and Disney World. The GOP is gonna make Disney hate gay people, or knock themselves senseless trying. Forcing The Walt Disney Company to forsake LGBTQ rights and representation is about 35% of the Republican platform right now.
Which is odd, I think.
Anyway, Ron’s gonna traffic some more migrants. Next chance he gets, he’s gonna do that human trafficking thing he does, because he thinks it plays well with the Republican base. And he’s right, it does, it’s just that it’s not enough to keep up with the guy who’s inciting riots and sexually assaulting women.
Well, Johnny Law finally caught up to George Santos. Somehow. It’s almost a shame to see such a promising young grifter’s career cut short, and before he got a crack at the Saudi money, too.
I’m reaching out to the Federal Bureau of Prisons about a behind-bars production of The Producers starring Santos. Maybe Jacob Wohl in the Wilder/Broderick role. If we can get him. I’ll be in touch about financing at an appropriate time.
Of course, McCarthy needs Georgie’s vote to take the global economy hostage, so he gets to just…stay a Congressman, I guess. Thank heaven he’s being allowed to weigh in on such matters. George Santos personally launching humanity’s next Dark Age kinda tracks, though. Feels sufficiently biblical.
I like that James Comer is such a clown, even Fox shits on him. How’s it feel t’be that guy, Jim? The network that based the entire Big Lie on the ravings of an obviously deranged cactus artist finds you less than credible. Oof.
The National Review lamented the decline in teen sex, because that’s how fucking far over the rainbow we are, people.
Texas state Representative Bryan Slaton did what he could to address that imbalance, (allegedly) engaging in a sexual relationship with a teen intern. Bryan has resigned, but we’ll always have his anti-grooming legislation to remember him by.
I guess Eric Trump’s feelin’ litigious, cuz the Lügenpresse won’t let him hang out with his Hitler-promoting antisemite pals in peace.
Sometimes, I see headlines like “Milo Yiannopoulos Caught in Marjorie Taylor Greene-Kanye West Campaign Cash Scandal” and I worry that conservative politics’re becoming so normal n’ dignified that I won’t have anything to blog about.
Didja catch that great NBC story on the wingnut school board takeover in Woodland Park, CO? If you want a peek at what they’re hoping to replace all those Rosa Parks books with, check out the “American Birthright” social studies standard. Freaky shit.
Trump tactics at the school board level. Watching MAGA’s cultural ambitions congeal is pretty fucking gross, isn’t it? They want such a gross world.
Fuck ‘em. We’ve beaten ‘em before, again and again, and I guess we’ll have to keep on beating them while we wait for the long-term effects of ivermectin poisoning to kick in. Joe Biden, history has shown, understands how to beat ‘em. Like a dang drum.
We can do this all day, you assholes. Megyn Kelly convinced exactly zero of us to quit. Sorry, Megyn Kelly. Sorry, assholes.
I’m gonna turn this over to Mary Poppins for the sign-off:
Remember, children!
Never go to school or church unless you’re packing heat!
And always -
Children (in adorable unison): Always?
Yes, ALWAYS have a plan
To kill
Everyone you meet!
Stay safe out there, friends. It’s gettin’ weird again. It’s enough to drive a fellow to drink.
BREAKING: Tucker Texts Reveal Hidden, Secret, Completely Unsuspected RACISM (Ferret)
Seismic news this week, as leaked texts suggest recently defenestrated telefascist Tucker Carlson may hold some, shall we say “problematic” views on race. To think, were it not for these texts, the poor, misled Murdoch family might ne’er have learned of the secret bigot in their midst.
(Links version here: https://showercapblog.com/breaking-tucker-texts-reveal-hidden-secret-completely-unsuspected-racism/)
They hide among us, you know. Jesse Watters knows ‘em when he sees ‘em, and if you can’t trust Jesse Watters, who can you trust?
Anyway, Fox’s feral audience remains in open revolt. I’m surprised they didn’t tear Kilmeade apart with their teeth, honestly. WANT TUCK-TUCK! WANT TUCK-TUCK OR NO WATCH WATCH! BRING TUCK-TUCK BACK RIGHT NOW! All while shitting themselves and buying NFTs, I assume.
The race to replace the host of Fox’s prime time White Power Hour has already devolved into precisely the sort of competitive hate-mongering you’d expect, as the various shrieking heads vie for the attention of cruelty addicts. It’s been pretty gross.
But oh what a treat, Tucker Carlson’s thoughts on “how white men fight.” We’ve seen how white men fight, Tucker. Thanks to you. White men fight with nail guns. With their cars. With “stun guns, pepper spray, baseball bats and flagpoles wielded as clubs.” During the pandemic, every now and then, one of ‘em would cough on somebody.
And of course, whenever possible, they “fight” with AR-15s.
Big week for the AR-15, wasn’t it? “A man using an AR-15-style weapon shot and killed five people Friday, including an 8-year-old — an angry response to the neighbors’ request that he stop shooting in his yard while their baby was trying to sleep.”
Look, the Second Amendment is unambiguous here. My right to play with my murder toy clearly outweighs your baby’s right to sleep, and your attempt to violate my rights activates my right to slaughter your entire family. Why, James Madison himself shot up the nation’s very first Wendy’s, simply because his fries were cold.
That’s why Matt Gaetz wants a national Stand Your Ground law, because the next generation of Rittenhouse wannabes must be allowed to act out their violent fantasies, free from fear of incarceration. It’s just common sense.
Letters to Trump came out, and it’s actually even more embarrassing than it appears on the surface, which is impressive, because on the surface, it’s a coffee table book dedicated to the pettiest fixations of an aging game show host.
I see the mighty alpha among alphas is still afraid of debates. He’s very impressive, though. I can see why you’d build a cult of personality around him. This one time, he passed a cognitive test.
Despite his undeniable expertise in the field of Identifying Drawings of Elephants, constitutional law remains something of a blind spot, and now he gets to pay the New York Times’ legal fees. Also, at least eight of his fake Georgia electors have accepted immunity deals. Oh, and Jack Smith has an “insider witness” down at Marm-a-Lago.
Which brings us to his nauseating deposition in the E. Jean Carroll trial. Watching Donald Trump vamp on the Access Hollywood tape is like watching a rectal cyst leak.
Getting convicted of seditious conspiracy is probably my favorite thing the Proud Boys have ever done. Also my favorite thing the Oath Keepers have ever done, coincidentally enough, though I anticipate enjoying both groups’ rotting-in-prison period nearly as much.
Saw a story titled, “DeSantis Disappoints British Business Leaders Ahead of Expected 2024 Presidential Bid,” and chuckled, because we’re gonna see a whole lotta headlines in the weeks to come that start with those two words. “DeSantis disappoints.” Rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it? And so versatile! Fundraising deadlines. Debates. Caucuses. Primaries. I don’t anticipate a particularly dignified concession speech.
ANYWAY. Seems Ron wrote and published a book in which he brags about persecuting Disney for protected political speech, which experts say may come back to bite him in the lawsuit where Disney alleges he, um, persecuted them for…well, for protected political speech. Perhaps his next book can be on the legal perils of spending one’s political life pandering to proto-fascist primary voters.
I feel bad for Joe Biden. He’d almost gotten away with all his dastardly crimes when, at the last possible moment, the scheme unraveled under the unforgiving gaze of the world’s greatest buddy detectives: Chuck Grassley and James Comer. Can’t wait to see this mega-credible whistleblower’s cactus art.
I bet Joe’s already impeached by the time you read this. If not hung. I mean, when has Honest Jimmy Comer ever led us astray?
So, Herschel Walker apparently fleeced a Republican megadonor out of half a million dollars, and seriously…imagine getting conned by Herschel Walker. The “I don’t want to be a vampire any more, I want to be a werewolf” guy tricked you into giving him five hundred and thirty-five thousand, two hundred dollars. Congratulations.
The entire con, by the way, was “wire the money here kthxbye.” And it worked. I don’t think we’ll need Newman & Redford for this one.
Look you guys, I’m sure Clarence Thomas has lots of bills Harlan Crow doesn’t pay. He keeps a Junior Saver checking account open to buy Harlan birthday presents, for example. (Yes, the balance is unspent allowance money.) Plus, he likes to save a few bills for Leonard Leo to pay.
In their party’s latest love letter to democracy, Texas Republicans’re actually trying to grant themselves the power to overturn elections in Just This One Heavily Democratic County. Sounds legit, fellas.
I was surprised to hear about the toxic workplace culture at, of all places, Steven Crowder’s corner of the wingnut rageosphere. I always pictured a rather serene office, a place of Bible study interrupted only by the periodic feeding of orphans.
Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt called for Clifford the Big Red Dog to be euthanized, for insufficient hatred of gay people, and for defecating in the litter box designated for the woke, furry children. Clifford’s lawyers plan to appeal to the Supreme Court, but I bet Amy Coney Barrett thinks dogs don’t have souls, so he’s probably fucked.
