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Name: hootinholler
Gender: Male
Hometown: MD
Home country: USA
Current location: Facilitatorville
Member since: Mon Dec 12, 2011, 11:59 PM
Number of posts: 120

Journal Archives

The DUzy Awards for Friday, July 6th, 2012


Welcome, sleepyheads, to a very special episode of The DUzy Awards, starring Bill Cosby as Dr. Cliff Huxtable, Harry Dean Stanton as Engineer Brett, Abe Vigoda as Sgt. Phil Fish, and Sigorney Weaver as Lt. Tawny Madison. Special guest Soleil Moon Frye stars as Punky Brewster.

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in purple text, then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in red italicized text that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

In an original post by Rose Siding
Right out loud at TeaParty.org
Reply by xxxxxxxxx 4 hours ago
We need to establish a D-DAY and hold to it!est. assemble points and storage points for weapons outside of D.C. Traveling from the south all states up to D.C. are CWP states , therefor VA. is the nearest the W.H. and should have the arms stored near the northern VA. border and shuttled to us after we establish our position at the W.H. Obama should be taken into custody first and work down from there. VP, Pelosi, Reid and the rest of the traitors. NO VIOLENCE. Call for arms only when absolutely needed. This is a peaceful, bloodless citizens revolt and may be our last chance to save our nation. They may try to stop us but I don't think they are up for it!! As soon as we begin we should concentrate on rapid action with custody teams assigned to each pol. Not just libs, but cons. as well who have worked for the downfall of OUR COUNTRY. Let's have a planning session soon. whoever is the MFWIC must send out a notice two weeks before the meet. Let's GO !! xxxxx


Right on! NO VIOLENCE as they peacefully take the government into custody.

This is the same nitwit that the Secret Service visited before. After the ruling this week I just got curious about how they were handling it so I peeked in and holy moley, they are all so phreaking nuts. Some will look for help from county sheriffs and some are trading email so spies (ahem) won't know their plans.

Reply by XXXXX 15 minutes ago
I have sent a request to our Governor, asking that he pass a law to protect our privacy on line. We need to get a class action suit against Google and Government to block the harassment and spying. We all need to break out our old CB radios for local comm, and sign up for private email accounts or a message board that does not broadcast our messages. Is there a lawyer on this site that would help? They have been messing with my connection since last night. This is first time I have been able to get here since!

So. Everyone be on the look out for Custody Teams, I guess?

80. You, Slayer and I know
And we're not alone by far.

We continue to see a lot of loose talk from the right about 'revolution' or 'civil war.' Sometimes, we even see that kind of talk from our brothers on the Left.

Apart from Slayer's quite devastating point, those of us who have been there, who have seen combat up close and personal, question why anyone would wish that upon our fellow and sister Americans.

Apart from the other craziness, THAT is what I will never fucking get. Death and maiming in our families would be a good thing? Just because we have a black guy in the Oval Office? As much as we like to slam Pharmaceuticals, I think there are some people who could use a few more...

104. LMFAO - Give me Librium or Give Me Meth - n/t

GD, 2 Jul 2012

In an original post by 2ndAmForComputers
Hebron: border police officer kicks a palestinian child, 29/06/2012, raw footage
Posted without comment. Thread title is that of the YouTube video.

1. Delegitimization! Demonization! Depilation! Desi Arnaz!
...Sorry, figured I'd co-opt the catchwords before the Usual Suspects showed up.

Camera distribution project, huh? Good idea on B'Tselem's part.

Israel/Palestine, 3 Jul 2012

In an original post by villager
Warning signs for Fundie families? The Dangers of kids and paleontology!

GD, 7 Jul 2012

In an original post by Honeycombe8
What ordinary item don't you have by choice that most people do?
What ordinary item don't you have by choice that most people do?

I don't have or use electric can openers. I have one in the pantry (it was given to me used). But I don't see the need for them. I have a perfectly good and easy to use Kitchen-Aid manual can opener. It fits in a drawer. Someone told me I'm weird for not having an electric can opener.

Is there some ordinary item that YOU don't have, by choice, that other people do?

13. A car elevator.
Most people have those, don't they?

The Lounge, 7 July 2012

In an original post by Tx4obama
Republican Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) says he will have Eric Holder arrested
GOP House Rep To Megyn Kelly: We Could Have Eric Holder Arrested

Republican Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) appeared on Fox News Channel’s America Live with Megyn Kelly on Friday where he discussed the ongoing House Republican efforts to investigate Attorney General Eric Holder’s involvement into the Fast and Furious gun walking scandal. There he revealed that the House GOP could move to have Holder arrested following a House vote on Thursday that found him in contempt of Congress.


Kelly says that she is aware of another option – that the Sargent at Arms of the House can be instructed to arrest Holder. “Are you going to do that,” asked Kelly.

“That would be fairly dramatic, but yes,” said Chaffetz. “Three options: going through the U.S. attorney, going into civil court or have the Sargent at Arms take control of the situation — which I think some people are going to say we ought to do — but we’re going to exhaust the other ones first.”

“Really,” replied Kelly.

“I find it hard and dramatic to do, but we want to get to the bottom of this,” said Chaffetz. “We’re serious about this.”


Full article and VIDEO here: http://www.mediaite.com/tv/gop-house-rep-to-megyn-kelly-we-could-have-eric-holder-arrested/

13. Maybe Mittens can take his State Trooper's uniform out of storage
Otherwise, I don't anticipate any arrest being made by any legitimate law enforcement agency.

Politics 2012, 29 Jun 2012

In an original post by Control-Z
Come on, folks. DUers alerting on "fuck"?
Seriously? This is DU - a political, democratic, not really underground, discussion board.

Is it not abusing the jury system to be alerting on the use of the word "fuck" when not directly calling someone something like a "fucked up ass wipe" or similar?

Alert happened here. I kid you not.


21. Don't forget this gem!

One of my personal all-time favorites.

44. It's replaced "So how 'bout them Mets" as my conversational awkward-pause filler.
Q: So what'd you end up doing last night?
C: I went to Citronelle. It was a good night, this really hot older bartender and I ended up going home together.
Q: My mom works at Citronelle.
C: Brown hair, blue eyes, 45ish, went to Morocco last year on vacation?
C: Fuck Ron Paul.

M-D, 1 Jul 2012

In an original post by Odin2005

5. I know why they call it that.
Without the Higgs Boson the Pope wouldn't have mass.

Oooo, nice!!!

Atheists & Agnostics, 2 Jul 2012

In an original post by Omaha Steve
"Let's call this right-wing "freedom" catch phrase what it really is...
Working America

"Let's call this right-wing "freedom" catch phrase what it really is: a grossly political strategy to dupe the public, which holds the word "freedom" as something sacred." -Richard Trumka http://huff.to/M3Uftu

1. The forth freedom is missing an e.. n/t

The rest of the subthread is pretty funny… a DUzy for all participants!

GD, 3 Jul 2012

In an original post by pokerfan
Remember to set your clocks forward tonight
The transition from June to July will be delayed by circumstances beyond everyone's control. Time will stand still for one second on Saturday evening (June 30) because a "leap second" will be added to let a lagging Earth catch up to super-accurate clocks.


As a result of this difference, atomic clocks, which are used to set all other clocks, can get out of sync with the Earth and periodically have to be adjusted. A leap second has to be added from time to time to make up the difference.

The next time will be Saturday, when the master clock at the United States Naval Observatory will be adjusted at 7:59:60 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time, or 23:59:60 Coordinated Universal Time (UTC). This will put Mother Earth about four-tenths of a second ahead of the clock, giving her a bit of a head start as we transition into the new month of July.


2. Both of you are going to be embarrassed tomorrow if you do that...
because you need to set your clock back one second.

4. I had a 50-50 chance
I always screw that up. It's like some form of temporal dyslexia.

5. I believe the term would be "dystempor". I hear they have shots for that. nt

Science, 30 Jun 2012

In an original post by Tx4obama
Terry Branstad, Iowa Governor, Leaves Hospital After Choking On Carrot
Source: AP via HuffPo

DES MOINES, Iowa -- Iowa Gov. Terry Branstad was briefly hospitalized Wednesday in Los Angeles after choking on food during a ceremony for the re-dedication of the USS Iowa battleship, his spokesman said.

Branstad choked on a carrot during the event and vomited, spokesman Tim Albrecht said. He said the governor was taken to a nearby hospital "out of an overabundance of caution," went through a series of tests and was released after his health turned out to be fine.

"We're glad he's okay. He's in great spirits," Albrecht said. "He's probably a little more embarrassed than anything."

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/04/terry-branstad-iowa-governor-hospital_n_1649870.html

14. An important lesson
This story, no matter who wrote it,
Left out the main point to be noted.
A carrot is tasty,
But please don't be hasty!
Chew carefully; never deep throat it.

LBN, 4 July 2012

In an original post by n2doc
First Photo of Shadow of Single Atom
ScienceDaily (July 3, 2012) — In an international scientific breakthrough, a Griffith University research team has been able to photograph the shadow of a single atom for the first time.

"We have reached the extreme limit of microscopy; you can not see anything smaller than an atom using visible light," Professor Dave Kielpinski of Griffith University's Centre for Quantum Dynamics in Brisbane, Australia.

"We wanted to investigate how few atoms are required to cast a shadow and we proved it takes just one," Professor Kielpinski said.


Published this week in Nature Communications, "Absorption imaging of a single atom "is the result of work over the last 5 years by the Kielpinski/Streed research team.

Arctic Dave
1. Wait! Take another, his eyes were closed.
Just kidding. Very cool.

3. Say Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and SMILE!

Science, 5 Jul 2012

In an original post by Laura PourMeADrink
So, What is pissing you off tonight?
Mine, since it is 4th of July...

That as long as I live, I will be from a country where the last president
invented a fake war where hundreds of thousands of people died...AND..
he and his VP are resting comfortably somewhere, sipping on something.

We are not on top in so many things, too many to mention. These we
can change. But, we can never change that we started a fake war.

67. Juror #4
As usual

GD, 4 Jul 2012

In a locked original post by the tombstoned echofreak
How does this make you feel
I thought these people were heroes?

1. It makes me feel like I need reading glasses. n/t

Liberal Veteran
3. It makes me feel....like I need glasses.

Both posted at 5:48pm

GD, 5 Jul 2012

In an original post by UnrepentantLiberal
BACKFIRED: Louisiana GOP Angry That Muslims Can Use School Vouchers

GOP legislators in Louisiana have realized to their horror that their bill to provide vouchers for private religious schools can actually be used by Muslims.

Rep. Valarie Hodges, a Republican who represents East Baton Rouge and Livingston, now says she wishes she hadn’t voted for the Jindal voucher bill. “I actually support funding for teaching the fundamentals of America’s Founding Fathers’ religion, which is Christianity, in public schools or private schools,” Hodges told the Livingston Parish News. "I liked the idea of giving parents the option of sending their children to a public school or a Christian school,” Hodges added. The newspaper reported that she “mistakenly assumed that ‘religious’ meant ‘Christian.’” “Unfortunately it will not be limited to the Founders’ religion,” Hodges told the News. “We need to insure that it does not open the door to fund radical Islam schools. There are a thousand Muslim schools that have sprung up recently. I do not support using public funds for teaching Islam anywhere here in Louisiana.”

Americans United for the Separation of Church and State writes:

Some legislators aren’t comfortable funding Muslim schools. What’s to be done? How about not establishing these programs in the first place? Let Muslims fund Muslim schools. Let Catholics fund Catholics ones. Let fundamentalist Protestants pay for the conservative Christian academies and so on.

The law has already gone into effect and provides for no state oversight regarding curriculum or educational standards.

More: http://www.joemygod.blogspot.com/2012/07/backfired-louisiana-gop-angry-that.html

6. "Educatin the Muslins"
Only leads to more cloth terrorists!

9. That sign is materially false

Roy Rolling
44. good one
apparently, the argument on the sign is full of loopholes

53. That's where their argument unravels, alright
Clearly, it was made out of whole cloth to begin with.

Fawke Em
75. It certainly calls into question the issues looming over our nation. eom

86. I disagree. Obama's policies closely mirror those espoused by Linen. nt

48. It undermines
the very fabric of our nation.

52. Is he three sheets to the wind, so to speak????

100. I don't cotton to that belief.

GD, 5 Jul 2012

In an original post by kpete
Anderson Cooper: "The Fact Is, I'm Gay."


I've always believed that who a reporter votes for, what religion they are, who they love, should not be something they have to discuss publicly. As long as a journalist shows fairness and honesty in his or her work, their private life shouldn't matter. I’ve stuck to those principles for my entire professional career, even when I’ve been directly asked “the gay question,” which happens occasionally. I did not address my sexual orientation in the memoir I wrote several years ago because it was a book focused on war, disasters, loss and survival. I didn't set out to write about other aspects of my life.

Recently, however, I’ve begun to consider whether the unintended outcomes of maintaining my privacy outweigh personal and professional principle. It’s become clear to me that by remaining silent on certain aspects of my personal life for so long, I have given some the mistaken impression that I am trying to hide something - something that makes me uncomfortable, ashamed or even afraid. This is distressing because it is simply not true.

I’ve also been reminded recently that while as a society we are moving toward greater inclusion and equality for all people, the tide of history only advances when people make themselves fully visible. There continue to be far too many incidences of bullying of young people, as well as discrimination and violence against people of all ages, based on their sexual orientation, and I believe there is value in making clear where I stand.

The fact is, I'm gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn’t be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.


Ian David
4. Good for Anderson, but that doesn't get him out of doing New Years Eve with Kathy Griffin. n/t

68. Why, this is the most shocking thing since Clay Aiken came out! n/t

GD, 2 Jul 2012

In an original post by WI_DEM
Mittens dispatching Jindal & Pawlenty to refute Obama on his bus tour
(the Jindal-Pawlenty tour aka the bore tour):

For the Ohio leg of the trip, Romney has dispatched Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal and former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty to visit the regions on Obama's itinerary ahead of the president's arrival.

They will "emphasize the gap between what President Obama said he would accomplish and his lack of results on jobs, health care and the debt," a Romney spokesman told the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

Obama has released new advertising questioning Romney's commitment to keeping jobs in America while pointing to his decision to rescue U.S. automakers, a major employer in Ohio.

Obama will deliver his first address Thursday in Maumee, Ohio, before traveling to Sandusky and Parma. The bus tour starts a new phase of Obama's re-election campaign as he takes a more retail-oriented approach before the September convention in Charlotte, N.C. It follows a six-state bus trip by Romney through the Midwest last month that included stops in Ohio and Pennsylvania.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2012/07/05/obama-sets-out-on-campaign-bus-tour-with-jobs-report-looming/#ixzz1zl3GnW4E

5. This will work out well.

Mr. "We don't need to spend money on NOAA" and Mr. "I vetoed a tax bill that would have maintained the bridge that went down."

GD, 5 Jul 2012

In an original post by kpete
Who's a good boy, you are, yes you are, yes you are.

18. The dog is just testing trickle down theory

GD, 2 Jul 2012

Original post by cleanhippie
Particle Physics Gives Me A Hadron

Science, 6 Jul 2012

Original post by krispos42
Romney's horse heads for the Olympics

GD, 5 Jul 2012

Thanks to: BlueCollar, 2ndAmForComputers, eppur_se_muova, Tx4obama, scarletwoman, Warpy, klook, eridani, LadyHawkAZ, dixiegrrrrl, maddezmom, rocktivity, and Mira!!!

This very special super-sized DUzy episode was brought to you by: The International Association of Left-Handed & Farsighted Obstetricians & Gynecologists, The Foundation for the Restoration of the Slide Rule, International Astronomers for the Little Bang Theory Association, the letter D, and the number τ.


Posted by The DUzy Awards | Sun Jul 8, 2012, 11:09 AM (19 replies)

The DUzy Awards for Friday, June 29th, 2012


Welcome to the funniest of DU! This week features an awesome photoshop thread, so be sure to check it out!

This week’s improvement: I finally figured out how to make the damn text bigger. SOMEBODY *cough* deprecated the <big> HTML command and didn’t tell anybody what the replacement was.

