HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Fritz67 » Journal
Page: 1 2 3 Next »

Fritz67

Profile Information

Member since: Thu Jun 23, 2005, 10:16 PM
Number of posts: 195

About Me

Just to help find my old journal entries, Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: http://journals.democraticunderground.com/Fritz67

Journal Archives

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Every Day Is Halloween Now Edition

I mean, think about it: a guy with a pumpkin for a head is running things, there are vampires who want to drain the poor and give to the rich, the ghosts of Jefferson Davis and Nathan Bedford Forrest seem to be giving advice, and of course armies of zombies who vote for them. It's not a perfect analogy, though--the mob of angry townspeople with the torches are on the monster's side this time.

But more than anything...Halloween is supposed to be scary, and since November of last year the entire world has been scared shitless.



(No. 30 in an occasional series looking at the cognitive dissonance of modern conservatism)

Updates:

Good grief, I have to update this one already:

* Fake News = Journalism that makes president Trump, Republicans, or right wing authoritarians ANYWHERE look bad. (From #28)

* You scream for federal disaster aid when your state catches fire or drowns in a hurricane, but when it happens somewhere else in the country you vote against federal disaster aid. (#19)

* Offensive: Football players not saluting the flag Not offensive: A Watergate burglar in a flag Speedo (#21)

* You spend the entire campaign blasting Hillary Clinton for using a private email server while conducting government business. Donald Trump's son-in-law now uses a private email to conduct government business and you don't see anything wrong with it. (#28)

Oops...revise that even before I even post the list:

* You spend the entire campaign blasting Hillary Clinton for using a private email server while conducting government business. The daughter Donald Trump has a creepy sexual interest in uses a private email to conduct government business and you don't see anything wrong with it.

Wait...what...

* You spend the entire campaign blasting Hillary Clinton for using a private email server while conducting government business. Six different people who work for you, including your son-in-law and the daughter you have a creepy sexual interest in, use private email to conduct government business and you don't see anything wrong with it.

And then Tim Murphy (R-Of Course) brings back this one, unaltered way back from list #10:

* Abortion is an absolute wrong even in cases of rape, incest, or to protect the life of the woman carrying the fetus. Abortion is permissible when the woman carrying the fetus is the mistress of a married, pro-life, family values Republican congressman.

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* The Declaration of Independence is an offensive attack on Donald Trump.

* Bragging about your electoral college victory and your sex parties while whining about the free press is an appropriate inspiration speech to the Boy Scouts. Bonus points if you ask them to boo your predecessor too.

* "Fake hate crime" = "Real hate crime committed by people we might have just enough sense to not publicly admit we actually agree with."

Paraphrased from scheming daemons
* You still support a man who opposed sanctions against Russia, but thanked Russia for sanctions against the United States.

* Just because you attended a rally of Nazis and white supremacists doesn't mean you're a racist.

* You constantly whine about "participation trophies" but defend monuments to a bunch of racists who waged an armed revolt against America...and LOST

Kelly Macias of Daily Kos:
* You think liberals are whiny, oversensitive snowflakes. You think a woman who laughed at Jeff Sessions should be imprisoned.

* Sign that Trump is a courageous leader: getting his minions to announce his latest cruel policy change instead of doing it himself.

* You're a conservative radio host who thinks hurricanes are "fake" but evacuate for them anyway for "legal" reasons. (Well, it is true that drowning does impede your ability to legally make money.)

* Due to the devastation of Hurricanes Harvey, Irma, (and Maria) Congress should quickly pass massive tax cuts for the wealthy.

* You're a "family values" and "personal responsibility" Republican who gets caught watching Twitter porn on your phone, and immediately blame it on your staff.

Jaydee on Slate:
* The free speech rights of white supremacists and hate groups must be defended at all costs, but if a private person expresses a progressive opinion you don't like, they should be fired.

* Elimination of statues erected to honor traitors who waged an armed revolt against the United States of American and its Constitution = Overturning the Constitution.

One I just had to borrow from none other than Stephen Colbert:
* https://twitter.com/StephenAtHome/status/911056938510819328

* You're more angry at the thought of Trump co-operating with Chuck Shumer and Nancy Pelosi than the thought of Trump colluding with Vladimir Putin.

* You're angrier about football players peacefully kneeling during the national anthem than you are neo-Nazis marching around waving tiki torches and shouting racist slogans.

* Disrespecting the Troops: Football players quietly kneeling during the national anthem.
Not Disrespecting the Troops: Calling a Vietnam POW a "loser" for being captured; insulting the Gold Star family of an Iraq War hero.

* Everyone has the right to own high powered military grade weapons. They don't have the right to affordable care once some one shoots them with one of those weapons, however.

Straight From Cloud3514 of Fundies Say The Darndest Things:
* Arsenal of 42 guns that was used to shoot nearly 600 people: a right.
Not going completely bankrupt as a result of being shot by someone with an arsenal of 42 guns: a privilege.