So I guess Elon Musk has been sending threatening emails to NPR reporters, because that’s the kind of super-cool shit you get to do when you’re a billionaire. I never thought of myself as susceptible to status envy, but when you watch a man attempt (and fail) to blackmail a public radio company into tweeting more, you can’t help but think GOD THAT SHOULD BE MEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Another extremely impressive genius is Vladimir Putin, wonder what he’s been up to? False flagging himself while his pet warlord threatens to abandon the field for want of ammunition? But he’s doing it all shirtless and on horseback, so it’s wicked awesome. Ted Cruz is positively moist.
Also, “Russian Soldiers Camped in Chernobyl's Radioactive Forest. Guess What Happened Next.” It’s almost too dazzling to look upon. The glory of the Russian empire reborn, I mean.
If anybody feels like steering an unaccountable half million into my beer fridge fund, know that I have no political favors to grant in return, but that I will absolutely drink that much beer. Stay safe out there, folks.
The One Where Tucker Carlson Gets Fired (Ferret!)
I have a favorite push notification now. I think it’s the nicest thing my phone has ever done for me, actually. “What’s that you say, phone? Tucker Carlson got fired? Goodness me, what a wonderful thing to’ve happened, and what a wonderful thing to know!” and I skipped all the way home. Random April Monday. Delightful.
(Makes more sense with th’links: https://showercapblog.com/the-one-where-tucker-carlson-gets-fired/)
And yeah, they’ll replace him with someone worse, possibly some lab-grown fusion of Gutfeld and Watters DNA, marinated overnight in Pirro’s boxed wine dregs, and yeah, he’s gonna keep on driving people violently insane, and making a ton of fucking money doing it. Such is the state of our fallen world. But gone forever is that sweet, sweet 8 p.m. time slot on Fox, bar none the choicest real estate available anywhere in the multi-billion-dollar rube indoctrination economy.
For now, I will drink to any night without Tucker Carlson on television. I don’t know if there’s any less hate in the world tonight, but at least it’s not being distributed quite so efficiently.
Fuck, I’ll drink to the contents of that oppo file the Murdochs apparently have on him. Imagine the outtakes from Tucker’s Icarus phase, prancing around in front of his beloved Pelosi mural, imagining himself an untouchable white nationalist messiah…here’s to all the push notifications to come.
Also, Fox’s ratings took a massive hit in the absence of their star softboi, perhaps the beginning of the very audience exodus they feared in the Dominion lawsuit texts that brought Tucker down. Basically, a massive lose/lose situation for the very worst people alive. I confess I’m enjoying it. I wonder who gets custody of the January 6th footage?
I feel like I should buy a voting machine, to express gratitude, but I don’t have room in my place. Plus you get bamboo fibers all over everything.
Everybody liked the idea of Ron DeSantis, but the minute you give him even a cursory closer look, you can’t help but go, “oh, heavens no, this man absolutely sucks.” And it’s funny watching it happen, y’know?
Like, the way Ron DeSantis behaves is objectively embarrassing. More so when we remember every single batshit thing he does is part of a meticulously crafted plan to present himself to the public as a potential President.
“I’M GONNA BUILD A PRISON NEXT TO DISNEY WORLD BECAUSE THEY DON’T HATE GAY PEOPLE ENOUGH!” Well, I don’t think it’ll fit on a red ballcap, Ron. Enjoy getting sued, though.
It’s especially funny because it’s working so badly. Ron is on his I Am A Very Fancy Man Indeed tour, and the second he hit Washington, a bunch of House Republicans from his home state endorsed the Dotard. Oof. Ron DeSantis is diet, caffeine free Ted Cruz.
Finding an alternative to the grunting weirdo who’s autographing insurrection artifacts for convicted Capitol rioters on the campaign trail shouldn’t be too terrifically difficult, but the talent pool in the GOP has scummed over. I was hoping to go on laughing at Mike Pompeo for a few more months, but I suppose I shall have to make do with laughing at Chris Christie.
I’ve got Hutch fever, though. I’m on the Asa train. No, the Asa EXPRESS. Asa Hutchinson is running a completely real and serious presidential campaign that’s going to win primaries and amass delegates and everything, because there’s a “normal lane” in Republican politics right now. We’re only talking about real things in this paragraph. Hutchamania runneth wild.
I assume everyone’s having a nice time watching Kevin McCarthy fumble with the debt ceiling like an incel with the bra clasp on a new waifu pillow. Will America stupid the global economy to death? Tune in this summer, I guess.
An emerging genre I’m enjoying is the Well, You Wanted the Attention, Sparky profile of Kevin’s bumbling chief investigator, Jim Jordan. "Over eight terms in the House, Mr. Jordan, who served for a decade in Ohio’s Statehouse before winning election to Congress, has not been the lead sponsor of a single bill that became law.” At a certain point, I think we have to start looking at the Right’s propensity for rewarding failure in evolutionary terms. People still take ivermectin, you know.
The Jewish space laser lady says adoptive parents aren’t real. (Fact check: they are!) I hadn’t heard that one before, is that a thing, or is this just her reflexive shittiness? Elevating Marj was definitely one of Kevin’s leaderier bits of leadership.
Paul Gosar promoted a Holocaust-denying website, but only because they praised his anti-Semitism, you see.
Lauren Boebert called on “patriots” to start more fights on airplanes. Great advice. Pitch a mighty fit, then shit yourself in the seat they duct-tape you to while you await arrest. That’ll show ‘em.
They’re calling in bomb threats to Budweiser factories now. Cult45 really hates trans people, folks. Wingnut boycotts never work, but the little fuckers actually moved the needle with this one, because they really, really, really hate trans people.
The Republican Party isn’t doing a hell of a lot right now, beyond passing as much anti-trans legislation as they can. You never hear about any “Republican supermajority solves long-standing problem, improves constituents’ lives” stories, just ever more elaborate restrictions on transgender care and drag shows and women’s bodies. Yeah, I wonder where that red wave went.
Montana Republicans ritually cast Zooey Zephyr, the state’s first transgender lawmaker, from the statehouse floor, because conservatives’re sick n’ dang tired of this newfangled tolerating-the-physical-presence-of-minorities thing.
(Everybody’s paying attention to Montana, right? I say this because Jon Tester is a damn fine Senator, and Montana’s getting pretty freaky these days. Bookmark that sexxxy ActBlue page, is all I’m sayin’.)
Fun to hear actual audio of Ted Cruz plotting to subvert American democracy, innit? “Constitutionally, it’s nonsense, of course, but you see, the fellow who likes to laugh about how ugly my wife is has decided he’d rather stay President, and I live only to serve him.” Ted Cruz’s ultimate legacy will be as Trumpism’s ur-cuck and that, my friends, is fucking just.
On the extremely specific topic of audio recordings of fascist plotting, turns out law enforcement officials in McCurtain County, Oklahoma enjoy chatting about murdering journalists and lynching Black people.
Everybody who’s upset about the theocrat SCOTUS majority’s snowballing ethics scandal is really gonna get mad when they find out about the puppy mill Amy Coney Barrett runs out of her garage. (Harlan Crow pays for it, on the condition that he gets dibs on any puppies that happen to resemble Hitler.)
Peter Thiel says he’s not gonna piss any more of his constitutionally-protected Free Speech Buxx away on the GOP’s rotating cast of drooling fuckwits for a while, which strikes me as a fiscally sound decision.
Stop the Steal creep Ali Alexander turns out to be what some might call a groomer. Gosh, and he seemed so wholesome. Nick Fuentes and Marjorie Taylor Greene are at war over this extremely normal controversy, and I think we need to get some HIMARS to this front, pronto.
In the interest of both fairness and balance, I am compelled to inform you HHS Secretary Xavier Becerra violated the Hatch Act, conclusively proving the mathematically equivalent criminality in America’s two major political parties.
Elon’s Musk’s ongoing meltdown is gonna earn some irritatingly committed method actor an Oscar someday. You can see it, right? Pacing in an empty office, desperately flinging fistfuls of blue checkmarks at celebrities, emitting howls of primal self-loathing as they’re rejected on a wave of mockery. It’s gonna be Jared Leto, isn’t it? God, what an irritating movie that’s going to be.
The movie about Mike Lindell going broke losing $5 million prove-me-wrong challenges is going to rule, however.
Quick shoutout to the Donald J Chump guy for the chuckle. Sometimes the direct route is best. Also to the guy who sincerely believes the furry-kids-shitting-in-litter-boxes thing is real, for being such a dumb fuck.
And I see Putin’s bombing his own cities now. Sounds about right.
Okay, I think we’re more or less caught up, and I for one plan to drink until I forget every word of this shit. Stay safe out there, folks!
You're Just Jealous Your Own Hitler Collection is Comparatively Unimpressive (Ferret)
I’m tired of hearing about inflation and jobs reports, what we need in this country is an insufferability index, measuring the degree to which our quality of life is impacted by the shrieking inanity of the American Right in decline. That number would be off the charts this week. The charts I just made up.