Here’s the code:

<font size=X> Text you want made bigger </font>

Replace < and > with square brackets, and let X equal a number between 1 and 7. Normal text is size 3.

You can also make X be, +1 or +2, if you want the text to go up one or two sizes, or –1 or –2 to go back down.

Okay, shitcan the geek stuff! Let’s get funny!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in purple text, then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in red italicized text that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

In an original post by MiddleFingerMom
I shit you not -- a dog with two assholes.

4. It's quite common ...

The Lounge, 23 Jun 2012

In an original self-deleted post by Ptah
This message was self-deleted by its author
This message was self-deleted by its author (Ptah) on Sun Jun 24, 2012, 09:38 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

53. I'm going to stop this thread.
I started this thread to bemoan the peddling woo-woo being allowed to stand.

Now it has been threadjacked by more woo-woo.

Original post:
You can reverse and cure all these diseases
At Sun Jun 17, 2012, 04:44 PM you sent an alert on the following post:

Chronic disease is caused by chronically eating wrong

The reason for the alert was:

This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate. (See <a href="http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=aboutus#communitystandards" target="_blank">Community Standards</a>.)

You added the following comments:

Vegan spam.

A randomly-selected Jury of DU members completed their review of this post at Sun Jun 17, 2012, 09:33 AM, and voted 2-4 to keep it.

Thank you.


Interesting jury result.

M-D, 17 Jun 2012

In an original post by kpete
Jail is pretty fucking humiliating and crazy, huh Jerry?
Fellow Inmates Reportedly Sang “Hey, Teacher, Leave Those Kids Alone” To Jerry Sandusky

Following guilty verdicts on 45 of 48 counts, Jerry Sandusky was shipped off to Centre County Correctional Facility, the same facility he was initially held in December. According to a fellow inmate at the time, known only as Josh, Sandusky was on the receiving end of some a cappella ridiculing.

Other prisoners were barred from communicating directly with Sandusky, but they could see him. And when the lights went out, inmates serenaded the disgraced coach with a famous line from Pink Floyd's "The Wall."

"At night, we were singing ‘Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone,' " Josh said, adding that everyone knew who Sandusky was because inmates had access to television and newspapers.

Jail is pretty fucking humiliating and crazy, huh Jerry?


7. Yes, the state has a responsibility to prevent suicide by its prisoners
It also has a responsibilty to prevent physical violence against a prisoner.

The singing...well, I guess that's a horror he'll just have to endure.

9. Really. THAT's torture.
Hope they don't sing any Nickelback. The UN might get involved.

GD, 24 Jun 2012

In an original post by SoCalDem
We are series..Hugh Fail

Lint Head
1. Man? Date? CNN now reporting that the eHarmony, Match.com, OKCupid and DateHookup are
very pleased with the man date being up held.

2. Anything from "Christian Singles?"....n/t

GD, 28 Jun 2012

In an original post by ailsagirl
"Republicans should be panicking right now..."
Mitt Romney Slides into Panicked Free Fall over Outsourcing Claims
Jason Easley
June 22, 2012


What is stunning is that once again, the Romney campaign didn’t see this coming. They should have had their statement and defense prepared months ago. It is like they didn’t expect anyone to actually look at Romney’s time at Bain, and compare that to what he is saying on the campaign trail. The truth was revealed by what Romney’s spokeswoman didn’t say in her statement. She didn’t dispute the facts. She didn’t dispute the research, and she offered no explanation for Romney’s record.

Their half baked denial reeked of panic, and a campaign that was totally caught off guard. I am sure Romney will be heading to Fox News ASAP to attack The Washington Post, and try to put a spin on this.

His problem is that it won’t work. Finally, Romney’s critics have a way to make his time at Bain stick in the minds of voters. Mitt Romney sent jobs overseas. Romney can try to parse and explain, but he can’t counteract that one sentence message. It is clear and easy to repeat point that voters can take with them into the booth on Election Day.

Republicans should be panicking right now.



5. A vulture revealed......

I’m sorry, sir—only one carrion per passenger…

There’s little consensus on how effective the attacks on Romney’s record as a “vulture capitalist” will be with the GOP base or the American public in general. Steve M thinks the attacks won’t work since Americans are programmed to uncritically worship capitalism and speculates that any attempt to inject nuance into the debate will turn into the usual old “capitalism vs. socialism” false dilemma. He could be right.

9. Hey now!
The vulture may not be a pretty bird. In fact it may be downright hideous, with its head and neck coated in slippery gore. it's even worse when they vomit it all back up to feed their bald, blind, wriggling offspring. Sure you can smell one from a hundred yards away, and the scent is not unlike someone having dumped an ashtray full of Milwaukee's Best over week-old roadkill. Sure, they projectile-defecate, and I'll grant, they may be unable to exist at all without pecking at the unwanted remains of some other animal's meal. And sure, their bodies are refuges for all sorts of lice, larva, and gnarly microbes.

But they would still be insulted by being compared to Romney, because at least a vulture is an integral and valued member of its community.

So watch it with insulting the Aegypiinae subfamily, will ya?

Politics 2012, 22 Jun 2012

In an original post by nmbluesky
The boy salutes President Barack Obama, (different view)

A young boy along the rope line salutes President Barack Obama after the President spoke at the NALEO Conference in Orlando, FLorida, June 22, 2012. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

US President Barack Obama salutes an audience member after speaking to the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials during their annual conference at the Walt Disney World Resort June 22, 2012 in Lake Buena Vista, Florida.

4. look mommy! the nice man thinks the lights are too bright just like me!

5. Fox headline: "Obama uses gang sign to little boy"
(Look at the intensity of the older man holding the kid!)

Video&Multimedia, 22 Jun 2012

Original post by savalez
Send CNN/FOX this news tip!

CNN: http://www.cnn.com/feedback/show/?s=newstip

FOX: http://help.foxnews.com/entries/500736-where-can-i-send-story-questions-corrections-or-news-tips

1. DUzy candidate!

GD, 28 Jun 2012

Original post by WCGreen
So I just woke up today and I see all this foldarall all over the news about some kind
of whoop de doo change in the way this here governent rations the health care...

Pwwwwwt. In my day we just cut things off that wa botherin' us and went on doin' what we was doin', we didn't need no governent git in the way....

Next thing you know they'll be letting negroes sit in the front of the bus....

Or put them homersexual in the Army...

By gum, what's this country coming too...

28 Jun 2012

Original post by Brickbat
When MFM did some work as a biologist, he made a hugely important discovery.

The Lounge, 26 Jun 2012

In an original post by Hissyspit
Tom Tomorrow: Unspeakable

DailyKos Link: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/06/25/1102290/-Unspeakable

Support independent cartooning -- join Sparky's List!

8. Sausage Box
House Speaker, John Boehner led the assault on Vagina saying:

“We cannot have that disgusting, scientific word used on any political floor anywhere in the country. We are here to do the people’s business and we believe the American people will support us in our choice.

Sausage Box was actually 7th most popular, but the top six were so foul, even I couldn’t go along with them, although some of them were quite funny. Sausage Box is a big favorite in the Boehner family, so I am delighted it was chosen.”

So, yet again Speaker Boehner has shown us his class and leadership and a willingness to move quickly. Privately he said:

“We could not tolerate Vagina being an issue in our campaign to crush Democrats on all fronts in the November election. We believe Sausage Box will defuse the firestorm, now we can get back to hating the President.”

Sausage Box was not Senator McConnell’s first choice, but for the sake of party unity he will go along with it.

Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell, said:

“My vote went to Aunt Hilda’s Hidey Hole but will accept Sausage Box. Speaker Boehner uses it all the time, so I am quite familiar with the term. I do wish Boehner would stop crying, just because he won.”

McConnell added:

“We have straw polls from time to time, most members are not really interested, but this Vagina thing really caught their interest and we recorded a 100 per cent participation from both houses for the first time.

This shows the American people that the Republican party is a party of action and how decisive we are on issues that matter.”

Representative Eric Cantor was disappointed with the choice, but said he would get used to it.
House Majority Leader, Eric Cantor said he was a little dismayed at the choice of Sausage Box:

“My choice was the number one pick among all Republicans, a simple four letter word that just rolls of the tongue, but like the good Republican I am, Sausage Box it is from now on. The American people will notice how we all pull together in a crisis of this magnitude, unlike Democrats who only want to talk about issues that aren’t important.”

But Cantor suggested this is not the end of of the Sausage Box versus Vagina:

“When I eventually get some real power, President maybe, I would consider a new poll and actually pick the number one choice, I will try and get used to Sausage Box, but privately, in the comfort of my own home, I shall continue to use my personal favorite.”

Mother of 28 children, Representative Michele Bachmann, said: “I have never heard of Sausage Box being used for down there, but I like it, after all, that’s what it is. I voted for my husbands favorite, Gash, and he will probably keep using it, but I shall withhold until he uses Sausage Box.”

GD, 25 Jun 2012

Thanks to: bluesbassman, tawadi, jorno67, Lint Head, rocktivity, and CaliforniaPeggy!!!

Well, it’s still Friday in Fort Pierre, South Dakota. Lemme give a shout-out to the drunken Pierre residents that crossed the Missouri to Fort Pierre at last call!


Posted by The DUzy Awards | Sat Jun 30, 2012, 01:23 AM (22 replies)

The DUzy Awards for Friday, June 22, 2012


Welcome to the funniest of DU! This week features an awesome photoshop thread, so be sure to check it out!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in purple text, then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in red italicized text that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

In an original post by kpete
Due To U.S. Obesity, Global Population Is 17 Million Tons Overweight
Due To U.S. Obesity, Global Population Is 17 Million Tons Overweight
By Tara Culp-Ressler on Jun 18, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Although the United States represents just 5 percent of the global population, it contributes to one-third of the world’s total weight, researchers from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine concluded in a study released today.

The study calculated the weight of the global population at 316 million tons, and estimated that about 17 million tons of that figure is due to the growing numbers of people who are overweight. Increasing levels of fatness around the world threaten future food security, the researchers argues, since current levels of obesity could have the same impact on global resources as an additional half billion people.

Researchers calculated the average global body weight at 137 pounds; however, there are huge differences across regions. The average is 178 pounds in North America and 127 pounds in Asia, for example. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the United States has the highest biomass of any other nation:


Son of Gob
11. How the heck did Eygpt get so fat?
I don't get that.

15. Something to do with their food "pyramids"???

GD, 18 Jun 2012

In an original post by n2doc
"Get this thing off of me!"
Octopus hitches ride on dolphin's genitals

By Stephanie Pappas
(LiveScience) An octopus got the joyride of its life last week when it somehow became stuck on the belly of a bottlenose dolphin in the Ionian Sea. More specifically, the tentacled sea creature had a seat on the dolphin's genital slit.
Researchers with the Ionian Dolphin Project, part of the Tethys Research Institute, were observing a foursome of dolphins near the island of Kalamos off the west coast of Greece. Suddenly, one of the dolphins leapt out of the water with something strange dangling from its stomach. It wasn't until the researchers examined their photos of the leap that they realized the unidentified object was an octopus.

The tentacled hitchhiker was attached to the dolphin's genital slit. Photographer Joan Gonzalvo isn't sure what the octopus was up to, though he told New Scientist that perhaps the dolphin tried to eat the octopus and the animal lodged itself along the dolphin's genital slit to escape.

The dolphin may have been leaping from the water to detach its uninvited guest, Gonzalvo, the project manager of the Ionian Dolphin Project, wrote on the organization's blog. After shaking the octopus loose, the dolphin continued to swim with no signs of discomfort, he added.


Ian David
2. God made Flipper and Eve, not Oscar and Flipper! n/t

Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch!

Science, 19 Jun 2012

In an original post by backwoodsbob
wtf has happened to the DU I Loved?!?
we are entering the end run of a presidential campaign and what is the front page of GD covered with?..Porn threads.


DAMNIT lets get some focus people.The asshat rMoney is gonna make this a race and we have 50 fucking threads about porn?


WTF has happened to this place?

35. Headline, Nov. 7, 2012: "Romney Wins in a Landslide! Experts say DU Porn Discussions a Main Factor"

GD, 20 Jun 2012

Original post by Spitfire of ATJ
Post your "Neil Munro Interupts Famous Speeches" Pics
First. The blank you'll need for insertion:

I'll get the ball rolling:

Everybody that made one gets a DUzy! I’ll post some of the ones I like, but they’re all great!

Frank Cannon
24. Or maybe this one...

14. The Champion

48. May 1, 2003

78. fast quick and cheap

82. Real and cartoon is... tough.

274. neither could he

97. Feeding the Multitude

121. Ok...
It wasn't technically a "Famous speech" but the ban is legend here at DU.

Spitfire of ATJ
458. Neil Munro's nightmare

GD, 16 Jun 2012


Original post by NYC_SKP
Seems like EVERY DAY it's the same one!!

Am I INSANE???22@22??22!!!

Please forgive me, I have 3 broken ribs and am not finding relief for that....



GD, 20 Jun 2012

In an original post by proud2BlibKansan
Students bully school bus monitor, post video on YouTube


A group of students in western New York are being investigated after tormenting a school bus monitor for more than 10 minutes and posting video of the incident on YouTube.

In a clip titled "Making the Bus Monitor Cry," the students -- male and female -- takes turns hurling profanities and insults at the woman, identified as Karen Klein.

At one point, Klein removes her sunglasses and begins to cry. A student mocks her, saying, "She probably misses her box of Twinkies."

The students attend Athena Middle School in the town of Greece, a suburb of Rochester, New York.

Klein remains calm during the incident, as students continue to mock her, calling her fat and suggesting she commit suicide.

more . . . http://www.kctv5.com/story/18838290/students-bully-school-bus-monitor-post-video-on-youtube

1. What is our children learning?
There is a crisis in our educational system indeed...if our kids are so dumb they record the crimes they commit AND publish them online!

178. They're learning to be republicans. n/t

GD, 20 Jun 2012

Original post by MindMover
Ryan Being Vetted for VP
Source: National Review

I’m reliably informed that Representative Paul Ryan of Wisconsin, the Budget Committee chairman, has submitted paperwork to the Romney campaign. Sources confirm that he is being vetted for the vice-presidential nomination.

Read more: http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/303798/ryan-being-vetted-vp-robert-costa#

6. Yeah, but don't get too excited
So was Quickdraw McGraw, Huckleberry Hound, Harpo Marx and the Thee Stooges. Oh yeah, and I think Marco Rubio.

LBN, 22 Jun 2012

In an original post by Ruby the Liberal
Du, Please.
Who has the results on this, a most excellent Samuel L Jackson setup/rebound post?


Sorry REP. Thought that was a riot, sis.

Dr. Strange
20. This reminds me of a passage: Jackson 25:17
The path of the righteous DUer is beset on all sides by the inequities of the Lounge and the tyranny of GD. Blessed is he who, in the name of TOS and good will, shepherds the posters through the valley of the trolls. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost threads. And I will PPR down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and threadjack my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my banhammer upon you, dumbass.

M-D, 20 Jun 2012

Thanks to: L0oniX, eridani, Little Star, rocktivity, MindMover, and Ruby the Liberal!

It was a short week… WTF? C’mon, slackers, we’ve got ROMNEY running for high office, and we can’t find more than a half-dozen things a week funny about THAT???


Posted by The DUzy Awards | Mon Jun 25, 2012, 09:39 AM (14 replies)

The DUzy Awards for Friday, June 15th, 2012


Your approximately weekly delivery showcase of the best of DU!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in purple text, then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in red italicized text that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

In an original post by http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002794414
Ran across this very smart doggie, carrying a big sign with an important message

9. Bizarre... Someone Photoshopped the E's. This version is correct...
Notice that both occurrences of "E" in the original post don't look like other "E's" on the sign. I wonder why any fool would go to the trouble just to make a dog look dumb. Or, perhaps this version was altered to make the pooch seem smarter. ;-P

Gidney N Cloyd
10. I think in yours I see a little Whiteout under the A in the second 'AFFECT.'
Clearly a correction's been made. My yellow lab tries to gaslight me like this all the time. It's not going to work with this pup, either.