* Neo-Nazis are being funded by a Jewish man who lived in Nazi-occupied Hungary as a teenager.

Yeah, that crap again. The Neo-Nazis/Alt-Right/White Supremacists/Tea Party/Republicans are so tired of us pointing out how a few creepy billionaires like Rupert Murdoch, Sheldon Adelson, the Mercers, and the Koch Brothers exert massive influence over the right, they figure the left must be under the control of a creepy billionaire too, so they basically made up a bunch of bullshit about Soros just for that purpose.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Free-Dumb Edition

Well, the 241st and hopefully not one of the last birthdays of the United States is today. Remember when we had a President instead of a infantile narcissist with deep delusions of grandeur? How long ago was that? Oh yeah...six months ago. Why does it feel longer? So very very much longer.

Anyway, since Covfefe Ren (he's a Ren because Rens are whiny wannabes instead of real Sith) and his minions haven't repealed the First Amendment and Net Neutrality yet, here's another of a series of occasional looks at the cognitive dissonance that characterizes today's right-wing.

(No. 29 in an occasional series)

Updates:

* Fake News = Journalism that makes president Trump, Republicans, or Israeli hardliners look bad. (From #28)

* "Acting Presidential": insulting female news show hosts on Twitter. (#23)

* You show how strictly you follow the Constitution by wanting to ignore the First, Fourth, Fifth, Eighth, Thirteenth, Fourteenth, and Sixteenth Amendments. Well, really all the amendments except the Second, and sometimes the Tenth. (Last see in #20)

* The crimes of Timothy McVeigh, Scott Roeder, Eric Rudolph, Gregory Giusti, Jim David Adkisson, Byron Williams, Richard Poplawski, James Von Brunn, Anders Breivik, and the entire Bundy family prove nothing about conservatism. The crimes of the Unabomber and James Thomas Hodgkinson prove that liberalism is an evil and violent philosophy. (From all the way back to #3)

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* You scold Democrats for not being sufficiently "respectful" of Ivanka Trump by making a joke about her fellating a microphone.

* Democrats should be scolded for using salty language. Donald Trump's constant use of obscenities is part of what makes him "authentic".

* Education should be a privilege, not a right.

Well of course a fucking Republican thinks that. The poorly educated are the Republican base!

* Not wanting people's children to die makes you an "elitist creep"

* Donald Trump can criticize someone else for being a "showboat" and a "grandstander" with a straight face.

* Hillary Clinton had to be defeated because she "mishandled" classified information, even though there are no indications it was compromised. It's totally okay for Donald Trump to blatantly blab highly classified information to Russian agents.

* Exercise is bad for you

* A free and just society executes journalists who reveal government malfeasance.

* Kathy Griffin was justly ostracized and fired from her job for making jokes about cutting president Trump's head off, which is a serious matter and maybe a crime. Ted Nugent's jokes about cutting off President Obama's head were just him exercising his free speech and completely harmless.

* You can steal money from sick kids and then go on Fox News (of course) and complain about your political opponents' lack of "morality" with a straight face.

Or, put another way:
* Not immoral: stealing from sick children. Immoral: pointing out someone is stealing from sick children.

* You think it's impossible for Trump to obstruct justice because he's the president. You impeached Bill Clinton for obstructing justice.

I guess it really does mean:

* If a Republican President does it, it's not illegal.

While we're on the Clinton impeachment...

* Impeachable offense: getting a blow job from an intern. Not impeachable offense: conspiring with a foreign country to steal an election.

* "Making the government more transparent" = Forbidding audio or video recording or broadcast of briefings by the Press Secretary

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Blooming Idiots Edition

April showers bring May flowers...and speaking of blooming, lets take a look at the blooming idiots of politics in our latest look at conservative doublethink

[img][/img]

Huh. He seems shockingly coherent today.

(No. 28 in an occasional series)

First, a couple of updates:

* "Radical Islam" are magical words of power--If the President of the United States says them, Daesh and Al Quaeda will all stop fighting, disarm, go home, and become conservative Christians and believers in Jeffersonian democracy. (From #25)

* Whether or not Hawaii is part of Kenya, It's definitely not part of the United States

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* You spend the entire campaign blasting Hillary Clinton for using a private email server while conducting government business. You now use a private email server to conduct government business as a member of the Trump administration

* You raged at Barack Obama "apologizing" for America and not touting "American exceptionalism" enough. You have no problem with Donald Trump saying America's no better than the former Soviet Union, currently run by an autocrat who murders his enemies with polonium.

* Being too racist for the Federal bench does not mean you're too racist to be Attorney General.

* You insisted that the Supreme Court should be understaffed for a year rather than let Barack Obama nominate a Justice, and threatened to block any nominee of Hillary Clinton should she have been allowed to assume the Presidency, but are livid that Democrats are threatening to filibuster the Supreme Court nominee of popular vote loser Donald Trump.