(Links and shiny colors await ye here: https://showercapblog.com/youre-just-jealous-your-own-hitler-collection-is-comparatively-unimpressive/)
Well, Trump-appointed U.S. District Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk, citing junk science and authority granted nowhere in actual law, banned the abortion pill mifepristone, because he’d had quite enough of this women-having-bodily-autonomy hooey, thank you very much.
Now, I like having basic human rights removed by Federalist Society weirdos as much as the next fellow, but the electorate has sent no subtle signals since Dobbs. The American public will not passively submit to the revanchist whims of minoritarian zealots bent on shittiness for its own sake.
Of course, like so much of objective reality, this is proving to be a difficult concept for Republicans to wrap their wee minds around. They can’t quite figure out where this “youth vote problem” came from, but with thought leaders like Scott Walker and Kellyanne Conway on the job, I’m confident they’ll find a steady stream of creative excuses to avoid the obvious.
Poor Tim Scott tied himself in knots, and right when he’s launching what some feel obliged to pretend is a campaign for the Republican Party’s presidential nomination, too. Mockery aside, Tim doesn’t really need a good answer on abortion, or on anything at all, if we’re honest, given the, ahem, other obstacles he faces in the contest to lead the…y’know…the white nationalist resentment cult.
Actually, I think Texas Congressdolt Tony Gonzalez may’ve hit upon the solution: simply change the subject, and the issue will vanish into the cool night air! Women are flighty creatures, and once they’re restored to their natural station, they’ll be too busy with housework to even think about controlling their own bodies.
Yeah, I bet that works. I bet DeSantistan’s new six-week abortion ban never comes up during the entire presidential campaign, not once, cuz Ron cleverly signed the bill late at night, rather than in a showy, public ceremony. Curses! Outfoxed again, just like Disney!
I dunno. Given the ground he’s already ceding on the pudding issue, I don’t see it happening for DeSantis, though of course, you never really know what Republican primary voters will do, because their brains don’t work.
As predicted, Tennessee Republicans’re feeling a bit of buyer’s remorse over last week’s authoritarian shitfit. Seems nobody bothered to investigate procedural next steps before sending out invites to their big Excommunicate the Urban Black Guys party, so Justins Jones and Pearson barely had time to greet their new, national following before returning to work.
In addition to empowering those they sought to sanction, the other thing Tennessee Republicans accomplished was drawing the world’s attention to all the fashy shenanigans they’ve been up to of late. “Oh, um, yeah, we’re basically Hungary now. Tryin’ t’be, anyway!”
They sure had fun with their little expulsion vote, though.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t have to defend a plutocrat’s collection of Hitler memorabilia just because he bought Clarence Thomas’ mom’s house. Owning Hitler paintings is pretty fucked up, regardless of any Supreme Court Justices whose lavish lifestyles you may or may not be corruptly financing.
Another thing you don’t have to say out loud is that you think 12-year-olds should be allowed to marry. Meet Missouri State Senator Mike Moon, by the way. Oh, and “Moon's support of the practice resurfaced during a committee hearing on a bill introduced by Moon that would ban gender-affirming care for transgender children,” which goes without saying, I suppose.
Missouri Republicans’re also working to defund libraries statewide, because it’s quicker than pulling the books about Black people off the shelves individually.
Surprise, surprise, Tucker Carlson’s tougher in his texts than in real life, where he submissively offered his platform up to the doddering fuckwit he once called “a demonic force, a destroyer,” to rant about all his favorite dictators.
And sure, that was pretty emasculating, but nothing a few hours under the ol’ scrotum tanning machine couldn’t fix. Tucker was back on his feet in no time, lionizing the 21-year-old jackass who perpetrated the most damaging national security breach in years to impress a handful of asshats in a Discord chat.
(Marjorie Taylor Greene is also a fan, no doubt believing Jack Teixeira will upload the Jewish space laser schematics as soon as he finds a spare moment.)
Fox News was sanctioned (yay, incidentally) for withholding evidence in the Dominion case, another gleaming example of that organization’s general trustworthiness.
Greg Abbott coulda sworn it was legal in Texas to gun Black Lives Matter protesters down in the street, and he’ll get right on that next legislative session, but for now, he wants the world to know he’s working as quickly as humanly possible to turn a convicted murderer loose.
As you’d imagine, a wingnut like Abbott doesn’t hand out a ton of pardons, but obviously this dude is a special case, given his proudly stated racism. Oh, and his fantasies about killing protesters. Which are documented. And specific. “Might have to kill a few people on my way to work,” that sort of thing.
Yeah, we’ve seen this behavior before, and we’ll see it again. Some wound-up, armed-to-the-gills loser goes cruising for a fight so he can shoot his way out of it. Call it Rittenhousing. And Abbott is far from alone on the Right in believing it should be completely legal. Which is fairly terrifying.
Governor Tate Reeves once again proclaimed Confederate Heritage Month in Mississippi. There’s no denying Tate keeps spirit of the Confederacy alive, overseeing the highest poverty rate and highest infant mortality rate in the nation. Truly, the South rose again that time Reeves led his state to the fourth-highest COVID death rate…in the world.
Well, their culture venerates failure, and I suppose we have to respect that.
Kevin McCarthy’s assclown caucus celebrated 100 days of Jim Jordan and James Comer Punching Themselves in the Groin on C-SPAN For Some Reason. It was a lot like Kevin’s election night party, for a lot of the same reasons.
There’s now an overpriced anti-trans beer to go with the overpriced anti-trans chocolate bar, for those who enjoy lighting their money ablaze in fleeting displays of petulant hate. Meanwhile, Bud Light’s enjoying all the free advertising that comes with being the official adult beverage of Not These Screeching Bigots, secure in the knowledge that, as Dan Crenshaw so elegantly proved, Republicans are too stupid to successfully boycott anything.
Seems like only yesterday we were laughing at Elon Musk for setting the Guinness World Record for losing money, but he turned everything around this week, by covering up the W in “Twitter” (GET IT HAW HAW HAW) on the side of a building, and trolling NPR into leaving his platform. He’s so good at business, I frequently weep tears of pure admiration.
Congratulations to Arizona state Representative Liz Harris, for being shitty and crazy and dishonest enough to get expelled from a Republican-controlled legislature. I’m honestly impressed. In the state party of Kari Lake and Mark Lamb and Sheriff Joe and the Bamboo Fiber Detection Squad, Liz not only found the line, but crossed it. You should be rewarded for that, with like, a syringe of artisanal, small batch horse dewormer or something.
I see George Santos uncovered the deep state plot to ban toilet paper, which one of ya squealed? Loose lips sink imaginary pizza restaurant basements, you guys.
While mining the news for blog content, I stumbled across an article about failed white nationalist gubernatorial candidate Doug Mastriano’s Slovenian techno-polka-heavy TikTok account, which I feel compelled to share with you here. “In February, for instance, he posted a video showing cartoons of a duck in various situations with the caption, “got any grapes?” set to a sped-up song by the artist Justine Skye.”
I do, Doug. Grapes were on sale this week, actually. Doug’s looking into losing another statewide election, for Senate this time, so he can spend some more of his pal Andrew Torba’s Gab money. Whatever.
Also returning Is J.R. Majewski, who lied about his military record en route to losing his last congressional election by 13 points, in the red wave that wasn’t. Majewski, you’ll recall, rose to MAGA prominence by painting Donald Trump on his lawn, which is the sort of thing swing voters usually go nuts for, so it must’ve been the valor theft.
A Donald Trump speech at an NRA convention is too fucking much for me on a Friday night, but check it out if you hate yourself, I guess.
Just a heads up, there still be NO BLOG NEXT WEEK, April 21st, owing to commitments in my civilian identity, as mild-mannered beer drinker Clark Kent. I will see you all in two weeks. Until then, as ever, stay safe out there, m’lovelies…
Yeah, Exactly Like Jesus (Ferret)
I write tonight’s post from the roof of my apartment building, awaiting FEMA rescue, in the aftermath of the deluge of think pieces n’ hot takes about the strength of Alvin Bragg’s case. Feeling good about my decision to gouge my eyes out to spare myself further punditry. Please send beer.
(Makes more sense with links: https://showercapblog.com/yeah-exactly-like-jesus/)
Yes, America spent a day and a half watching that goony little doofus fly from Florida to New York to get arrested, and then we yelled at the television for showing it to us, for we are a nation of assholes, and Donald Trump was sent to plague us, by some sort of cosmic Greek tragedian.
He didn’t get the long, slow, martyr march he wanted, (Melania wouldn’t let him use any of the good tiaras anyway) just courtroom sketches and a couple photos where he looks scared. You can buy a shirt with a fake mugshot on it, though. That’s a shirt you can buy, so everyone around you will know what a dipshit you are. It’s like a MAGA hat, but a shirt.
