And finally, New Rule: Conservatives who love to brag about American exceptionalism must come here to California, and see it in person. And then they should be afraid. Because while right-wingers are taking over places like North Carolina and Texas and even Wisconsin, California is creating the kind of modern, liberal nation the country as a whole can only dream about. And not only can't the rest of the country stop us — we're going to drag you with us. (audience cheering and applause)

Now, it wasn't that long ago that pundits were calling California a failed state and saying it was ungovernable. But in 2010, when other states were busy electing whatever Tea Partier claimed to hate government the most, we elected a guy who actually liked it — Jerry Brown. And without a Republican governor and without a legislature cock-blocked by Republicans, (audience laughter) a $27 billion deficit was turned into a surplus.

How? Well it's amazing, really. We did something economists call cutting spending and raising taxes. (audience applause) I know, it sounds like crazy science fiction, but you see, here in California, we're not just gluten-free and soy-free and peanut-free, we're Tea Party free! (massive audience cheering and applause)

Yes, we can live in reality! I mean, Texas could do it too, but they love "freedom" too much. Like when that unregulated fertilizer plant blew up. In California, when things blow up, it's because we're making a Jason Statham movie. No, California is not perfect, but it is in our nature to try new things. For example, now that it's clear Obamacare is going to be a success here, the movement to just go all the way to single payer is gathering steam. (audience applause)

In lots of areas, California has decided not to wait around for the caboose part of America to get on board. Yokels can mock "European style democracies" all they want. We're building one here — gay marriage, pot smoking, regulating carbon. And people like it. The same way when Americans come back from a vacation in Europe, they all say the same thing: "I saw titties on the beach!" (audience laughter) But they also remark on the modern airports and train stations over there, and the absence of beggars in the street, and food that tastes like food. (audience applause) And they wonder, "Why can't we get that here?"

Well, you will be getting that here, courtesy of the Golden State. Why? Because we're huge. We're huge! 40 million of us! (audience cheering) When we demand something, the market must supply it. Like when California set a high mileage standard for cars sold in this state, Detroit had to make more efficient cars. California by itself is the 8th largest economy in the world, the fifth largest agricultural exporter, and of course, #1 in laser vaginal rejuvenation. (audience laughter) Oh, I pat myself on the back.

You know, it's so ironic, the two things conservatives love the most — the free market and states rights — are the two things that are going to bend this country into California's image as a socialist fagtopia. (audience cheering and applause) Maybe our constipated Congress in Washington can't pass gun control laws, but we just did. Because we don't give a shit about the NRA. Out here, that stands for "Nuts, Racists, and Assholes." (massive audience cheering and applause)

And while other state governments are working with Jesus to make abortion more miserable — because otherwise women would just use it for weight loss (audience oohs) — California is making it easier. And while immigrants are demonized in Washington and elsewhere, in California we just OK'd driver's licenses for undocumented aliens. (audience applause) That's right, we're letting them drive cars — just like white people! Because we can't be worrying about all the nonsense that keeps Fox News viewers up at night, when they should be in bed adjusting their sleep apnea mask. (audience laughter)

So in conclusion, my message to the rest of America is just this: DO NOT RESIST!! Kneel before Zod! California has been setting the trend in America for decades, and it's not going to stop now. We say jump, you say, "Please, sell me new exercise clothes for jumping." (audience applause) We said put cilantro in food, and dammit, you did, you put cilantro in food, even though neither one of us knows what it is. And almond milk? Come on! We just had some extra almonds and thought we'd fuck with you. (audience laughter)

Since then, everything Republicans say can't or won't work — gun control, immigration reform, high-speed rail — California is making work. And everything conservatives claim will unravel the fabric of our society — universal healthcare, higher taxes on the rich, gay marriage, medical marijuana — has only made California stronger. And all we had to do to accomplish that was vote out every single Republican.

What is it about Obamacare that compels seemingly intelligent people to explode in bubbling spasms of stupid? Are they misinformed? Unable to see past the rage-fueled partisan sweat dripping into their eyes? Or just plain dishonest?

At this point, it has become obvious that history will look back on the four-year war on Obamacare as one of the saddest, most bizarre, and most dishonestly embarrassing episodes of our time. I have given up trying to understand the vehement opposition of so many who cannot offer up truthful reasons for their objections, and instead fuel the hatred and fears of the uninformed with the most illogical, mendacious, and fundamentally bizarre arguments that have ever been marshaled. By comparison, Joe McCarthy’s McCarthyistic McCarthyism was an exercise in reason.

The time may well have come to reconsider whether (McGaughy) should ever be taken seriously again. That is, if you have in the past. In fact, her new diatribe suggests either she has a really bad doctor or she needs to see a good one... know that there are plenty of social conservatives who consider sex to be something icky that should never be discussed or something immaculate that shouldn’t be enjoyable, but the reality is, good doctors ask about sex. That is not an Obamacare requirement—it is something that medical students learn in their first year when studying how to take a history and physical of a patient....This is part of what is called “social history,” and it is a critical part of any medical examination. That involves smoking history, use of alcohol, other drug use, and, yes, sex. The discussion of sexual matters is not so the doctor can run off into the next room and giggle about pee-pees. It is an essential part of any medical exam because it can be a key contributor to someone’s health.

Safety, quality, effectiveness, and efficiency? What a nightmare! Betsy, you better call (the company) right now and let them know that their system to make medical care better does not have your stamp of approval because—hell, I don’t know. You never explain a reason other than to suggest that the next Edward Snowden will leak everyone’s health-care information before fleeing to Russia.

Watching the GOP convulse these last few days, I sense that we just might finally be on the cusp of an important and long-awaited moment. Up until now during the Obama era, the Republicans’ scorched-earth politics have harmed their party, but they have always harmed the Democrats nearly as much—or, in the long term, even more. It’s a big reason why they do the things they do—they know cynically that if they bring the government to a standstill, most people will just blame both parties, and indeed might even cast more blame on the party of government, the Democrats.

The gig may be about up. The odds are good that by the morning of October 18, one of two (correct) perceptions will be broadly held by the American public: one, that the Republican Party has collapsed into all-out ideological civil war; two, that the Republicans are a party not merely of obstructionists but destructionists, in ways that will be so evident that even those independents devoted to the idea that both sides are to blame will run up the white flag. All the Republicans’ madness of the last five years is finally going to catch up with them.

You can only set so many houses on fire before people finally figure out that this isn’t happening by accident and you must be an arsonist. The GOP is now flirting with that moment. It can’t come soon enough.

The GOP is saying to young people we would like to have the government stick an unnecessary trans-vaginal probe if you want an abortion but when it comes to health insurance don’t take any government help. Don’t go to the state or federal government operated insurance exchanges to buy private insurance. Stay away. Stay uninsured. Skip that pap smear. Skip that tetanus shot. Skip that prenatal care. Skip that cholesterol test. And if you die an agonizing death and unnecessary death; one that could have been prevented by the health insurance reform that bears the President’s name, at least you know your death would have not been in vain. You would have died to serve the noble and patriotic cause, not of conservatism but of hurting this President.

They (Republicans) are willing to destroy themselves, their political future. That they would also encourage young people to go uninsured and risk financial catastrophe and death from preventable disease means that they aren’t just willing to sacrifice their own careers to hurt this President. They would sacrifice the lives of young people if it helped them score political points. That is not Conservative, it is a national disgrace. Republicans, Conservative of conscience, if there was ever a time to take back your party from the forces of anarchy, chaos and insanity, and self-destruction, now is that time.