* Dangerous breach of National Security: A Democrat with her own email server. Not a Dangerous Breach of National Security: A Republican talking about national security issues in front of diners at his mansion.

* Real Christians(TM) let poor children starve.

* Everyone getting due process is a bad thing.

Thanks to drm604 and Initech for the idea behind this one:
* The Sandy Hook Massacre was fake; the Bowling Green Massacre was real.

[img][/img]
* Fake News = Journalism that makes president Trump or Republicans look bad.

* Bill Clinton was justly impeached and should have been removed from office for lying under oath about getting a blow job from an intern. Calling for Jeff Sessions to resign just because he lied under oath about talking to the foreign power than was trying to influence our election is a partisan witch hunt.

* You complained that the Affordable Care Act was "rammed" though Congress "unread". You're crafting the Republican replacement for it in secret and won't let anyone look at it.

* You think it's completely okay that Indiana Governor Mike Pence conducted state business on a personal email account, even though it got hacked. I don't think I even need to mention the contrast on this one.

* You're part of the part that claims to be stronger on "national security", but have no interest in investigating whether a foreign power compromised one of our elections.

* You're a Republican Congressman who's convinced that all investigation of Trump's ties to Russia should be secret. You're the Republican Congressman who held hearings to publicly grill Hillary Clinton about the Benghazi "scandal"

* Preventing wage theft by employers is a bad thing

* You're a Republican Governor who demolished your state's budget with tax cuts for the rich, then vetoed a bipartisan bill accepting federal funds for Medicaid expansion for reasons of "Fiscal Responsibility"

* You're a conservative pundit who once led a campaign to boycott Pepsi because they hired a rapper who "degrades women" as a spokesman. You've been sued multiple times for sexual harassment

Thanks to libtodeath for inspiring this one:
* You teach your children not to cheat, but support Donald Trump becoming President despite losing the popular vote, and the Senate confirming an unqualified plagiarist to a stolen Supreme Court seat

(Fake trump tweets via https://faketrumptweet.com)

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Trumpageddon Looming Edition

I posted my last one of these lists on November 8th, when it looked like Hillary Clinton was going to easily win the election and we'd have four more years of growth, sanity, and peace. Well, she did win the election, by almost three million votes, but of course mass numbers of stupid people in just the right states, combined with our archaic Electoral College system designed with the limits of Eighteenth Century communications technology, with the help of Russia and our own FBI director, doomed us to a thin-skinned, tiny-fingered vulgarian instead.

[url=][img][/img][/url][url=http://faketrumptweet.com]via FakeTrumpTweet.com generator[/url]

Well, one last go before we all get sent to the super special classy reeducation camps. Because I'm one of those people for whom humor is a coping mechanism for being scared our of my gourd.

(No. 27 in a series)

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* Barack Obama's decisive wins in the popular and electoral votes in 2008 and 2012 don't mean he had a "mandate", so Republicans were right to try and block his every proposal at every turn, even when they were things they previously supported. Donald Trump, despite losing the popular vote in 2016, does have a mandate and every whim of his should be quickly and unanimously adopted whether Democrats approve of them or not.

* You hated the Electoral College when it looked like Barack Obama was reelected without getting the most votes (even though it turned out he did). You love the Electoral College now that it's given the presidency to Donald Trump despite Hillary Clinton getting almost three million more votes than him.

* Crooked: Hillary Clinton something something emails.
Not Crooked: Donald Trump's hotels advertising themselves as a great way for foreign diplomats to curry favor with the new president

* The emails of the Secretary of State and university police departments should not be secret. The emails of the Governor of Indiana should.

* Cracking down on hoax and fake news sites is a conspiracy against conservatives.
Maybe if they didn't post so much fake crap as news this wouldn't be a problem...

* Counting every vote accurately is an assault on freedom

* A supporter of Donald Trump can call anyone else "a self-serving egomaniac who puts himself first, who has a chip on his shoulder" with a straight face.
(Yeah, I know, "takes one to know one", right?)

* The Electoral College not rubber stamping the Presidency of the guy who got the second-most votes would be "undemocratic".

* Worthy of eight Congressional investigations over four years: something something Benghazi something something emails. Not worth of Congressional investigation: Russians hacking that may have affected an American Presidential election.

* Hillary Clinton was too corrupt and "crooked" to be President. It's okay if Donald Trump just ignores laws that inconvenience him.

* "Dictatorial" = Designating national monuments
Not "Dictatorial" = Declaring a President-Elect the "New King"

* "One person, one vote" is undemocratic.

* Refusing to simply rubber stamp a Republican president's extreme Cabinet selections is an unacceptable "unprecedented break with tradition." Refusing to even consider a Democratic President's Supreme Court selection for an entire year is okay.