22. Actually, no. The "correct version" is the photoshopped one.
I easily confirmed this by merely zooming in on the text and noting that the "A" in the second "affect" is exactly the same (except for some pixelization) as the "A" in the first "as."

As for the "E's," there's actually no rhyme or reason to how they look in the original version with the bad spelling. In "same-sex" they are virtually "C's"" with lines through them, but then in "marriage" and "me," they are squared.

Gidney N Cloyd
29. {sigh} Do you expect us to believe a dog knows how to photoshop?

17. My dog is much worse. I asked him, "What's on top of a house?" He said, "Bark."
"No! What covers a tree?"
He said, "Woof."
"No! What's a wild dog called?"
"No! What's that organization of old people?"
"No! What's the longest side of a right triangle called?"
"One out of five! You don't get a treat for one out of five. Stupid dog."

28. dogs are horrible spellers. it's embarrassing.

30. Don't let cats fool you.
I caught mine using spell check.

GD, 10 Jun 2012

In an original post by rug
Turtle Divorce: Giant Turtles Divorce After 115 Years Together
Posted: 06/08/2012 2:40 pm Updated: 06/09/2012 4:57 am

You can't say they didn't try.

After an impressive 115 years together, two giant turtles at an Austrian zoo are refusing to share their cage anymore, the Austrian Times reported Friday.

"We get the feeling they can't stand the sight of each other anymore," said Helga Happ, director of the Klagenfurt-based zoo, where the turtles -- Bibi, the female and Poldi, the male -- have lived for the last 36 years. Before that, they called Basel Zoo in Switzerland home.

According to the paper, zoo staff realized something was amiss when Bibi bit off a chunk of her partner's shell. When the attacks continued, Poldi was moved to another cage.


Bibi and Poldi in happier times.

The look on her face says it's over.

Gidney N Cloyd
9. They need to bring in a spiritual advisor...

10. He looks distraught over this.
No one likes to see their parents divorce.

The Lounge, 9 Jun 2012

In an original post by xchrom
'Sexual depravity' of penguins that Antarctic scientist dared not reveal

Two adult Adelie penguins with a chick in Antarctica. The abuse of the young was one of the things which shocked George Levick. Photograph: Steve Bloom Images /Alamy

It was the sight of a young male Adelie penguin attempting to have sex with a dead female that particularly unnerved George Murray Levick, a scientist with the 1910-13 Scott Antarctic Expedition. No such observation had ever been recorded before, as far as he knew, and Levick, a typical Edwardian Englishman, was horrified. Blizzards and freezing cold were one thing. Penguin perversion was another.

Worse was to come, however. Levick spent the Antarctic summer of 1911-12 observing the colony of Adelies at Cape Adare, making him the only scientist to this day to have studied an entire breeding cycle there. During that time, he witnessed males having sex with other males and also with dead females, including several that had died the previous year. He also saw them sexually coerce females and chicks and occasionally kill them.

Levick blamed this "astonishing depravity" on "hooligan males" and wrote down his observations in Greek so that only an educated gentleman would understand the horrors he had witnessed. Back in Britain he produced a paper (in English), titled Natural History of the Adelie Penguin. However, the section about the animal's sexual proclivities was deemed to be so shocking it was removed to preserve decency. Levick then used this material as the basis for a separate short paper, Sexual Habits of the Adelie Penguin, which was privately circulated among a handful of experts.

In fact, Levick's observations turned out to be well ahead of their time. Scientists had to wait another 50 years before the remarkable sexual antics of the Adelie were revealed. By this time his pamphlet and its detailed records of Adelie shenanigans had been lost to science .

Bolo Boffin
9. March of the Penguins 2?
What's Morgan Freeman doing?

Science, 9 Jun 2012

In an original post by jpbollma
Just Wanted to Give Reminder Of Mitt's Craziness: Kolob
Perhaps Mitt wants austerity on Earth in order to raise funds for a jobs program on Kolob??


According to several LDS writers (such as Cleon Skousen in his book The First 2000 Years), the earth was created near Kolob over a period of 6000 years (six "days" in Kolob time), and then moved to its present position in our solar system. This hypothesis is based on oral comments attributed to Joseph Smith, Jr. The hypothesis is also based on a passage from the Book of Abraham stating that in the Garden of Eden, time was measured "after the Lord's time, which was after the time of Kolob; for as yet the Gods had not appointed to Adam his reckoning". According to the hypothesis, the reason that Earth time was measured in Kolob time was because the earth was physically located near Kolob. As a corollary, some LDS writers argue that at the end times, the earth will be plucked from the solar system and returned to its original orbit near Kolob.

hahaha this really does take the crazy to a whole new level.

1. With my apologies to Mormans
(because I assume most of them are decent people who don't fire their workers with glee) I can't help it that when I hear that name Kolob that's sacred to Mr. Romney it sounds like something out of D.C. Comics in the 1930s: Kal-El from Krypton - Wil-ard from Kolob.

GD, 10 Jun 2012

Original post by applegrove
The right is so concerned with 'decay in morals' and how this will lead to the end of the empire.
Isn't it more likely that it is the decay in business morals that will destroy our way of life? (and has already in the last decade).
1. The Lounge is the perfect place to discuss decaying morals.

2. Oh. My bad.

The Lounge, 11 Jun 2012, 10:05pm EDT

In an original post by MineralMan
Whose idea was it to put The DU Lounge link between
GD and Meta? I looked up a few minutes ago and found myself in The Lounge. I had posted several times there. Someone please help!

The DU Lounge is very like the Hotel California - You can check out but you can never leave. At any moment, your mouse may betray you. This must not go on uncorrected! I ask you, ladies and gents...is this right?

M-D, 11 June 2012 8:51pm EDT

I don’t know who gets what, but the coincidence is funny as hell!

In an original post by marmar
Cop dies during 3-way sex; widow wins $3M lawsuit
from the USA Today, via the Detroit Free Press:

A jury has awarded a Georgia woman $3 million over her husband's heart attack, finding that his doctor should have warned the Atlanta cop against strenuous activity like the three-way sex he was having at the time he died, WXIA-TV reports.

William Martinez, a 31-year-old Atlanta police officer, collapsed and died while he and a male friend were having sex with a woman who was not his wife at an Atlanta airport motel in 2009.

The jury on Friday found that Dr. Sreenivasulu Gangasani and the Cardiovascular Group were 60% to blame for Martinez's death from atheroschlerotic coronary artery disease, agreeing with the plaintiff that the doctor did not properly diagnose and treat Martinez for high blood pressure, chest pains, shortness of breath and irregular heartbeat. ................(more)

The complete piece is at: http://www.freep.com/article/20120612/NEWS07/120612002/Cop-dies-during-3-way-sex-widow-wins-3M-lawsuit?odyssey=obinsite

3. He was found 40% liable for his own death. That's not fair.
It should only be 33 1/3%.

Maybe he just brought a bit more to the bedroom than the other guy?

GD, 12 Jun 2012

In an original post by romantico
Noah's Ark. Your Thoughts
There is a new film being made about Noah's Ark with Russell Crowe playing Noah. Having grown up in a religious conservative household, I never gave the Noah's Ark story much credibility. A big boat with 2 of every kind of animal? I've always had trouble with this story,even as a kid when I believed things that I am embarrassed to admit today as an adult. I remember really getting into this heated argument years ago with a lady I use to work with. She was a very religious woman who acted as if she was there and knew for a fact that the story was one hundred percent accurate.

My problem is, even if it were true people actually thinking the ark is hiding someplace in plain sight. Mt. Ararat in Turkey is believed to be the resting place of the ark. I think the wood after all these years would have rotted. So, the thing is this. I never had an interest in Noah's ark since I was a kid. In my mind I debunked it and just dismissed it. I love a good conspiracy,even the ones I have a hard time believing. This one never really got my attention.Until now.

I'm reading a book by Nick Redfern called The Pyramids and the Pentagon. Its a fun read and it talks about the CIA's interest in Noah's Ark.I'm learning some things I had not heard before and am just curious to hear what some others think about Noah's Ark and the story,the myth, and their thoughts on the subject.

Here is a link to the book:


Here is a link to the movie:


19. Noah's Ark: An STD-infected, bug-infested, shit-encrusted cruise from Hell
You've got literally MILLIONS of animals on board this ship, with 90% of them being insects and spiders of some sort crawling all over everything around you, and on you while you sleep.

You've got animals screaming, braying, trumpeting, and shitting EVERYWHERE for weeks and weeks on end, at all hours of the day.

You have to make sure they all get food and water every day for the entire trip.

It's dark and hot and it stinks and there's little ventilation.

You can't kill any of them no matter how often you step in a steaming pile of shit because then you'd be driving a species to extinction and violating God's will.

The ship is swaying and heaving in massive waves, because the entire world is underwater, and Dramamine is still 5,000 years from being invented.

And to top it off, you and every other person on board this ship are carrying MULTIPLE varieties of STD's, because we know they couldn't have all evolved or anything so therefore they must have been brought with on the Ark. That, or there was one unlucky fucker who got to carry every known kind of crotch rot known to man and somehow survived long enough to infect his own family with all of them before he died so they would carry on to this day.

Make a movie of THAT Noah's Ark, and I will be there opening night to see it!

22. You should write ad copy for Carnival Cruises

The Lounge, 12 Jun 2012

In an original post by cynatnite
Could getting single payer be this simple?
Let’s begin by imagining that Congress and the president decided to adopt a genuinely radical health care plan—the kind in place in most of the industrialized world. They decide on a “single-payer” system, where the government raises revenue with taxes, and pays the doctor, hospital and lab bills for just about everyone.

Put aside the question of whether this is a good idea, or an economically sustainable notion. The question is: would such a law be constitutional?

The answer, unquestionably, is “yes.” In fact, it would be the simplest law in the world to enact. All the Congress would need to do is to take the Medicare law and strike out the words “over 65.” Why is it constitutional? For the same reason Medicare and Social Security are: the taxing power. Its reach is immense. During World War II, the maximum income tax rate was 91 per cent (it was paid by few, thanks to loopholes, but still). The same Congress that could abolish the estate tax could set just about whatever limit it chose; it could impose a 100 percent tax on estates over, say, $5 million. If it decided that a national sales tax was an answer to huge budget deficits, it could impose one at whatever level it chose.


Of course, it wouldn't be this easy, but I love the simplicity of the idea.

34. It won't happen, in large part because the Republicans have struck the words "over 65"
from their IQ requirements for candidates.

GD, 12 Jun 2012

In an original post by kpete
Feds Sue Larry Craig Over Bathroom Sex Sting Defense Cash
Source: Talking Points Memo

Federal campaign regulators brought the hammer down on disgraced former Sen. Larry Craig on Monday, accusing him of misusing hundreds of thousands of dollars in campaign cash to pay for his legal defense following an arrest in a Minneapolis airport bathroom sex sting.

The Federal Election Commission filed a federal lawsuit against Craig, who now works as a lobbyist in Washington, D.C., asking a judge to order the former lawmaker to pay back his campaign committee more than $200,000 and stop him from raiding the committee for his own personal use.

Craig did not return a message left at his lobbying firm.

The case stems from the Idaho Republican’s embarrassing 2007 arrest by an undercover cop in a Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport bathroom stall. The cop said Craig made sexual advances toward him by tapping his feet under the stall divider.

Read more: http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/06/larry_craig_fec_election_bathroom_sex_sting_airport_defense.php?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TPMmuckraker+%28TPMmuckraker%29

9. Let's spin that oldie but goodie "Tap Three Times With Your Loafer If You Want Me"

66 dmhlt
11. Ronald Raygun: "Mr. Craig, tear down this stall."

LBN, 12 Jun 2012

In an original post by kentuck
Another day, another struggle against the propaganda...

3. ...okay now let's go to the Fox News weather and find out where Obama is making unicorns cry

GD, 14 Jun 2012

In an original post by ohiosmith
Update: Motion Denied! Boo Hoo! Floyd Mayweather doesn't like jail....
LAS VEGAS -- A Las Vegas judge has denied a request from boxer Floyd Mayweather to serve the remainder of his jail sentence from home.

Judge Melissa Saragosa denied Mayweather's request late Wednesday.

Mayweather claimed he was underfed and also unable to train. The judge denied his request, saying chose not to eat the food available and that he could train in his cell.

Mayweather was sent to jail for 90 days starting on June 1 after being arrested for domestic violence.

He was accused of hitting and threatening his ex-girlfriend, stealing her cell phone and threatening two of their children at her home in September 2010. He could have faced 34 years in prison.

Link: http://www.8newsnow.com/story/18782945/breaking-judge-denies-mayweathers-house-arrest-appeal?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+lasvegasnow%2Fiteam+%288+News+NOW+-+I-Team+Reports%29

So Floyd Mayweather Jr. doesn’t like jail. As heavyweight champion Joe Louis said when he was told that an opponent didn’t like to get hit in the body, “Who do?”

With his client just 12 days into a three-month jail sentence on domestic battery at the Clark County Detention Center, Mayweather’s lawyer, Richard Wright, filed an emergency motion on Monday to have the 35-year-old pound-for-pound king finish his sentence under house arrest.

The Las Vegas Review-Journal got a copy of the 35-page motion, which paints Mayweather as a man who is more than just a little homesick. Wright said the boxer’s physical condition is deteriorating with the stress that he’s under while in jail and his boxing career is in jeopardy.

Wright called Mayweather’s condition “inhumane.” For his own safety Mayweather is in segregation and spends 23 hours a day confined to his cell in a part of the jail that houses felons. He has access to the recreation area for one hour a day, but can’t use the training facilities. Along with being subjected to the poor prison food, he is getting out of shape.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/more-sports/floyd-mayweather-jr-files-house-arrest-lawyer-richard-wright-calls-jail-conditions-inhumane-article-1.1094689#ixzz1xhIvkRD3

14. 23 hours of confinement and bad food? That's called "a job".

15. Or in some cases, marriage!

The Lounge, 13 Jun 2012

In an original post by ohiosmith
Just follow the signs.......

1. What if I don't like Sue?

2. No refunds!

The Lounge, 12 Jun 2012

Original post by Botany
Romney did not know what a chocolate donut was http://www.mediaite.com/online/mitt-romney-apparently-doesnt-know-what-a-donut-is/ video

“Garrett, can you see that one of those chocolate…uh…chocolate goodies finds its way to our ride?”

Lots of winning replies in this thread! Rofl!!!

GD, 12 Jun 2012

In an original post by Bozita
Man shoots himself in the penis in Birmingham
Man shoots himself in the penis in Birmingham
10:55 AM, June 15, 2012
By Tammy Stables Battaglia
Detroit Free Press Staff Writer

A Southfield man is recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the penis as he adjusted his gun, according to police.

The 45-year-old heating and air-conditioning company employee was on a job in Birmingham on Tuesday when the incident took place, Birmingham Police Deputy Chief Mark Clemence said today. He was getting ready to work and was moving the .40-caliber Glock pistol in his pants when it discharged at 11:15 a.m.

"Through and through, if you can believe it," Clemence said. "The situation could have been a lot worse. You think about it -- your femoral artery runs down there. He could have shot it off. It could have been a lot worse. It’s a big bullet; you’re not talking a small bullet."


Although he had a permit to carry the gun, he may face charges of reckless discharge of a firearm, Clemence said. The city's prosecutor is expected to review the case, he added.


9. Brings all-new meaning to "gun nuts"

24. Glock Shoots Cock

GD, 15 Jun 2012

In an original post by Judi Lynn
Colombia's poor won't value free housing: Giuliani .
Colombia's poor won't value free housing: Giuliani .
Friday, 15 June 2012 15:25 Seth Robbins

Former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani indirectly criticized the Colombian president’s plan to give 100,000 houses to the country’s poorest citizens, saying that people do not value objects they obtain free of charge.

Warning that he does not know the full details of Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos’ plan, Giuliani, speaking at a conference in Cartagena Friday, said that “people only value what they earn,” local news media reported.

