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Member since: Tue Jun 16, 2009, 03:09 PM
Number of posts: 2,248

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Someone calling themselves "celibate" just because nobody will fuck them...

...is inaccurate and misleading. Claiming to be part of a group that you might fit into if it were your choice is not the same as being part of that group.

There must be a word for this.

Oh, BTW... I suggest that everyone on DU be tested on this chart. If you fail, you get kicked off of DU.

When life gives you a chocolate severed ear, MAKE LEMONADE! (book review)

Van Gogh's Ear & The Dark Side of Des Moines
by D X Stone
Kindle FREE offer until May 13.

Kindle for your OS: http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771
The Books: http://www.amazon.com/D-X-Stone/e/B00B548VSI/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1

...Gaping through long ages gone
At that final vision, stark and fair
Of the lovely lady with the sad dark lonely eyes
And the truly killer hair

In the year 2013, during the period known to future historians as The Neo-Narcissist Age, self-confidence was commoditized and stashed away in strange lands with secretive banking laws, leaving the common folk with little to do besides fret into the mirror or, when pestered by the lingering creative urges they were unable to work off at the gym, edit the screenplays for the epic films about their respective lives, re-casting the principals for the bzillionth time. The Neo-Narcissist Age was a time of constant revision and reinvention.

The Neo-Narcissist Age was such a messy, does-this-iPhone-make-my-booty-look-fat period that even the most feared and despised woman in ancient (or modern) history decided to get a perm. So begins The Dark Side of Des Moines, the second of two recently-published volumes of poetry by author-artist-musician-humorist D X Stone.

Although both collections are being published simultaneously, the companion volume, Van Gogh's Ear, can be regarded as the “first;” like the first card in any tarot deck, it opens with a joyous promise:

There is a universe within your inner ear
And in THAT universe, another inner ear
And in THAT inner ear, ANOTHER universe
And in THAT universe, a tiny little purse
Made from a sow's ear's innards, and inside of
A universe, a toothbrush AND a smart new hat!

Anyone can find their groove if they are willing to thoroughly and honestly search for it. Easy.

There is, however, one small catch: you have to pretend like you are not searching. There's an army of folks out there who gave up the search when someone called them a dork – or worse – sometime during high-school. Their views of searchers – there are less polite synonyms for the resented enemy in their training videos – along with the weapons and tactics they employ, are evolved, effective, ruthless and legendary. The generals in this army issue a loud, shiny, easy-to-understand-in-all-languages, constantly repeated variation on the same orders. Anyone observed looking for their “groove” is to be reported to the authorities and, should they persist in their self-serving aggressions, subdued.

...He tied it up between his thighs
To hide it well from prying eyes
And walked a little strange but otherwise
Appeared like all the other guys

The boy with the prehensile tail
He oughta be tossed right in jail
Or driven out on a rail...

The forces of anti-intellect have garrisoned the strongholds of television, film, music, and publishing for at least the last 35 years, but the large scale battle for your mind is currently in progress on the Internet; the business of music is thus far the most high-profile recipient of the Purple Heart. More and more artists in every medium are discovering that they can produce their work and get it out to a large audience without the involvement of someone with an MBA who squeezes into their skinny jeans every morning after Pilates class and gets right down to the business of telling you that you suck.

People with no understanding of art are very worried about the Internet; anyone can now produce work with professional tools and distribute that work themselves (Adobe is going to try to put a stop to that, but they will fail – hang onto that CS6, y'all!).

The easy access of the Internet is a sword that cuts both ways, however. If anyone can produce and distribute their art, what better way to silence the art you can't own control of than to make sure that everybody produces and distributes everything that pops into their heads, the stuff they couldn't work off at the gym, all the time?

...Let's get redundant
Let's do it mo' and then mo'
Let's do it hundits
Of times in a row

Let's get redundant
Let's get redundant...

If the mainstream media can't control everything you see, read and hear, then they are going to make damn sure that finding what you are looking for is a tedious, redundant and hopefully futile task... and they are going to make sure you see as many of their discouraging messages as possible before you finally give up and watch Mad Men.

Those of us who dare to continue our search might succumb, when confronted with the honest, often hilarious tales of obstacles and adversity lurking within Van Gogh's Ear and The Dark Side of Des Moines, to the temptation to dismiss them – with one of the too-easy buzzwords we learned from some gorgeous person who owes buckets of money on their student loan and now plays artistic whack-a-mole full time for The Man – from a sad desk in a sad cubicle in a sad building: quack, quack, quack. Those familiar, weary adjectives are the half-hearted quacks of the intimidated and confused – and it's easier to believe them than it is to look closer and see that you have a powerful and inspirational ally in Ms. Stone. She has rhymes and she isn't required to confine them to hip-hop. She wants to find what she is looking for and she wants you to find it, too... then go find your own dang groove.

What do astronauts really see when they look at Earth from space?


Issa: Christianity's Roots Would Justify US Mission in Syria

I know you're jealous, but tough luck. Hands off! He's my congress-creep. This man represents me!


The Nicest Couple in Boston

Most relevant R&R Hall-of-Who-Cares acceptance speech... OF ALL TIME!!!

Alex Lifeson gives the best awards acceptance speech in the history of awards acceptance speeches. This gem among typical awards-show faux-earnest drool comes after his colleagues make it effortlessly clear that the members of Rush care more about their fans and music than anyone else living in the limelight today.

If the Sex Pistols had been inducted last night -- had John Lydon given the speech Alex Lifeson gave, the editors at Rolling Stone would have devoted countless ASCII characters to deciphering its political and social implications.

But Lydon gave no speech at all back in 2006. Instead Rolling Stone head-cheese Jann Wenner himself read a prepared statement that was everything he has built a fortune for himself insisting bands like Rush are guilty of... contrived and pretentious.

On Thatcher: "A woman... not on MY terms" - Glenda Jackson rocks the house!

Hell. Yes!

Scott Brown is sitting in for Billo on the Factor...

So far he has begun several lines with "When I was a Senator..."

...and ending them with "The joke is on us..."

Happy Birthday, Mr. Clapton!

"Five Go Mad in Closeup" The outfreakage is almost as funny as the source.

Jim Carrey is such a "nobody" that The Famous Five spend a lot of time and energy getting their poopy-pants on.

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