* You were fine and dandy with the Senate blocking Barack Obama's Supreme Court nominee for an entire year, and threatening to block Hillary Clinton's nominees for an entire term if necessary, but are outraged that Democrats are even suggesting blocking anyone popular vote loser Donald Trump nominates.

* You hate pornography because it's responsible for making sexual assault seem "normalized". You eagerly voted for and support a man who loudly bragged, on tape, about committing sexual assault and facing no consequences for it.

* The Affordable Care Act and Obamacare are two completely separate things

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Trumpocalypse Now Edition

Tomorrow is it. The moment that will determine the future of our country. No...it's more accurate to say that tomorrow will determine whether this country even has a future.

The media wants you to think it's a choice between two terrible candidates. It's not. Let me run it down again:

Hillary Rodham Clinton (D)
Pros: A successful Senator and Secretary of State. Knowledgeable, intelligent, experienced, speaks in comprehensible sentences, a proven leader with a track record of helping people.
Cons: Whitewater, even though that was a "scandal" made up by the media. Benghazi, another "scandal" made up by the media. The email thing, even though that was yet another "scandal" made up by the media but dammit, the FBI keeps harping on it. Had Vince Foster killed...except she didn't unless you're a guy who wears tin foil on his head. Has a weird cackling laugh. (Okay, I gotta give them that one)

Donald Trump (R)
Pros: Erm...uh...hang on...there's got to be something... We'll take his word that his tiny tiny hands don't indicate anything else.
Cons: Businessman with multiple failures and bankruptcies to his name. Racist. Sexist who brags about assaulting women and gawking at underage models. Islamophobe. Thin skinned bully who'd probably nuke a world leader who made fun of his tiny tiny hands on Twitter. Can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is. Wants to bang his own daughter. Actually, he DOES appear to have beaten his kids. Beloved by the KKK, Breitbart, and other white supremacists. Beloved by Alex Jones and other guys who wear tin foil on their heads.

One of those things is not like the other.

For this Trumpocalypse Edition, I'm mostly rerunning Trump-based entries going all the way back to his entry into the race, when everyone with a rational brain in their head thought he was just a joke candidate running a vanity race...forgetting, with apologies to Barnum and Mencken, that Republican primary voters don't have rational brains; and underestimating the extent to which the media would basically suck his tiny little orange...hands. There's a few new ones near the bottom, though.

And if Drumpf wins, I guess I'll see you all in the concentration camps. Thanks to those who read and recommend either way!

[url=][img][/img][/url][url=http://faketrumptweet.com]via FakeTrumpTweet.com generator[/url]

(No. 26 in a series)

Things You Have To Believe To Be A Trump Supporter Today

* A billionaire who made his money from inheritance, shady land deals, brain-cell killingly stupid reality shows, and incessant self-promotion has earned the right to say that working people's wages are too high.


* It is inappropriate of the Pope to question the religious faith of a man who constantly questions Barack Obama and Ted Cruz's religious faith.

* Donald Trump is qualified to be President because of his business expertise in multiple bankruptcies, losing money on casinos, and having high profile business partners sever their ties with him.

* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for Dick Cheney, George W. and Jeb Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Clarence Thomas, Dan Quayle, Tom Delay, Tom Tancredo, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump, and Willard Mitt Romney not to go.

* Getting sent to military school is just as good as actually serving in the military.

* After thirty-five years of bellicose anti-government, anti-immigrant, anti-science, pro-rich rhetoric it is shocking and confusing that an obnoxious, ignorant, racist billionaire businessman has won the Republican presidential nomination.

* Valid for Hitler Comparisons: A black man wants to make health care more affordable to more people. Not Valid for Hitler Comparisons: A bombastic bigot with a bad haircut wants to stop immigration, persecute believers of a religious minority, torture people, demand loyalty oaths, and punish those who criticize him.

* You think politics has gotten polarized and vile in this country. You approve of Donald Trump encouraging his supporters to beat up protesters.

* You resent satire that depicts conservatives as violent and misogynistic, and think the dumb whores that create it should be raped and murdered.

* The proper response to an editorial writer comparing Trump's campaign positions to fascism is clearly to call the writer a dumb Jew and suggest that he and all the other dumb Jews be shipped to concentration camps.

* Indiana is in Mexico. New York City is in Afghanistan.
(I guess we shouldn't be surprised at this from someone who also thinks Hawaii is in Kenya)

* Donald Trump's constant boasting and construction of gaudy buildings bearing his name in giant letters show that he's a humble servant of the people and God. Hillary Clinton is a dangerous egomaniac who's only in it for herself.

* Barack Obama is a horrible tyrant, and the only way to save our country is to vote for a man who admires Vladimir Putin, Kim Jung Un, and Saddam Hussein.

* You scream about "criminalizing politics" every time a Republican gets caught doing something crooked, but want Hillary Clinton SHOT just because you don't like her.