Republicans, from the highest halls of power to the Appalachianest diners of Real America, rallied obsequiously to their precious, fading game show host, because they don’t know how to do anything else anymore. Well, stay on the sinking ship, fellas. Lifeboats are for cucks.
Lindsey Graham is organizing a bake sale for next Sunday, or maybe an insurrection, I couldn’t make it out through the blubbering. Jim Jordan wants to know if it’s possible to defund the rule of law all at once, or if it’d be easier to go agency by agency? And of course, George Santos was there.
Anyway, the Dotard is basically Jesus, and/or Nelson Mandela, like Marjorie Taylor Greene says. I feel like Nelson Mandela’s social media posts wouldn’t be quite so racist. I’m not saying Jesus’ would be, mind you. I bet both of them would immediately grasp that a cognitive test doesn’t measure intelligence, though.
You don’t get any more Christlike than MAGA, that’s for sure. For He did circulate amongst His followers the likeness of the daughter of the judge in His porn star hush money case, that they might menace her with hammers and bear spray and perhaps the odd nail gun.
No riot this time, which is great for all sorts of reasons. The more headlines like “Lone MAGA supporter awaits Trump in New York, fears antifa” the better. (I had to work that one in because it’s perfect and I love it. Say it out loud. Honor the comma. Really linger.)
Marj was on 60 Minutes, by the way, which I guess means she’s normalized now. I dunno, I’m not sure how normal you can make someone who rants about Jewish space lasers, but it’s something else to be mad about, if you’re hard up for shit to be mad about.
Word on the street is, Kevin McCarthy can’t corral his feral caucus ahead of the approaching debt ceiling collision, but that’s unpossible, Kevin am the leaderest leader who ever led!
In Tennessee, the Republican supermajority, which has been on a proto-fascist bender for some time now, expelled a pair of young, Black, Democratic state representatives, for Unconscionable Uppityness in Defense of Children’s Lives, which is not allowed in Tennessee.
Tennessee Republicans appear to’ve bitten off a bit more than they can chew here, so I imagine we’ll be hearing more in days to come. Get ready to be the bad guys in the next wave of books Florida bans, boys!
In addition to getting indicted on 34 felony charges, Donald Trump tried and failed to hire Laura Loomer this week, which is fairly embarrassing. In protest, Loomer handcuffed herself to…something, probably.
(Always makes more sense with th’links: https://showercapblog.com/yeah-exactly-like-jesus/)
Oh, and apparently, DoJ has evidence he personally rifled through the purloined classified docs to pull out the stuff he really wanted, which, sure, probably means the surveillance photos of Mike Pence’s heartrendingly abnormal masturbation breaks in the West Wing powder room, but might be nuclear secrets for all anybody knows.
Desperate to revive his fast-fading presidential hopes, and running out of children’s books about civil rights heroes to ban, Ron DeSantis has apparently decided to lose a few more rounds to Disney. That oughta do the trick. Another excellent plan from the party of excellent plans.
That six week abortion ban he’s cooking up’ll play real well, too, because Wisconsin doesn’t exist, I guess, though if it did exist, there certainly wasn’t an election there this week.
I’d like to thank Daniel Kelly for losing so badly, by which I mean both the 11-point margin and the thumb-suckingly petulant concession speech. You’re a credit to your party, Dan.
Eleven points, in what may be the tightest swing state in the country. Hey, if these creeps need a few more election cycles to learn this lesson, that’s probably best for everyone involved. Kansas doesn’t exist either, Ron. You’re doin’ great, kid.
Tommy Tuberville, who can barely fucking read, is single-handedly holding up more than 180 nominations at the Department of Defense, because he feels the women serving our country in uniform have too many rights.
Republicans’re all over that women-having-rights thing. You’d never believe this was the same party that had no policy platform whatsoever last presidential election; these days they’re positively overflowing with ideas for new abortion restrictions. They’re really quite creative and industrious when they want to be.
So, Bud Light partnered with a transgender influencer, and a bunch of losers threw that fit they throw when they’re confronted with a world that refuses to pander to their personal prejudices. Yeah, the one where they destroy their own property, and post videos online. I don’t get it either. “Take THAT, thing I paid for!” I’m told it’s some sort of “lib-owning” ritual in their culture. Their stupid, stupid culture.
Anyway, they’re gonna boycott. Which won’t work. Because they’re losers. With no money. That’s how this goes, every single time. Starbucks and Nike and the coolers one and wasn’t it Hershey’s just a couple weeks ago? This does jeopardize Anheuser-Busch’s planned expansion into the lucrative horse paste market, however.
I see Clarence Thomas spent decades illegally concealing the lavish vacations showered upon him by GOP megadonor Harlan Crow. Golly. Corruption at the highest levels of Republican politics? Gosh. What is the world coming to? Gosh golly gee.
Asa Hutchinson picked indictment week to launch his presidential campaign, so obviously he’s got a firm grasp of the obstacles ahead. They won’t even learn your name until he threatens your family on Truth Social, Asa.
A cackling Steve Bannon unleashed his “chaos agent,” anti-vax halfwit RFK Jr., upon the Democratic presidential primary, and I for one demand no fewer than nine debates with Marianne Williamson. Debate Number Six: What Do Cats Think About?
Ron Johnson told Maria Bartiromo that he ran for reelection to advocate for “vaccine injuries,” clearly angling for the chairmanship of the Senate Subcommittee on Problems That Do Not Fucking Exist the next time these loons seize power. Ron’ll keep those damn hobbits out of your snozzberry bushes, too.
If you’re looking for something to cheer you up in the midst of all the madness, you could do worse than Mehdi Hasan ripping Matt Taibbi’s soul out through his butthole. I’d say treat yourself, but of course Tucker Carlson ruined treat yourself.
They tried to ruin beer this week, too, but they failed, for they are shitty, and beer is pure and good. You stay safe out there, my friends, until we meet again next week.
Mummy, the Indictment Fairy Finally Came! (Ferret)
Slow news week, huh? Man, that one never gets old. “Slow news week.” Good one, Cap, maybe you can work something in about the Gwyneth Paltrow trial, like a mob of Goop truthers armed with vagina-scented candles storming the courtroom or something? I dunno, I’ll figure it out.
(Cannot imagine this makes any sense without the links: https://showercapblog.com/mummy-the-indictment-fairy-finally-came/)
After decades of frequently illegal public shittiness, Off-Brand Orbán finally got indicted, presenting the American Right with yet another opportunity to retake the Should We Do Fascism test, which, well…at a certain point, you don’t expect progress anymore, but you’re still allowed to be disappointed, I think.
Excuse me, got “indicated.” We strive for accuracy here. But about the fascism:
Yeah, he’s trying to whip up a murder mob again, just like the last time he was backed into a corner. Merrily agitating away on his freshly-restored Facebook page. That was a good call, Zuck, thanks for your help. He’s going after the judge now, in addition to Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg, already the target of death threats and lynching fantasies.
So now we wait to see how many weirdos show up in New York next Tuesday. Marjorie Taylor Greene, sensing a brand-building opportunity, was among the first to RSVP. It’ll be like the MAGA Met Gala. I wonder what wacky outfits they’ll wear, and will they be accessorizing with zip ties or AR-15s this year?
Turnout has been mercifully, hilariously low at pro-Dotard protests so far, but the screeching heads’re really screeching right now, so I guess we’ll see.
A culture-wide conniption fit inside a disinformation bubble is really quite something. This one, brazenly corrupt asshole must be protected and elevated at all costs, his every whim made reality, or I fear we shall have no choice but to become violent.
Of course you have a choice. Every passing moment is a fresh, dewy opportunity to pull your head out of your ass. Stop worshiping a loser, dorks. I promise you it’s that simple.
Trumpism is a Russian plot to embarrass the United States on the stage of world history. And it’s working.
Look at the statement the New York Young Republican Club smeared on the wall in fecal matter. Seriously, look at it: “President Trump embodies the American people—our psyche from id to super-ego—as does no other figure; his soul is totally bonded with our core values and emotions, and he is our total and indisputable champion.”
Wow, that is definitely how people who aren’t in cults talk. Why would you want Donald Trump’s soul bonded to your emotions? I can’t even imagine that without H.R. Giger’s help.
“Young Republican Club.” The future’s so bright, it’s gotta wear shades, or, better still, some sort of harness that keeps it from reproducing.
Incidentally, just like on January 6th, don’t expect to see Charmin-softbois like Tucker Carlson and Jason Whitlock beside you on the ramparts. They won’t be serving prison sentences alongside you, either. You rubes. You brainless fucking rubes.
Ah, but rubes who must be pandered to! Governor DeSantis bleated out a sad, flaccid pledge to violate the U.S. Constitution on behalf of the guy who’s been relentlessly pelting him with abuse for a month, because I guess Ted Cruz has been giving seminars. “See, when you run against Trump, you eat his shit until he beats you, and then you’re a joke for the rest of your life!” Thanks for the tip, Ted.