Giuliani said the key to helping poorer families is to offer them work that allows them to earn income for housing, calling handouts “disrespectful," according to Portafolio.co.

“Reward them if they evolve and earn a place in society through effort,” Giuliani said. “And take away the benefits if otherwise.”


5. That can't possibly be the complete quote, 9-11 is not mentioned once.

Latin America Group, 15 Jun 2012

Thanks to: eppur_se_muova, The Velveteen Ocelot, Mira, eridani, Kali, BillyJack, liberaltrucker, eridani, meow2u3, rocktivity, coalition_unwilling, dixiegrrrrl, and roody!!!

Yay, all caught up!

Posted by The DUzy Awards | Sat Jun 16, 2012, 09:47 AM (12 replies)

The DUzy Awards for Friday, June 8, 2012 - Part 2


Your approximately weekly delivery showcase of the best of DU!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in purple text, then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in red italicized text that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

In an original post by muriel_volestrangler
You may laugh. You may vomit. You won't believe it. Presenting: Breitb-art. For $4,000.
Via Tbogg:
This is a real thing:

36″ x 48″ giclee on canvas, stretched and glazed (ONLY 43 numbered and artist autographed editions will be made available; when they’re gone, they’re gone!)
Andrew would happily fight people, organizations and governments with tooth, fang and claw if he sensed any anti-American BS. David Bugnon’s piece captures Breitbart’s essence as a contrarian: confident and geared-up.

Make room on your wall for a limited edition reproduction of Bugnon’s painting. We should all emulate the moxie Andrew perfected for that which is just and true. Hang your print by the front door so as you depart your house and dive into the cultural trenches you will be ever mindful, thanks to Andrew’s example, that there are things worth scrapping for—and America’s founding documents are definitely one of them.

…and now, the punchline:



A Tbogg commenter points out 'giclee' is a marketing term for ink-jet printing.

It reminds me of the painting from Ghostbusters 2:

but a bit creepier.

20. For four grand you'd think it would at least be on black velvet.
With Saint Reagan's smiling visage over his right shoulder.

These people just ain't got no culture.

GD, 2 Jun 2012

Original post by RoseMead
I've found the solution to all the Meta drama
in one easy-to-use form.

M-D, 7 Jun 2012

In an original post by kpete
Obama: Bush Tax Cuts For Wealthy Will Not Be Extended, Period
Source: Huffington Post

Obama: Bush Tax Cuts For Wealthy Will Not Be Extended, Period

ABOARD AIR FORCE ONE -- The White House is insisting President Barack Obama will not extend the Bush-era tax cuts for wealthier Americans – even temporarily.

Obama spokesman Jay Carney said the president has been clear in his opposition to extending tax cuts for households with annual incomes above $250,000.


Carney's stand came after former President Bill Clinton caused a political headache for the White House by suggesting in an interview that tax cuts for people of all incomes – including the rich – should be extended into 2013 to avoid economic harm and allow time for a broader fiscal deal.

Pressed directly on whether Obama would support a temporary extension, Carney said: "He will not. Could I be more clear?

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/06/obama-bush-tax-cuts-will-_n_1574165.html

woo me with science
23. ...

LBN, 6 Jun 2012

In an original post by kpete
Florida Voter Purge Will Continue, Defying Federal Warning
Source: Huffington Post

Florida Voter Purge Will Continue, Defying Federal Warning
Posted: 06/02/2012 9:23 am Updated: 06/02/2012 9:54 am

Florida will defy a federal warning to stop purging people the state suspects aren't U.S. citizens from voter registration rolls.

Despite a Justice Department letter, objections from county elections officials and evidence that a disproportionate number are voters of color, Florida Secretary of State Ken Detzner's office planned to continue scrubbing the election rolls, a spokesman said Friday. Gov. Rick Scott (R) ordered the search for potentially ineligible voters.

“We have an obligation to make sure the voter rolls are accurate and we are going to continue forward and do everything that we can legally do to make sure than ineligible voters cannot vote,” said Chris Cate, a spokesman for Detzner. “We are firmly committed to doing the right thing and preventing ineligible voters from being able to cast a ballot. We are not going to give up our efforts to make sure the voter rolls are accurate."

Justice Department officials declined to comment on Florida’s plans.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/02/florida-voter-purge-federal-warning_n_1564131.html

26. Will someone please tell Holder that Detzner and Scott are selling medical marijuana?
It may be the only chance.

LBN, 2 Jun 2012

In an original post by trumad
Can we have a group that helps members quit DU?
We've got all kinds of addiction groups here at DU but not one for DU addiction.

I tried quitting a couple of days ago, but lasted errr 2 days.

The group would be interesting---

Hi, I'm trumad. I've been a member for 11 years and I'm trying to quit.

I guess if a member of that group didn't show up, it worked.

If he or she did, its a relapse.

2. Ok... you are going to have to lay out the 12 steps for this.
Somehow I'm guessing if you include a requirement to "make a list of persons harmed and be willing to make amends to them all", that will be the "sticking point" for most hard core DU addicts.

M-D, 8 Jun 2012

In an original post by onehandle
'Car Talk' Guys Are Retiring, But Their Best Stuff Will Be Rebroadcast
Source: NPR

June 8, 2012; Our Fair City – Tom and Ray Magliozzi, aka Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers, the comedian mechanics who host NPR's Car Talk, will tell their listeners this afternoon that as of this fall, they'll no longer record new programs. But their weekly call-in series will continue to be distributed by NPR drawing on material from their 25 years of show archives.

"My brother has always been 'work-averse,' " says Ray, 63. "Now, apparently, even the one hour a week is killing him!"

"It's brutal!" adds Tom, 74.

The brothers have been taping Car Talk at WBUR in Boston for 35 years, and the show has been a staple on NPR Member stations for the last 25 years. With older brother Tom turning 75 this year, the guys decided it was time to "stop and smell the cappuccino."

Read more: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2012/06/08/154576808/car-talk-guys-are-retiring-but-their-best-stuff-will-be-rebroadcast

Blue Owl
3. Remember that weird call from the guy asking how to strap a dog kennel to the roof?
Wow that was a strange one.

LBN, 8 Jun 2012

Thanks to: eppur_se_muova, Sedona, dixiegrrrrl, rocktivity, Hatchling, and MADem

Okay, tomorrow, next week, whatever. Now I’ll hammer out this week’s DUzies!

Posted by The DUzy Awards | Sat Jun 16, 2012, 08:33 AM (4 replies)

The DUzy Awards for Friday, June 8, 2012 - Part 1


Your weekly delivery of humor of the writing and graphic sort! From the same website that brings you “Your Sunday LOL Cats”, “The Best of DU Hate Mail”, and whatever idiocy Free Republic is spewing!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in purple text, then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in red italicized text that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

In an original post by NightWatcher
Thoughts on what Death is like?

hay rick
2. If you were evil you spend eternity in Meta-discussion.

5. some prepare by spending their lives

hay rick
6. OmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMG.

Wait Wut
12. I just finished watching All That Jazz.
Death has lots of music and dancing. It's better than that whole white tunnel thing. I'm claustrophobic, Heaven or Hell...tunnels are just bad.

The Lounge, 1 Jun 2012

In an original post by The DUzy Awards
The DUzy Awards for Friday, June 1st, 2012

<massive snip>

Thanks to: Make7, UnrepentantLiberal, beac, Scuba, LiberalAndProud, scarletwoman, Vanje, dixiegrrrrl, rocktivity, and Mira!

Submitted for shits and giggles,

Yeah…. I’m not going to re-post the entire friggin’ DUzy awards!!! I’m crazy, not stupid!


14. I get the giggles part but why do you post it for

19. Depends.
I'm heavily invested in the parent company of Depends.

GD, 2 Jun 2012

In an original post by trumad
30,000 feet up and heading to San Fran...... Ask me anything?

1. Are your arms getting tired?


The Lounge, 3 Jun 2012

Original post by MrScorpio
There is no Zombie Apocalypse...
Zombies aren't real.

What's really going on is actually a Cannibal Holocaust.

So, my advice to all of you is to avoid going out in public covered in BBQ sauce while holding an apple in your mouth… You might just look a tad too tempting.

Those cannibals are EVERYWHERE, people!

4. I'm betting season 3 of the Walking Dead is going to be a reality show at this point.

GD, 4 Jun 2012

In an original post by xchrom
The Navy Thinks This New $7 Billion Ship Is The Answer To All Its Chinese Concerns

DDG 1000 Zumwalt has a peripheral vertical launch system (PVLS), which consists of 20 four-cell PVLS situated round the perimeter of the deck

DDG 1000 will have a 'tumblehome' hull form, in which the hull slopes inward from above the waterline

Looking a bit like an old Civil War Ironclad, the $7 billion DDG 1000 USS Zumwalt will focus on land attacks, relying heavily on its advanced stealth technology to slip in close to shore before unleashing its massive onboard arsenal.
A new take on the Zumwalt was published today by the Eric Talmadge at the Associated Press who points out that in addition to the ship's wide array of conventional weapons the Zumwalt will eventually carry the Navy's much anticipated "railgun".
The railgun is an electrically powered artillery weapon that launches massive projectiles at high speeds without the use of gunpowder or explosives. Instead, an electric current is run through the artillery shell, the current interacts with the magnetic fields in the rails and pounds the shell from the barrel.
The Navy successfully tested the railgun in February, but it has not yet been fielded for service.
The Zumwalt was originally estimated to cost about $3.8 billion, but so much technology crammed on board that its cost has nearly doubled, and after the first three are built, production will stop. Including the exhaustive research and development required by each vessel to total cost jumps to $7 billion apiece.
In addition the Zumwalt will be built to receive the Navy's new electromagnetic rail-gun that can fire projectiles at over five times the speed of sound. All this new technology adds up.

***oy -- boys and there toys.

Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/the-uss-zumwalt-ddg-1000-a-silver-bullet-of-stealth-2012-06#ixzz1wp4JVAAV

Egalitarian Thug
16. Dear Dept. of the Navy, I'm awfully sorry about your penis, but please stop making us pay
for your feelings of inadequacy.

GD, 4 Jun 2012

In an original post by kpete
Erupting Urinal Soaks House Press Gallery
Source: National Journal

Erupting Urinal Soaks House Press Gallery

By Billy House
Updated: June 4, 2012 | 6:25 p.m.
June 4, 2012 | 2:36 p.m.

A big splash occurred on Monday morning at the House Press Gallery in the U.S. Capitol.

No, this wasn’t one of those unexpected guest appearances for celebrities to talk to reporters about some favorite cause.

This splash came from an exploding urinal. More specifically, something suddenly broke in the piping of the third-floor urinal, and water began spewing from beneath the men’s room door.

As the water flowed, it first surrounded the Associated Press’s working area, then spread toward both ends of the gallery, which was occupied by fewer than usual reporters and staffers, because the House is out of session until Tuesday.

Read more: http://www.nationaljournal.com/congress/erupting-urinal-soaks-house-press-gallery-20120604

2. Hey, AP. Urine for a real treat!

LBN, 4 Jun 2012

In an original post by ohiosmith
Help me out here! What kind of tree do you think this is?

The thread is hilarious! Everybody in there gets a DUzy!!!

The Lounge, 5 June 2012

In an original post by lonestarnot
Hey you lurking freeper trolls! Doesn't it bother you that
your fucking leaders don't give a fuck about you unless you are a richie rich? I mean couldn't you use some of the money that they steal from you to buy some fucking dentures?

1. why do think they call it ..indentured servitude
something they can sink their teeth into

GD, 3 Jun 2012

Thanks to: Wait Wut, eridani, dixiegrrrrl, Renew Deal, jp11, Tx4obama, Make7, From The Ashes, and Matariki!!!

Sorry once again, but this is a two-parter. Hellofa busy week… two kids ballgames, a business meeting after my regular job, the Venus transit, and working on my uncle’s Subaru all conspired to rob me of any evening time!

I’ll try to hammer out a second half tomorrow!

Submitted in desperate hopes of avoiding torches and pitchforks,

Posted by The DUzy Awards | Sat Jun 9, 2012, 06:57 PM (11 replies)

The DUzy Awards for Friday, June 1st, 2012


Your weekly delivery of puns, zingers, jokes, groaners, moaners, ROFLers, and various and sundry other bits of humor!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in purple text, then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in red italicized text that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

In an original post by pokerfan
RIAA Sued LimeWire For More Money Than Exists In The World
Good luck with that.
The RIAA still has it out for LimeWire despite the fact that it was shut down in October 2010. The RIAA stated to a court that it has identified over 11,000 American songs that were being illegally shared, and as a result, LimeWire should compensate for every individual download of the tracks. How much does the RIAA think LimeWire should pay? Approximately $72 trillion, a figure that is 20% higher than the combined wealth of the entire world. Fortunately for LimeWire, the judge dismissed the case, stating that the RIAA is only entitled to sue per song rather than individual downloads. Even so, going by the figure of $150,000 per song, LimeWire could be subjected to paying a $1.65 billion fine.


13. Limewire should pay them in songs
Write 11,000 songs Limewire! Write a bot that grinds out songs (call it Phillip Glass 2.0).

They are worth (72 tril divided by 11,000 = ) $65.4 million each apparently.

Even the Phil Collins songs -- $65.4 million.

GD, 25 May 2012

In an original post by tcaudilllg
I hate DU
I hate everything about it. Not for what it is, but for what it prevents other sites from becoming through its existence. The Dems do not need a central hub in a forum -- they need a kind of RSS cross network thing, with which to monitor developments on many forums at once. One that ISN'T POLICED. As it is most democrats come to DU because it's the big site, and it has search engine visibility, and lots of other advantages. It has all these advantages, but it just sucks because I disagree with it. I think the thing that really kills it is that people are trying to make a living running it, and that leads in all sorts of nasty directions. The best Dem forums are completely free, run with donations, and are small scale.

19. Fine. DU wants the sweater back that you borrowed. And the Alanis Morrisette CDs you borrowed.
And those cute red shoes you swore you were only going to wear on that one date because you couldn't find anything else to go with your new outfit, but then you never gave them back and kept wearing them until you broke one of the heels and then lied about it and said you didn't remember anything about any red shoes, but then DU found them on the floor in the back of your closet and you started screaming that they were yours and pushed DU out of your room and called DU all sorts of nasty names and started spreading ugly rumors about DU at lunch and hung a dead squirrel in DU's locker.

Frankly, I wouldn't blame DU one bit if DU hates you back.

M-D, 26 May 2012

In an original post by Omaha Steve
Report: Fla. officer shoots, kills naked attacker
Source: CBS-AP

(AP) MIAMI - A Miami police officer on Saturday fatally shot a naked man who was chewing on the face of another man on a downtown causeway off-ramp, police and witnesses said.

The Miami Herald reports that gunshots were heard at about 2 p.m. on the MacArthur Causeway off-ramp, which is near the newspaper's offices. Witnesses said that a woman saw two men fighting and flagged down a police officer, who came upon a naked man mauling the other man. The newspaper quoted witnesses as saying that the officer ordered the naked man to back away, and when he ignored the demand, the officer shot him. Witnesses said that the naked man continued his attack after being shot once, and the officer shot him several more times.

Police said the other man was transported to Jackson Memorial Hospital Ryder Trauma Center. The newspaper said he had suffered critical injuries.

The police department confirmed in a news release that there was an officer-related shooting, but did not include many details provided by witnesses to the newspaper.

Read more: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57442197/report-fla-officer-shoots-kills-naked-attacker/

2. Florida?
The land of nuts and nuts.

6. Please don't say "nuts" like it's a Bad Thing. It's offensive to us Nuts.

* This is a public service posting on behalf of the International Association of Fruits & Nuts, Ad Hoc DU Chapter.