* You thought Barack Obama was a thin-skinned narcissist with no governing experience, and are a supporter of Donald Trump.

* You "don't think name calling has any place in public life". You're the running mate of Donald Trump.

* You like Trump because he "says what he means". But he didn't mean it when he said he wanted Hillary Clinton assassinated.

* A guy who has five children with three different women has the moral authority to criticize someone else's "broken homes' (Daniel Dale on Twitter)

* Important Story: Is the Clinton Foundation corrupt, even though there has been no evidence that it is?
Not Important Story: The Trump Foundation bribing public officials and being used as a "slush fund" for Trump to pay off his legal bills and buy giant paintings of himself.

* The embodiment of Christian values: a thrice-married sexual predator who doesn't know much about the Bible, lusts after his own daughter, and can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is.

* A True Christian(TM) will forgive Donald Trump for making lewd sexual comments to women and cheating on at least two (but probably all three) of this three wives, but not Bill Clinton for cheating on his one wife--or her for being cheated on.

* You get offended when racism, sexism, xenophobia, and Islamophobia are called "deplorable"

Credit to Initech, of Top Ten Conservative Idiots, for inspiring this one:
* You have giant buildings and a private plane with your name on them, and spend $20,000 on a giant portrait of yourself, and can accuse anyone else in the world of being "elitist" with a straight face.

* Bribery: NOT taking money from Donald Trump.

* You scream with outrage at the idea that Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton are going to take everyone's guns away, even though they've never said a thing about doing so, but not a peep when Donald Trump actually says he's going to take people's guns away.

* Business losses of nearly a billion dollars during one of the greatest boom times in American history are the mark of a great businessman.

* You're more offended by people repeating the vulgar word for female genitalia that Donald Trump used more than Trump using the word.

And a Few All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* You brag about getting the endorsement of a notorious racist and anti-Semite you yourself once condemned.

* You're worried about transsexual "perverts" going into women's restrooms; you ardently support a Presidential candidate who bragged about going into a room where 15 year old girls were changing clothes.

* "Consent" to sex is some weird left wing conspiracy nonsense.

* Protestors against pipelines favored by Big Oil should be arrested and imprisoned for "rioting". Threatening to wage armed revolt against the US government if your favored political candidate doesn't win is completely legal.

I just loved this, almost verbatim from jodymarie aimee:
* Fertilized eggs are people but refugee kids aren't.

* The same party that compared Vietnam Vet Max Cleland to Osama Bin Laden and routinely issues attack ads tying Democratic candidates to Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid is justified in [link:http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/10/25/1586628/-Republican-candidate-threaten-to-sue-over-commercials-connecting-them-to-Trump]threatening to sue Democrats for ads linking them to their party's Presidential candidate.]

* The same party that decries "frivolous law suits" every time some corporation hurts people is justified in threatening to sue Democrats for ads linking them to their party's Presidential candidate.

* Big Scandal: Hillary Clinton's friends' emails. Not A Big Scandal: Donald Trump destroying emails and other records demanded by court order. More than once.

* October 2016 was too close to the election to reveal that one of the Presidential candidates might be supported by the KGB, but not too close to the election to reveal that something something emails about the other Presidential candidate.

* It totally makes sense to fire a commentator with ties to the Clinton campaign at the same time they have one with ties to the Trump campaign still on the payroll.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Is This Ever Going To End? Edition

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Good Grief, Is This Ever Going To End? Edition

I think this is the shortest turnaround ever since I started doing these almost six years ago--it's just been a little over a month. But with Donald Trump running for President, and doing badly at it (thank whatever powers that be in the universe), there's been no shortage of material, has there?

[url=][img][/img][/url][url=http://faketrumptweet.com]via FakeTrumpTweet.com generator[/url]

(No. 25 in a series)

Updates:

* Important Story: Is the Clinton Foundation corrupt, even though there has been no evidence that it is?
Not Important Story: The Trump Foundation bribing public officials and being used as a "slush fund" for Trump to pay off his legal bills and buy giant paintings of himself.


* The embodiment of Christian values: a thrice-married sexual predator who doesn't know much about the Bible, lusts after his own daughter, and can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is.

* A True Christian(TM) will forgive Donald Trump for making lewd sexual comments to women and cheating on at least two of this three wives, but not Bill Clinton for cheating on his one wife--or her for being cheated on.

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

For the late Phyllis Schlafly:
* You see no hypocrisy in a woman becoming influential and politically powerful outside the home while trying to deprive other women of the opportunity to become influential and politically powerful by forcing them to stay home and be cooks and baby machines.

* Louie "The United States is trying to invade Texas!!!" Gohmert has the moral authority to call anyone "mentally impaired"
(Well, I guess there's the "It takes one to know one" angle, but still...)

* It's totally okay for Donald Trump to brazenly shoot someone and get away with it, but not Hillary Clinton.