It would be lovely if somebody in the GOP could mount a serious challenge to the game show host, since he’s apparently plotting to hollow out the administrative state and invade Mexico, but we’re not exactly walking among titans, here.
I see history’s dumbest death cult formally added Capitol Riot worship to the already embarrassing ritual they refer to as a “Trump rally,” where they gather to fete their living idiot god, currently on year four of bragging about passing a cognitive test once.
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but the Passing of the Cognitive Test is far and away my favorite MAGA Bible story. Have you ever seen other people, like, people who are not Trump himself, brag about Donald Trump Passing a Cognitive Test Once? It’s magnificent, in a way; the ultimate triumph of man over his own sense of self-respect.
But yeah, Waco was weird. A Trump rally feels like the sort of place you’d get trapped in during a Twilight Zone episode. But also the lamest possible version of that. Ted Nugent rants for a bit and the MyPillow guy rants for a bit and they play a video of a bunch of furious shitheads failing to lynch Mike Pence.
Of course, despite everything, he’s actually rising in the polls, because A) Republican primary voters are incurable jagoffs, and B) Ron DeSantis just sucks that much.
Watching Ron stumble onto the national stage, you’d think you were witnessing meticulously choreographed slapstick; every footstep somehow finds a rake. Ron DeSantis is the Barney Fife of Doug Mastrianos.
The drooling goon was already earning headlines like “DeSantis has never been tested. And it shows,” “What Ron DeSantis and Derek Zoolander have in common,” and, for you cut-to-the-chase types, “Why Ron DeSantis Looks Like a Loser,” and that was before Mickey Mouse dipped a four-fingered glove into his pudding cup.
And the Mouse ate his fill. No pudding for Ron, and no power for his power grab. Feels a little weird, cheering the corporate behemoth, but anybody who crotch-punts a book-banner is ok with me.
To be perfectly fair n’ balanced, they’re banning movies down in DeSantistan, too. Last time it was Rosa Parks, now it’s Ruby Bridges; gosh, I wonder if there’s any detectable pattern there? Anyway, Florida Republicans’re actually trying to make the process even easier, because decimating children’s libraries shouldn’t be a hassle, we’ve all got things to do.
If you want a peek into these zealots’ long-term plans for America, check out their celebrations surrounding that viciously anti-gay bill in Uganda. There are zero degrees of separation remaining between the institutional GOP and the hate-crazed fringe, by the way: DeSantis hired a speechwriter who practically wet himself praising Nick Fuentes.
Skeevy little twerp called Nate Hochman. Said, of Fuentes, “I think Nick’s probably a better influence than Ben Shapiro on young men who might otherwise be conservative.” That’s a pretty strange party game you’ve chosen, Nate. I have to say, I think you picked wrong, and also that you owe me a Coke for making me think about it.
Anyway, if you think Nick Fuentes is a positive influence on young men, one job you definitely shouldn’t have is writing speeches for a sitting governor. Another job you shouldn’t have is writing speeches for a presidential candidate. Wouldn’t let Nate walk my dog, either, if I’m honest.
I see Chris Christie imagines he can reinvent himself as Sick and Tired of Donald Trump Guy, sort of the lackey-fed-up-with-his-boss’-abuse arc you tend to see in professional wrestling. Bet that works real well, Chris. Say hi to Mike Pompeo for me, when you see him on the edge of the debate stage.
Normally, when there’s a school shooting, Republicans cover up their AR-15 pins and hide from the press for a couple of days, but this one presented an opportunity to stoke trans panic that was too good to pass up…apparently.
Suddenly, Josh Hawley’s howling about hate crimes. Josh Hawley’s sanctimony is like a lima bean fart, in a way I’m struggling to articulate right now, but definitely a lima bean fart.
Republicans have almost proudly given up on our gun violence problem, forcing the discerning voter to once again wonder, “what fucking good are these people?”
Nothing exposes conservative brain rot like a school shooting. Clay Higgins says, "There’s no such thing as gun violence,” and Rick Scott thinks a lil’ more capital punishment’ll do the trick, and Nikki Haley tells us gun control is the “lazy way out” but I think Tim Burchett put it best when he said, “We’re not gonna fix it,” which is the clearest distillation of the Republican ethos I have ever seen.
Let’s linger on Tim for a minute. Tim may labor under some rather comical misconceptions, on topics ranging from basic science to the Middle East, but you have to admit he’s confident.
Speaking of confidence, Lauren Boebert is still yelling, about pee this time, I think she thinks she’s stumbled onto some Democrat plot to legalize public urination? It’s tough to tell. Lauren Boebert believes all kindsa things.
Kevin McCarthy meeped out a bit of debt ceiling posturing, but still refuses to publicly identify the specific spending cuts he seeks, which Joe Biden is more than happy to point out. Kevin’s negotiating style is best described as Cat With Its Head Caught In a Bag. “The budget doesn't have anything to do with the debt ceiling!” Oh you poor, dumb thing, you don’t even understand what a bag is, do you?
In that ridiculously high-stakes Supreme Court election up in Wisconsin, the conservative candidate campaigned alongside a QAnon-promoting Stop the Steal organizer, but hey, both sides do it, and the parties are exactly the same, outside of some trifling disagreements about abortion and democracy and whether or not JFK Jr. is coming back.
While “protesting,” one of the Dotard’s dutiful drones pulled a knife on a family with two small children, right in front of some cops, because only the fittest have survived three years of ivermectin poisoning. I’m told Marjorie Taylor Greene will be leading a candlelight vigil for the knife-wielding psychopath as soon as her schedule permits.
Last week, we learned Joe Biden was a clone, and now it turns out John Fetterman has been replaced by a body double. My sources tell me Hakeem Jeffries is an enchanted statue come to life, and of course the worst-kept secret in Washington is that Sherrod Brown is actually a tiny alien piloting a Sherrod Brown-shaped robot battlesuit. The only real human being in the Democratic Party is Jennifer Granholm.
Shoutout to Putin, on his vastly expanded border with NATO; to Elon, for destroying more than half of Twitter’s value in five short months; and to Bibi, for losing the support of his people so completely and so deservedly. Geniuses, who should be in charge of things, clearly.
Well, I’m off to invest my weekly Soros deposit in a sixer of something hoppy, you stay safe out there, friends.
PS - Things’re going poorly for Fox in the Dominion lawsuit, which is great, but that story broke late and I’m tired and tipsy so write your own damn joke. Work in Gwyneth Paltrow if you can, I never quite got there. OR DID I?
Perp-Walk Fixation's Third Album is an Underrated New Wave Masterpiece (Ferret)
Sitting around waiting for Donald Trump to get arrested is at least pleasanter than sitting around waiting for Donald Trump to concede, or leave office, or potentially provoke nuclear catastrophe on the Korean Peninsula. I could do without the lurking threat of loser street violence, of course.
(Always makes more sense on the site, with th’links: https://showercapblog.com/perp-walk-fixations-third-album-is-an-underrated-new-wave-masterpiece/)
He works harder at whipping up murderous lunatics than he ever did at serving the American public. No premature declarations of victory or long golf weekends here, just a steady stream of all caps social media posts: PLEASE KILL ALVIN BRAGG FOR ME I’M TOO PRETTY FOR PRISON.
Nifty, innit, that the overwhelming frontrunner for a third consecutive Republican presidential nomination is trying to get a law enforcement official assassinated? That’s normal and healthy and fun. Doesn’t seem to be above-the-fold news, either, which is even more normal and healthy and fun.
He’s calling his enemies “human scum” and ranting about “death and destruction” and posting shit like “incidentally, if anyone’s wondering what Alvin Bragg looks like, here’s a picture of me menacing him with a baseball bat.” Liberally sprinkling accusations of being “Soros-backed,” it’s all terrifically subtle.
But then, riot turnout ain’t what it used to be, possibly because of the high incarceration rate. You best watch out, Dotard, in death cult politics, you’re only as mighty as your last lynch mob. Your would-be successors’ll rip you to pieces if they smell weakness.
…or they would, if they weren’t terrified to criticize you in any way. There’s a lot more groveling in the 2024 Republican presidential primary than is typical of competitive human endeavors, have you noticed that? You don’t tend to see a great deal of cowering deference on, say, the offensive line. But everybody’s too afraid of this prattling dipshit to actually, y’know…oppose him.
Personally, I think if you want to be President of the United States, you can’t be afraid of any game show hosts. There should be a questionnaire, with a list of every single game show host in the world, and you check the ones you’re scared of, and if you check any boxes at all, you don’t get to run for President. That should be in the Constitution.
Leave it to Donald Trump to fuck up getting arrested. Got everybody’s hopes up for a big show on Tuesday, failed to deliver. Just like always, in all things. From airlines to vodka to pandemic management to casinos to pants to midterms, the Trump brand delivers failure. Failure you can set your watch to.
And yet.