** This message may or may not reflect the opinions of 10minutearticle, 1plain1peanut, AcadamiaNut, aquanut, B3Nut, blackwalnut, bobbonutrino, bozosleftnut, bulugnut, BUSHISNUTS, butternut, butternutty, buttnutt, Canadiangunnut, capsnut, Carnut, CarNutAtl, Cash U. Nutt, CA_liberal_nut, Chanute, coconut, Coconut Buddha Ape, coconut55, CoconutMonkey, coconutofdoom, Coconuts, coconut_oil, conspiracy-nut, cybernut, darlademnut, deeznuts, DemNutz, democratinutah, deznuts, deznutts, donut, donut33, donutrevolutionary, Donuts, donutwant, econut, elvisthenut, fleabitpeanutmonkey, fluffernutter, fordnut, FruityNuts, fuzzlenutz, gaygunnut, GnomesLeftNut, grapenut1998, graphixnut, gunnut12345, HangingSaddamByHisNutsack, hangonjustaminute, hazelnut, HealthNut, Historynut, Jacknut, jakenuts, JaneDoughnut, JustFiveMoreMinutes, just_anuther_gurl, Kazznut, KnuteThingrich, KNUTSY, kokonuts, konominut, lastminutevoter, leftnut22, leftrightwingnut, leftrightwingnuts, leftwingnut, LeftyWingNut, Lefty_WingNut, Lela McNutt, Letters From A Nut, liberalgunnut, LiberalInUtah, lilpnut, Lonenut23, lonenutcracker, loosenut, Lugnut, Luv nut, MACanuto, madminute, MarlinNut, MilsurpNut, Minuteman, Minutes, monkeynuts6969, monolithic_juggernut, Mr Peanut, Mr. Peanut, mrpeanut, my15minutes, NONnutcase, NorthwestNut, NoToCubanRepubnuts, nsaixphnutex, numinut, Nut Grinderswitch, Nutboy, nutcake, nutcase, nutcracker420, nutcrakcer, nutgrass, nuthatch, nuthead2ub, Nutkinnews, Nutmeg, NutMeg021576, nutmeg08, Nutmeg1576, Nutmeg61, Nutmegger, NutmegJenny, NutmegYankee, nutmeg_express, Nutniks, nuton2wheels, nutone, nutria, Nutrino, NutritionFacts, Nuts, nuts101, nutsco101, nutshell2002, nutsnberries, nutsnbolts, NutterFluffer, NuttinBut, nutty left, NuttyFluffers, nuttyjake, nuttymango, nuttywoody, nututhissite, oaknut, omgiamgoingnuts, Opera Nut, ornanut, paolonutuni, peanut, Peanut Gallery, peanut2010, peanut3729, peanut57, peanutbrittle, PeanutButter, Peanutcat, PeanutGallery, PeanutOne, peanuts, peanutz, Permanut, pnutchuck, pnutfarmer, PNutt, PoliSciNut, PolitiNut, PublicHealthNut, pucknut, Racenut20, reichwingnut, somenut, soulforpeanuts, soulforpeanutz, Soynut, spacenut, Spudnuts, superbeachnut, TahitiNut, the wingnuttiest, undamynutz, Unuttymuh, videonut, walnutpie, weenut1, Wingnut19, Wingnutblogger, Wingnutsawry, wwwalnut, or yoganut.

LBN, 26 May 2012

In an original post by malaise
Who built the Golden Gate Bridge?
Celebrate San Francisco!! Celebrate government infrastructure for the social good.
Back in the day private enterprise joined forces with the government for the good of all.

75 years and going strong

1. Was it...


GD, 27 May 2012

In an original post by Playinghardball
Did You Know This Shocking Way That We're Behind Much Of The World?

Found on the Facebook wall of The Peoples Boycott/MoveOn.org

3. I take it. Men get even less.

The Magistrate
12. Oh, What a Ghastly, Put-Upon Horror it Is, Being a Man, Sir
To be born with testicles is to be born accursed.

24. Castrated men live 10-15 years longer
An evolutionary scientist author said on the local radio Progressive show that males castrated early in life have a 10-15 year old longer life expectancy. It was in response to how THom Hartmann claims that testosterone is the most dangerous drug in the world.

The Magistrate
25. You Must Be Lots Of Fun At Parties, Fella....

GD, 29 May 2012

In an original post by JVS
I hate it when I send an alert only to find that someone else's alert has already failed.
It's like I'm being denied a chance to plead my case against obvious trollery.

Let me show you this redacted alert response to demonstrate (all caps and change of time is used to protect the identity of the obviously guilty):

At Thu May 31, 2012, 06:31 PM you sent an alert on the following post:

The reason for the alert was:

This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate. (See <a href="http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=aboutus#communitystandards" target="_blank">Community Standards</a>.)

You added the following comments:

Eagle avatars instantly and invariably provoke suspicion that this guy is a MIRT case. I suppose this is inadequate grounds for a banning, but who the fuck addresses a board as "INSERT GRATUITOUS INSULT HERE" after INSERT NUMBER LOWER THAN 10 posts. Nothing good will come from this smeg-head, I assure you. Do the right thing and hide his posts and ban him now. Addressing the opposing side in an argument as "CHILDISH WORD" from the beginning is an obvious harbinger of disruption to come unless you and the MIRT employ the Iron Fist. All you jurors have fun now, and we'll have a round of beers in Meta when this troll is eliminated.

A randomly-selected Jury of DU members completed their review of this post at Thu May 31, 2012, 06:19 PM, and voted 2-4 to keep it.

So anyway 13 minutes before getting my alert the jury carelessly kept from the PPR he so richly deserves.

4. One post. One review. One jury.
We don't keep trying people until we get the jury result we want.

5. That seems unfair. If one were to flash a bus full of nuns, isn't each nun allowed to file an...
individual complaint?

6. If one were to flash a bus full of nuns, one would rightfully be smited by a lightning bolt,
therefore your point is moot.

9. If that was true I wouldn't be here to type this

M-D, 31 May 2012

In an original post by cali
Jesus found in Texas bathroom mold
SPLENDORA, Texas, May 31 (UPI) -- A Texas family says they are getting strength from an image of Jesus they found in the mold growing inside the shower of their home.

Chyanna Richards, who lives in the home, told KTRK-TV, Houston, she doesn't know if it's mold or mildew in the bathroom but said the appearance of Jesus' image has meaning.

"Maybe it means something. Maybe look into yourself and see if you need to change something in your life," she said.

The mold began growing in the bathroom at the Splendora home a couple months ago when Thomas George, who lives in the

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2012/05/31/Jesus-found-in-Texas-bathroom-mold/UPI-16361338493001/#ixzz1wVGP3cfS

9. And lo, mold-Jesus spake unto the thronging showerites...
...goest thou forth an findeth a humble scrub brush,
then return to the tile and scrub with great vigor!
For I say unto thee, if thou seekest the Lord,
ye shalt not find Him in the mold of the shower,
nor in the Pachyderms and Preachers.
Ye shall find him by embracing thy neighbor, all of them,
and raising taxes on incomes of millions of shekels.

GD, 31 May 2012

In an original post by onehandle
The end of the Milky Way galaxy as we know it
Source: CNN

(CNN) - Our Milky Way galaxy is an anomaly in more ways than one. And now, NASA scientists say they know exactly when it will come to an end. In a universe that is forever spreading apart, the Milky Way has been moving closer to celestial neighbor the Andromeda galaxy. But whether we are in for intergalactic Armageddon or an extraterrestrial fender bender has been a mystery -- until now.

"Very interestingly, we find that Andromeda galaxy does appear to be coming straight at us," said Roeland van der Marel, an astronomer at the Space Telescope Science Institute in Baltimore. He was scheduled to speak at a NASA press conference Thursday.

The discovery was made thanks to images taken over the 22-year lifespan of the Hubble Space Telescope. But the quest to determine the Milky Way galaxy's expiration date has been undertaken by astronomers for more than 100 years. Now, for the first time, NASA scientists say they know "with certainty" when our beloved galaxy will cease to exist as we know it, what it will look like and how it will happen.

New data collected by the Hubble Space Telescope proves, NASA says, that in 4 billion years the Milky Way and Andromeda will collide or pass each other by so closely that the gravitational force each exerts on the other will cause them to slow down to the point of merging. The merger will be completed 6 billion years from now.

Read more: http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/science_tech/the-end-of-the-milky-way-galaxy-as-we-know-it

20. Maybe I'm simple-minded, but if everything's moving away from the Big Bang, how do galaxies collide?

Arugula Latte
47. Well, when a mommy galaxy and a daddy galaxy love each other very much ...

LBN, 31 May 2012

In an original post by raccoon
Do most people only read the thread title and no more?
Heck, I'd do a poll if I could. as follows:

Yes, I do that all the time.

No, I NEVER do that.


1. Do most people only read? What kinda question is that?

The Lounge, 28 May 2012

In an original post by underpants
CAPTION this Mah'velous! Spectackylar! moment of (mis) understanding how to play the photo-op angle

4. Wow. It's Airforce None!
You couldn't even Photo Shop a more telling picture.

7. Douche Descending a Staircase

11. Flown into Vegas by a rich philanderer...
We've establish what you are. Now we are just negotiating price.

GD, 29 May 2012

In an original post by rustydog
Limbaugh: ‘I created more jobs than Obama and Romney put together’
Rushbo, the problem is Obama and Rawmoney are referring to employment not sex acts.


2. Sure - pilots, pharmacists, underage sex workers, TSA Agents...

4. Divorce attorneys...

6. And subsequently - wedding planners...

GD, 29 May 2012

In an original post by K8-EEE
I missed the portrait unveiling yesterday but this photo really made me LOL
The Bushes look like they had an early cocktail hour!

4. What is it with Republican women and those crazy
googly eyes? Damn. If I had to wake up to one of those serial-killer stares every day, I'd stay drunk, too.


GD, 1 June 2012

Thanks to: Make7, UnrepentantLiberal, beac, Scuba, LiberalAndProud, scarletwoman, Vanje, dixiegrrrrl, rocktivity, and Mira!

Submitted for shits and giggles,

Posted by The DUzy Awards | Sat Jun 2, 2012, 07:52 PM (27 replies)

The DUzy Awards for Friday, May 25th, 2012


Your weekly delivery of puns, zingers, jokes, groaners, moaners, ROFLers, and various and sundry other bits of humor!

And, in a SHOCKING turn of events that surprises even ME, the DUzies are on time!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in purple text, then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in red italicized text that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

In an original post by Galraedia
GOP Base Realizes the Party Candidate is a Mormon

2. Mitt Romney is so stupid...
He can't even spell Moron right.

Video & Multimedia, 15 May 2012

In an original post by Incitatus
Does anyone here have a residential solar system?
There are several companies that offer to lease the system and you use your power company to supplement the energy you need. The idea being that your total monthly costs will be lower. Has anyone here done this? If so what company did you use and how has your experience been?

4. No, but I do have a commercial galaxy. n/t

GD, 15 May 2012

In an original post by cynatnite
Why not a list of pharmacists who refuse to give women contraceptives?
I think it's past time that we begin to list all those pharmacists who deny giving women contraception based on their "moral" misgivings.

We all know it's a load of crap, but I do think the more that know who these creeps are, the more that might boycott them.

Let's make a list and make them famous.

7. Yes!! OK, then so how do we make this happen?
I'm computer illiterate, and I don't know of any offenders around here.

I think a website would need to be designed, then publicized. Word would probably travel pretty quick.

10. I'm hoping a great brainiac will do it...
Maybe an email to Planned Parenthood or NOW might be the way to go, too. Women need to be informed.

30. well, someone here must know how to create a website

Sounds like an excellent use for DU2

GD, 16 May 2012

In an original post by WilliamPitt
Lay off Romney and his Mormon beliefs?
When an examination of those beliefs underscores any number of glaring, vomitous contradictions?



It's called vetting.

Please feel free to share this:

66. If a person believed his sofa was a deity would you give him access
to the kitchen knife drawer? No, you wouldn't.

I wouldn't want someone in power or control who believed some of the stuff he claims to believe. The religion he follows was conceived by a convicted fraudster.

67. My sofa is a deity
and I wouldn't vote for me, either.

72. I'd vote for you but then again I'm a born-again Sofamarian
and High Hoohah of the Order of The Recliner.

94. My lazy boy is more powerful than your Sofa.
My lazy boy allows for only one true beleiver at a time, except for maybe 4 or 5 Dogs.

109. Zogon The Orange Pleather Ottoman scoffs at the Sofa Lord.

GD, 14 May 2012

Original post by WilliamPitt
Now *this guy* knows how to make a protest sign.

GD, 17 May 1012

In an original post by onehandle
Rmoney is talking live right now and I can see his magic underwear.
Through his white shirt, it appears to be a really, really wide U-Neck, with a bigger opening than I have ever seen on a V-neck.

Looks stupid.

2. "I can see London, I can see France."
I can see Romney's magic underpants.

GD, 17 May 2012

In an original post by Amerigo Vespucci
Republicans seek "extremely literate conservative African-American" for role in Obama SwiftBoating
WASHINGTON — A group of high-profile Republican strategists is working with a conservative billionaire on a proposal to mount one of the most provocative campaigns of the “super PAC” era and attack President Obama in ways that Republicans have so far shied away from.

“The world is about to see Jeremiah Wright and understand his influence on Barack Obama for the first time in a big, attention-arresting way,” says the proposal, which was overseen by Fred Davis and commissioned by Joe Ricketts, the founder of the brokerage firm TD Ameritrade. Mr. Ricketts is increasingly putting his fortune to work in conservative politics.

The $10 million plan, one of several being studied by Mr. Ricketts, includes preparations for how to respond to the charges of race-baiting it envisions if it highlights Mr. Obama’s former ties to Mr. Wright, who espouses what is known as “black liberation theology.”

The group suggested hiring as a spokesman an “extremely literate conservative African-American” who can argue that Mr. Obama misled the nation by presenting himself as what the proposal calls a “metrosexual, black Abe Lincoln.”


27. They want Obama?

GD, 17 May 2012

In an original post by kpete
Coming This Summer: For $24.95, George W. Bush Will Share His ‘Strategies For Economic Growth’
Coming This Summer: For $24.95, George W. Bush Will Share His ‘Strategies For Economic Growth’
By Pat Garofalo on May 16, 2012 at 10:45 am

Former President George W. Bush jumped back into presidential politics this week, endorsing presumptive 2012 GOP nominee Mitt Romney. He also, according to the New York Times, plans to release a book in two months that will lay out his advice on boosting economic growth:

Gingerly, the 43rd president is beginning to add his voice back into the national dialogue. A month ago, he spoke publicly in favor of one of his defining domestic legacies, the tax cuts that still divide the country. Two months from now, he plans to publish a book outlining strategies for economic growth. And on Tuesday, he made a rare return to Washington to promote freedom overseas.

That Bush believes the country needs his thoughts on how to create economic growth is laughable. After all, under his watch, “growth in investment, GDP, and employment all posted their worst performance of any post-war expansion,” while “overall monthly job growth was the worst of any cycle since at least February 1945, and household income growth was negative for the first cycle since tracking began in 1967.” As the Economic Policy Institute found, “between the end of the 2001 recession (2001Q4) and the peak of that expansion (2007Q4), the U.S. economy experienced the worst economic expansion of the post-war era.”

As this chart shows, the only economic indicator on which Bush exceeded the average is corporate profits:



2. I have only one question
Will it be in Fiction, Horror or Humor

17. True Crime

20. Spoiler alert! Start another war, cut banking regulations, cut taxes, cut brush.

GD, 16 May 2012

In an original post by Bill219
Walker: New Data Says Wisconsin Gained Jobs In 2011
Source: TPM

So did Wisconsin lose jobs, or gain them, in 2011? The answer could make a huge difference in the June 5 recall election of Republican Gov. Scott Walker. The Walker administration is now touting a new set of numbers to assert that Walker has actually been creating jobs, in spite of separate data that says otherwise.

Walker has been facing questions about a promise he made in 2010 to create 250,000 private-sector jobs during his first term. The monthly surveys from the federal Bureau of Labor Statistics have indicated that the state lost 9,700 private-sector jobs, and 33,900 jobs total, through 2011.

On Wednesday, the Walker administration issued a new set of numbers — based on a separate measuring method that they say is superior — to show that Wisconsin actually created over 23,321 private and public jobs in 2011, a difference of 57,221.