* You want to bomb, invade, and loot any country that even looks at you funny, but can call someone else "trigger happy" with a straight face.


* You get offended when racism, sexism, xenophobia, and Islamophobia are called "deplorable"

* Important story: one of Hillary Clinton's aides is married to a guy who can't keep it in his pants.
Unimportant story: Donald Trump is caught bribing the Florida state Attorney General

* The candidate who has released her tax returns and health records is the one with problems with "transparency", not the one who loudly refuses to do so.

* You oppose appointing an experienced, moderate judge to the Supreme Court, but have no trouble with the thought of a vindictive billionaire with a total of seven months of legal experience and a deep hatred of freedom and democracy being appointed.

And also...
* You oppose appointing an experienced, moderate judge to the Supreme Court, but have no trouble with the thought of a person who believes that federal child labor laws, Medicare and Social Security are all unconstitutional being appointed.

Credit to Initech, of Top Ten Conservative Idiots, for inspiring this one:
* You have giant buildings and a private plane with your name on them, and spend $20,000 on a giant portrait of yourself, and can accuse anyone else in the world of being "elitist" with a straight face.

* Bribery: Not taking money from Donald Trump.

* When African-Americans were literally treated like livestock or denied human rights were better than the way things are for them now.

Sometimes, even today's Republican's surprise me with something so gob-smackingly stupid it's hard to believe. This is one of those times:
* There was no racism in America before 2009

* You scream with outrage at the idea that Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton are going to take everyone's guns away, even though they've never said a thing about doing so, but not a peep when Donald Trump actually says he's going to take people's guns away.

* Only dumb people pay their taxes.

* You're an obese billionaire or former Speaker of the House who criticizes a woman for gaining ten pounds.

* You're an obese billionaire who doesn't even want "unattractive" women working for you.


* Hillary Clinton's husband's affairs in the 1990's are a source of fair criticism of her. Donald Trump's illegal business dealings with Cuba in the 1990's are irrelevant because they happened a long time ago.

* "Radical Islam" are magical words of power--If the President of the United States says them, Daesh and Al Quaeda will all stop fighting, disarm, go home, and become conservative Christians and believers in Jeffersonian democracy.

* You accuse a former Miss Universe champion of appearing in porn--even though she didn't--and in the process cause people to find out YOU once appeared in an erotic video.

* A poor person who doesn't pay any taxes is a horrible moocher and a "taker". A rich person who doesn't pay any taxes is a "genius".
[link:http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/10/3/1577235/-Donald-Trump-lost-a-billion-twice-because-he-s-a-genius|

* Business losses of nearly a billion dollars during one of the greatest boom times in American history are the mark of a great businessman.
[link:http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/10/3/1577235/-Donald-Trump-lost-a-billion-twice-because-he-s-a-genius|

* The best way to deflect the perception that you're a sexist asshole is to cast aspersions on a female political opponent because her husband cheated on her.
[link:http://crooksandliars.com/2016/10/maybe-trump-doesnt-have-guts-bring-bills|

* Another good way to deflect the perception that you're a sexist asshole is to have one of your campaign surrogates call a woman who criticizes you a "ho bag"

* More big government overreach: the FDA preventing your dog from being poisoned.

* You're offended by people repeating the vulgar word for female genitalia that Donald Trump used more than Trump using the word.

Fifteen Years

(I've posted this a couple times before; updated because...well, I think you can guess why)

It just doesn't seem possible. In some ways it seems like just yesterday.

I was finally getting my first break, and nearing the door to the lounge--dodging the mess, because the store was undergoing remodeling at the time--one of the managers was saying something to one of the guys in sporting goods about "And now I heard the Pentagon just got hit". I had no idea what he was talking about...

Then I got into the break room and saw the television.

The World Trade Center was on fire. I was stunned into silence save for one gallows joke about "Well, at least this means they'll stop talking about Gary Condit for a while" (And if you can't even remember who Gary Condit is, that just sort of makes my point. He was the top story on 9-10 as he had been for weeks)

I saw one of the towers fall, and went numb. I couldn't process it. My fifteen minutes on break came up, and I went back to work. Within an hour, the store was almost deserted. When my shift ended, I joined the line to get my car gassed up--rumor had it gas was about to go to $5 a gallon, so get the $1.95 while you can. It took longer than we thought, but gas eventually did make it to almost $5.

It really hit me that evening. I live about a mile north of Indianapolis International Airport (or at least we did then; over the last decade they basically moved a couple miles west), and whenever we have relatives or other company who don't come from here, they often comment about "How do you get anything done with all the airplane noises whenever they take off?" Well, most of the time, we don't notice because we're so used to it.

That evening, I noticed the eerie silence of the airplanes not taking off and landing.

