TheFerret
TheFerret's JournalPence Gets Pantsed While Rand Rants and Kelly in Konfounded
When I was a kid, Sunday nights meant curling up with the Simpsons and the X-Files (and Touched by an Angel, because I was dating a Baptist girl), but now I'm stuck wading through the weekend news, hoping nobody started WWIII. Less fun.
(Anyhow. As always, the post is available, with links, on my site: http://showercapblog.com/pence-gets-pantsed-rand-rants-kelly-konfounded/)
We're all just puttering around wondering how a dude credibly accused of domestic violence by two ex-wives (and thus denied a security clearance) was allowed to serve as one of the primary Shart House gatekeepers, literally choosing which information drifts across our Idiot Manchild President's gnat-like attention span as he makes life or death decisions for the entire world.
(One article even noted the Tangelo Tumor had developed a Pavlovian response to Rob Porter, whose presence in the Oval Office often signified a big stack of papers in need of signing, which meant he had to abandon his Bejeweled game no matter how far he'd gotten, and actually WORK for a bit, no fair!)
Reading the #MeToo moment like Malcolm Gladwell on a meth bender, Sharty McFly talked about what a "good job" the serial wife beater did, making sure to wish him well wheresoever his path may take him now that the entire world has seen photographic documentation of his handiwork.
General John Kelly is said to have fought hard to keep this scumfuck in his job, because whatever his shortcomings, Porter was one of the only available staffers with anything resembling the skills or qualifications to actually do his job.
Me, I'm old enough to remember when a President could fill his staff without leaning on violent criminals because, y'know, the best and the brightest actually wanted to work for him.
Thursday's press briefing was delayed numerous times, as Deputy Press Secretary Raj Shah chained himself to some piping in a supply closet, before being forcibly dragged into the press room to regurgitate the embarrassing-even-by-this-clusterfuck-administration's-standards spin on the Porter debacle.
You know you've got a shit sandwich when even Sarah Huckabee Sanders won't go near it.
Let's be honest, here. The official Drumpf Administration position is, "We knew about it, we gave less than one eighth of a fuck about it, but then she posted pictures of her black eye on the internet so we're all going to act shocked, but the truth is not only do we not care that we employed a domestic abuser, we're actually pissed off that you made us fire him."
Fuck, the only reason Kelly still holds the Chief of Staff post is WHO THE FUCK WOULD WANT SUCH A SHIT JOB? The pay is pretty good, but it won't come close to covering the lawyers you'll inevitably need for being a lead accessory to such a massive criminal enterprise. Plus, your desk is right by the Oval, and I'm told you never get used to the reek of well-done steak farts.
Oh, and Porter isn't even the only staffer to resign in the face of domestic violence accusations. This week. Helluva team they've assembled, ain't it?
Hey, speaking of the Best People, I see a prominent Shartboy backer in Kentucky pled guilty to several charges of human trafficking. HUMAN TRAFFICKING, in some cases, of minors. The Roy Moore wing of the Republican Party is larger than we thought.
Speaking of which, it seems Blake Farenthold is skulking around, hoping nobody notices that he hasn't yet paid taxpayers back for that $84,000 sexual harassment settlement. In CongressPerv Farenthold's defense, that would rip a near-fatal hole in his pajama budget.
If you need a little good news, take heart in knowing that Richard Spencer is being sued over his role in the Dickless White Boy Parade in Charlottesville, but he cannot find a lawyer to represent him, because he is a fascist shitbag who nobody likes.
Hey, what's the Vice President been up to? Mikey Hairshirt spends so much time under the radar, you'd think he's some sort of experimental drone and not a hate-filled, pea-brained, faux Christian bigot hoping he can just blend in with the drapes until his boss goes down in flames and he can slide in like a slicker, dumber, Gerald Ford.
Well, Pence got nailed on that particular point, HARD. Journalist Ashley Parker stood right in front of the fucker and asked "Hey, you're the Vice President of the United Fucking States of America, how come you never seem to know shit about shit?" and Mike tried some lame-ass spin but you could see in his eyes that he knew he would never again retrieve his balls, and it was funnier than Ben Stiller's entire career.
And yeah, #2 went to the Olympics and, in protest, refused to stand for the Korean team's entrance, because irony is stone cold dead.
So I guess the government shut down for an hour or two because Rand Paul figured it'd been way too long since one of his patented Masturbatory Shoutfests? Oh, Rand. You're surely the last to adjust to the speed of the modern news cycle. Three days later, literally no one cares. Even I almost forget to write this paragraph in my stupid little poop joke blog.
Anyway. Yes, the Winter Olympics are here, a time to celebrate the international spirit of camaraderie and competition, primarily via the medium of doctoring curling videos to insert cats. Or, if you happen to be a high-ranking Fux Nooz honcho, it's a chance to indulge in some holy-shit-that's-racist-even-for-you-bastards thinkpiecery about the injustice that non-white and LGBT athletes are allowed to represent America instead of toiling in forced labor camps or something.
Steve Bannon crawled out of the gin still he's been sleeping in since Breitbart canned him juuuuust long to express his existential terror that "the Womenfolk are coming to destroy the Patriarchy and there simply won't be enough shirts to wear to serve as armor thick enough to protect me from their wrath and holy shit I'm gonna wind up hanging upside down in a gas station, aren't I?"
The stock market experienced another 1,000-point drop Thursday, even after the Poo Mistake shot the mightiest arrow in his quiver...yelling at it in a Tweet.
Odd that the great dealmaker's tantrum didn't do the trick...I'm starting to wonder if maybe the dude who inherited daddy's money, went through multiple bankruptcies, established himself as so untrustworthy that no one would lend him money or go into business with him, and wound up laundering Russian oligarch dough in a last desperate bid to dig himself out of ruin maybe doesn't know as much about the economy as he wants us to think.
Nothing, not even a third scoop of ice cream, makes our President happier than when an undocumented immigrant commits a crime. Back in November, the Candycorn Skidmark used a Border Patrol Agent's death to engage in a hearty round of the racist fear-mongering he so enjoys. And the entire GOP giddily followed his lead.
Well, it turns out in the Agent in question wasn't murdered at all, by an immigrant or anyone else. Looks like the poor guy was just injured in a fall. Upon learning this, the President, Ted Cruz, and Fox News all issued prompt retractions, complete with soul-searching apologies at having so thoughtlessly stoked the tragic fires of racial hatred without waiting for the facts to come in.
Just kidding, they're all currently engaged in a scheme to hold DREAMers hostage to their Klansman's Wet Dream immigration bill, and they wouldn't want to correct any misinformation that riles up their shitty base, certainly not in an election year!
So I guess that Omarosa lady, the Former White House Director of...Being That Omarosa Lady, Or Something went directly onto a reality TV show upon leaving the highest echelons of executive branch power, because that's just how life is now.
Anyway, on "Celebrity Big Brother," (Ssssssssssssssssigh) she rocked America, and indeed the world, by revealing her insider's account of life in the Drumpf White House as "so bad." And then the deputy press secretary said it was the fourth time "we" fired her because the President views his administration as a continuation of his reality show and if that doesn't have you shrieking in terror, I don't know what will because that is some FUCKED UP SHIT right there.
The Washington Post reports the Dopey Dotard with Diminutive Digits doesn't read the daily intelligence briefing that Americans literally risk their lives for, day in and day out, because reading is boring and hard and, let's be honest, because HE DOESN'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHETHER ANY OF US LIVE OR DIE.
Seriously, this sad, needy, broken old man is only in this thing for grift and the periodic applause of his dwindling army of Hateyokels. The security of the United States of America and her citizens? "You handle that, Mad Dog, I haven't golfed in like, three whole days."
Rachel Brand, the 3rd-ranking official at the Department of Justice, will be stepping down from her post, the kind of job people work a lifetime to attain, after just nine months. Rather than hanging around waiting for the Velveeta Vulgarian to fire Rowdy Roddy Rosenstein, thus relocating her life to the geographic center of a constitutional crisis, she will be taking a job with Wal-Mart.
My sources tell me that during interview, Brand offered to serve as "a fucking door greeter in Boise, just get me the fuck out of here!"
As expected, the Man With Phalangeal Stunting blocked the release of Adam Schiff's "Jesus Fuck, Are You Kidding Me, Devin?" counter-memo, because like all bullies, he is a coward at heart.
...also because what passes for his "master plan" is destroying the public's trust in law enforcement so that when the bill for his life of crime finally comes due, the racist old ladies in the Bible Belt who get their news from Alex Jones and chain e-mails will rise up as one and break his corrupt ass out of federal prison.
Hey, I didn't say it was a GOOD master plan.
Virginia Senator/Affable Dad Tim Kaine "is demanding the release of a secret memo outlining President Donald Trump’s interpretation of his legal authority to wage war," and HOLY SHIT THERE'S A SECRET DRUMPF WAR MEMO? HOW MANY FUCKING MEMOS ARE THERE? WHY ARE WE RUNNING THE GOVERNMENT VIA A HANDFUL OF MALICIOUS ASSHOLES SCRIBBLING DOWN MEMOS, PROBABLY IN CRAYON? WE'RE ALL GONNA FUCKING DIE.
And now Devin "Pigfucker" Nunes has his own personal fake news outlet? Fucking of course he does. He probably prints out a weekly newsletter, on his mom's computer, with headlines like "Nunes scores the winning touchdown! Again!" and slips copies under all his colleagues' doors.
Oh, and he wants to Build a Wall (trademark, the Drumpf Organization!) in the House Intelligence Committee's secure areas, because he doesn't want any dirty Democrats copying off his memos in the future.
...Devin isn't going to do so well in jail, I fear.
Aaaaaaaand Il Douche is looking at privatizing the International Space Station? Has somebody explained to him that this isn't his personal property, and that he won't be able to slap his shitty name on it in big gold letters and rent it out to oligarchs and porn stars?
I can't handle this shit anymore, friends. It's the motherfucking weekend. I should be blitzed on High Life, halfway through the LANCELOT LINK: SECRET CHIMP marathon on the Gorilla Channel by now. Fuck this shit.
76 Fascists Led the Big Parade! With 110 Klansmen Close at Hand! (Ferret/ShowerCap)
Friends, I know the news batters us relentlessly these days, like a tornado in a hammer factory, but things aren't all bad! Why, Senator Angus King has successfully procured the lobster emoji his home state of Maine has long desired! WE'RE GONNA BE ALRIGHT!
(As always, the post is available on my lil' site, with links, at: http://showercapblog.com/76-fascists-led-big-parade-110-klansmen-close-hand/)
First of all, let me offer my deepest condolences to everyone who viewed the video of our President's horrid otherworldly scalp, rippling in the wind, looking like somebody grafted the Crypt Keeper's ass to his skull.
I've never seen human flesh look quite so unsettling. Like, the dude who had Voldemort living on the back of his head took one look at that shit and threw up in his mouth.
Congratulate Steve Bannon, everyone! He has a date! With Robert Mueller! Put on your three fanciest shirts, and shine up all your facial sores, Steve! For the first time since your ritual excommunication, somebody actually wants to talk to ya!
Adam Schiff's "Your Memo is Shit, Devin, and You Are Also Shit" memo has been sent to Drumpf for review and possible release. However, at eleven cruelly-pictureless pages, Schiff's document has apparently pushed our Commander-in-Chief to the very limits of his intellect and endurance, so let us come together as one nation and pray his brain doesn't catch fire under the strain.
...or that it does. That's between you and God.
The Least Surprising Study in All Human History revealed that the drooling maniacs of the right wing are a whole bunch more likely to spread fake news around and also probably to shoot up pizza restaurants did anybody think to ask that one?
I'd take a victory lap, but if anybody decides to poke around the phenomenon of Think Pieces About Why You're a Bad Person For Enjoying This Movie/Book/TV Show/Ice Cream Sandwich, the results will be less favorable to my tribe, I fear.
While most Americans see videos of ten-cent third world dictators puffing out their chests as tanks and goose-stepping soldiers march by, and think "Thank God I live I free society," Donald J. Trump (The "J" stands for "Jealous of Kim Jong-un"
watches like a spoiled child who just saw a neighbor kid ride around the block on a brand new bike.
Yes, Orange Julius Caesar, perhaps hoping all those missiles and uniforms and warplanes will be enough to inspire one final erection before his dusty, syphilitic, penis finally crumbles to dust, has demanded a Big Stupid Parade, which would cost the American taxpayer millions.