At issue are two different sets of measurements: the Current Employment Survey, and the Quarterly Census of Employment and Wages.

Read more: http://2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/05/walker-administration-new-data-says-wisconsin-gained-not-lost-jobs-in-2011.php?ref=fpnewsfeed

Jack Rabbit
11. Walker is snorting Koch again

LBN, 16 May 2012

In an original post by Liberal_in_LA
'Ma'am, are you aware you have no clothes on?
Upstate New York woman busted for naked stroll through lumber store
Cops say naked saunter was 'free expression' stunt

Barbara LaFleur, 49, was arrested in Ballston, N.Y., on Tuesday after she walked through a lumber store and a convenience shop naked

An upstate woman came a little unglued and went strolling naked through a lumber shop and a convenience store as if she didn't have a care in the world, police said.

Employees at Curtis Lumber in Ballston told the Albany Times Union that Barbara LaFleur, 49, casually chatted up employees and asked what time it was before sauntering out Tuesday.

"Have a good day," LaFleur breezily told lumber yard workers, according to the newspaper.

The woman then stopped by a nearby Stewart's convenience store, where employees were less than amused by her impromptu peep show.

"The manager said 'Ma'am, are you aware you have no clothes on?' She was kosher and cool about it, and the manager told her she needed to leave," a Stewart's employee named Terry told the Times Union.

A mental health evaluation found no sign of mental illness, authorities said.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/upstate-york-woman-busted-naked-stroll-lumber-store-article-1.1079762#ixzz1vH1IEzI3

The thread is chock-full of hilarious, horrible puns! A DUzy for everybody who posted one!

GD, 18 May 2012

In an original post by mahina
To the other women wondering where the good men are anymore,
I raised one, and my brother is one too. A super dad and uncle, very responsible, loving, no drugs, doesn't drink too much, faithful, and pretty dang handsome too, both of them...

I hope there's one out there for me somewhere too!


I saw a woman that had it UP. TO. HERE. with men.

She was sure sore the next day.


GD, 20 May 2012

In an original post by Waiting For Everyman
Re both language and DU: We have to destroy this village to save it.
(Paraphrase of a quote reported by Peter Arnett about the destruction of Ben Tre village... my metaphor for the Word Wars being conducted on DU.)



One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small,
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all.
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall

And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall,
Tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call
Call Alice
When she was just small

When the men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving low
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know
When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"
Remember what the Dormouse said:
"Feed your head... feed your head... feed your head"

Some quotes by Lewis Carroll:

"Alice thought to herself, 'Then there's no use in speaking.' The voices didn't join in this time, as she hadn't spoken, but to her great surprise, they all thought in chorus (I hope you understand what thinking in chorus means -- for I must confess that I don't), 'Better say nothing at all. Language is worth a thousand pounds a word!"

"If you limit your actions in life to things that nobody can possibly find fault with, you will not do much!"

"If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does."

"Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee agreed to have a battle; for Tweedle Dum said Tweedle Dee had spoiled his nice new rattle."

" 'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less.' 'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.' 'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master -- that's all.' "

"Take care of the sense and the sounds will take of care themselves."

"How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws..."

I am a woman, one who is not at all represented by the most prodigious crusaders against the recent examples of so-called "misogyny". So I'm "through the looking glass" by definition on these discussions at DU. As such for the last week or so, it has seemed to me, as Alice said above, "Better to say nothing at all". I have though, read all of the threads.

As a bystander on the sidelines, these are my observations:

The sheer nastiness of the very few conducting the bulk of the Word Wars is 10 times worse than what they're complaining about. The reason I say that is this...

I did a little experiment a few days ago just out of curiosity. And this was before any mention of 3 anybodies. I don't, and never have, put anyone on ignore. But I noticed, myself, before it was brought up (that I was aware of anyway) that just a few people were monopolizing the most contentious high post-count threads. My number was 4 people btw (including someone who is almost in the same league as to over-posting in threads but not quite, yet).

I wanted to see what one of those awful threads would look like if those 4 were put on ignore. It was interesting. The giant mega-thread suddenly became normal length that way - about 50 posts. That tells me something. And it isn't just one thread, I looked at three more of the same kind while I was at it. Same result. Anyone can try the same experiment, and see for themselves. Repeatable results are not an opinion, but a fact.

The huge number of their posts, and the constant attacks in them, is overwhelming.

The fact is, these few people ARE creating the problem. Those who are saying so are RIGHT, about this. Is there any reason why so few people should be allowed to run amuck like this over everyone else, all the while complaining about OTHERS' behavior! O. M. G. If ever there was anyone with no room to talk about rudeness and insensitivity, it is these few.

Worst of all though, is what is slowly happening to meaning and our ability to even find words to communicate with each other, words which will not set off another "shitstorm" and derail any discussion we try to have about anything. I'm hoping that some of those who are talented in the use of language who have commented on this in various posts, will repeat those thoughts and any others they may have, in this thread too. I think this is the most serious problem of all -- the corruption of language and meaning via enforced redefinition by even well-meaning ideology. The end does not justify the means, and it is not worth it.

When someone "messes with" rationality, which is what the twisting of meaning and logic that we see in these threads is, I don't take that kindly. We see the attacks on rationality clearly enough when it comes from the Right, but do we recognize it when it comes from the Left? It's the same animal, wearing a different outfit -- and for the same purpose... getting us to lay down our own thought and judgement in the service of someone else's agenda. To me, an attack on rationality itself is as serious as any can be, short of violence... much more serious than some passing offense taken. (I learned long ago not to fall for that, which is why I recognize it. Similarly, those here standing against it are least vulnerable to it; those joining in with it on the other hand, have a problem -- one which they are making themselves blind to.)

I'm not advocating that anything in particular be done, and if nothing is done and it goes on this way indefinitely that's fine with me - "no skin off my back" as they say. But there's no doubt about this: the problem will continue as long as this behavior by these few continues, it's that simple. The obvious question is, is it likely that the few will stop on their own? It doesn't seem so, unless possibly some peer encouragement could help.

The one thing I never hear about and can't quite figure out... where does truth figure in? How does truth get through the gauntlet -- that string of prohibited adjectives in the CS? That's where the answer that's provided seems to be "you take your chances". That isn't really good enough. I know how to say what someone wants to hear and/or stay out of trouble, and I know how to say the truth, but I don't know how to do both at the same time. And if I can't talk about what's true, then it's not worth getting into.

If I could speak freely, I could be clearer. But this is the best I can do under the circumstances. Btw I believe in being as gentle as possible with people, but that can't be the only consideration. Content has to matter, truth has to matter - or why do it?


56. just curious
Do you ever post anything yourself from a feminist perspective, or do you just whine about / whine at people who do?

Anybody else whom the shoe fits is welcome to take the question as directed to them.

Lots of people claiming to be feminists, not a lot of evidence.

58. Well, I don't have to prove anything to you
now do I?

But just for general information, I was one of the founding members of NOW in Oklahoma City, circa 1972. I've written many letters to the editor, lobbied & advocated for women's rights in the OK legislature; I was the executive director of Planned Parenthood of Central Oklahoma for 5 years, and worked for them in all for 13 years. In those positions I spoke publicly to groups and on TV/radio about women's rights. I admittedly am not "active" in the movement nowadays, except how I live my life.

I'm 64. My granddaughter (first and only grandchild) was born this past Friday. My hopes and dreams for her include that she is able to live whatever life she so chooses, that she is respected, that she is given equal pay for equal work, that she recognizes the past and future struggles of her sisters, including those in Africa, and Iraq, and Iran, and other places in this world. That she recognizes that Ann Coulter is a BITCH, and so is life, sometimes.

Other than that, exactly what kind of "evidence" do you require? Proof of my credentials? Where the fuck is YOUR proof of credentials, other than your constant whinging about certain language, your sarcasm and nastiness, your having corrected mine and other's spelling errors .... who the FUCK are you??

70. Damn. Somebody needs to put some Glad Wrap on this thread
'Cause Ms. Lilly is taking it home along with somebody's ass.

So lovely to hear about your new granddaughter! That's wonderful news. Congrats to you and your whole family.

H&M-D, 20 May 2012

Original post by rug
My name is rug. I like long walks on the beach and intimate candle-lit dinners.
1. Do you like Pina Coladas? Getting caught in the rain?...nt

3. Translation: I live alone and forget to pay the electric bill.

Welcome & Help, 22 May 2012

In a self-deleted original post by
I think this is the OP. This, kids, is why it’s important to copy the TEXT of the OP and the TEXT of the nominees!!!

Message from the grave!!!.


Setup Image (also a nominee): http://www.democraticunderground.com/124097998#post46

Oh shit! Look who showed up in her forum.

47. She has a hostage!!! SHE HAS A HOSTAGE!!!

M-D, 22 May 2012

In an original post by tridim
I think I'm falling in love with a Republican.
I didn't know until today, so don't blame me.

Does that make me a bad person?

9. I do feel obliged to point out that if you ignore the advice of anonymous strangers
(such as myself), you do so at your own risk: many of us have a great deal of experience giving advice on the internet, to people whom we have never met and about whom we actually know nothing at all; in fact, we have been giving such advice for years and years, to thousands of people whose lives would no doubt have improved considerably, if only they had listened to our advice

The Lounge, 21 May 2012

In an original post by TalkingDog
The Klan is holding a meeting in Harmony, NC.

Within hours Social Media:

Stop by if you like.

3. I thought that they were meeting in Tampa this August?

It’s not a cross! It’s a lower-case “t”! A lower-case “t” for “tolerance!

GD, 24 May 2012

In an original post by UnrepentantLiberal
Stalker alert
The alerter is obviously following this person around alerting on every one of their posts.

AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Results of your Jury Service

At Thu May 24, 2012, 06:06 PM an alert was sent on the following post:

I'd vote for the Dapper Dan guy.



This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate. (See <a href="http://www.democraticunderground.com/? com=aboutus#communitystandards" target="_blank">Community Standards</a>.)


this is a stupid post that contributes nothing to the discussion.

You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Thu May 24, 2012, 06:13 PM, and the Jury voted 0-6 to LEAVE IT.

Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE and said: Stupid alert that contributes nothing to anything. Stalker alert. Alerter should be alerted. Juror #2 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE and said: This alert is two weeks away from anything resembling sense.
Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE and said: Harmless...
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE and said: WTF? Um, no.
Juror #5 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE and said: Seriously, we're alerting on this now? If the stick is that far up your butt, maybe you should stay off the Internet.
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE and said: This is a stupid alert that contributes nothing to the forum.

Thank you very much for participating in our Jury system, and we hope you will be able to participate again in the future.

66. "Provis99? Listen to me. We've traced the alert... it's coming from inside the house!
Now a squad car's coming over there right now, just get out of that house!"

M-D, 24 May 2012

In an original post by bigtree
“Touch it, dude!” Mr. Obama said.

Jacob spoke first.

“I want to know if my hair is just like yours,” he told Mr. Obama, so quietly that the president asked him to speak again.

Jacob did, and Mr. Obama replied, “Why don’t you touch it and see for yourself?” He brought his head level with Jacob, who hesitated.

“Touch it, dude!” Mr. Obama said.

As Jacob patted the presidential crown, Mr. Souza snapped.

“So, what do you think?” Mr. Obama asked.

“Yes, it does feel the same,” Jacob said.

from today’s NYT's wonderfully touching story about Pete Souza’ memorable photo: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/24/us/politics/indelible-image-of-a-boys-pat-on-obamas-head-hangs-in-white-house.html?_r=2&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1337817623-bv62ULyjDLN2GudC84fz+Q&pagewanted=print

20. touch it dude

From The Ashes
37. looks like he's
closing the cover after changing his batteries!

GD, 23 May 2012

In an original post by Roland99
Facebook's Zuckerberg, Thiel sell shares
Source: MarketWatch

Facebook Inc. FB +3.32% Chief Executive Mark Zuckerberg has sold 30.2 million shares and director Peter Thiel has sold 16.8 million shares of the social-networking company, according to securities filings published late Tuesday. The sales confirm plans detailed in a prospectus before Friday's $16 billion IPO. Zuckerberg sold 30.2 million shares at a price of $37.58 for gross proceeds of $1.13 billion; Thiel sold 16.8 million shares for gross proceeds of $633 million. Facebook insiders had told prospective shareholders of their plans in an S-1 filing last week. Facebook FB +3.32% shares were down 0.8% after hours at $30.74.

Read more: http://www.marketwatch.com/story/facebooks-zuckerberg-thiel-sell-shares-2012-05-22?link=MW_story_popular


Getting out while the getting's possible?

1. I read that as "Zuckerberg, Thief sell shares"

46. I read it as "Suckerberg, Thief sell shares" nt

LBN, 23 May 2012

Original post by KamaAina
How to make fire using only orange people
Rub Boner and Snooki together vigorously -- but not too vigorously, because we certainly wouldn't want them to reproduce!

1. What? Rub Boner and Nookis together?

3. Weepy and Creepy.
Two Oompa-Loompas fired by Willy Wonka because "they were too creepy even for me."

The Velveteen Ocelot
4. You'll never be able to ignite Boner.
He's too moist.

6. But his tears are probably 100 proof

The Lounge, 18 May 2012

In an original post by RZM
I encourage everyone here to take a zero-tolerance approach to posts encouraging prison rape
That includes posts that joke about it as well.

With the Zimmerman case winding its way through the justice system, we’re going to see posts advocating or making fun of prison rape. In the following thread, the first two posts were alerted on but left alone by 2-4 votes.


IMO, this kind of thing does not belong here. This is a human rights issue.

For those who still aren't convinced, I encourage you to put yourself in the shoes of somebody who is being sexually victimized. Try to imagine a person holding a blade to your eye while they violently penetrate you. Imagine the terror and the intense pain. Imagine having to stifle your screams, because this rapist has promised that if you make a sound, they will blind you. And then imagine that this is only the beginning. Inmates who are 'turned out' are often relegated to permanent slave status. You will be passed around and forced to have sex with many different men, sometimes a roomful at the same time. You will be bought and sold for a few dollars worth of cigarettes and groceries.

Is that the kind of thing we support here? Violent rape and sexual slavery? Please keep this in mind next time you serve on a jury for a post that encourages or makes fun of rape in our prison system.

12. We could have one place where the jury members names are shown
but it could only be discussed in the new Nancy Grace forum

M-D, 25 May 2012

In an original post by cthulu2016
Is the the first election (in a long time) where neither candidate served in the military?
And no, I am not counting The Chimperor's service. Gore was in the military.

Going back election by election... McCain, Kerry, Gore, Dole, Bush I, Bush I, not sure about Mondale, Carter, Carter, McGovern and Nixon, Nixon (probably Humphrey too, don't know), LBJ and/or Goldwater probably, JFK and Nixon, Ike (and probably Stevenson), ditto, Truman, FDR was secretary of the Navy but I don't know if he was in the military...

Uncle Joe
4. Romney served in the 1st Vampire Squadron, 2nd Leech Division of the U.S. Walking Bain Corpse.
Thanks for the thread, cthulu.

GD, 25 May 2012

Thanks to: obxhead, LadyHawkAZ, bluedigger, eridani, dixiegrrrrl, meow2u3, underpants, rocktivity, Vanje, gkhouston, Ruby the Liberal, ellisonz, Scuba, Bobbie Jo, and TBF!

Yay! I appear to be on the ball this week! Woot!

And remember folks, it's Memorial Day, not National Barbeque Day.

to Grandpa, Great-Uncle Lou, and Uncle Rick.


Posted by The DUzy Awards | Fri May 25, 2012, 07:54 PM (35 replies)

The DUzy Awards for Friday, May 18th, 2012 - Part 1


Your blend of current events, snark, sarcasm, humor, and general smart-assery from your fellow DUers!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in purple text, then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in red italicized text that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment.