That morning, after the attack, the management set up a radio near the Service Desk and the Bob and Tom Show was on; they're nationally syndicated, but their home base is right here in Indy. Understandably, the canned laughter and jokes about Kristy Lee's boobs had fallen to the wayside. I remember Tom Grizwold commenting "What kind of twisted value system approves of something like this?" and couldn't help but agree. Maybe he meant Islam, but that's not what I agreed with.

The "twisted value system" that caused that day is the supreme arrogance that comes from saying "My politics, the exact way I worship God, is so superior to yours that I consider you subhuman and unworthy of continued existence. And not only that, because you don't worship God in the exact same way I do, I will kill myself just to speed along your journey to Hell and mine to Heaven." The twisted value system that says crashing airplanes into buildings full of office workers is somehow a good thing. And let's be clear, it's not an Islam thing: that same twisted value system tells a Good Christian Soldier it's okay to blow up a federal building with a truck bomb or to go into a church (a church) and open fire on a doctor who performs a medical procedure you don't like, or to shoot a congresswoman you disagree with in the head, and take out a bunch of others in the process--including an innocent child who would have celebrated her fifteenth birthday today.

It's the twisted value system that says that because we were attacked, it's okay to go invading other countries even if they had jack shit to do with that attack.

And in the aftermath, that twisted value system has only strengthened the worst of our political leaders. Compassion, empathy, tolerance, education, intelligence, an understanding of science--in this twisted value system, these things are liabilities. In this twisted value system, a dry drunk who makes up words like "Misunderstimate" and a grifter to whom "What newspapers do you read?" is seen as a "gotcha question" are great, but an openly racist thin-skinned bully who can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is and says creepily sexual things about his own daughter is even better!

There were moments of light. The spirit of unity right after the attack. The shining moment eight years ago when it looked like the mantle of greed and mendacity was being cast off. Five years ago, American soldiers finally located the fiend behind the attacks and shot him in the eye as he was jacking off in his not-so-hidden Pakistani compound. For a very brief time, that seemed to remind us all of what we had, and what we lost.

But it passed quickly.

When sociopathic billionaires can buy our political process, and those who speak against them doing so are called unpatriotic traitors; when police gun down unarmed teenagers based on their skin color and are loudly defended for it; when armed insurrectionists threaten to shoot government officials and are treated as peaceful protesters while real peaceful protesters are treated like dangerous terrorists; and the elected governor of a State of the Union can speak of the fear of a routine military exercise like it's some kind impending invasion with the same seriousness that radio hosts with tin foil on their heads take it--that twisted value system has infected too many of us too deeply.

Terrorists attacked us in hopes of destroying us. They knew three office buildings weren't going to do it--it was what we'd do in reaction to the attack that would do it. And we pretty much did. Massive deficits incurred by one justified but bungled war and one completely unnecessary, unjustified, and just as bungled war. The same war crimes we tried Axis soldiers for after World War II are now actually considered justifiable and even commendable.

Many of the same architects of those failed policies, instead of being in jail, are on our TVs every Sunday trying to convince us to drive off the cliff into the chasm of perpetual warfare yet again. They aren't even coming up with new arguments, just the same recycled crap they shoved down the throats of scared people thirteen years ago. We clearly didn't spend enough blood and treasure the first time--this time we have to get it right!!! And even they look rational in comparison to the major party Presidential nominee who basically threatens to nuke anyone who makes fun of his tiny tiny hands on Twitter.

The corporate swine are doing well, but nobody else is.

And the silences about it save for a few places such as DU is just as eerie as the lack of jet takeoffs that warm Tuesday night.

We shot the man who ordered the attacks on us. On the whole, he probably died pretty happy; he's almost won.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Both Sides Do It! Really!!! Edition

So we're over the Conventions and now only two months away from the 2016 election, and according to the media it's a choice between two terrible candidates who both do bad things in equal measure. Let's compare:

Hillary Rodham Clinton (D)
Pros: Knowledgeable, intelligent, experienced, speaks in comprehensible sentences, a proven leader with a track record of helping people.
Cons: Whitewater, even though that was a "scandal" made up by the media. Benghazi, another "scandal" made up by the media. The email thing, even though that was yet another "scandal" made up by the media. Had Vince Foster killed...except she didn't unless you're a guy who wears tin foil on his head. Has a weird cackling laugh. (Okay, I gotta give them that one)

Donald Trump (R)
Pros: Erm...uh...hang on...there's got to be something... Okay, never beat his kids. That we know of. We'll take his word that his tiny tiny hands don't indicate anything else.
Cons: Racist. Sexist. Islamophobe. Thin skinned bully who'd probably nuke a world leader who made fun of his tiny tiny hands on Twitter. Can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is. Wants to bang his own daughter. Beloved by the KKK, Breitbart, and other white supremacists. Beloved by Alex Jones and other guys who wear tin foil on their heads.

Yeah...this is such a difficult choice...