I for one believe it's time to reign in the President's Instant Gratification Allowance. Everybody focuses on the millions pissed away on golf trips, but don't forget he also doubled the ice-cream budget!
And I guess the brass are gonna give the Candycorn Skidmark what he wants. And you know his wish list is gonna get out of control on this thing. Hopefully Mattis puts his foot down when it comes to throwing student protestors in front of the tanks.
Maybe Sheriff Dave will loan Donnie his uniform, if he promises not to spill ketchup on it. Just a heads up, it'll be considered totally treasonous not to applaud during the parade, and whoever stops clapping first gets sent to the gulag.
Steve Wynn resigned from his hotel company now that everyone knows what an abusive creep he is. The Republican Party, despite spending considerable time and effort painting Harvey Weinstein as the intellectual and spiritual center of the entire American left plus he also probably shot Lincoln, wants you to know that they will be keeping the millions of dollars in Wynn donations, thank you very much.
And yes, they'll just keep moving the goalposts as their stated conditions are met. By June, Ronna Romney (You can't hide, not on THIS blog) McDaniel will be saying "Believe me, as soon as Jesus rises from the grave to personally deliver God's infallible Word carved in flaming letters on a stone tablet declaring that Wynn is indeed guilty, we will agree to just spend Steve's money on office supplies."
So, a couple days (years?) back, President Shartcannon told a hilarious joke where Democrats refusing to applaud for him were committing treason ha ha ha I AM THE STATE ho ho hee hee. Now, you might think it'd take about half a thimbleful of Love of Country for any American to condemn such despicable, offhanded, fascism, but damn if Republicans don't consistently find fresh new ways to disappoint and horrify us.
So meet Claudia Tenney, from the New York 22nd! CongressGoon Tenney says treason might be a wee bit strong, but refusing to fête the pussygrabbing white supremacist grifter doing everything in his power to turn the nation against the press and the FBI is most certainly un-American.
Senator Tammy Duckworth's reaction was...a little more patriotic and whole lot more badass. Plus, in midst of her most righteous sermon, she coined "Cadet Bone Spurs," which frankly gives me a bit of nickname envy.
And it turns out Dorito Mussolini is already fantasizing about another government shutdown, this time threatening to cost the American taxpayer a few petulantly-wasted billions unless Democrats rework immigration law to read like erotica targeted directly at Stephen Miller.
General John Kelly, no longer willing to bother with dog whistles, picked up the dog tuba to label some DACA-eligible immigrants "lazy", even as his immediate supervisor refuses to show up to work before eleven, and rushes away to golf the very moment his handlers disable the shock collar they use to keep him in the Oval Office.
Another gigantic special election upset, this time in Missouri, where Mike Revis won a state seat in a district the Shart carried with 61% of the vote last fall. Just like in Alabama and Virginia, we came to chew bubblegum and win special elections, and we're all out of bubblegum. But there's a store down the street where you can get all the fucking gum you want, so basically fuck you we win at everything.
Senator Ron Johnson (R-Wackyland), having learned nothing from his "Secret Society" humiliation, once again proclaimed he'd uncovered the smoking gun proving the FBI's anti-Drumpf corruption once and for all, only to be rapidly revealed as...well, as a guy with the brain of Ron Johnson.
And of course the whole right wing, all the way up to Government Cheese Goebbels himself, breathlessly promoted their feeble talking point, which, to be clear, was that President Obama, upon learning of Russian interference in America's election...wanted to be briefed on the matter.
Are these loons truly so far gone that they actually believe it's scandalous for the President to seek information from the nation's intelligence community, rather than from cable news hosts?
Silly question. Of course they are.
Angry at the stock market for making him look bad, Circus Peanut Sydney Greensteet wandered out onto the White House lawn, with his bathrobe open, and...yelled at it. Demented old fuck just rage-tweeted at the goddamn stock market. No fucking way he passed that cognitive test without Mike Pence standing behind the doctor, mouthing the answers.
See where Scott Pruitt said climate change got a bad rap, and would actually turn out to be a really awesome thing for humanity? "Crop-destroying droughts will help America face its obesity epidemic," grinned Scotty 2 Haughty, "And just think of all the working-class families in our coastal communities who never thought they'd be able to afford a pool!"
Rex Tillerson says Russia has every intention of fucking with our midterm elections, but also that we basically have to sit back and take it, because "once they decided they're going to do it, it's very difficult to pre-empt it," and isn't it inspiring as fuck to see our Secretary of State respond to an assault from a diminishing, second-rate, world power with a shrug and a "whaddya gonna do?"
Rick Gates' lawyers want a divorce from Rick Gates, and we aren't allowed to know quite why because shit is all attorney-client privileged and whatnot, but they seem to be citing creative differences, and want to break away to form their own group, maybe do a little bit of prog-influenced art rock, but without the treason Rick always insisted on.
Nancy Pelosi took to the House floor for an epic 8 hour, 7 minute speech advocating for DREAMers and DACA. The length of the former Speaker's heels factors into every story I've read on the topic, and will only grow with legend. "Pelosi stood atop 6-foot-tall, serrated, iron stilts for three days," we'll tell our grandchildren.
Well, if Pelosi can hold the floor for eight hours, surely the least you and I can do is contact our our Congressthings and demand legal protections for DREAMers, don'tcha think?
Oh, this is fun! The cybersecurity head over at DHS says Russian hackers not only targeted voter databases in 21 states, but actually succeeded in penetrating a few! You read shit like that, and then you remember that the executive branch JUST refused to enforce sanctions on Russia...
...and then you just fuckin' DRINK, right? That's what I'm doing. Jesus.
General Kelly's West Wingman, some dude named Rob Porter, resigned today. Why? Because his two ex-wives came forward with stories of his lengthy history of physical abuse, complete with horrifying photographic evidence.
Oh, and it turns out the entire Shart House knew about the abuse, since it turned up in his FBI background check, preventing him from gaining a security clearance. But Kelly and co (and let's not forget the not-so-good General whimsically reflecting on the sacredness of women not so long ago) decided they weren't going to let a silly thing like beating up women get in the way!
And so we were treated to testimonials about Porter's CHARACTER, from Kelly, from Sarah Sanders, from Visibly Decomposing Retiree Orrin Hatch. We even learned that he's been dating Shartboy's shadow, Hope Hicks, who helped craft the White Houses's aw-shucks-he's-a-real-good-guy-even-if-he-beats-up-women response.
...I'm starting to think these folks aren't reliable judges of character, is all I'm sayin'.
And shit, as I was writing this post, I came across this lil' tale, of one of Cowboy Ryan Zinke's underlings at Interior, getting the department to pay 32 g's to upgrade a government-owned building so he could Airbnb it? Fucking of COURSE that happened. Of COURSE it did.
This is TWO DAYS worth of news, folks. TWO DAYS.
In Which Cap Rewrites the Greatest American Hero Theme Song to be About Devin Nunes Fucking Pigs
The weekend was relatively quiet, so you sort of expected the calm wouldn't last. It didn't.
So open a bag of new Crunchless Doritos For Her, pour yourself a glass of Hush, the Menfolk Are Talking brand boxed wine, and strap yourself in for the Monday Nite Madness Update. (Available, as always, with links, here: http://showercapblog.com/cap-rewrites-greatest-american-hero-theme-song-devin-nunes-fucking-pig/)
Paul Ryan demands your praise, peasants! The wealthy have, for the time being, unlocked the dumpsters behind their mansions, and you may eat of their refuse!
Ryan, that working class hero, trumpeted the tale of some barely-human wage slave, whose Paul-Ryan-gifted buck-fifty-per-week salary increase would cover her FUCKING COSTCO MEMBERSHIP with e'en enough riches leftover to purchase ketchup packets to flavor the children's lunchtime bowls of warm water, if only on special occasions. SHOW YOUR OVERLORDS YOUR GRATITUDE, SERFS!
And vast stretches of land in what was recently the Bears Ears and Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monuments are now open to mining claims, because natural beauty is, as we have established, for CUCKS. Anyway, if anybody wants to team up with me, I'm thinkin' of heading out west to mark my Unobtanium claim. I promise not to go all Fred C. Dobbs on ya.*
Hey, the forces of sanity actually chalked up a couple of wins, for a change! K.T. McFarland, having apparently read up on the legal consequences of lying under oath, withdrew her nomination for Ambassador to Singapore!
Also, Lunatic Hates-Science-So-Much-She-Still-Holds-a-Grudge-Against-Galileo Fanatic Kathleen Hartnett White won't be heading up the Council on Environmental Quality, because apparently there's actually a line too low for even THIS administration to cross, which I confess surprises me.
...now if we can just navigate the next thousand miles of this minefield of madness...
Wait, what? An authentic, Holocaust-denying ACTUAL NAZI will be the Republican Party's candidate for a U.S. Congressional seat? Lord. And that isn't even the only story involving Holocaust denial and Congress in the last week.
So much for sanity.
Team Fiscal Conservatism decided that giving their oligarch donor class a fat fuckin' tax cut was so important it was worth a massive increase in federal borrowing, so we'll be passing the collection plate around to the tune of almost a trillion bucks this year.
It's just the darndest thing, how Republicans bitch and moan about deficits whenever Democrats try to, y'know, improve people's lives, but all that concern evaporates like a fart on the wind when Charley Koch decides he wants to gold-plate his small intestine.
There was a big football game Sunday evening, or as viewed by the Candycorn Skidmark and his Jagoff Support Squad, one last opportunity this season to stoke his shitty white jag base's racial resentments!
I'm not really a football guy, but I guess the team with the biggest Trumpsters lost, and several members of the victorious Eagles are already saying "FUCK no I'm not going to the Shart House, I don't wanna get ketchup and experimental hair tonic on my good shoes," and Jake Tapper seemed pleased, so the ending seems happy enough to me.
Of course, celebrations in Philadelphia turned violent and destructive, with widespread property damage prompting a swift and merciless response from militarized law enforcement, who turned out in riot gear, assaulting the crowd with rubber bullets and tear gas.
HAHAHAHAH DON'T BE SILLY THESE WERE WHITE PEOPLE THROWING A PARTY OVER A SPORTING EVENT NOT BLACK PEOPLE SUGGESTING THEIR LIVES MATTER HA HA HA.
Pennsylvania Republicans asked Justice Samuel Alito to please-o-please let them keep their meticulously gerrymandered congressional districts so that they don't have to actually be accountable to their voters, but Alito said "Broseph, this is so corrupt even I can't give you any cover," and thus Pennsylvania Republicans became sad.
Of course the Penn GOP is screeching about seeking further judicial remedies. Now, I know Republicans don't understand the Constitution, but don't any of them even bother to read it anymore? What do these dopes think comes after SCOTUS? You can't just set up a kangaroo court in Sean Hannity's basement, y'know.
Oh, but now they're trying to get the Pennsylvania Supreme Court judges who ruled in the first place impeached. This is the modern Republican way; when the rule of law asserts itself, destroy the enforcers.
Mick Mulvaney quietly smothered the investigation into the Equifax data breach, because why should the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau do anything silly like protect consumers?
...
Well, I put it off as long as I could, but there's no avoiding it, I guess. But I just don't WANNA. It's just so dumb and grating and...
...Fine. Everybody turn Metal Machine Music up full blast and let's talk about Devin "Pigfucker" Nunes and his pigfucking goddamn MEMO.
The memo itself remains ridiculous, an unsubstantiated talk radio wet dream debunked immediately upon landing. Fuck, even Gowdy Doody says it does fuckall to undercut the Russia investigation. So far from it, in fact, that it OPENLY CONFESSES the whole thing got rolling when that dumbshit Papadopolous kid couldn't handle his Foster's.
But anybody who still thinks silly little things like "facts" or "the truth" matter to right anymore must've missed everything that's happened over the last decade, from Birtherism to Benghazi to Pizzagate. Devin coulda released his (curiously pork-rind-heavy) grocery list, and Lou Dobbs would still dutifully declare it to be irrefutable proof of FBI corruption so deep their headquarters should be put to the torch with the whole staff inside.
The Marmalade Shartcannon himself wasted no time proclaiming himself Completely Vindicated Plus Salma Hayek Will Totally Date Me Now.
Shart, Jr. agreed with Daddy, declaring the memo to be "sweet revenge," apparently believing Devin's little stunt has taken care of the Russia problem once and for all, leaving a flustered Robert Mueller clutching the MEMO and shouting "NUUUUUUUUUNEEEEEEES" into the unforgiving night sky.
...nobody tell him, ok? It'll be more fun if it's a surprise.