With the political instincts of cattle with self-esteem issues, the Republican Party has decided once more to rally around the crooked doofus who’s cost them three elections running. Does the GOP serve any function anymore, beyond helping this one old man commit crimes? (Outside of terrorizing trans kids, of course.)
Jim Jordan re-deputized himself Fancy Investigator Man in Charge of Whatever’s Upsetting Mr. Trump Today, and let’s set aside the instinctual abuse of power here, and contemplate for a moment, like…is it possible that Jim Jordan still believes he’s good at investigating things? Aw. Sweetie, no.
What we need in this country is a Dunning-Kruger moonshot.
Everyone inside the MAGA bubble agrees the indictment guarantees the Dotard’s reelection, for…reasons. Sure. And ivermectin will fall from the sky, washing away the groomers and the vaccinators and the busloads of antifas, on a wave of horse paste. “While the incompetence and venality turn me off, there’s an undeniable bad boy charm to him now, which I can only describe as…indicted-y.”
Of course, no one’s buried deeper in this delusion than Donnie One-Term himself, who apparently spends his days waltzing madly around Mar-a-Lago, caught up in his “perp-walk fixation,” dreaming of the gown his fairy godmother weaves even now for the persecution pageant to come, like some carny-grade Norma Desmond.
If getting arrested is his kink, this might just work out for everybody. You’d need a scorecard to keep up with all the aides n’ lawyers who’ve been ordered to testify before the various grand juries. Still curiously absent from the discourse on the Right: the once noncontroversial Electing Criminals is Bad, Actually take.
“Nobody Likes Mike Pence,” says The Atlantic. Which is true. I can’t think of anyone who likes Mike Pence. What’s to like? I suppose I like the fact that he’s subjecting himself to the daily humiliation of seeking electoral support from a mob he built that’s since turned on him. That part’s pretty great.
Meanwhile, Republicans’re desperate to like Ron DeSantis, but he sure makes it tough for ‘em, with that “inescapable shittiness” thing he’s got going on. Ron DeSantis sucks so hard, he’s somehow managed to need a staff shakeup before even officially launching his campaign, which…yikes.
Say what you will about the standard, you wouldn’t want to have a beer with Ron, would you? In fact, you wouldn’t leave a drink unattended around Ron. He’s creepy and hateful and mean. He’s a jerk. He bans books and undermines press freedoms.
He’s turned Florida into a place where criminals get to legislatively impose their personal prejudices on the populace, and every bored wannabe theocrat has the power to get educators fired for exposing kids to works of art that have endured for centuries. Where they’re trying to pass a law that would ban young girls from discussing periods in school.
The man is not even capable of engaging in light, low-stakes pandering without generating negative press. Ron DeSantis has zero game. He is sans game.
Well, maybe I’m wrong, and maybe America is about to fall in love with a lurching goon who picks fights with Rosa Parks and Disney. Maybe there’re lots of winners who sullenly demand “call me a winner” during television interviews, I just can’t think of any off the top of my head.
With book-banning attempts at a 20-year high, Louisiana Congressdork Clay Higgins dreams of replacing public libraries with “church-owned” ones, where you could check out Matt Walsh’s anti-trans children’s book, and possibly a scrotum-tanning machine. Hey Clay, America’s not going to let furious weirdos like Clay Higgins take our books away. Something something cold, dead hands.
According to a Fox News producer’s lawsuit, there’s rampant misogyny behind the scenes at the network that manufactures all those massive, culture-wrecking lies that’ve caused such a fuss. My, my. I bet break room vending machine prices are unreasonable, too.
Michigan’s kooky new GOP chair, Kristina Karamo, won’t apologize for comparing gun reform to the Holocaust, because let’s face it, she’s got a long list of shit she’s going to compare to the Holocaust before all’s said and done. It could be argued that one cannot reasonably expect a MAGA loudmouth to perform their duties without comparing shit to the Holocaust.
So, Uvalde cops were afraid of the shooter’s AR-15. That’s a reasonable reaction, I think. An AR-15 is a frightening machine. It is effective and efficient and user-friendly. And commercially available, thanks to Republican gun laws. Obviously, only societies that really, REALLY care about their children’s lives design systems that work this way.
Peter Thiel’s “anti-woke bank” somehow failed, despite Candace Owens’ endorsement, and personally, I blame the deep state. The deep state is super woke, of course. They demand diversity in the babies they sacrifice, for example. It would be considered elitist to just drink white babies’ blood.
Nick Fuentes says women secretly “want to be raped,” and if there’s one thing Nick Fuentes knows a whole lot about, it’s women. I don’t think there’s any room to question his expertise here, frankly. Wow, I never knew that about women. Hey, remember when Nick had dinner with Trump?
Also, Joe Biden might be a clone. Not to alarm anybody, I just thought you should know. And look, I know I shouldn’t meddle with forces beyond my ken, but if we can, in fact, clone Biden, we should make one just to follow Paul Ryan around and laugh at him.
Anyway, I myself am not getting indicted next Tuesday. Probably. Might have an extra beer or three this weekend, just in case. No need to riot on my behalf either way, though.
Of Pudding, Putin, and (Horse) Paste (Ferret)
Before we get started, I’d like to take a moment to congratulate everyone on successfully navigating another week without poisoning yourself to death with livestock dewormer. Poisoning yourself to death with livestock dewormer is something that can happen to anyone, anytime, and while it’s never tragic, it’s always really, really fucking funny.
(Makes more sense with links, I promise: https://showercapblog.com/of-pudding-putin-and-horse-paste/)
This blog is dedicated to the memory of Danny Lemoi, who refused to allow those fancypants “doctors” to dictate what is and isn’t human medicine. Danny loved him some horse paste, ingesting “a daily dose of veterinary ivermectin” for a decade, before shockingly dying from the extensively documented side effects of overdosing on ivermectin.
Equally baffling are the ivermectin overdose symptoms reported by Lemoi’s Telegram channel audience, who tuned in to hear Danny talk about what a good idea it is for people to swallow large quantities of a chemical designed to kill parasites inside cows, until his untimely death from, again, ivermectin poisoning.
You’ll no doubt be pleased to learn that “Lemoi also formulated an ivermectin regimen for children, and numerous members of the group reported that they were using it.” I don’t want to step on anybody’s toes here, but maybe the real groomers are the ones grooming their own kids to be cattle.
‘Course, you flip on Fox, and there’s Maria Bartiromo, slinging all the old lies about ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine, receiving no pushback whatsoever from her conversation partner, a United States Senator who has been known to self-identify as a medical doctor.
Yeah, people still watch Fox. In fact, only 9 percent of Fox viewers said they’re watching the network less than they used to, now that they’ve learned they’re viewed by Fox executives as not only incestuous terrorists, “but especially dumb ones.” (It must be said, these private communications hew closer to the truth than most of the on-air content.)
It’s still snug n’ cozy in the right-wing media bubble, where Silicon Valley Bank somehow failed because of “wokeness.” I knew it had to be wokeness, drag queens, or Hunter Biden’s laptop. Good thing we’ve got Fox to tell us who to hate whenever anything happens.
Also, I’m told “Tucker Carlson's Capitol videos are giving Jan. 6 defendants false hope.” How delightful. A charming justice niblet. A petit four. Terrorists should be made to feel crushing disappointment whenever possible, don’t you think?
Speaking of fake news, seems Ted Cruz’s publisher photoshopped his mullet right off his new book’s cover. It’s a sin to lie about a mullet, Jesus was extraordinarily clear about this. Anyway, the shittiest of all possible beards remains front and center for the whole world to see, so what they’re hoping to accomplish is anybody’s guess.
Between the atrocity of last week’s Kari Lake/Steve Bannon/“stud muffin” story, and the revelation that Ron DeSantis eats pudding with his fingers, this blog is in serious danger of veering into body horror. It tracks, though. Not difficult to picture him flipping through grade school textbooks that’ve deleted all references to race from the story of Rosa Parks, absentmindedly sucking the last traces of butterscotch from beneath each nail in turn, nodding, smiling.
Ron sure loves punching down with them puddin’-crusted mitts. Now he’s stripping a Miami hotel of its liquor license for hosting a drag show, because in Florida, your speech rights are limited by the prejudices of the resentment cult the governor spends his days pandering to.
DeSantis also went on a known liar’s television program to spout some cringe-level Kremlin propaganda, in what may have been an attempt to demonstrate “foreign policy chops,” in which case…yikes. Even the Wall Street Journal editorial board joined the dogpile, and DeSantis is already sliding in the polls, amidst increasing voter awareness that Ron DeSantis is just dumb, mean, and less interesting than the dumb, mean guy they’ve already got.
Still, Ron wanted Putin to understand that if he ever found himself on the lam from the International Criminal Court on war crimes charges, he’d always have a spot on the fold out in the basement. “And hey, no pressure, but if you happened to feel like interfering in another American election…I dunno, might be a fun distraction from micromanaging that legacy-annihilating war of aggression you’re losing.”
