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Member since: Tue Sep 4, 2007, 06:36 AM
Number of posts: 7,804

Journal Archives

"A letter to … the girl who accused me of rape when I was 15"

It was entirely mute apart from the simple, but essential, “Do you want to … ?” and “Yes.”

We parted with closed-mouth kisses and I returned to my mattress to sleep.

I woke up being shaken by my friend’s father and two policemen. They were telling me to get dressed and come with them. I didn’t have a clue what was going on.


Has Hilary made any recent noises regarding the War on Terror?

Come to that, I haven't heard a great deal from any of them on that subject recently, but maybe I'm not paying close enough attention...

Is Hilary Clinton likely to improve race relations in America?

Honest question, I do not know her history on this issue.

Do you think Hilary Clinton is likely to spend any attention on Wall Street

and its excessive influence on policy?

Or is America actually far too dependent on Wall Street for her to be able to do so realistically?

Do you think Hilary Clinton is going to encourage investment in alternatives to fossil fuels?

Or is she more closely aligned with the large financial structures surrounding America's traditional energy delivery systems?

Do you think Hilary Clinton is likely to deal with excessive corporate lobbying?

Or is she too dependent on campaign contributions to prevent their influence on policy?

Do you believe Hilary Clinton is likely to scale back the military industrial complex?

Or is she more likely to maintain or even expand it?

How robotically minded do YOU think the average American is?

Are Americans so astoundingly stupid that they simply CAN'T see the benefits of socialised programmes or are they just uneducated or is there some other reason that things other westernised democracies take for granted like abortion rights, publically funded healthcare and a stable welfare state can't be had by Americans?

Do you believe people opposing HRC's nomination on DU are sexist?


Enquiring minds want to know.

"IDIOTS! It's anthrax or scorpions! Choose the SCORPIONS!"

"Yeeees, I can see that if it's anthrax or scorpions you should probably choose the scorpions. It's just that I don't actually believe that it really is anthrax versus scorpions. It think it's shitty stuff versus good stuff."

"Fool that you are. It has ALWAYS been anthrax versus scorpions."

"It used to be anthrax versus kittens."

"Oh, KITTENS. Kittens, YES. Look around you, do you see any kittens? NO. Choose scorpions, kitten-lover."

"Scorpions are bad."


"No, I don't love anthrax, I think anthrax is bad. I can see that scorpions are better than anthrax, but that doesn't mean I should treat scorpions as if they're good."

"Why do you hate scorpions? You're a neurotic scorpion hater. You have scorpophobia. You're paranoid about scorpion stings! You're weird and mad and stuff!"

"Dude, scorpion stings are actually unambiguously BAD, okay? This is a position that has been well understood for some time."


"Sigh. No, I'm not going to go and get evidence for you that scorpions are bad. They are just bad. We probably can't exterminate them from the face of the earth, and actually probably shouldn't, but that doesn't mean we should choose them."

"Well what sort of kitten do you suppose is going to make the grade, huh? Where are all the kittens?"

"There's no point in my bringing my kittens to your scorpion nest, they'll all get stung and die."

"Well, there you go! HA HA! You've admitted defeat! If you can't have scorpions and kittens at the same time, obviously that means that scorpions are better than kittens! You need to choose scorpions."

"I don't understand why you can't choose kittens."

"Oh KITTENS. Kittens my ass. What good are kittens against anthrax?"

"I don't really see how scorpions are any better. The only reason you chose scorpions is because you're scared of scorpions as well as anthrax and you think that means anthrax is going to be scared of scorpions. Anthrax isn't scared of anything. Actually, scorpions aren't scared of much either, but that doesn't mean they're worth anything. I think if you want to deal with anthrax you have to DEAL WITH ANTHRAX, not choose scorpions. Vaccination's good. That's why I propose kittens AND vaccinations."

(Long pause.) "It's polio, isn't it? You love polio."


"You want a pony."

"I do like ponies. But kittens are cheaper and simpler to feed. If I wanted a pony I would have said so."

"You love small pox."


"You're so aggressive! You're a troll!"

"I am NOT a troll. I just want a clear explanation out of you regarding why you think we have to have scorpions."

"How many times do you have to be told!?!?! If we don't have scorpions, we'll all get ANTHRAX."

"I don't see what's so different about us that we get either scorpions or anthrax. There are people all over the place that have neither. Look at Sweden! They have flamingos."

"We're nothing like Sweden!"

"That's because we never put any effort into TRYING to be like Sweden. Do you think Sweden got their flamingos without any effort? They got fed up with anthrax and scorpions years ago. They decided to get nice things that they actually liked instead."

"Flamingos are totally lame. Who feels threatened by flamingos?"

"Why are we supposed to choose THREATENING things? Sweden didn't choose threatening things, they chose vaccinations and flamingos and now they're really happy. They have Ikea as well. When was the last time you saw a scorpion go to Ikea?"

"Scorpions are supposed to be MEAN. If we don't get mean scorpions we won't look frightening to the anthrax!"

"We've discussed this, anthrax doesn't get frightened. Anthrax just wants to infect everybody. I have NEVER understood why you think scorpions are a solution to anthrax! They don't even affect anthrax!"

"You love Ebola."

"This is useless. It's like talking to a poorly programmed robot. ARE you a poorly programmed robot?"

"You love cancer."

"No. I don't love cancer."

"If we choose kittens, we'll all get anthrax."

"All my kittens are vaccinated. Most of your scorpions have anthrax."


"Look over there. Lots of them are dead. Did you forget that lots of them suddenly died? They scarpered about all over the place like creepy little vermin just before getting anthrax and dying. Not particularly surprising, really, as you can't vaccinate scorpions."

"You're a hippy."

"You're pretty much a Republican."


"Oh, for fuck's sake. FORGET IT."

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