And Nunes himself, wild-eyed with lard dripping from the corners of his mouth, promised further memos, memos upon memos, memos as far as the eye can see, a memo in every pot, memos enough to bury the truth and the law and that pesky United States Constitution forever.
Perhaps worried that there might be somebody somewhere on Earth who takes him seriously, Devin, drunk on bacon grease and his own misperceived might, floated the idea that Shart Carney prolly never even MET that insignificant Papaderpaderp kid, forgetting the little detail about that one photograph. You know, the one the ENTIRE GODDAMN WORLD has seen.
The hits kept on coming for the Ham Hammer, who had initially claimed that the FBI deviously hid the Steele Dossier's origin as opposition research from the FISA court, only to be forced to backpedal because...he was totally making that shit up.
Still, President Crotchvoid thanked his faithful stooge, proclaiming him a "great American hero," to which I say...
Why not the GREATEST AMERICAN HERO!?!? CUE THE MUSIC:
Believe it or not, I'm FUCKING A PIG!
I never thought I could feel such glee-ee-eeeee!
Grinding away on a sow in a wig!
Who could it be?
Dry-humping that pig? It's just meeeeeeeee!
This seems like as good a time as any to remind everyone that all the memo hullabaloo hinges on the idea that there was something untoward about the warrant issued to surveil CARTER FUCKING PAGE, of all people. Yeah, the same CARTER FUCKING PAGE who likes to brag about his Kremlin ties.
Anyhow, the House Intel Committee voted to release Adam Schiff's counter-memo, kicking it over to the White House for a thumbs up or down. That decision should be...interesting.
Oh hey, the President of the United States of America offhandedly suggested that opposition party members refusing to bestow sufficiently enthusiastic praise upon his dishonest, drone-y speech amounts to "treason," that's fun! Not in a "Pizza Party Where Your Mom Gives You a Roll of Quarters to Play the X-Men Arcade Game way, but in more of a Wow That's the Sort of Thing Stalin Would Say sort of way!
Anyhow, while Donnie Dotard was busy rambling about his greatness, the Dow Jones tanked like a Trump University grad in a job interview, losing 1175 points, the biggest single-day point decline in history. Having spent months petulantly demanding credit for every new stock market increase, Shartboy was...curiously silent today.
Dang it. Michelle Bachmann won't be running for a Minnesota Senate seat, because God didn't speak to her through How I Met Your Mother reruns like he usually does. Yo, GOD? Do you really begrudge us our fun? After more than a year of getting pummeled by this shitstorm, don't we deserve the simple joy of watching this psychopath faceplant one last time?
Breaking late from the Failing New York Times is the tale of Government Cheese Goebbels' lawyers urging their client to refuse to sit for an interview with the Mueller investigation for the simple reason that he lies the way most people blink, and lying to federal investigators is a crime.
Heh. "Your honor, my client cannot testify because he will certainly perjure himself if he does." Good luck with that strategy, gents.
Ok, friends. I'm signing off before any more news about the fucking MEMO can break. Be good to yourselves out there.
*When a dude in a superhero mask pledges to maintain mental composure in a prospecting environment...y'know, caveat emptor.
Memo Williams: The Adventure Begins (Ferret/ShowerCap)
I don't know how much more of this shit I can take, Resisters. I ate my therapy peacock three hours ago and now I'm picking my teeth with her last tail feather.
"Oh, it can't be that bad, Cap. You're exaggerating, Cap. Let's poke around a bit, it'll calm you down." (And feel free to poke around on Cap's site, with links: http://showercapblog.com/memo-williams-adventure-begins/)
What's this? The nomination of widely-respected North Korea expert Victor Cha as Ambassador to South Korea was withdrawn because Cha is a CUCK who isn't down with the idea of launching a preemptive strike on the nuclear-armed nutjobs in the Kim Jong-un regime?
"Never mind, Cap. This does indeed seem to be flaming batshit dropping from a colony of bats that are also on fire. Carry on."
Let's see. I last checked in on Monday night, right when the House Intelligence Committee voted to release Devin "Pigfucker" Nunes' famous memo on how to extract maximum sexual gratification from the act of copulating with a pig. Or maybe it was about the FBI or something, I don't always pay super-close attention to these things.
Anyhow. By Tuesday, Speaker Ryan was casually chatting about "cleansing" the FBI, which, in this zany new world where we nervously monitor our government for signs of fascism, lands closer to "This is your doctor, you need to get back to me right away" than "Let's go to Build-A-Bear Workshop" on the Comforting Things to Hear Scale.
I see Mike Pompeo invited some Russian spymasters, one of whom is supposed to be a sanctions target, (Remember when laws mattered? Those were fun times.) over, probably to ask if they needed any help interfering in our midterms. I'm sure they availed themselves of the generous Classified Intelligence Buffet during their visit.
Speaking of Russia, Treasury was supposed to compile a list of Russian officials and oligarchs tied to the Putin regime, to be considered for potential sanctioning. Instead, because everyone in this entire fucking administration seems to have a religious objection to ever working at all, they just copied a Rich Russian Folks list from FORBES FUCKING MAGAZINE.
...I suppose we should be grateful they didn't just copy and paste from the James Bond Wiki.
So, somebody dug up an old recording of Scott Pruitt saying "Donald Trump would wipe his ass with the Constitution and then miss the bowl and just leave the shit-covered Constitution there in the corner to get pissed on all day and then the night shift guy would have to pick it up."
Confronted with the old quote, Pruitt became glassy-eyed, intoning, "Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life," because ass-kissing is the currency of choice in the halls of power these days.
A Missouri GOP Senate candidate got caught espousing the sort of ideals regarding women's rights that would place him deep in the regressive right wing of any Cro-Magnon cave. ("Him like Neanderthal Tom Cotton," said Trurg, a community member who spends his days trying to beat fish to death with a club, "Me no like."
No, I'm not repeating myself. This is a DIFFERENT Missouri GOP Senate candidate. It's like Claire McCaskill has been seeding her Show-Me State rivals with damaged clones grown from Todd Akin's back hair.
And yeah, the State of the Union speech happened. Orange Julius Caesar lied a whole bunch, said a bunch of hateful ignorant shit, and then demanded to be hailed as some sort of historic unifying figure.
Mostly he was just boring. He ran out of steam pretty quickly, because the strain of, y'know, READING ALOUD FOR AN HOUR was just too much for a sloppy old man up way past his bedtime, especially when the hair-tonic-derived hallucinations started kicking in.
Of course he claimed it was the most-watched State of the Union of all time, and of course it wasn't. But it WAS the squintiest and the droniest, so congratulations, You Shouty Colon Tumor, You.
Republicans seem to believe they've hit some sort of political goldmine in the Congressional Black Caucus refusing to stand and clap for Boss Shart's horseshit line about black unemployment, (you've seen the fact-checking by now, I assume) like African-American voters are gonna find themselves inside the voting booth going, "Well, there's Trump's decades-long history of unapologetic racism, including his refusal to condemn white supremacists RIGHT AFTER ONE OF THEM COMMITTED AN ACT OF TERRORISM...but John Lewis didn't clap that one time, so MAAAAAAGAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
And Sarah Huckabee Sanders thinks Nancy Pelosi should smile more. "Grimacing is MY thing, Nancy! If you start condescendingly lying to cover up for a cheap authoritarian goon's assaults American democracy, I'm getting a copyright lawyer," growled the Discourteous SHS.
Oh, and one of Shartboy's most dedicated congressional henchmen brought an actual Holocaust denier as his official guest, after appearing on InfoWars a few days back. The future of the GOP is...clear, if not quite bright.
But that Kennedy kid gave a nice little speech, didn't he? I liked the way he painted the Democrat Party as the Not Evil One.
Wandering through the Meth Country Wonderland we call "the news," we find the head of the CDC had to resign...because she bought stock in a tobacco company while heading an agency dedicated to public health. It's these little world-building details that make life under Dolt45 so authentically horrifying.
Let's check in with Bill at the Abject Horror Desk. What've you got for us tonight, Bill?
Bill at the Abject Horror Desk: Hmmmmmm...well, I suppose we could talk about the "reverse abortion" thing.
Cap: Wh-what?
Bill at the Abject Horror Desk: Oh, didn't you hear about that one? The Office of Refugee Resettlement official who tried to force a totally unproven "abortion reversing" treatment on an undocumented teen in custody?
Cap: Bill, I don't think I can -
Bill at the Abject Horror Desk: The teen was a rape victim, did I mention that?
Cap: JESUS. BILL.
Bill at the Abject Horror Desk: These are the people running the country, Cap. Trying to conduct medical experiments on teenage rape victims. And all in the name of God, no doubt.
Cap: Alright Bill, we're going to get back to the merely-terrifying news. I'm sure we'll see you sooner than we'd like.
Remember when the Pennsylvania Supreme Court told the GOP they had to redraw their ridiculously-gerrymandered congressional district map? Well, the President Pro Tempore of the Pennsylvania Senate, apparently a graduate of the Roy Moore School of Law & Milkshake Shack, said "You can shove your constitutional checks and balances where the light of justice don't shine!" before locking himself in his office, crafting a makeshift suit of armor from tinfoil and Amazon delivery boxes, topped with a Steelers helmet he bought as a gift but decided to keep, and screaming "I AM THE ONLY LAW!"
Foreign Policy tells us the Shart House dispatched Kellyanne Conway of all people to mop up the "shithole countries" fallout with a group of ambassadors from African nations. Kellyanne helpfully offered an Alternative Fact where her boss referred to their nations not as "shitholes" but "cherished allies, desirable tourist destinations, and who knows perhaps even future golf course locations?"
...I suppose better Conway than Stephen Miller.
Looks like we won't have Gowdy Doody to kick around anymore. Yes, Trey, who has grown listless since his plan to spend four years nipping at President Hillary Clinton's heels fell apart, will retire at the end of his term. Aides say he's taken to spending entire afternoons absentmindedly flipping through notebooks full of disingenuous Benghazi remarks he'd brainstormed, enough to last all the way through 2020.
Seriously though, Gowdy has apparently grown tired of increasingly negative partisan politics, a phenomenon he's had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with*.
Alright, I guess I have to talk about the MEMO now. For like, 72 paragraphs. Devin Nunes, you have ruined my whole fucking night.
Where to start?
Once upon a time, there was a Pigfucker. Named Devin. Devin lived in a magical realm called Up Donald Trump's Ass. Pigfucker Devin would do anything to protect his homeland, anything at all. The trouble is, Devin was, in addition to being a Fucker of Pigs, also a Man With the Intelligence of a Melon Baller.
Devin woke in a fever one night, overcome with inspiration, and said aloud "I shall write a memo. A Memo! Yes, a Memo for the Ages!" He was so pleased with himself that he jostled awake the Red Wattle hog he picked up at the bar by the butcher shop, and fucked it again.
"The Memo can say whatever I like," reasoned Devin. "I'll say there's a massive deep-state conspiracy against the President, that there's nothing to the Russia investigation at all, and Bob Mueller's acting out of jealousy because he can't figure out how to tie his neckties that long!"
"And the best part is, no one will DARE contradict me, because I'm the one with the MEMO!"
...not the brightest lad, our Devin.
Needless to say, like a heist film scripted by a mudskipper, Devin's plan has encountered some obstacles. Adam Schiff drafted his own counter-memo. FBI Director Christopher Wray has threatened a rebuttal of his own, perhaps also in Memo form, if he feels like keeping with the prevailing conventions.
Nunes responded by doctoring his Memo without resubmitting it to his Congressional Committee, which is really quite illegal, but that feels nitpicky here, doesn't it? And the White House kicked it back to Devin and his lackeys, who will probably dump it out with the rest of the Friday news garbage, because suddenly folks're starting to realize that Devin has a half-chewed wad of cud for a brain, and they're not looking at a smoking gun, but rather a mostly-eaten animal cracker which kinda sorta looks like a gun if you hold it just right.
It's like the Butter Battle Book, only with Memos.
But the Candycorn Skidmark clings to the hope that he's finally found his get-out-of-jail-free card, because he's apparently been getting advice from Sean Freakin' Hannity. Splendid.
I suppose I should mention that FBI Agent Peter Strzok, the dude whose text messages are supposed to prove this whole Deep State Conspiracy Against All Things Spray-Tanned and Perpetually Golfing theory, actually co-wrote the first draft of the letter James Comey would eventually use to FUCK UP THE ENTIRE GODDAMN PLANET, THANKS FOR THAT, JIMBO, about reopening the Clinton server investigation because of ANTHONY WEINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GOD I CAN'T EVEN TYPE HIS FUCKING NAME WITHOUT FLYING INTO A RAGE.