In an original post by Are_grits_groceries
One of our esteemed SC state senators may be removed from office. Can you guess why?
I use the word esteemed very loosely.
Senator Jake Knotts:

Scroll down for answer:

Just when it seemed S.C. Sen. Jakie Knotts (RINO-Lexington) had successfully schemed his way into another four-year term as State Senator, along comes a lawsuit that could derail his large-sized ambitions.
According to multiple sources familiar with the situation, Knotts is about to be sued over a December 2010 incident in which he challenged former South Carolina Republican Party official Patrick Haddon to a duel.
If found guilty, Knotts could wind up being removed not only from the ballot … but from his office as well. How come? Because believe it or not, there’s a constitutional prohibition against dueling in the Palmetto State.
According to the South Carolina Constitution (Article XVII Section 1B), “any person who shall fight a duel or send or accept a challenge for that purpose, or be an aider or abettor in fighting a duel, shall be deprived of holding any office of honor or trust in this State, and shall be otherwise punished as the law shall prescribe.”
Sources tell FITS that Katrina Shealy – a Lexington County Republican activist who was until recently campaigning against Knotts for S.C. Senate District 23 – has incorporated this “duel” issue to a formal ballot protest filed with the SCGOP.

A duel.
We don't impeach lawmakers. We wait for illegal duels.
I have no idea where this will end up, but I wish they would legalize one duel and make that fat ass try it.

5. Who knew the Staypuft Marshmallow Man could shoot?

Oy. The republicans in my state are batshit crazy. Yes, indeed.

I wonder is Katrina Shealy is related to the Shealys of Shealy Barbecue. Good stuff.

GD, 14 May 2012

Original post by Segami
If We Must FIGHT, Let it Be NOW

The neo-rightwing wackjobs are stirring up hate mobs against Obama. What will happen when their plan to defeat Obama bursts? How will these sickos react when they finally realize that Obama will be THEIR President for another 4 YEAR TERM?

" Tentherism’s threats, hints of secession http://www.politicususa.com/texas-arizona-federal.html and even armed insurrection http://www.politicususa.com/rick-perry-president-of-texas.html - “Second Amendment remedies” as they are euphemistically called (now broadened to include OWS) – are nothing new, sad to say. Just the other day Rand Paul endorsed an ad that not only lied about an imaginary “million rifle ban” but portrayed one of those rifles pointed at President Obama’s head. But the outright call for “armed revolution” in the event of an Obama victory in November from the Greene County, Virginia Republican Committee is more the stuff of a crazed right-wing militia than a major political party – or so you would think.

In the committee’s newsletter, “The Constitutional Conservatives” editor Ponch McPhee wrote the following in the “White House Watchdog”:

We have before us a challenge to remove an ideologue unlike anything world history has ever witnessed or recognized.

An individual who has come to power within a Nation which yields it’s strength over the entire world.

An elected leader who shuns biblical praise, handicaps economic ability, disrespects the honor of earned military might.

In the coming days and weeks ~ we the people must come to grasp as a common force, our very soul’s, that our future as a sovereign nation is indeed at risk.

If every single individual that you know, would contact 25 other individuals ~ we can make a difference that will be heard across the Commonwealth and in Washington.

The ultimate task for the people is to remain vigilant and aware ~ that the government, their government is out of control, and this moment, this opportunity, must not be forsaken, must not escape us, for we shall not have any coarse but armed revolution should we fail with the power of the vote in November ~ This Republic cannot survive for 4 more years underneath this political socialist ideologue. "

Some of us understand that there is a very real danger of armed insurrection (you can’t actually call it a revolution when its purpose is to reassert the conservative status quo – it’s more of a counter-revolution if the word is to be used at all) in the event of an Obama victory in 2012. The Homeland Security warning so unwisely rescinded was accurate. These people are well-armed and none too sane, as their behavior demonstrates.



Warren DeMontague
9. "we shall not have any coarse"?
Well that's just fine, isn't it.

GD, 12 May 2012

Original post by struggle4progress
Why are that you is votering against Mitt?
29 votes, 6 passes | Time left: Time expired
Cuz him Muslin
1 (3%)
Cuz him daddy wuz from Mexico
0 (0%)
Cuz him lived in Massachusett
1 (3%)
Cuz him grampdaddy not believe one-man-one-woman Marriage
1 (3%)
Cuz Mitt Mean Mofo
26 (90%)
6 DU members did not wish to select any of the options provided.

If you drink enough, the grammar makes perfect sense!

Politics 2012, 11 May 2012

In an original post by maddezmom
Is it okay to post about dogs and food in here?
Or is this more of a Pets group topic? Anyway here goes:

I'm was in the middle of grilling salmon and had put a avocado on the counter to slice and add to my salad. When, I walked outside to get my fish, tripped over my half gnawed avocado. When I yelled out an expeletive Copper ran right to it and began burying it in the shrubs.

Good thing I have another.

Seriously, this dog loves anything green...avocados, beans, granny smiths, pears, aspargus, etc . I can leave most anything on the counter and he won't touch it but if it's green he wants it. He's even eaten raw brussel sprouts before. What is up with that?

1. Probably ... as long as its not about dogs AS food ...

Cooking & Baking, 12 May 2012

In an original post by n2doc
Man Pulled Over by Cops for Being Too Radioactive
If you're ever driving around after taking a nuclear stress test, like one man in Connecticut was, you better hope your doctor gave you a note, otherwise you're gonna have a hard time explaining to cops why you set off their nuclear detectors. Oh, and did I mention cops have nuclear detectors???

From the Connecticut Post:

State Police spokesman Lt. J. Paul Vance confirmed that many of the state police cars have the radioactivity detectors. "It's part of our homeland security operations here," Vance said. "It's just another layer of public safety that we have in this state."

Though the goal of the detectors is to alert police to motorists who might be carrying hazardous materials, cases like Apatow's happen from time to time.

"They're very sensitive," Vance said of the detectors.

The Connecticut post says that the small amount of radioactive material injected into firefighter Mike Apatow was enough to set off the geiger counter in the car of a state trooper, who immediately flagged Apatow down and demanded some answers. Luckily, Apatow's note from the doctor was enough.


12. Sir...
Do you know how fast you were decaying?

Roving license-plate cameras, and now this… what is the uninsured radioactive to do???

GD, 12 May 2012

In an original post by madamesilverspurs
Spooky odd...
Is it just me, or does Mitt's brother, Scott, bear a bit of resemblance to Rick Santorum?

9. The Santorum model was an older generation of android before the Mitt
and prone to glitches like feedback loops where it couldn't stop talking about men having sex with dogs. Not all of them have been retired from service yet.

GD, 15 May 2012

In an original post by WCGreen
So a lot of people say that Jesus will be coming soon....
I have heard that for decades now.

I bet it has been going on for centuries.

So my question is why doesn't he get Cinemax or On Demand to help him get to, you know, that there promised land....

Oh I am so going to hell....

3. Yeah. He sucks at the masturbation thing.
It's been ages.

If your erections lasts more than 4 millennia, consult your Divine Doctor immediately

The Lounge, 13 May 2012

In an original post by babylonsister
George Lucas disses neighbors by doing something awesome

George Lucas disses neighbors by doing something awesome

​George Lucas has long wanted to build a massive studio complex on his posh property near San Francisco, but has been foiled by his Marin County neighbors for 25 years, even as subdivisions have gone up around him. Now he's fighting fire with fire, giving up on his dream and instead building low-income housing on the property. We know -- it's pretty sweet. In the exquisitely titled article, "George Lucas Does Something Likeable For a Change," Peter Hall nails it: "If there's one thing rich people will hate more than having movie magic made in their backyard, it's poor people moving in." That the second Star Wars trilogy, or ... you get the point, but bully for Lucas here.

George Lucas Does Something Likeable For a Change: Revenge on Rich Neighbors


So what is George Lucas going to do with his property now that he's tired of his rich neighbors putting up a not-in-my-backyard stink? He wants to transform the property into low-income housing, naturally, ending their official statement with this zinger, "If everyone feels that housing is less impactful on the land, then we are hoping that people who need it the most will benefit."

He's working with the Marin Community Foundation to instead construct affordable housing for either low-income families or seniors living on small, fixed incomes. In order to smooth along the development, he's already given them all of the pricey technical studies and land surveys Lucasfilm spent years conducting. And we think that's just great. Because if there's one thing rich people will hate more than having movie magic made in their backyard, it's poor people moving in.

Mr. Lucas, we may hate you for turning your back on the original trilogy, but our hat is off to you on this one. Well played.

8. I can remember Paul Harvey a few years back during a spike in unemployment,
talking about the help wanted adds in his Arizona paper. He went on about all the adds for domestic help offering the princely sum of $10 per hour! As if this proved that people just weren't willing to take good paying jobs.

Not only was that not very good money, you likely had a pretty good commute to your job. Affluent areas, as far as I know, aren't known for having reasonable housing for anyone willing to take a job like that.

There might be some benefit in it for Lucas' neighbors

16. Paul Harvey was a douchebag.
My Republican Social Studies teacher used to bring in excerpts from his show for us to listen to and it always sounded like total bullshit for old people to me.

Son of Gob
35. and now you know the rest of the story.

GD, 13 May 2012

In an original post by Texasgal
I wish that jurors wouldn't use their duty to call out and make nasty comments towards other members.

It's cowardly and really nasty.

45. The DUzy Awards are controlled by the patriarchy?

Warren DeMontague
59. Come ON. Have you seen that statue?

It's got a helpless icon of sexualized, objectified, male gaze phallopressed femininity, sexualized curves and all, and on the ground is a laughing pac-MAN (MAN!!!! ) who is quite probably looking up her skirt at the sacred Dworkin of her victimized maidenhood. Or, the round laughing head may symbolize the fragmented, damaged moon goddess, still traumatized by the brutal cosmic sexual assault by the brutes at NASA and their space phallus.

Patriarchy, INDEED.

H&M-D, 14 May 2012

In an original post by sufrommich
Prom Chaperones Sprayed Lysol On Dirty Dancers
Two parent chaperones at a Colorado high school prom sprayed Lysol on students engaged in “dirty dancing” and called several teenage girls “sluts and whores” for making it appear “they were advertising butt sex,” according to cops......

Officer Scott Stone, who was working a security detail at the prom, told investigators that he had spoken with Farmer and Rockey after arriving at the dance around 8 PM. He recalled that the chaperones--who were dressed in combat boots, military fatigues, and military undershirt--noted that “some of the kids were becoming disruptive and were being explicit while dancing.”

As detailed by police, several teenagers told officers that the chaperones subsequently deployed the Lysol, which got into the eyes and mouths of some dancers (some of whom had to leave the prom). A female student reported the spraying to police, saying that Farmer and Rockey said that some dancers “were advertising butt sex.” The chaperones, the girl told cops, referred to her and her friends as “sluts and whores” and “dirty.”

As for the spraying, the teenager reported that “Hannah Rockey then proceeded to spray Lysol at them, which got on their clothing, mouth, and eyes. The spray caused the students to cough and leave the area.” After hearing the girl’s account, a cop “obtained several witness statements” supporting the allegations against Farmer and Rockey.


I hope these women get some jail time for this. Could you imagine being the children of these two cretins?

Capt. Obvious
3. No one sprays baby in the corner

GD, 15 May 2012

In an original post by romantico
They Are Actually Making a Second ATLAS SHRUGGED Film
WTF?! Usually when a film bombs like the first film did they scrap plans for sequels.


5. Apparently they liked that feeling of the free hand of the market slapping them on the ass.

GD, 15 May 2012

Thanks to: Eferrari, eridani, coalition_unwilling, bluedigger, Bolo Boffin, Scuba, hootinholler, Vanje, NoPasaran, and Enrique!!!

Sorry for the two-parter… it’s been a hell of a weekend and it’s not over yet! I’ll hammer out the second half ASAP.

With exhausted regards,
Posted by The DUzy Awards | Sun May 20, 2012, 11:19 AM (112 replies)

The DUzy Awards for Friday, May 11th, 2012


Your weekly expo of what tickles the funnybones of DU denizens!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in purple text, then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in red italicized text that’s a comment from me.

All past DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment.

In an original post by kpete
AZ review shows private prisons cost more - So legislature ends the study.
FRI MAY 04, 2012 AT 03:27 AM PDT
AZ review shows private prisons cost more. So legislature ends the study.
by Mother Mags

If you're a state hellbent on turning corrections over to the for-profit prison industry, what do you do when an annual survey shows that private jails are often more expensive than the old fashioned public variety? Especially if, by law, the state may contract for private prisons only if they prove to be less expensive? Simple, just eliminate that pesky study.

Buried in the $8.6 billion budget proposal passed at the state Capitol this week is a plan to "eliminate the requirement for a quality and cost review of private prison contracts."

It means there would no longer be an annual review of how private prisons operate.
CBS5.com http://www.kpho.com/story/18143695/state-lawmakers-look-to-ease-oversight-on-private-prisons


18. I live in AZ. The state legislators here should be locked up in one of their prisons
just for being too stupid, ignorant, and evil to have any right to exist.

They are an offense against nature, heinous evolutionary throwbacks who threaten the survival of the human race if their genes get any farther in the gene pool.

It's soooo unbelievable how stupid, corrupt, and inefficient they are. This state is way gone beyond broke, and it was this way even before the banksters collapsed the economy.

A day at the state capitol:

This meeting of the Arizona legislature now called to order:

Grunt. Pffffft. hehheh. Eat! Me eat! bfffft. snort. EAAAT!

Voices in unison: Eat gooood! (Scratching) (Banging on chairs!) Where Pearce? Pearce go home? Eaaaat!

Senator I.B Ready: (Grunt)I propose we rename the State Courthouse after my recently departed brother, JT Ready, who sacrificed his life in the service of our great state by murdering unarmed women and babies who were suspected of being librul Mexican foreigners.

Banging on table, Voices in unison: Yea! JT gooood! Kill!!! Eat!!! Eat gooood!

Motion passed.

Now we go home? Voices in unison: Hooome! Pearce go home? Eaaaat! Beeeeer! TeeeeeVeeee! Teeeeveeee! ooo ooo ooo!

Another highly productive day for conservative members of the AZ legislature.

GD, 4 May, 2012

In an original post by trumad
Enough with the "doesn't make DU a better place" shit.
Fuck---is that the new motto for this joint?

Hey---trumad said Douchebag--- and that doesn't make DU a better place.

Hey---Will Pitt told someone in the sports forum that the Yankees suck---hey---that doesn't make DU a better place.

Every post I read lately has that stupid ass saying.

15. Thou Art Making The DU Sucketh.
I like a more formal version, myself.

28. LOL, we need a graphic of this.

37. How about a poster?

H&M-D, 5 May 2012

In an original post by goclark
Why don't they show the crowds for Rethugs?
They always show the enormous crowds for Obama.

I can't recall seeing a crowd making much - if any cheers for Romney and Company.

Sometimes I hear a few Boo's when the name OBAMA is mentioned but that is it.

How many times have you seen the camera focus an interview with someone that attends a Rethug rally?

Just wondering if I'm missing something

6. Because it would frighten children

GD, 5 May 2012

In an original post by pepperbear
Bloody Brilliant!

3. Not in a box. Not in a train. Not with my heart. Not with my brain.
Not in a coat. Not in a slip.
I will not, WILL not, vote for Mitt.

GD, 6 May 2012

In an original post by raccoon
Anyone ever tried mephisto shoes? I saw an ad about them in a women's magazine and
just now googled them. They are very expensive.

kenny blankenship
1. The money is nothing. In the end they take your sole.

GD, 7 May 2012

In an original post by charlie and algernon
What's the craziest thing you ever saw at a zoo? I saw an alpha male lion teabag one of the females.
I went to the National Zoo on Saturday and witnessed the big Alpha Male lion teabag one of the female lions. The female lion was on her back, showing her belly just as any housecat would do. The big alpha male walks up to her and steps right over her face and squats down. That ellicited lots of nervous, uneasy laughter from all the parents, I'm sure all praying that their kids wouldn't ask what the hell was going on. The female lion of course gets pissed at having these two hairy peaches in her face and gets the hell out of there. The male then sat down in her spot with, I gotta say, a look of satisfaction in his face.

That, I gotta say, was the craziest thing I've ever seen at a zoo.