Hide the women and children, a slap fight finally broke out on the long-dormant Trump/Pence front! Mikey says Donnie isn’t a real Christian and Donnie says Mikey caused the Capitol Riot by not giving the terrorist mob what it wanted and of course everyone’s still touchy about the lynching thing.
In addition to his Christianness-evaluating duties, Pence offered some thoughts on Pete Buttigieg’s masculinity. They were, of course, shitty, homophobic thoughts, which would probably do him some good in the Republican primary, if only he weren’t, you know, MAGA Judas.
Have you heard about “Letters to Trump?” As narcissistic shitfits go, this one’s an all-timer: the Dotard is publishing a whole-ass book of letters he received from famous people over the years, in the context of LOOKIT EVERYBODY WHO KISSED MY ASS ARE YOU IMPRESSED YET DAD SEE DAD I’M NOT A LOSER LOOKIT MY LETTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRS, which is the sort of thing healthy, confident people do all the time.
They’re mad about washing machines this week, I think that’s new. It was a different appliance last time, right? Dishwashers? Stoves? Swedish-made penis enlarger pumps? Who can keep up?
Unwilling to get out-weirdoed by their feral Michigan brethren, Colorado Republicans elected as their Chair some dork who once “sued the Colorado secretary of state..after she denied his request to appear as “Dave ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ Williams” on the ballot in the Republican primary.” Well, you won’t have to worry about getting tired of winning.
Oh, also, “a conservative commentator who sexually harassed AOC is suing her for blocking him on Twitter,” in case you were wondering who the coolest man alive is.
Nothing delights fans of conservative ghoulishness quite like a debate about school lunches. Minnesota State Senator Steve Drazkowski thinks hunger is a myth concocted by the lying liberal media to frighten young job creators. Advocates point out that “hungry kids can’t learn,” which actually dovetails rather nicely with Republican education policy, when you think about it.
Ben Shapiro says "school lunches are not going to solve the problem of child hunger at any serious level," and I don’t know what conclusion you can draw from a statement like that beyond “this man does not understand how food works.” Of course, human biology has always been a bit of a blind spot for Ben…
Another one of Steve Bannon’s associates got arrested, and I guess it’s hard to detect the pattern of corruption/fraud/deceit when you’re distracted by the swelling of your ivermectin-saturated heart. How many GoFundMe scams do y’all need before you realize you’re not so much a political movement as every con man’s wettest dream made reality?
The Bannon bud in question here is Guo Wengui, and alas, we don’t get to move on from him just yet. Guo is a man of many schemes, including one to transform flailing wingnut social media platform Gettr into a sperm exchange for folks who believe Covid vaccines cause mass sterility. I was a lot happier before I was introduced to the concept of anti-vax spooj markets, but that’s life on the MAGA beat, I suppose.
Ew. Sorry. Yeah, it’s been an unusually…organic one tonight, and I think we all deserve some more pleasant/less viscous news to launch us into the weekend. Fortunately, it seems one of Off-Brand Orbán’s idiot lawyers has been ordered to give further testimony to the grand jury investigating the stolen classified docs thing, having triggered the crime-fraud exemption to attorney-client privilege.
Oh, and I guess law enforcement agencies have begun preparations for the potential indictment of a certain cognitive test passer, possibly as soon as next week.
Oh my. That is quite a teaser. Well, I will be tuning in.
Golly, we might have somethin’ to talk about next time. I better stock the beer fridge, just in case. Until then, you stay safe out there. Don’t take any wooden nickels, or any veterinary ivermectin, for that matter. Buy a whole bunch of semen from some unvaccinated dude, though, that’s just good sense.
The Capitol Riot Was Actually Mostly Hugs, Tucker Carlson Told Me So (Ferret)
Y’know, I don’t mind struggling over the soul of the nation, but I confess I’m beginning to resent the quality of the opposition. It feels like I’ve been trapped in a checkout line, between a shrieking toddler and a lady with an inch-thick stack of expired coupons, for like, a thousand years.
(Makes more sense with the links, I promise: https://showercapblog.com/the-capitol-riot-was-actually-mostly-hugs-tucker-carlson-told-me-so/)
Well, thanks to Tucker Carlson’s intrepid investigative journalism, America finally understands the truth the lying lamestream media has attempted to hide for years: the so-called “Capitol Riot” was, in actuality, simply a matter of a single, eccentrically dressed young man trying to deliver a basket of homemade muffins to Nancy Pelosi. And if some random apostate Vice President happened to get lynched in the process, well, such things have been known to happen, in the hazardous world of muffin conveyance.
Forgive my rudeness, Fox Nation, but I gotta ask: how in the name of Four Seasons Total Landscaping are you dopes still falling for this? Do these television personalities you trust so blindly have to shit directly down your throat for you to recognize how deeply they disdain you?
Tucker not only lies to you, he hates your precious Trump, hates him passionately, which is altogether reasonable of him if you ask me, though I certainly respect your right, as a rube and a cultist, to feel differently.
The next wave of releases from the Dominion lawsuit’ll be a group text chain where Fox hosts work through a list of Trump donors, painstakingly insulting each one by name. “Doug Blanton from Dodge City, Kansas smells like a warthog fart,” snickers Laura Ingraham. “That’s nothing,” responds Hannity, “Edith McGillicutty of Dubuque wears piss-stained sweatpants to Walmart!” Lachlan Murdoch chimes in from time to time with all the standard approval-expressing emojis, your thumbs ups and your crying laughing faces.
It’s all going precisely according to House Speaker Elmer Fudd’s master plan. McCarthy’s tenure to date has been pure Fudd: just a mean, stupid dude stepping on rake after rake after rake. How Kevin ever arrived at the conclusion that his party would benefit politically from reminding the electorate of that time a mob of disgruntled Republicans injured 140 police officers is a matter best left to leadership scholars, surely.
But to proceed, in exclusive(!) partnership with the lying, racist weirdo at the center of the biggest media scandal in living memory? I think the American public deserves to know exactly how many quarters McCarthy has shoved up his nose since becoming Speaker. Release the cranial x-ray, Kevin.
We’re talking about a network that used an email written by a “cactus artist” who believes she was “internally decapitated” and is thus possibly a “ghost” to justify telling their viewers the 2020 election was stolen. Let me again stress that the ramblings of an allegedly apparitional cactus artist are at the very root of the big, dumb lie that’s driven so many idiots violently insane.
In their defense, Fox felt they had no choice but to present the random musings of this Caravaggio of Cactoideae as evidence of unprecedented, nationwide corruption, because they were worried about losing market share to rival propagandists. Yeah, I’m starting to think maybe American democracy should see a doctor about that lingering cough.
See, Kevin and Tucker think they can force the rest of us to live in their bubble, and…fuck you. No. It sucks in your bubble. It smells like crusty MyPillows and failure in there.
I’ll will admit I’m enjoying this one new show they’ve got. Every week or so, Jim Jordan has some new fake thing he believes, just wild, dippy nonsense, and he holds a “hearing” where Democrats mercilessly expose him as a fool and a fraud. For hours. It’s called the Select Subcommittee on the Weaponization of the Federal Government, I think. It’s a lot funnier than it sounds.
And now Marjorie Taylor Greene and James Comer are putting together a lil’ wingnut field trip to visit some Capitol rioters in jail, paint ‘em as “political prisoners” or some shit. That’s gonna go so well for you guys. I only ask that you take extra care to draw attention to your party affiliation, as you side publicly with the loser terrorists whose violent crimes are documented from multiple angles.
I see Trump “attorney” Jenna Ellis also got swept up in the “confessing to lying about election fraud” craze that’s taking MAGA nation by storm. Or maybe that was a deep state lizard person posing as Jenna Ellis. Whatever you need to believe to get through your day.
Last week, I said I didn’t have the strength for CPAC, and now that it’s done…can you blame me? CPAC is always gross, but now that it’s turned into the saddest possible version of itself, amidst the electoral setbacks and groping allegations and what have you, it’s just hard to look it. Almost robs you of any schadenfreude.
Like, Kari Lake referred to Steve Bannon as a “stud muffin” and I don’t think it’s fair that I know that. And now you’re mad at me for telling you, but fuck you, the world must share my pain. You couldn’t stop yourself, could you, it’s like “don’t think about elephants,” you scream at your brain not to conjure the image, that tangle of ginsweat-soaked shirt layers writhing obscenely in soft lighting…y’know what? Let’s talk about something else.
Like Michael Knowles, and his call to eradicate “transgenderism.” The way right wing culture has coalesced around brazen, unapologetic anti-trans hate over the last year or so is one of the scariest, ugliest things I’ve ever seen. I honestly have no idea how to write about it here.
Of course the main event was the Dotard himself, with the REO-Speedwagon-on-the-state-fair-circuit version of the American carnage speech, and if there’s any substantial difference between a game show host who thinks exercise is bad for you claiming Joe Biden hid his border wall, and a supposedly spectral cactus decorator saying the wind told her the 2020 election was stolen, I can’t identify it.