I keep pinching myself, but no, this is still real life. Goddammit.
Ok, I need something to cheer myself up. Ooooooo, this'll do:
Has allegedly untouchable Drumpf shadow Hope Hicks finally stepped in a bear trap? Could be, could be. Former Team Shart legal spokesman Mark Corallo allegedly plans to tell The Bobadook that young Hope got in on some of that hot justice-obstructin' action in the heady days of desperately-trying-to-craft-a-plausible-lie-about-Junior's-Trump-Tower-meeting-with-the-Russkies.
Because we can't escape the Lovecraftian horror of 21st Century America even in comedy, Jimmy Kimmel scrapped the bottom of the MAGA outhouse to bring some genuinely horrible humans** to belch up their ignorant hatred all over a DREAMer. Stop telling me I have an obligation to reach out to, or empathize with, people who're this warped with rage. We all get one life. These folks got it wrong. Fuck 'em.
Oh hey, you remember back when Shart Garfunkel's Labor Department said, "Y'know what would make America splendiferoulsy Great Again? If restaurant owners could steal tips from servers!" Well, it turns out they actively suppressed a study that said hard working servers would lose billions to their employers who would shockingly take advantage of being allowed to steal tips by stealing tips.
The ethics crew over at HUD tapped Dr. Ben Carson on the shoulder to say "Hey, you should maybe stop letting your son tag along on all this official business, it looks kinda grifty, y'know," and Carson patted them on the head and said, "Ethics, how quaint. I think I shall use your offices to store grain."
At the GOP retreat today, President Crotchvoid thanked Orrin Hatch for talking about how much better than Lincoln and Washington he is, and we all got embarrassment shivers observing the symbiotic relationship between the Sycophant and the Guy Who Constantly Radiates "Daddy Never Loved Me Please Fill the Void in My Rusted-Over Soul."
Oh, and That Guy Who Was Manafort's Sidekick or Something and Got Indicted at the Same Time and Probably Has a Name of His Own But I Don't Give a Fuck? His legal team up and quit but their reasons for doing so are sealed and everybody thinks he's got a new team working out a deal with Mueller because he doesn't want to die in jail or something. Fun!
Ok, I'm out for the night...I've got a...MEMO to work on...
*HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAH. Hoo.
** Well. Human-shaped, at any rate.
THE STATE OF THE UNIOM IS THE UNIOM IS FUCKED! (ShowerCap/Ferret)
Well, looks like Tom Hanks will be playing Mr. Rogers in a forthcoming biopic, and if that isn't the most heartwarming thing I've heard in months, I don't know what is.
Cling to that image, of Tom Hanks warmly intoning, "Won't you be my neighbor?" because the rest of today's news is like a sewage line exploded in a haunted house. One of those psychologically-scarring "Christian" haunted houses you read about.
Today was seriously fucked up, is what I'm saying. Put on a helmet before you read the rest of this blog. Which you can find, with links, at: http://showercapblog.com/the-state-of-the-uniom-is-the-uniom-is-fucked/
I guess everybody's mad now that we need to pay $24 million to replace the refrigerators on Air Force One, but hey, this one honestly isn't Shartboy's fault, the plane needs to be equipped for extreme emergency contingencies, and trust me, by the end of this blog you'll have way too much other shit occupying your emotional bandwidth to care about a fucking fridge.
Ross Douthat penned a little column over the weekend, with the Stephen Kingworthy title "The Necessity of Stephen Miller." The idea is, since Miller channels the sputtering, impotent, rage of the Very Fine People, he really deserves to be at the table during immigration talks, acting like backing off his proposal to make cross-burning materials tax-deductible counts as a major concession to the left.
Ross the Reasonable Racist is one of those gloriously clueless "rational" Republicans who acts like he doesn't understand where Tangerine Idi Amin came from, and lives in denial of his personal role in shaping the American Right into the hate-belching rube army that chose a pussy-grabbing charlatan over Jeb(!) Bush.
Lemme help you out, Ross. Just because there are truly distressingly large numbers of bigoted shitbags in this country doesn't mean we should legitimize their bigotry. It's like saying, "Well, there are a whole bunch of creationists, they really should have a seat at the table when we're writing science textbooks."
I think we should make Ross live his entire life by this standard. Always konsult a Klansman for any decision, however minor!
"Should we go to our favorite steakhouse for dinner tonight, Richard Spencer?"
"No! Two of the servers are black, you race traitor, you!"
"What brand of toothpaste should I buy, Mike Cernovich?"
"Whichever one whitens the most, of course!"
ARRRRRGHH WHY AM I STILL WRITING ABOUT ROSS GODDAMN DOUTHAT?!? Today sucks.
Bernie Marcus, the Montgomery Burns Cosplayer who runs Home Depot took to Fux Nooz to sneer a bit about how Democrats are dumb and brainless for opposing the recent GOP bill that lowered Bernie Marcus' taxes so much, presumably because he wants to lose the business of the majority of Americans who hate the bill, and are also likely less than fond of being taunted by oligarchs.
Marcus then returned to his estate for a light evening of bear-baiting and increasing the vending machine prices in his employee break rooms.
Jay-Z and the President of the United States of America are in what the kids call a "Twitter Feud," because that's just how life is now.
Y'know, Mr. President, I may not be a political scientist, but your pathological need to lash out at every black media figure that criticizes you probably outweighs the free ride you hitched on Obama's economy, in terms of your approval rating with African-American voters.
Oh, and the "shithole" thing. And the "very fine people" thing. And the "Central Park Five" thing. And the "sued for racist renting practices" thing. But yeah, keep harping on the unemployment rate, that'll work.
After giddily painting Harvey Weinstein as the founder and spiritual leader of the entire Democratic Party, Republicans seemed curiously unwillingly to apply similar standards to their own supercreep predator/megadonor/ahem, actual Party Finance Chair, Steve Wynn.
Wynn quietly resigned, but the GOP would very much like to keep his money, thank you. The Republican Governors Association made a hilarious show of giving back...SOME of the money he donated. Not all. Not most. Not, it must be said, even a significant percentage of it. Just...some. I only hope Spielberg lives long enough to immortalize your heroism on film, RGA.
And the Bonespur Buttplug, in a moment that rocked the entire fucking planet, declared he is not a feminist. In related news, I am not a radish.
Nikki Haley got mad at the Grammys for being political rather than just performing for her like trained monkeys. Nobody tell her about Bob Dylan.
Ultimately, Haley's just pissy because Hillary Clinton's cameo elicited a cheer her boss couldn't get outside a Klan rally. At some point, these fucks need to come to terms with the fact that the majority of Americans despise them, and yeah, we got all the artists in the divorce. You're probably sick of Kid Rock's B-sides and Scott Baio's one man show performing all the roles in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, but you should've thought of that before signing on to serve these fundamentally indecent fucksticks.
A formerly Fancy and Important Colorado Republican was sentenced for voter fraud, even though he tried whining really hard and blaming diabetes for making him steal his ex-wife's vote. Personal responsibility for thee, fabricated medical symptoms for me.
Asked in an interview about climate change, Sharty McFly proclaimed that the ice caps are no longer melting, but are "at a record level," because a witch's curse dictates that he must tell at least one lie every four hours, or he will turn back into the bullfrog-with-hemorrhoids he actually is.
Golly, there's a bottleneck at the exit door over in the House of Representatives, with an ever-expanding crowd of some of the shittiest old white dudes in America trying to get out before the Blue Wave washes them...er, flushes them away once and for all.
Add New Jersey's Rodney Frelinghuysen to the pile of retirees. Rodney's walking away from the chairmanship of the House Appropriations Committee, the kind of power most politicians only dream of, the kind of power it takes a lifetime to attain.
They fear us SO much, Resisters. And they should. November's coming, and we all know what's coming with it.
So, Mark Warner says the Senate Intelligence Committee has received new documents raising new questions and opening new avenues in their Russia investigation, which will perhaps one day lead to exciting new flavors of Skittles and Oreos. Sadly, we cannot see the contents of these documents at this time, because they are classified, and frankly, too sexxxxy for us to handle.
Oh, Senator! Why must you torment us like this? Coquettishly teasing us, like a saucy wench who "accidentally" reveals her ankle with a smile and wink? I want the full monty, Mark! We want to see you in nothing but pasties that have indictments written on them in extremely small print!
Hey, if you need a little pick-me-up in these dark, disturbing times, watch the interview Sean Spicer gave on MSNBC. Craig Melvin sets down a big fat plate of Sean's own well-documented shit right in front of him, and feeds it to him, spoonful by spoonful. That should happen to Sean Spicer every single day and twice on Sundays.
CNN's Jeffrey Toobin finally took a little responsibility for the media's false equivalence during the 2016 campaign, ABOUT FUCKING TIME. Yes, Jeff, all the bullshit "Well, Trump is hella racist and credibly accused of sexual assault by more than a dozen women and unashamedly lies about everything but the REAL STORY is how Hillary Clinton only pretends to like hot sauce to pander to black voters" was super unhelpful. THANKS FOR THE DYSTOPIA.
With a historically loathed President tied to them like a bouquet of anchors, Republicans are desperate to show the electorate they haven't let the Velveeta Vulgarian change their values. They're the same backwards puritanical monsters they've always been, and that's why they tried to push their 20-week abortion ban through Congress!
They failed as they knew they would, but they want America to be sure to remember that by gum, they're the still the party that believes women are almost-but-not-quite people!
Deputy FBI Director Andrew McCabe resigned, or was forced out, or just got sick of Jeff Sessions stealing his lunch out of the fridge twice a week. Donnie Dotard has been pushing for McCabe's ouster for months, I guess cuz he's worried he hasn't made enough enemies in the intelligence community.
In the wake of McCabe's departure, NBC regaled us with a charming anecdote of the time the Idiot Manchild, throwing a tantrum because James Comey flew home in an FBI plane after being fired, suggested McCabe ask his loser wife how it felt to be a loser because of that time she lost like a loser. Weird they didn't get along better.
(Y'know, one of the reasons I look forward to Drumpf's eventual removal is a fondness for the days when the hierarchy of FBI leadership didn't take up space in my brain. Worrying about breaking individual links in the chain of command on the way to a full-blown constitutional crisis isn't as much fun as tracking baseball stats, is all I'm saying.)
You'd be forgiven, by the way, for thinking I got the story about the President's tantrum wrong, because it wasn't the only story about the President throwing a tantrum to break today. There weren't a lot of stories about Barack Obama throwing tantrums, and I don't think we properly appreciated that about him.
Here's a fun tidbit! General John Kelly has taken to ending conversations with Justice Department officials with a little admonition to not do anything illegal or unethical. Yup, this is the point in American history we currently occupy; the Chief of Fucking Staff telling his team, "Absolutely no treason, you rapscallions, you!"
The Failing New York Times reports Melania was "blindsinded" upon learning her husband diddled a porn star and gave her a six figure hush money payoff because I guess she's never actually met Donald Trump because literally no one else alive was even slightly surprised.
Things're about to get a little dark, folks, so if you need a little more comic relief, why not visit this story of Fugitive Jerkwad Julian Assange trying to leak dirt on Mark Warner to a fake Sean Hannity account?
Today was the big deadline for the Shart Administration to impose new, legally-mandated, sanctions on Russia over that whole interfering-in-our-elections thing, but they decided to just...not.
That's neat, isn't it? Congress says "do this," and the VERY PRESIDENT WHO SIGNED THE BILL INTO LAW just goes..."Nah. Don't wanna."
It's EXTRA fun when the President refuses to protect THE FUCKING COUNTRY HE IS FUCKING PRESIDENT OF from the hostile actions of an adversarial foreign power. Like if Kennedy gave Khrushchev pointers on where to aim those Cuban missiles if he really wanted to fuck shit up.
Well shit, folks. I was working up tonight's post and generally enjoying myself when the wheels came off the wagon and the wagon knocked over an outhouse and the shit from the outhouse hit the fan. Fuck.
There's been a lot of news about Devin "Pigfucker" Nunes and his "I guess I'll try nut-punch the entire FBI" memo. Devin's master plan seems to rest on accusing Rod Rosenstein of improperly seeking an extension of FISA surveillance on Carter Page. CARTER PAGE. You could get a FISA court to approve surveillance on Carter Fucking Page based on some of the interviews that doorknob has given on television.