4. I saw a bat masturbate
it was pretty funny

11. How do bats masturbate?

14. his lil pee-pee was sticking out and he was using his wing to rub it
just saying

The Lounge, 7 May 2012

Original post by LynneSin
*** gets out her staple gun and posts today's meal in the DU Cafeteria ***

8. Sorry, my diet prohibits my eating small cocks...

10. Peggy can you IM me your address...
so my lawyers can send the bill for the new monitor you owe me

The Lounge, 8 May 2012

Original post by rug
"Sorry, my diet prohibits my eating small __________..."
Dinner at the Olive Garden with CaliforniaPeggy for the best answer.

You judge the answers!!!

The Lounge, 8 May 2012

In an original post by doh_phooey
Cartoon: Willard Wonka

1. Romney: "Come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination"
Like the alternate universe where he's created jobs, saved the auto industry, and would have captured bin Laden. And where trickle down economics works.

GD, 8 May 2012

In an original post by kpete
Parents arrested for strapping kids to hood of car
Source: WBRC

Parents arrested for strapping kids to hood of car

Posted: May 08, 2012 10:21 AM PDT
Updated: May 08, 2012 10:22 AM PDT

FORT WAYNE, IN (WPTA/FOX) – Police arrested parents for strapping their four kids to the hood of a car during a liquor run.

Police took the couple into custody Monday after witnesses reported seeing them tie the children to the top of the car in a liquor store parking lot.

The man reportedly drove his kids - ages 4, 5, 6 and 7 - and the woman three blocks to the store.


All of the children were reportedly unharmed.

Copyright 2012 FOX via WPTA. All rights reserved.

Read more: http://www.myfoxal.com/story/18189904/parents-arrested-for-strapping-kids-to-hood-of-car


His ex-girlfriend, and mother of the children, says she's furious and she'll never let the kids see their father again.


1. Well I know what everyone at DU is thinking

2. that this man Romneyed his own kids?

LBN, 8 May 2012

In an original post by Tx4obama
What the F**K !!! Primary: Federal prisoner (D-WV) running against Obama has 37% of vote so far
Federal Prisoner Gives Obama A Run For His Money In West Virginia, May Earn Delegates At Convention

Meet Keith Judd — or as some call him, “Inmate No. 11593-051.” He is serving a 210-month sentence at the Beaumont Federal Correctional Institution in Texas for making threats at the University of New Mexico in 1999. Despite that bothersome obstacle, he qualified for the West Virginia Democratic primary ballot and is currently giving President Obama a run for his money, currently racking up 37% of the vote.



7. Look at the bright side
No one has to worry about him campaigning in other states.

Politics 2012

In an original post by ProSense
Shep Smith: GOP Is On ‘The Wrong Side Of History’ On Gay Marriage (plus RNC statement)

Shep Smith: GOP Is On ‘The Wrong Side Of History’ On Gay Marriage

Speaking shortly after President Obama announced his endorsement of same-sex marriage, Fox News anchor Shepard Smith suggested that Republicans were on “the wrong side of history” when it comes to the issue.

“I am curious whether you believe in this time of rising debt and medical issues and all the rest, if Republicans would go out on a limb and try to make this a campaign issue while sitting very firmly without much question on the wrong side of history,” he asked reporter Ed Henry.

- more -


RNC = proud knuckledraggers.

RNC Chair: Obama ‘Played Politics’ On Gay Marriage

Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairman Reince Priebus released the following statement follwing news of Obama’s gay marriage decision:

“While President Obama has played politics on this issue, the Republican Party and our presumptive nominee Mitt Romney have been clear. We support maintaining marriage between one man and one woman and would oppose any attempts to change that,” said RNC Chairman

Reince Priebus.


Ian David
1. FREE SHEP!!! n/t

GD, 9 May 2012

In an original post by xchrom
Smallest mammoths found on Crete

The researchers analysed teeth collected on the island

The smallest mammoth ever known to have existed roamed the island of Crete millions of years ago, researchers say.

Adults were roughly the size of a modern baby elephant, standing over a metre tall at the shoulders.

Remains were discovered more than a century ago, but scientists had debated whether the animal was a mammoth or an ancient elephant.

A new analysis of the animal's teeth suggests it falls closer to the mammoth lineage.

Palaeontologists Victoria Herridge and Adrian Lister, from London's Natural History Museum, report their findings in the Royal Society journal Proceedings B.

3. Small mammoths? They're in the same aisle as jumbo shrimp.

The Ronco Pocket Mammoth?

Science, 9 May 2012

In an original post by iscooterliberally
Orangutans at Miami's Jungle Island use iPads to communicate
Source: The Miami Herald

Associated Press

MIAMI -- The 8-year-old twins love their iPad. They draw, play games and expand their vocabulary. Their family's teenagers also like the hand-held computer tablets, too, but the clan's elders show no interest.

The orangutans at Miami's Jungle Island apparently are just like people when it comes to technology. The park is one of several zoos experimenting with computers and apes, letting its six orangutans use an iPad to communicate and as part of a mental stimulus program. Linda Jacobs, who oversees the program, hopes the devices will eventually help bridge the gap between humans and the endangered apes.


Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/09/2790545/orangutans-at-miami-zoo-use-ipads.html

This is very cool.

3. What is next, Planet of the Apes?
Oh, we already went through that under republican rule during the 80's and 2000's.

7. Planet of the Apps
Gotta find out how well the Simianid operating system works. Probably much better for swingers.

9. I can't wait to 'friend' them on Facebook.

One of the twins Tweeted disapproval about the primitive Free Republic layout.

LBN, 9 May 2012

Original post by NNN0LHI
Romney says its about time Obama took his advice on Marriage Equality
You just know its coming.


GD, 9 May 2012

In an original post by bluestateguy
Exactly what is the "Homosexual Lobby"?
I heard that label get thrown around a lot.


1. I think you hang out in the Lobby before you are allowed into the Agenda.

GD, 9 May 2012

Original post by 20score
Damnit! The Right Is On To Us. Satan, Mayans, Woman…They’re putting it Together.
Well, maybe not the Mayans yet, but it’s just a matter of time if we don't do something now.

All you feminists, hippies, sluts, liberals and assorted moon-bats have it so easy because guys like me are on the front lines quietly destroying the country. When Mr. Obama came to my group - Satan’s Illuminati - and asked what he could do to destroy marriage, we were there with an answer. “Come out in favor of marriage equality,” we said with no hesitation. A few years ago he and Joe Biden approached us with what they said was, ‘a big fuckin’ deal.’ “We want nothing less than to destroy our entire economic system, and frustrate the Job Creators so much, they just give up on creating jobs… but it can’t be too obvious.” As the head of SI, it’s my prerogative to speak for the group. “Oh, that is a tall order,” I said smiling. “But here’s what you do. Raise the tax rate three percent on the richest one or two percent of the country. Back to 1990’s levels. It will all come tumbling down. The rich will quit working faster than you can say, ‘socialist.’ Trust me on this.” “That’ll work of course, but they’ll see it coming a mile away. Fox News has some pretty sharp people watching our every move,” said the president. “Maybe in the second term.”

What tipped me off to their enlightenment was one Rev. Jesse Lee Paterson announcing that giving women the vote was what is destroying America. “Nothin’ good going to come out of this,” he said. Genius in its simplicity. You see, giving the women the vote was our idea one hundred years ago. Being devotees of both Satan and the Mayans has its advantages. We get to combine the evil power of Satan with the apocalyptic visions of early Mesoamericans. In the early 20th century our group knew we had to bring about our demise by the end of 2012. “What to do?” They thought. Then someone came up with the idea of giving the women the vote. “Perfect!” Everyone exclaimed. “They’ll vote for everything bad, damage the families and if our calculations are correct, it should take about ninety-two years to bring everything down.” If they catch on now, all this work will be for naught.

So, it’s now up to me and my brethren to find out just how much the ‘Real American’s’ know. It was off to a teabagger rally where my worst fears were confirmed almost immediately. I brought with me a cameraman, Dan Savage, Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon, as they are instrumental in getting our message out to the public. We approached a few people who knew a little of what was happening, such as the woman who knew Hitler was a liberal and a man who knew that ‘unemployment benefits is communism!’ But what sent a chill down my spine was a lone man with a sign that read, “Obama is the anti-Christ.’ I approached with trepidation. “How do you know Obama is the anti-Christ?” I asked. “Well,” he answered. “They went into the Bible and they, um, they found the numbers and they… and they proved he’s the anti-Christ…It’s all there.”Damn, Azazel,” I whispered to my cameraman. “He’s on to us!”

So, it’s now the perfect storm. Some are catching on to Obama’s real identity, we have a brilliant preacher exposing our plans to an otherwise ignorant public; and as always, we have Sean Hannity revealing how great torture really is and how much we’ll lose as a country if we give it up. We need your help with keeping a lid on our plans. It may sound cliché, but destroying a country isn’t a spectator’s sport. If you see someone counting in their Bible, run up to them and talk about the weather. If someone asks you, “Hey, how come you don’t love torture?” Deflect by answering, “It’s not that I don’t love torture, it’s just that…Wow did you see American Idol last night?” And if someone points out how damaging it is to allow woman to vote, answer them saying, “But Ann Coulter is a woman.” That should stump them long enough to bring up American Idol once again.

Thanks for your support.

GD, 10 May 2012

In an original post by Doctor_J
I've been banned from LBGT
I guess this can be done unilaterally. A thread was opened up to rererererererehash MM's gay-bashing from freeperville. I pointed out that this subject has been the topic of a large number of threads already, and was another one really necessary. One of the members called my post disruptive, I said maybe, and I will stop posting in that thread. then I was locked out.

Come on, people. You give Dems a bad name.

49. You know, you don't have to publicly thank Hosts. eom

H&M-D, 9 May 2012

Original post by bleever
"Mitt Romney to announce TWO vice-presidential nominees: Crabbe and Goyle."
Via Twitter, from Tom the Dancing Bug cartoonist Ruben Bolling.
@RubenBolling Mitt Romney to announce TWO vice-presidential nominees: Crabbe and Goyle.

No question: Mitt is definitely Slytherin.

Politics 2012, 10 May 2012

In an original post by Cali_Democrat
ABC News: Romney camp is reaching out to Romney's old HS friends asking them to offer support
ABC News has learned that the Romney camp is reaching out to several of Romney's old HS friends to ask them to offer "supporting remarks"


Here's Jon Bershad's take on this:

What? How is that going to be good at all?

Can you imagine the best case scenario here? Romney’s going to pull out some other classmate, presumably some ultra rich guy, who’s going to suddenly go on TV and talk about how his old chum Mittens was just the best. It’ll look awful.

Unless the Romney campaign knows that this story is going to get worse, I just can’t understand why they’re responding to it at all.


32. "This one time at yacht camp..."

Somehow, when it’s not Alyson Hannigan I don’t what to know what went where!

GD, 10 May 2012

Original post by Scuba
Crystal Ball: I see grater things coming Scott Walker's way

Wisconsin Group, 9 May 2012

In an original post by spanone
today's media meme: 'it's a virtual tie'

2. Duhhh! Somehow my aging brain translated this into "It's a virtual lie"
Which would also be appropriate!

GD, 7 May 2012

In an original post by Amerigo Vespucci
Beach Boys' Bruce Johnston says you're "fucked" if "asshole" Obama gets a second term. Fun Fun Fun!
By Rolling Stone
May 11, 2012 11:55 AM ET
Bruce Johnston
Larry Busacca/Getty Images For The Recording Academy


The Beach Boys' Bruce Johnston had some heated words for President Obama while signing autographs for fans in New York on May 10th, according to TMZ.

"Obama? Unless you're interested in never having any money," said Johnston in a video clip when asked about the President. Johnston reportedly called Obama "an asshole" and suggested the president was a Socialist, but the exact quotes are hard to decipher from the clip.

Johnston was also unhappy with Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, asking fans, "And who's the Republican asshole? Our guy isn't any good."

He finished with a barb towards a fan expressing support for Obama. "Wait until Obama doesn't have to try anymore," said Johnston. "You're fucked."

1. It's a free country.
Johnston is free to say what he wants.

Amerigo Vespucci
2. Didn't say he wasn't.
If you think I did, point it out to me. The exact quote.

7. Yes you did
In your post. Somewhere. You did. Have you no shame? Why do you hate freedom?

Amerigo Vespucci
13. OK, you're right, I admit it. Here is the hidden subliminal text I planted in my original post.
I've beern busted by you and bigwillq...two proud and perceptive Americans.

Beach Boys' Bruce Johnston says you're "fucked" if "asshole" Obama gets a second term. Fun Fun Fun!

By Rolling Stone
May 11, 2012 11:55 AM ET
Bruce Johnston
Larry Busacca/Getty Images For The Recording Academy


Hi, this is Amerigo Vespucci, and this is the portion of the post you CANNOT read UNLESS you are wearing your special DU Super Secret Subliminal Goggles©, or you are simpy SO BRILLIANT and PERCEPTIVE that you can READ and COMPREHEND words that, for the other 99.9% of the population, DO NOT EVEN APPEAR ON THIS PAGE.

YES, I DO have an agenda in this post, and it is to DENY Bruce Johnston his right to FREE SPEECH! It's not the idea that I DISAGREE with him...I just feel like messing with Bruce Johnston. After all, he wrote Barry Manilow's "I Write The Songs," and for that reason alone, he should be denied ALL of his rights.

So please respond to my post CONDEMNING Bruce Johnston as a human being, as a musician, and I PRAY TO GOD bigwillq isn't reading this post, because if there is ANYONE on DU smart and perceptive enough to discover my SUPER SECRET HIDDEN AGENDA, it is bigwillq. If bigwillq sees this thread, I will most vertainly be exposed for the fraud that I am. He truly is SMARTER and more PERCEPTIVE than ALL of us put together.

That is all. Remember to vote for Mitt Romney in November.



The Beach Boys' Bruce Johnston had some heated words for President Obama while signing autographs for fans in New York on May 10th, according to TMZ.

"Obama? Unless you're interested in never having any money," said Johnston in a video clip when asked about the President. Johnston reportedly called Obama "an asshole" and suggested the president was a Socialist, but the exact quotes are hard to decipher from the clip.

Johnston was also unhappy with Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, asking fans, "And who's the Republican asshole? Our guy isn't any good."

He finished with a barb towards a fan expressing support for Obama. "Wait until Obama doesn't have to try anymore," said Johnston. "You're fucked."

GD, May 11, 2012

In an original post by Hissyspit
The Top 8 Ways To Be 'Traditionally Married' According To The Bible
May 11 2012

The Top 8 Ways To Be 'Traditionally Married' According To The Bible

I don't think "traditional marriage" means what you think it means.

Adam Mordecai

3. Hallmark could make a FORTUNE on Wedding cards!!!!!
For example ...
We know that losing your husband was hard. But praise be to God, for giving you your husband's brother, a man who's genetic material is actually quite similar to that of your husband.

And so Congratulations to you, your brother-in-law / new husband, with our hope that the children you conceive look at least a little like your husband ... the dead one.

Proud Public Servant
7. Hallmark cards generally rhyme
I'm sure that it was quite a blow
When hubby passed away,
Without a child or two, you know,
To help you grieve that day.

How lucky, then, that our Good Book
Has just the thing for you:
Another man for whom you'll cook
And clean and sew and screw.

I know that you still miss your beau;
That's why you need another.
And lucky you -- what do you know! --
This next one is his brother!

Congrats on you forced engagement!

GD, 11 May 2012

Thanks to: coalition_unwilling, gkhouston, Scuba, hootinholler, Ikonoklast, Curmudgeoness, CaliforniaPeggy, kag, meow2u3, Tx4obama, grantcart, scarletwoman, gateley, pinboy3niner, eridani, Vanje, rocktivity, Arugula Latte, countryjake, and myrna minx!

Wow, May 9th was a hell of a day on DU, wasn’t it?

Done in time for Saturday morning bagels and coffee after a night of introducing my new girlfriend to my parents!
Posted by The DUzy Awards | Sat May 12, 2012, 08:17 AM (30 replies)
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