He’s still hacking up the same feeble lies about crowd size, by the way, which only happens in the coolest cults. “I am your retribution,” he pledged to the handful of assembled dead-enders. Fuck you, you don’t deserve retribution. Nobody wronged you, you’re just losers.
Excellent timing on that pledge to stay in the presidential race if you’re indicted, though. Teed that one up rather elegantly, I’d say.
I don’t wanna write about CPAC anymore. I wanna write about the Lieutenant Governor of the great state of Tennessee. His name is Randy McNally, which is fucking amazing, and he is having himself a week, y’all. One of the damndest things I've ever seen. Zounds.
Larry Hogan broke a lotta hearts this week, announcing he will not seek the Republican Party’s presidential nomination, which should allow Chris Sununu sufficient time to develop elaborate, individualized courtship rituals for all sixty-two voters in the GOP’s “normal lane.”
The real action remains in the Is It Time to Put the Armbands On Yet lane, so let’s check in on Ron DeSantis’ ongoing audition for the Cult45 high priesthood.
Yikes. Yiiiiiiiiiiiikes.
Florida Republicans are pulling enough fashy shit for an entire Family Feud category. “Show me six-week abortion ban!” and you get the little ding and the bar turns over, between ones that say “attempting to outlaw gender studies” and “assault on First Amendment rights so extreme even Newt Gingrich says you’re nuts.” Boy, that joke was surprisingly difficult to pull off in prose form.
Yeah, it’s a real specific record Ron’s carving out for himself, and I don’t think it’s going to play as well as he imagines. Gazing upon his “my book ban is widely misunderstood as a book ban” tour, one doesn’t exactly see the seeds of a movement.
Donnie One-Term’s VP shortlist allegedly contains Kari Lake; sounds like they’ve got binders full of psychopaths down at Mar-a-Lago. The “stud muffin” thing alone should be disqualifying…that attack ad practically throws up on itself.
There’s also buzz around Sarah Slanders, who just signed a bill rolling back child labor protections. Yeah, that’s something else Republicans do now. Soon as we get rid of these child labor laws, America’ll be all kindsa great again, you’ll see. 31 flavors of great again. Make America a Dickens Novel.
Meanwhile, West Virginia Republicans blocked a child marriage ban, because there’s actually some fairly wacky fine print in those family values they’re always going on about.
Hey, if you love chocolate, but hate trans people, Ben Shapiro has a candy bar to sell you. You can behave that way, if you want. You can indulge your bigotry by overpaying for junk food. Be sure to post about it on social media, everyone will be really impressed that you hate trans people with such fiscally irresponsible zeal.
Another super cool dude is Elon Musk, who might not need bodyguards to follow him into the bathroom if he didn’t spend his time mocking disabled employees while his $44 billion toy breaks. You know that gag where you can caption any New Yorker cartoon with “Christ, what an asshole?” Elon Musk stories are like that.
Putin’s butchers have apparently been reduced to fighting with shovels, because I guess that’s what’s left once you run out of convicts. Pretty standard superpower shit.
Good news everyone, according to the Hill, “James Taylor casts doubt on Trump's 2024 chances,” and I’m open to considering the possibility that I might consume a little too much political news content. Still, somebody has to step into the void left by the Iowa Straw Poll…why not JT?
Anyway, dear readers, know that I am your retribution, provided you’re angry at the beer in my fridge, which will shortly pass through my bladder, en route to an even darker fate. Stay safe out there, and sane, if you’re able.
Yeah, Kellyanne, Liars are the Worst. (Ferret)
So, my birthday was this week, and I asked the Birthday Fairy for one week without assholes, so I could blog about something pleasant, like cupcakes, or cowboy movies, but the Birthday Fairy told me he wasn't a fucking magician, so I guess we’ll do what we we usually do instead.
(Links and stimulating colors await ye on my blog site: https://showercapblog.com/yeah-kellyanne-liars-are-the-worst/)
Kellyanne Conway is sick of all the dishonesty, you guys. She’s had it up to here (indicating the scar she received at the Bowling Green massacre) with the malignant mendacity of “the people whose job it is to tell you the truth, in the media,” as she put it to Sean Hannity, who agreed that lying is a very bad thing indeed. They were really quite indignant about it.
To be clear, I am, in fact, talking about the Sean Hannity from the Dominion lawsuit filings. In case you thought I meant some other, non-propagandist Sean Hannity, one with decency and shame, who maybe runs a little stationery shop on the outskirts of Paducah. Nope. The one on Fox News.
Oh Fox. You blight. You tumor. If you weren’t ripping my country apart, I’d almost admire the way you’ve built an audience that shrugs off mountains of evidence that you lie to them about the most important things in the world. The tensile strength of the bubble is impressive, is all I’m saying.
In California, one wingnut-dominated county board just cancelled their contract with Dominion, at massive expense to taxpayers. Yes, after days of global headlines about Fox’s lies. See, in Republican politics, the public must submit to the delusions of the most easily deceived among them.
…which doesn’t seem fair.
Tucker Carlson understands that Fox’s audience doesn’t want news, they want a news-shaped excuse to hate the people they already hate. Which Fox provides, better than anyone anywhere. Fox is the Disney of hate. They’ll have a theme park some day.
I always enjoy watching Paul Ryan’s sham intellect fail him. His floundering failure to defend his complicity in Fox’s fuckery was…perfect. In the party of Lauren Boebert, Paul’s a “thought leader;” in the real world, you’d think twice about entrusting him with the shift manager’s keyring.
Bless their unteachable hearts, House Republicans stomped back to their little hearing rooms this week, more determined than ever to broadcast their many derangements to the electorate. “HEY AMERICA!” they bellow, for reasons I have struggled to grasp, “LOOKIT ALL THE STUPID FAKE SHIT WE BELIEVE!”
Um…okay. If you insist.
“NO SERIOUSLY THERE IS NO HOAX TOO BUFFOONISH FOR US TO UNCRITICALLY PLATFORM!”
That’s nice. Look, I’m meeting somebody for lunch, so-
“FRAZZLEDRIP JADE HELM DEEP STATE BENGHAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!”
…okay. Well, it was nice catching up!
“(FURIOUSLY GUZZLES IVERMECTIN SMOOTHIE)”
Carnies in Tim Burton movies are less weird than the parade of whackjobs Jim Jordan trotted out as “whistleblowers,” or the freaks n’ geeks on the coronavirus subcommittee. It was thoughtful of Matt Gaetz to spice up the proceedings with some Chinese propaganda for a change, though. Variety’s nice.
Meanwhile, House Oversight Chairman James Comer is gonna exhume Beau Biden and lock up his corpse, just as soon as he’s done helping Chris Ruddy extort DirecTV, because Mama Comer raised a normal, healthy, American boy.
Awful, crazy people screaming awful, crazy shit at the top of their lungs. And they never stop.
…but Marjorie Taylor Greene thinks she’s the one who needs a safe space. Me, I would enjoy inhabiting a space safe from the loser terrorist who targeted Jewish officials in Michigan and the “King of the KKK” who just got charged with hate crimes and the Nazi memorabilia-collecting pipe bomber.
Also from anybody who would buy a children’s book from the Libs of TikTok lady, or listen to a musical collaboration between Donald Trump and an insurrectionist fuckwit prison choir. Not because you’re dangerous, because you’re too embarrassing to be around. On a certain very important level, you guys’re just weirdos.
Like, did you the see the cabal of theocrat perverts DeSantis installed on this Disney oversight board? Oh, and Ron has designs on the content, too. Toy Story 5 is gonna be Woody committing a hate crime against the Potato Heads, and then a dog-gnawed vintage Grand Moff Tarkin action figure, voiced by Ben Shapiro, defending him in court.
Jeb(!) Bush, who apparently still exists, endorsed DeSantis this week, and I think that’s just adorable. Endorse to your heart’s content, lil’ guy.
Big congrats go out to Some Florida Republican, who probably has a name but who gives a shit, for his mega-rad bill “cancelling” Democrats over slavery. Everyone was really, really impressed, especially supermodels and your dad. I only hope there was enough room in your garage for all the libs you owned.
Apropos of nothing in particular, I’m fairly certain Hell is being trapped in an elevator with Elon Musk and the Dilbert guy while they whine about getting cancelled. The reason you dorks are going to lose this culture war is that you are fucking unendurable. Just a heads-up.
Anyway. I’m finding my silver lining this week in the sea of empty chairs at CPAC.
I don’t have the strength for CPAC right now, though I would like to offer my thoughts and prayers to what I’m sure will be an lengthy procession of frustrated congeniality consultants tasked with drawing humanity out of Mike Pompeo.
Yeah, short one tonight, and I know I missed a bunch of stuff. Bear with me, I’m still hacking my way through that slump from a couple weeks back. I’ll figure it out. You stay safe out there, m’loves.
Profile Information
Member since: Fri Mar 24, 2017, 06:48 PMNumber of posts: 657