So tonight, Nunes' committee voted, along partisan lines, to bend to the will of the Russian Twitter bot network and release his bullshit memo. And NO, Adam Schiff, you can't release YOUR counter-memo, the whole point of a disinformation campaign is disinformation, DUH, so we can't have you prancing around with your silly ol' HONESTY!
Oh, and Devin and his lackeys have opened an investigation into the Department of Justice and the FBI. Based on...nothing, really. Because law enforcement is the President's enemy, because the President is a criminal. It's really that simple. That's why a handful of malicious idiots are trying to tear our democracy's institutions down.
I guess when confronted with a problem like "What do you when your party's utterly corrupt leader faces a day of reckoning?" the answer is, "You burn the nation's law enforcement organizations to the ground and build yourself a throne of bone in the ashes!"
And the State of the Union is tomorrow night? Jesus Fuck. I see the governing party doesn't have their shit together enough to spell-check their fucking tickets. "Uniom." For all the respect you bastards have shown it, that sounds about right.
I'm certainly not going. Ruth Bader Ginsburg isn't either. I bet she's throwing a kegger. Think she'll let me in?
Ron Johnson vs the Secret Society of Voices in His Head
Well, the Velveeta Vulgarian is out of the country for a bit. Less welcome at home than a wolverine with diarrhea, the President took his Desperate Need For Approval Since Daddy Never Loved Me Tour to Davos, hoping the world's financial elite would finally be impressed with him now that he's in charge of a whole country.
Instead he was booed. Poor Donnie. Even with enough nuclear missiles to annihilate all life on Earth many times over, you still get no respect, because everyone can still see what a pathetic, simpering, loser you are.
(Links version, as always, here: http://showercapblog.com/ron-johnson-vs-secret-society-voices-head/)
Anyhow, as the saying goes, while the Gigantic Sack of Shit is away, the Smaller Sacks of Shit will play. All kinds of Republican fuckwads scuttling around, making trouble this week.
It seems the tadpole who had ascended, through Team Skidmark's what-passes-for-meritocracy-among-the-handful-of-jagoffs-immoral-enough-to-actually-work-for-us promotion system, nearly to the top of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy, will be resigning, now that word's gotten out that he's an under-qualified clod who lied on his résumé and isn't all that into showing up for work.
Speaking of The Best People, former event planner Lynne Patton took a little break from her job OVERSEEING A MULTI-BILLION-DOLLAR HUD DIVISION SERIOUSLY HOW THE FUCK IS THE COUNTRY NOT JUST ON FIRE ALL THE TIME WITH THESE CLOWNS RUNNING IT to rage-tweet a fat joke at a journalist.
All that stuff about an organization taking on the qualities of its leader? I'm thinkin' that theory might just have legs. Patton'll probably be Secretary of State by fall.
God bless Devin Nunes. It's both lucky and, honestly, extremely amusing, that Il Douche's most devout congressional lackey is so magnificently incompetent. And the guy imagines he's playing Nth-level chess with actual intelligence professionals. He's like if a Marmaduke cartoonist stole an unfinished John le Carré story and tried filling in the gaps after eating a bunch of paste.
Devin had himself a master plan to bring down Robert Mueller and the whole dang Russia investigation. All he had to do was write a little Memo, (and Devin got a B- in memo-writing in his summer course at the community college) in which he says "All this shit is made up and wrong and lies and bad and you're going to have to take my word for all this because I've seen the intelligence and no you're absolutely not allowed to look at it, just trust me," and then the whole world would just take him at his word, and nobody would ever check his work or make him prove anything and all Trump's problems with evaporate then the Underpants Gnomes would make him King of California.
Or something.
And yet somehow, this Moriarty-worthy plan collapsed, like a house of cards, only with pancakes instead of cards. He refused to show the Magic Memo to even his Republican colleagues in the Senate. Then he refused to show it to the FBI, leading the Department of Justice to write him a "you should really stop, you twit" letter. And then Adam Schiff tapped Devin on the shoulder to remind him, "Bro, I can write memos too, y'know."
So Nunes is left shaking his fist at sky, bellowing "I would've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for my own walnut-sized brain!"
Now, after all that bumbling lunacy, you could be forgiven for thinking nobody could possibly out-dumbfuck poor Devin when it comes clownish attempts to block for Trump.
And that's exactly how Ron Johnson sneaks up on ya.
It's like "nobody would be stupid enough to - " is the spell they teach you at Hogwarts to summon him.
Yes, Detective RoJo was ON THE CASE, set to blow the lid off the deep state plot to overthrow the government, like the protagonist in a paranoid 70's thriller starring Dane Cook in the Warren Beatty role.
"There's a SECRET SOCIETY," proclaimed Senator Ron! "And since I've put my shoes on the correct feet for three consecutive days now, I'm just the man to take them down!"
And of course the right wing loonosphere gleefully spread his accusations as gospel truth! Ron Johnson has an INFORMANT! Never mind that anyone with actual important information would surely seek out any of the other 99 Senators who can actually, y'know...READ, before turning their findings over to Ron Freaking Johnson, WE'RE GONNA TAKE DOWN MUELLER!!!!!!!
And then the media got ahold of the FBI agent's text on which the whole conspiracy theory was based, and...dear God, it's SO obviously a joke. More obviously a joke than the average Marmaduke cartoon, frankly.
The moral of the story is, if Ron Johnson is ever the only dude in Washington saying something, maybe you should consider the possibility that there's just a stray hornet rattling around in the pudding cup he has for a brain before assuming the dumbest man in the Senate somehow managed to get the drop on anyone.
It looks like we won't have Pat Meehan to kick around anymore, which is almost a shame, because I was really looking forward to seeing how his Creepy Old Dude Who Has No Understanding of Just How Creepy He Is defenses would play on the campaign trail. Alas, Pat will not be seeking another term in the United States Congress, opting instead to embark on a quest for a new soulmate.
He could maybe start with his wife. Just a suggestion.
Chuck Grassley claims Jared Kushner is too "spooked" to agree to an interview with the Senate Judiciary Committee, likely because Sheldon Whitehouse likes to sit in the back row doing that thing where it looks like you pull your thumb off, and Jar-Jar finds it unsettling.
The GOP tax reform bill keeps on pumping new vitality into the economy. Provided that, by "the economy," you mean "Paul Ryan's Super PAC."
The rest of us schmucks? We're out of luck. As expected, plenty of companies are buying back stock, but let's give props to the one that's openly using their newfound windfall to pay for a fresh round of layoffs.
Plenty of Republican fuckery on the state level to catch up on, doesn't that sound like fun? Fucking of course it doesn't. It's Friday night, why're reading this shit?
In Wisconsin, Scott Walker's cronies fired the heads of the Ethics and Elections Commisions, because oversight is, after all, for cucks. You sorta wonder if the surprise special election spanking they received last week has anything to do with the sudden watchdog-neutering impulse, don'tcha?
Reeling from the electoral defeat of their favorite pedophile, Alabama House Republicans voted to change the rules, doing away with special elections for Senate vacancies altogether. Don't worry, though...you can still run if you were kicked off the state bench twice for refusing to obey the law.
Congratulate long-shot Missouri Senate candidate Courtland Sykes for misreading the cultural moment worse than the dude who lost the family fortune investing in Betamax.
Gazing out upon the post-#MeToo landscape, Courtland* figured what Missouri really wants is a where's-my-dinner Neanderthal, bellowing about "banshees" and "she-devils" and "gender-bending word games." It's like he's auditioning for the role of "unhinged guy stalking a Breitbart columnist," and overacting the part.
Claire McCaskill, meanwhile, probably wondered if she was really lucky enough to have lightning strike twice. I'm sure she'll be generous when the collection plate circulates this Sunday, "Thank you Lord, for sending me another Akin!"
Another Drumpf-loving Senate candidate, this time in Pennsylvania, seems to enjoy chillaxin' with the anti-Semitic, Holocaust-denying crowd. I swear, by 2020, you're going to see GOP primary debates where candidates attack one another for insufficiently praising the Charlottesville marchers.
So, Donnie Two-Scoops called up the Guggenheim, to ask if he could borrow a painting for a non-specific, probably-less-than-four-years period of time, to hang in his bedroom. The Guggenheim responded, "Hell no, you'll just get mayonnaise stains all over it," but they helpfully offered up an alternative work of art; a gold-plated toilet.
God, I love this story. Shart Garfunkel likes to imagine the world lives in awe and fear of his glorious might, but here you have an art gallery responding to a request by going, "Nah, brah, YOU CAN HAVE THIS SHIT RECEPTACLE INSTEAD."
...I'm sure renegotiating NAFTA is going swimmingly.
The latest emoluments lawsuit got rolling, and things look good so far. And that means...um...well...fuck, y'all. I got nuthin'. Emoluments aren't funny. If you've got a good emoluments joke, I think you get to challenge me for my mask now.
We learned Dutch intelligence infiltrated the Russian hackers who fucked with our election (NOT SO FANCY NOW, ARE YA, BEAR?) and passed their findings on to our own IC. So yeah, expect Fox and Friends to call for a bombing campaign against the Netherlands any day now.
Anyway, the Failing New York Times told us the Man With Phalangeal Stunting actually tried to fire Bob Mueller last summer, but Don McGahn heroically stood up to him and threatened to quit rather than carry out the order, in a story that was totally not leaked by Don McGahn.
Sean Hannity did not take this news well. First he yelled a bit about how it wasn't true and then he yelled about how okay, it was true but it didn't matter because OH LOOK A CAR CHASE. Then he...painted himself green.
Hannity is not going to survive this journey, folks. Because he's of that particularly insecure breed of American male who believes saying "Sorry, I was wrong" is some sort of unforgivable weakness, when he reaches the point where even he can't defend his precious God Emperor anymore, he'll just...combust, mid-rant, live on television. You heard it here first.
Getting back to the thing where the President of the United States has engaged in a year-long pattern of obstructing the fuck out of justice, Foreign Policy dropped another bomb, this time about Littlefinger organizing a smear campaign against high-level FBI officials, including Andrew McCabe, who just so happen to be potential witnesses in the above-mentioned obstructing the fuck out of justice case.
The good people of Kansas are finally free of Sam Brownback, so presumably there are Munchkins singing all over the place right now because making a Wizard of Oz joke when you talk about Kansas is low-hanging fruit and I'm tired.
Brownback was finally confirmed (after Mikey Hairshirt had to shuffle over to break a tie, because Sam's old Senate colleagues remember what a dick he is) to his new post as some sort of free-roving international religious scold. Whatever. Maybe now the Sunflower State can actually keep the lights on at their public schools. Congrats on failing upward, jackass.
Brownback will be succeeded as Kansas Governor by Marmaduke, because of the Rule of Three.
The Shart House leaked their immigration plan, offering a path to citizenship for the DREAMers in exchange for concessions out of Richard Spencer's wettest dream. Stephen Miller couldn't get this deal if he found a fucking genie, and STILL the immigration hardliners are shrieking about "amnesty."
Casino Mogul/RNC finance chair/Personal Trump Friend/No Seriously, He's the Guy Who Hosted he Party Drumpf Had to Skip During the Shutdown Steve Wynn was the target of the latest "rich creep who has been sexually abusing women for decades" story, and all the conservatives who happily tarred the entire left over Harvey Weinstein raced to hold their own side to the same standard.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH, don't be silly, they're all waiting to see if they can get away with staying silent until the President punches Nancy Pelosi at the State of the Union or something and the news cycle moves on.
I don't know how much longer I can maintain even the appearance of sanity, friends. The never-ending, bludgeoning, barrage of - wait, what? They're bringing back the XFL?
Heh. Heheheheheh.
...yeah, I think that's juuuuuuuust about my breaking point, folks. See you in Arkham.
*Dude's name is COURTLAND. Downton-Abbey-named motherfucker shouldn't be talking about when he wants his dinner ready, is all I'm saying.
Hey Donnie, Maybe Bob Mueller is YOUR Soulmate!
Hey, let's start with some good news for a change! Tammy Duckworth is pregnant with her second child and will be the first United States Senator in history to give birth while in office! Congratulations, Senator Duckworth!
Cling to that warm fuzzy feeling, because pretty much everything else this week is shitty.
(You probably don't need me to tell you that the links version is available at: http://showercapblog.com/hey-donnie-maybe-bob-mueller-soulmate/)
Well, the government's back open, at the cost of Susan Collins' glass elephant, which was destroyed when Lamar Alexander threw the "talking stick" at Mark Warner.
Yeah, that sentence doesn't make a lot of sense to me, either, but it's something that apparently actually happened. This is exactly what I'm talking about when I say future generations are gonna think we made all this shit up. There'll be an entire Trivial Pursuit edition dedicated to the Drumpf era, and twenty years from now you'll be straining to remember if it was a glass pig or a porcelain hippo that shattered in Collins' office during the shutdown.
Truly, we are living in history.
Meanwhile Ted Cruz tried pontificating on his long-and-deeply-held anti-shutdown views, prompting an "Oh hell no," from MSNBC's Kasie Hunt. Cruz went on to vociferously deny ever kissing the begolfpantsed ass of anyone who had insulted both his wife and his father, adding that he is really truly genuinely in no way the Zodiac Killer.
The best post-shutdown news is that Chuck Schumer took his cheeseburger-drunk offer to fund Shart Garfunkel's Big Stupid Wall off the table. I guess somebody reminded him which party he's a member of.
Vice President Pence confidently proclaimed the entire Stormy Daniels story to be "baseless," despite the detailed InTouch interview and Cohen-orchestrated $130,000 payout, invoking his biblical right to Not Ever Listen to Women About Anything Ever.
To rub a little salt in that particular wound, Mikey Hairshirt refused to stand up for the equality of female journalists at a photo opp at Jerusalem's West Wall. Mother will be so pleased.
A barely-noted story reports that Drumpf likes to mock Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi with what I'm sure is a super-respectful Indian accent. And because we're so tragically used to/overwhelmed by the never-ending shitstorm, we all just went, "of course he did," knowing the next atrocity would surely surface in an hour or so.
What's this, now? KKKris KKKobach's Kooky Kulling Kommission asked the state of Texas to not only turn over all their voter data, but to flag "Hispanic surnames?" I'm sure the Kansas Secretary of State/Professional Racist Legal Shield had only the noblest of intentions. He always does.
And Megyn Kelly, desperate for a ratings turnaround, picked a fight with Jane Fonda. I don't see that strategy working out, but just in case Megyn's accidentally stumbled onto the path to notoriety, I'd like to take this opportunity to start some shit with James Caan. HEY JIMBO! ROLLERBALL SUXXXX!
Plenty of rumbling that all the "President Kelly" hashtags are getting under the Idiot Manchild's artificially-tanned skin. See, for reasons that escape comprehension, he doesn't want anyone else to get credit for his historically-loathed clusterfuck of an administration. Anyway, Princess Ivanka, previously famous for stealing shoe designs, is supposedly heading up the search for the General's replacement. That'll go well.
Hey, I lied, there IS a little more good news. The Supreme Court of Pennsylvania looked upon the GOP's if-Dalí-made-jigsaw-puzzles congressional gerrymander and said unto the world..."Well THIS fuckery ain't gonna fly." The midterms look a little sweeter every day, don't they?
Little Donnie Two-Scoops finally got to start his little trade war, imposing tariffs on solar panels and washing machines. The solar industry quite reasonably complained about all the jobs this move will cost, but everybody knows that unless you're a regular at a small-town diner somewhere in Appalachia, you're not a Real American and your job doesn't count.
Axios says FBI Director Chris Wray threatened to resign because he's tired of Dopey Hate Goblin Jeff Sessions always hanging around the office, telling him to pick up the pace with the purging of the FBI already, cuz we'd really like to replace Andrew McCabe with this Recently Removed Confederate Monument, thanks.
Speaking of McCabe, it seems that right after firing Comey, the Poo Mistake summoned him to the Oval Office to just casually ask "Hey, who'dja vote for, Andy? I'm just curious in a what's-your-favorite-color kinda way, nothing menacing, also, IF, hypothetically, a President felt like obstructing just a wee bit of justice, you wouldn't be the kind of fellow who'd make a stink about that, right?"
The Presidency, with its prestige and its reach, can be inspirational. Barack Obama inspired a generation of young people to engage in politics. Donald Trump? He's reaching a different demographic.
Brandon Griesemer, apparently a young Hitler fanboy, was so inspired by the Grifter Grand Wizard's nonstop assault on the free press, he made a bunch of threatening phone calls to CNN. Run of the mill, "You are fake news so now I will murder you all" stuff, with a few ethnic and religious slurs mixed in for flavor.
Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I always figured the President was supposed to fight terrorists, not galvanize them.
Lara Trump thinks the hundreds of thousands of women who marched last Saturday are dummies who didn't really understand what they were marching about, because they are such ungrateful and stupid peasants, and her dad is pretty much the best feminists ever because Kellyanne Conway.
After giving her thoughts on the intelligence of the women in the Resistance, Lara returned home to her husband, Eric Trump, who sources inform me encountered a major setback this week in his ongoing struggle with potty training.
The day that Jeff Sessions has been dreading finally arrived, and he sat down for his first interview with The Bobadook. He tried that coy "I'm not expressly invoking executive privilege but I'm not answering your question anyway" thing for a bit, until Mueller grabbed him by the scrotum, growling "Do I look like Al Franken to you? Do you imagine I'm sort of comedian?"
I'm kinda on the fence, Resisters...I don't know if I'd rather Ol' Beauregard, sick of the months of public berating, rolled over on his boss like a frightened possum, or if he fell into one of those "perjury traps" we're hearing so much about these days, and his indictment's in the mail, next to that Ghosts of Mississippi DVD he ordered from Netflix.
Mueller also interviewed James Comey, and now he wants to talk to the Marmalade Shartcannon himself. Me, I think Bob should start with a question about inauguration crowd size, just to get that lying to the FBI charge out of the way right up front.
It would also be nice to get SHARTUS on the record regarding the pressing issue of How the Fuck Can You Do Something So Monstrous to a Perfectly Good Steak?
The Supreme Court unanimously spanked the Fascist Fuckhead Brigade on the Clean Water Act, even Donnie's new best pal Neil, who is definitely not getting a Valentine now.
Uncle Joe Biden stopped by to remind everyone that yes, Mitch McConnell has so little love for his country that he refused to stand alongside Democrats and issue bipartisan condemnation of Russian interference during the 2016 election.
Again, perhaps I am just Werther's-Original-level old fashioned, but I prefer Senators who side with, y'know...their own country. But then again, perhaps I am merely a cuck.
I swear to God, there must be some sort of "How much naked corruption can you get away with" pool going in Shartboy's Cabinet. Mick Mulvaney, in his second job as head of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, decided to shut down an investigation into a payday lender that, ZANY COINCIDENCE, donated thousands to his congressional campaigns. I dunno about you, but I feel protected.
Obviously, Pennsylvania CongressPerv Pat Meehan should not be in Congress, because he sexually harassed a staffer and paid her harassment claim off in taxpayer funds. But Meehan should also not be in Congress because boy howdy, if his damage control efforts today are indicative of his problem-solving skills...let's just say i bet we can do better.
To say the interview he gave defending himself was creepy is offensive to merely creepy people. He rambles about soulmates and too-long hugs and generally auditions to be portrayed someday by Billy Bob Thornton.
And God bless his little heart, the fucker even manages to blame the whole damn thing on Obamacare.
Anyhow, now that the tax cuts have passed, the Republican Party seems to have transformed into a sprawling organization with just two purposes: white supremacy, and dismantling the FBI on behalf of their corrupt capo.
All these clowns, up to and including (sigh) the President, are pushing the hell out of the idea that a couple of FBI agents' text messages somehow prove a conspiracy so vast and sinister that Oliver Stone is prolly working on the screenplay right now.
Meanwhile we got a look at one of the dastardly conspirators' texts saying he was reluctant to join the investigation because he didn't think it was likely to turn anything up. WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY JUST AN ELABORATE FAKE-OUT, YOU CUCKS, THAT'S SPYING 101, DUH!
You've even got Rush Limbaugh belching up some Grade A nonsense about the "deep state" lying about WMDs in Iraq in order embarrass George W. Bush, to give the anti-Republican FBI conspiracy a little backstory
Rush. Bro. I'm not part of the deep state* and even I can tell you that if the goal was to embarrass W., the only plan you needed was "put him in front of a microphone and tell him he's allowed to talk."
And now Ron Johnson, a man who needs detailed instructions posted on his bedroom wall to avoid putting on his pants inside out, says he has an "informant" assuring him there's an anti-Trump "Secret Society" inside the FBI. Good enough for Fux Nooz. Apparently.
Meanwhile, you've got Adam Schiff and Dianne Feinstein asking the imminently reasonable question, "Say, why is all this nonsense about Devin Nunes' horseshit memo being pushed so hard by Russian bots on social media, and would anybody like to, I dunno, maybe DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT, PLEASE?"
Weird, isn't it? Living in a time when you have to ask the party in power to protect the United States from foreign attacks? Life really IS like a box of chocolates.
Anyway, that's all I can fit in tonight, folks. I have to get my mask & bathrobe dry-cleaned before I leave for Davos...wouldn't wanna look ratty as I hobnob with the world elite.
*OR AM I?
Shutdown! Things'll Be Great When You're Shutdown! (ShowerCap/Ferret)
Gotta admit, I'm kinda pissed, Resisters. I was supposed to go to a 9-dollar-per-plate Boston Market dinner last night, but noooooooooooo! A certain spray-tanned, sphincter-faced assclown had to shut down the government!
(You know the drill...links version available at: http://showercapblog.com/shutdown-thingsll-great-youre-shutdown/)
Maybe all of Washington is ineptly bumbling through an unnecessary, self-inflicted, crisis, but at least we can take comfort in knowing that Mick Mulvaney is enjoying himself! See, Mick found that he's the lucky boy who actually gets to shut down the government, and that's "kind of cool!"
"There's a big green button you get to push and all these gears grind to a halt as confetti falls from the ceiling and dancing girls come out of, like, NOWHERE, and you get a special cupcake and a paper hat and a gift certificate to Chuck E. Cheese's, and IT'S ALL FOR MULVANEY!"
But Boss Shart has a sad, cuz he has to stay in dumb ol' Washington for the whole weekend, without golfing ONCE, plus he had a big rich jagoff party down in Marm-a-Lago that he didn't get to go to, which is especially disappointing since there was a $100,000 rim job line awaiting his arrival.
Poor Shart-Shart. For what it's worth, I'm told the caviar presentation was an abomination.
Patrick Meehan became the latest Republican CongressPerv to rocket to national celebrity. Seems Meehan, who darkly/hilariously served on the House Ethics Committee, creeped on a younger staffer, and when she rejected him, chased her out of politics (and eventually the country), settling her harassment claim with a fat stack of taxpayer cash.
He seems nice. Maybe he can have a pajama party with Blake Farenthold. Or, you know, he could always try keeping his dick in his pants and go home to his WIFE.
As we evaluate Government Cheese Goebbel's first-year accomplishments, let's not neglect the "Trump Slump" bludgeoning our tourist industry. We're slipping to third on the most-visited list, behind Spain, because America is just so dang great nowadays.
Although you have to admit, Spain has seen great success with their "We Promise You Won't Be Murdered By a White Supremacist Terrorist Here Unlike Certain Countries We Could Name But Won't" campaign.
We learned some fun stuff about how Jared Kushner, who is perhaps the only person alive who doesn't understand how incompetent Jared Kushner is, gets manipulated by the Chinese, who can't believe such a under-informed, desperate-to-be-rescued-from-personal-financial-trouble, rube fell right into their laps.
And just about everything else is about Shutdownmania, running wild.
Chuck Schumer says working with the Shart of the Deal is "like negotiating with Jell-O," because he is jiggly and disappointing and by the time you're at the table you wish you'd ordered anything else.
Now, because Littlefinger and his toady, Mike Pence, insist on cynically wielding our men and women in uniform as political props, Senator Tammy Duckworth took to the floor of Senate to crush their balls into a fine powder. Holy shit. Not that I was planning on it, but remind me to never pick a fight with Senator Duckworth.
Anyway, the WHO WILL THINK OF THE TROOPS crocodile tears evaporate in a hurry when you see the video of Mitch McConnell slamming the door on a vote to pay the military during the shutdown.
Hey, if these pigs are willing to hold millions of children's health insurance hostage, what're a few soldiers' paychecks, more or less?
And Dorito Mussolini's contribution? A single photograph, of himself, purportedly hard at work...at an empty desk. These days, I guess speaking truth to power means, "Maybe we could use a notepad here, Mr. President?"
Well, AND a super-helpful campaign ad that says undocumented immigrants are waiting outside your house to murder you while Nancy Pelosi picks the lock on your front door.
But don't worry, Eric Trump, he of the infallible political instincts and eerily vacant stare, thinks the shutdown will be "good" for his shitty family, cuz hey, nobody'll ask them to pay back the billions worth of damage their tantrum inflicts on the American economy, right?
Lindsey Graham is frustrated that potential deals keep getting scuttled by Virgin Klan Runt Stephen Miller. Sources tell me Graham is working on an elaborate "honey trap" style plan to distract Miller during key negotiations, and that he's dispatched Bob Corker and Sherrod Brown on a mission to procure a sexy manikin, extend its forehead to unnatural lengths, and pose it suggestively outside Stephen's condo.
And somehow, Republicans look at their historically loathed President, their unpopular position on DACA, oh, and that little thing where Hundreds of Thousands of Americans Took to the Streets to Protest Their Bullshit, and concluded "Everyone is totally on our side!"
...there are lot of reasons to vote the GOP out this November, but "inability to process information competently" really ought to be near the top of the list.
But let's get back to those marches for a second, shall we? The Resistance might not get a whole day on the NYT opinion page, but we sure the fuck do SHOW UP, don't we? Even after an absolutely exhausting year, Women's March turnout matched or even exceeded the 2017 marches.
600,000 in Los Angeles. 300,000 in Chicago. Another 200,000 in New York. Coast to coast, large communities and small. Voters, one and all.
Meanwhile, the biggest pro-Trump march last year was in Charlottesville.
'Course, the real bad news for Team Shart? One office staying open during the shutdown? Bob Mueller's.
Didja see where the Koch brothers rewarded their Pet House Speaker, Paul Ryan, for trimming billions off their tax bill? Yeah, they gave him a little walking-around money. $500,000 worth. "You done good, kid," said Charley Koch, ruffling Ryan's hair affectionately, "Getcherself some ice cream."
And Missouri governor Eric Greitens says he ain't resignin', and just cuz he tied up his naked mistress and photographed her doesn't mean he was blackmailing her! He keeps that photo on his desk, right next to th'wife n' kids!
And now I see Devin "Pigfucker" Nunes refuses to show the FBI his famous memo. You know, the one that purports to be an objective summary of his findings regarding the FBI's various investigations? Despite his lengthy track record as an obsequious Trump stooge? Yeah, the FBI isn't allowed to see it. That's how you KNOW it's legit.
In related news, Nunes is using the shutdown to draft a bill legalizing porcine conjugal visits for federal inmates, I WONDER WHY.
Further trouble in Shartopia, as the Candycorn Skidmark has reportedly become all grumbly and surly with a pair of his cabinet secretaries. Seems Cowboy Ryan Zinke's gift of an exemption from the new offshore drilling rules to Rick Scott came as an unwelcome surprise, and now the Interior secretary has to sleep outside on the White House lawn with Jeff Sessions.
And Wilbur Ross is in the shithouse* too, probably because all of the naps he takes during meetings. Still, that'll a be a useful defense when Mueller comes knocking. "Sorry, I was asleep for the treason."
Anyway, Diamond and Silk will be in the cabinet soon.
That's all for the moment, folks. I'm furloughing myself.
*shithole?
Shower Cap's Shithole Shutdown Shpectacular! (And Shark Show!) (Also, Ferret)
Hey folks...just hanging around, waiting for the government to shut down, with a snifter full of laudanum and a box of Target wine, thought I'd see if you wanted to give the week's madness a once-over.
Let's start with a little good gnus. (And yes, the post makes more sense on my site, with links. Check it out here: http://showercapblog.com/shower-caps-shutdown-shpectacular/)
Team Blue flipped a ruby red state senate seat in Wisconsin, continuing our relentless march to reclaim our country from the army of raging nitwits currently Fucking Up All the Shit. Scott Walker belched up a panicked tweetstorm about what a WAKE UP CALL this is for the GOP, cuz it's lookin' like he'll get recalled for real this time.
Scott. You fucks had ten thousand wake up calls on the path to letting this cheap fascist crook take over your party. Everyone's awake now. There's nothing left for you at this late date but consequences.
The FBI is investigating how maybe just maybe a Big Fancy Kremlin Banker Dude filtered a bunch of money to the NRA to spend on electing a certain Bloated Orange Clod last November. Which would be 31 flavors of illegal.
Folks. If Mueller and company wind up taint-punting the terrorist death merchants at the National Rifle Association, I can't imagine how I would ever remove the sloppy, ear-to-ear grin from my face.
...unless of course, the Failing New York Times turns over their entire editorial page to the slobbering hateyokels of Sharty McFly's "base" again. When does the Resistance get the Op-Ed page, NYT?
We keep learning more about Fat Q*Bert's extra-marital excursion with porn star Stormy Daniels. Fun little details, like which magazine he likes to be spanked with, and a laughable anecdote regarding how he wouldn't give money to shark-based charities because he doesn't like sharks, which is hilarious since we know he doesn't give money to ANY charities, because he is cheap and immoral.
And of course, the expected-but-still-dry-heave-inducing bit about how she reminded him of his daughter.
(This space left blank to give reader time to vomit and brush their teeth.)
Also, Trump paid Daniels $130,000 in hush money, which means the President of the United States is demonstrably blackmailable! I bet no foreign intelligence agencies at ALL knew about that until they read about it in the Wall Street Journal, don't you? I mean, since Michael Cohen was SO careful in setting up a shell company in Delaware to facilitate the BLACKMAIL PAYOUT and all.
Retreating Senator Jeff "Frenchy" Flake, a few days after alerting the national media to the Very Brave Speech he intended to give, took to the floor of the Senate to deliver his Very Brave Speech, which the media reported as Very Brave, Indeed. He said something about Stalin, I'm told.
Excuse me, as I wipe a tear from my eye, contemplating Senator Flake's bravery. How noble, to Say Some Critical Things about the man you vote with 90% of the time. You should change your name to Gilgamesh, You Epic Hero, You.
So, HHS decided that health care workers should have the right to deny care to patients based on their religious beliefs. Or, more accurately, based on any beliefs or biases or prejudices at all, so long as you're willing to go, "Yeah, I hate this person because God does, sure, whatever."
Anyway, be sure to screen all the doctors and nurses when selecting your post-accident emergency room. You'd hate to find yourself in a situation where you're on the operating table, and the surgeon finds your tummy full of some food she thinks God doesn't want you to eat, cuz now she can just yell "Religious Freedom!" drop the calipers in your chest cavity, and let you bleed out.
Having successfully identified a drawing of a lion, the Man With Phalangeal Stunting declared himself Master of Basic Cognition Tests, and therefore no wonder all those Bushes and Clintons and Obamas left the North Korea problem for him to solve, for he is truly The Passer of Tests, and statues shall surely be erected of him Looking at a Drawing of a Lion and saying "Lo, That is a Lion!"
In related news, having pulled up my underpants ALL BY MYSELF for several years running now, I am submitting my candidacy for U.N. Secretary General.
The Bonespur Buttplug finally released, after several delays, his Fake News Awards, and, like all Trump promises, the results were lackluster. (Just ask Stormy Daniels ayyyyyoooooooooo!) Yeah, the website crashed so quickly, you'd think it was the ACA's, and when it was finally up and running, it landed with a barely-audible thump, to a resounding "whatever."
Anyhow, it's a comfort to know this was what the President was working on, instead of keeping the government open.
Much of the shutdown debate hinges on immigration policy. Conservatives want Americans to believe that immigrants are basically a massive gang of criminals, looking to infiltrate our society, and I have to admit we received at least an anecdotal data point supporting their position.
I'm referring of course to America's Favorite Flabby Fascist, Sebastian Gorka, who apparently has an outstanding warrant on a gun charge in Hungary where he was a member of a borderline-Nazi organization. They're not sending us their best, Mr. President, but you don't have to give them FUCKING WHITE HOUSE JOBS.
John Kelly said something about how his boss is a Giant Fucking Moron regarding his big stupid wall, and there were a bunch of articles about how the Idiot Manbaby got mad at him, and then we were treated to a stampede of thinkpieces about whether Kelly is a villainous enabler or the only adult in the room, and look, people, we're just going to have to wait for the tell-all books, when we'll learn just how close we came to worldwide atomic holocaust, and who precisely tackled him on the way to The Button.
...unless of course nobody tackles him.
Foreign Policy says Il Douche personally ordered Steve Bannon to sit in oily silence rather than answer the House Intelligence Committee's questions, because I guess he still thinks "obstruction of justice" is a game show or something.
Meanwhile, Trumpal lawyer Ty Cobb says his client is so "eager" to talk to Robert Mueller that he's set aside his favorite too-long tie in anticipation of the meeting! Cobb did express concern about a potential interview being a "perjury trap," which is sharp thinking, since your boy just lied about his fucking height the other day.
Congress introduced a bill that would prohibit taxpayer funds from being used to settle sexual harassment claims against members of Congress. In other news, using taxpayer money to settle sexual harassment claims against members of Congress is totally legal right now. NEAT.
So we're a year into the Age of Shart, let's check in on the status of America's Greatness. There's plenty of polling, let's see what it says!
53% of Americans see Shartboy's first year as a "failure," though I'd like to see the numbers run again with "pathetic failure/massive loser/probably needs to look up how to tie his shoes on the internet every morning" option.
And around half the country "strongly disapproves" of the President's performance, which is pollspeak for "Holy fuck, we'd rather get shingles than have you as our President, you enormous sack of shit."
Oh, but Obama's more popular than ever!
On the other hand, one front that's seen a historic upswing is White Supremacist Violence! Yes, 2017 doubled 2016's number of murders committed by the Very Fine People! And while we refuse entry to refugees and enact racist travel bans, these increasingly-violent racist thugs have one of their very own setting immigration policy in the White House!
But the historic achievements don't stop there! Congratulations, President Fuckup, only YOU could've driven America's standing in the community of nations directly to the bottom of a campground outhouse in just one short year! International approval of American leadership plunged an outlandish 18 points over the last 365, landing us BEHIND CHINA. MAAAAAAAAAAAGAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
And hey, Shartboy's Inaugural committee refuses to tell anybody what it did with the leftover millions from his hilariously-under-attended inauguration. What're they hiding, you may ask? My most reliable sources* say PISS HOOKERS AND OVER-COOKED STEAKS.
Have you ever noticed that the first time you hear a rank-and-file Republican CongressGoon's name, it's inevitably because he's making an ass of himself? (And yeah, it's usually a dude, let's be honest.) Like, remember the first time you learned Scott Dejarlais' name? Or Blake Farenthold's?
See, I didn't even know there WAS a Scott Perry in the House, serving the Pennsylvania 4th, until he popped up to jabber some weapons-grade InfoWars conspiracy theory nonsense about how the Las Vegas shooting was the work of ISIS, and there was "terrorist infiltration through the southern border" despite the shooter being...y'know...an old white dude from right here in the U.S. of A.
Anyway, congrats, Scotty, you're famous. For being a lunatic. Who writes our laws. A totally unhinged nutcase who gets to make the laws the rest of us have to follow. Heaven help us.
Oh shit! Jerk-of-all-trades Jared Kushner got his bony ass sold out to Mueller by the money launderers at Deutsche Bank! WE'LL NEVER GET PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST NOW!
Now, in the wake of ShitholeGate, Republicans insist that all accusations of racism are unfair and unfounded, take Carl Higbie for example. Carl was a Drumpf appointee, Chief of External Affairs at CNCS, at least until his rather substantial history of saying horrible things about women, Muslims, and other minorities surfaced. Now he's just one more unemployed racist jagoff, like a common Charlottesville marcher.
I wonder who will replace him? Someone, that's for sure.
As further proof of the Complete and Total Absence of Racism in the Conservative Movement, Tucker Carlson invited a Not Even Slightly Racist Dude named Mark Steyn to say Seriously How Could You Possibly Interpret This As Racist stuff like "The white supremacists are American citizens. The illegal immigrants are people who shouldn’t be here." and that having a large number of Hispanic children in Arizona, "means, in effect, the border has moved north. And the cultural transformation outweighs any economic benefits..."
Bro. The culture of hate you're fighting to protect is a shit culture. It's a garbage loser culture for garbage losers, and you're goddamn right we're going to transform it. Because it sucks.
Anyway, I think the issue of the GOP's racism is surely settled, once and for all, by AG Sessions' sensitive, nuanced rumination on the literacy, and basic human value of potential immigrants. Careful, Beau...if we take the "merit-based" idea to its natural conclusion, you're gonna spend your golden years as a shift manager in a strip mall shoe store.
Jesus Christ. This is depressing. I need a palate cleanser. Something about, like, a kitten and a deer who're best friends, or...
Oh, this'll do. Loathed Former Bigshot Chris Christie, not a week removed from being Governor of New Jersey, tried to use the VIP entrance at the airport, and was told "Nnnnnnah, maybe you can find a shortcut through a public beach you shut down, otherwise you can wait in line with the rest of the schmucks. You schmuck."
That Omarosa person, formerly the White House...um...did anybody ever figure out what her job was? Anyhow, she's apparently living in mortal terror of The Bobadook (That's Mueller, if you're new), and folks think she may have secretly recorded conversations with other high-level staff.
Somebody's taking the whole Team of Rivals thing a smidge too far, methinks.
So, Devin "Pigfucker" Nunes, in his unofficial capacity as the clumsiest would-be fixer in political history, wrote a little memo. Devin, being the groveling lickspittle that he is, made his memo say "The FBI is so very unkind to Donald Trump, and I have super secret evidence that says they made up everything about Russia and that Robert Mueller is lying about everything in his whole investigation, prolly because he wants to get with Melania, and everything bad anyone has ever said about Drumpfy-Poo is fake, and no you can't see the evidence but you can totally trust me it's real."
It is a silly, sloppy memo, because Devin was in hurry to get back to this pig he was fucking, and even though he had wrapped his wang in raw bacon while drafting said memo, there's no substitute for the real thing, y'know?
Anyway, the frothier loons in the House GOP Conference want The Pigfucker Memo released to the public. Not the information that the memo is based on, of course, that would prove Nunes is just making shit up to protect Putin's Pet Prez.
Of course, the House's version of the Fusion GPS testimony was released this week, further blowing the Treason Caucus' bullshit talking point to shreds. Credible accusations of money laundering for the Russia mafia? Somehow Nunes imagines his magic memo will make them all disappear...probably because he spends his time fucking pigs rather than, y'know...thinking.
Oh well. At least the Russian bots are on his side.
And, speaking of Russia bots, (SEAMLESS TRANSITION, CAP! Thank you, Cap!) Twitter says "Whoopsie! There were 50,000 Russian bot/troll accounts spreading misinformation during the election, and it looks like 677,775 American users liked and/or shared their horseshit, sowwy about our complicity in a foreign assault on our democracy!"
...swell.
As the shutdown fight heated up this afternoon, Temporarily Reasonable Senator Lindsey Graham referred to his Never In Any Way Reasonable Colleague Tom Cotton as the "Steve King of the Senate," which is the sort of insult that tends to launch Hatfield/McCoy style clan feuds. Seriously, if any of y'all ever called me the Steve King of ANYTHING, I would fart on you.
And I'm not exactly an amateur farter.
Team Shart seeks a 95% cut in the Office of National Drug Control Policy's budget, which oughtta be fine, it's not like we're in the middle of a MASSIVE GODDAMN OPIOID EPIDEMIC OH WAIT WE TOTALLY ARE YOU COLD-HEARTED FUCKHEADS.
...I guess I'm just sick of the federal government working so hard to facilitate the speedy ending of so many American lives. It's...different.
FUCK, Y'ALL. I cannot keep up with this shit. Nancy Pelosi is a guest judge on Drag Race All Stars and Senator Menendez is getting retried and I think Stephen Miller's forehead is pregnant.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand while I was writing the CR failed, so I guess the government is shutting down. Fantastic. I don't care. I'm gonna track down Harry Reid and drink until the fucking sun comes up.
*Sources? I don't have fucking sources. I wear a superhero mask and a bathrobe. Do you think I'm a fucking JOURNALIST?
On Shitholes, Subpoenas, and Starbursts
With the three-day weekend, surely the madness slowed down, if only a bit, right?
No? Fuck. Fine. Sprinkle some bath salts on your Tide Pods, and let's wade through the muck. (And the links version, as usual, is available here: http://showercapblog.com/shitholes-subpoenas-starbursts/)
I have to admit I'm impressed with the legs on ShitholeGate*. We've grown accustomed to moving from atrocity to atrocity with great rapidity, but here we are, five whole days later, discussing the finer points of difference between a Shithole and a Shithouse.
Tom Cotton and David Perdue are two of my favorite characters in this farce...It's fascinating in a way, looking at the handful of dumbfucks who somehow take in all of the (ample) data available, and decide, "Yes, I would like to climb aboard this sinking ship. Which is also on fire. And covered in angry bees."
Should somebody tell Perdue that Shartboy's approval numbers in George are 37-59? Or that the Democratic Party finally figured out how to turn out African-American and suburban female voters in droves, in the recent electoral ass-whoopings administered in Virginia and Alabama? And that he has to run for re-election in the very same year the American people will be fired up to erase the stain of Trumpism from our country once and for all?
Y'know what? Don't tell him. It's better if it's a surprise.
Lindsey Graham took advantage of the evolving rules governing Use of Profanity by a Public Figure to proclaim the state of the immigration debate to be a "Shitshow," (okay, he said "S" show, but that's just because he's a CUCK.) and claimed surprise that his golfin' buddy turned into a raging, maniacal bigot.
Graham went on to blame Shart Garfunkel's "staff" coughcoughStephenMiller for leading him astray, as though we're not talking about the dude who refused to rent to black people and fueled his entire campaign on pandering to the racial grievances of the shittiest white people walking God's Green Earth. (The Washington Post's reporting on the infamous ShitholeOrMaybeHouse Meeting supports Senator Graham's theory, for the record.)
Grimacing Lie Dispenser Sarah Huckabee Sanders, confronted with her boss' racism, puked up some drivel about "If he's so racist, how was he on the magic television box for so long? CHECKMATE, LIBTARDS!"
...Sarah's not going to be asked to coach her children's high school debate team when the time comes, is all I'm saying.
Anyway, I think the Marmalade Shartcannon settled the racism question once and for all on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, which your average, run-of-the-mill President marks by engaging in relatively unglamorous acts of public service, by going golfing, even though he had gone golfing on each of the two previous days.
Vice President Pence, because he has nary a functioning brain cell in his entire head, figured this was the perfect moment in time to attend a Martin Luther King Junior Day service in a black Baptist church. And wouldn'tcha know, the WEIRDEST FUCKING THING happened, the pastor took the completely unpredictable "The racist garbage the President shat from his mouth was bad and we don't like it" position in his sermon.
We're told Mikey Hairshirt turned beet red in rage, having been somehow blindsided by The Single Most Obvious Thing Ever to Occur in Human History. Shit. Talk about staff failures. "Why don't you go to African-American church this weekend, Mr. Vice President? I'm fairly certain you will greeted primarily with hugs."
WaPo told the tale of one of Washington's most powerful Republicans, House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, currying favor with the man who loves having his ass kissed the way Paula Deen loves butter (and inappropriate costuming choices!), by having his staff pick out just the red and pink Starbursts (at taxpayer expense, I'd add), because those are the ones Boss Shart likes best.
Y'know, the GOP's humiliating obsequiousness is surely one of the reasons the country is turning on them. We want leaders, not sniveling sycophants. And I tell you what, McCarthy's so far up Trump's ass he's probably recycling those pink Starbursts.
By the way, the President won't eat the orange chunks of unnaturally processed food goo because that would be cannibalism.
So, there's a story out there about how the intelligence community warned Jared Kushner that his bestest chum, Wendi, who is Rupert Murdoch's ex-wife and also maybe diddled Putin, might be a Chinese spy manipulating him into allowing the building of a giant spy tower in the National Arboretum.
I'd make a joke or something, but can I top that? No.
And the kitchens down at Marm-a-Lago keep getting hit with health code violations. Nice to know that the same dude who runs a joint that stores milk at unsafe temperatures gets to order drone strikes, isn't it?
The Shart Administration announced it's withholding $65 million in aid for Palestinian refugees, because they're trying extra hard to prove they're not bigots, I guess.
Oozing Literal-and-Figurative Leper Steve Bannon had quite a day today! First, he was subpoenaed by the Mueller investigation. Then he sat down for closed-door testimony before the House Intelligence Committee (I hope someone cracked a window, concentrated cheap gin fumes can be toxic), where he refused to answer questions, and got slapped with a couple MORE subpoenas.
This actually plays into Bannon's master plan, as he now has two whole days with someone to talk to on an otherwise barren calendar.
Anyway, congratulate Orange Julius Caesar! The first year of his reign saw the first increase in the number of uninsured Americans in the history of the Gallup-Sharecare poll! 3.2 million more citizens without health insurance! All that extra illness and fear of medical bankruptcy? Surely that was the last remaining obstacle to American Greatness!
Hey, didja see this study? The one where 42% of Republicans think that a story counts as "fake news" if it makes them or their God Emperor look bad, even if they acknowledge it as accurate?
That's fucking amazing, folks. Sometimes you look at the brainwashing the Fox/talk radio/Breitbart bubble accomplishes, and you just have to resentfully slow-clap. You've created a millions-strong army of rubes, utterly deranged by your relentless disinformation campaign. Shit, if they'll vote for the people who openly promise to take away their health care just to give rich people more money, when the day comes, they'll not only merrily demand you open the Soylent Green factories, they'll march in with sloppy grins plastered across their faces.
I feel like I should pep y'all up a bit, after that. Ok, here you go...we've got the entire Democratic Senate Caucus plus Occasional Human Being Susan Collins on board with a net neutrality bill! Hey, if your SenateMonster is of the elephantine persuasion, give 'em a call, let 'em know how you feel!
Kentucky Governor "Murderous" Matt Bevin is taking his revolutionary new "Government By Blackmail" scheme out for a test drive. Bevin says if the courts hold up his plan to impose work requirements on Medicaid recipients, he'll end his state's popular and effective Medicaid expansion, kicking as many as 400,000 of his constituents off the rolls.
Isn't that nifty? I won't claim I know jack shit about Kentucky law, but the Governor's saying that IF his proposal runs afoul of it, and the courts insist on doing something nutty like, y'know, ENFORCING THE FUCKING LAW, he'll just...ruin a bunch of people's lives, even kill a few. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but I think our elected officials should come down on the side of "the people who pay my salary deserve to be alive."
And congratulate yourself, because you had a better day than DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen! She got yelled at a whole bunch, and that's fine, she totally deserves it, because she's pretending she never heard Smallhands Magoo say Shithole or Shithouse or Shithorse or ShitHowieMandel, because she just doesn't pay attention in meetings, I guess.
She got yelled by Dick Durbin for lying for her shitty racist boss. She got yelled at by Kamala Harris for pretending we don't have white supremacist terrorists all up in our shit, killing folks. She got yelled at, and later roundly mocked, for not knowing Norway is as full of white people as a Faith Hill concert. Shit got so cray in that hearing, Orrin Hatch had to TAKE OFF GLASSES HE WASN'T EVEN FUCKING WEARING.
And she got righteously dragged by Cory Booker, who is certainly not auditioning a potential 2020 Presidential candidacy persona, no siree.
It seems the propaganda-spinning spiders over at Fux Nooz had the Stormy Daniels story during the campaign, but decided to kill it, because of how fair and balanced they are. While it might've imposed on their relentless e-mail server coverage, I bet they could've squeezed it in if they wanted to. Just interrupt Tucker Carlson screaming "BENGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZIIIIIIIDonaldTrumpcheatedonhiswifewithapornstarIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!"
And most of the National Park System Advisory board resigned in protest because Cowboy Ryan Zinke refused to hold their legally mandated meetings, or even meet with them at all, even as he jacked up a bunch of entrance fees, cuz the treasures of our nation's natural beauty are for makers not takers, you filthy poor people, you!
The doctor who evaluated Fat Q*Bert last week gave a longer press conference than the President himself has in a year or so, saying a bunch of Totally True Things like that Drumpf is two inches taller than Obama, and weighs only 239 pounds. Anyway, we're talking about a deeply respected medical professional, who has most likely had his hand up that hideous, cavernous, ass, so I'm willing to cut him some slack.
Anyway, President Crotchvoid remains historically unpopular, and thus the midterm Blue Wave is closer than it's ever been. Let's get behind our incumbents and our candidates, Resisters. Donate. Phone bank. VOTE IN THE GODDAMN MIDTERMS. Tell your friends to VOTE IN THE GODDAMN MIDTERMS.
I'm positively itchy to take my country back.
*NICE GAMS, SHITHOLEGATE!
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