(No. 24 in a series)

I got to update this one just a day after the last list was released:

* Barack Obama is a horrible tyrant, and the only way to save our country is to vote for a man who admires Vladimir Putin, Kim Jung Un, and Saddam Hussein.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* High Scandal: Secretary of State Clinton (D) using private email
Not A Scandal: Secretary of State Rice (R) using private email
Not A Scandal: Secretary of State Powell (R) using private email
Not A Scandal: Karl Rove (R) erasing millions of Cheney/Bush (R) Administration emails

* Appropriate reaction to the massacre of 49 innocent LGBT Americans: Make it easier to discriminate against innocent LGBT Americans.

* There's no conflict of interest if a news commentator is still being paid by the Republican Presidential candidate he previously worked for.

* Water pistols, toy guns, tennis balls, and canned goods are all far more dangerous than AR-15s.

* Strong decision making: wanting to take back your own Vice Presidential pick.

* A man who's family is involved in a $250 million tax dodge scheme has the right to call another candidate "crooked" with a straight face.

* It's Hillary Clinton's fault that Melania Trump plagiarized one of Michelle Obama's speeches.

Or

* It's Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony's fault that Melania Trump plagiarized one of Michelle Obama's speeches.

* You scream about "criminalizing politics" every time a Republican gets caught doing something crooked, but want to throw Hillary Clinton in prison just because you don't like her.

Oh wait, no...I got that wrong...

* You scream about "criminalizing politics" every time a Republican gets caught doing something crooked, but want Hillary Clinton SHOT just because you don't like her.

* "Vote your conscience" = it won't count unless it's a vote for Donald Trump.

* You thought Barack Obama was a thin-skinned narcicist with no governing experience, and are a supporter of Donald Trump.

* You're not a white supremacist--you just want African-Americans, Hispanics and Jews removed from the United States.

Practically verbatim from DailyKos's Laura Clawson:
* "Social order" = The police get to kill whoever they want without protest, dammit!!!

* You "don't think name calling has any place in public life". You're the running mate of Donald Trump.

* You've spent the last eight years insisting Barack Obama wasn't really born here and he should produce his birth certificate (even after he did) but are enraged that Melania Trump's immigration status is being questioned.

* You like Trump because he "says what he means". But he didn't mean it when he said he wanted Hillary Clinton assassinated.

* Health emergency that justified Congressional action: a brain-dead woman who's husband wants to let her pass peacefully. Health emergency that does not justify Congressional action: an epidemic that may have infected more than 7000 people and leads to the birth of deformed babies.

* In 2001, the United States went into Afghanistan on the orders of an Illinois State Senator and the junior United States Senator from New York.

Practically verbatim from DU user Yallow:
* You take $900 million from the Koch brothers, then complain about donations to a real charity.

* A guy who has five children with three different women has the moral authority to criticize someone else's "broken homes' (Daniel Dale on Twitter)

* "The Best People": A guy who has been accused of domestic violence and vote fraud, and currently runs a white supremacist web site; a guy who wants Hillary Clinton shot for treason; a veteran of Bridgegate; a convicted financial criminal connected to the Russian mob; and a slavery denier.

* Important story: Is the Clinton Foundation corrupt, even though there has been no evidence that it is?
Not Important Story: The Trump Foundation, which has already been found trying to bribe public officials. Which is, you know, textbook corruption.

* Taco trucks are a threat to the American way of life.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: US 240 Edition

Today marks the 240th Anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, and by tradition is the United States' birthday, which is celebrated with fireworks, cookouts, and great prices on mattresses!!!

The bad news is that we have four more months to go in an election season that already seems to have lasted about two hundred and forty years all by itself. The polls look good for Secretary Clinton right now, so hopefully this won't be the United State's last birthday.

(No. 23 in a series)

Some revisiting of older entries:

The list that will continue to inevitably grow:

* Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, Alan West, Todd Akin, Joe Walsh, Ted Cruz, Steve Stockman, EW Jackson, Glenn Grothman, Joni Ernst, Mike Pence, Ben Carson, and Robert Morrow are intelligent, rational human beings.

A few of the past mentions of Der Drumpfenfuror, updated where necessary:

* Donald Trump is qualified to be President because of his business expertise in multiple bankruptcies, losing money on casinos, and having high profile business partners sever their ties with him.

* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for Dick Cheney, George W. and Jeb Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Clarence Thomas, Dan Quayle, Tom Delay, Tom Tancredo, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump, and Willard Mitt Romney not to go.

* Getting sent to military school is just as good as actually serving in the military.

* After thirty-five years of bellicose anti-government, anti-immigrant, anti-science, pro-rich rhetoric it is shocking and confusing that an obnoxious, ignorant, racist billionaire businessman has won the Republican presidential nomination.

* A billionaire who made his money from inheritance, shady land deals, brain-cell killingly stupid reality shows, and incessant self-promotion has earned the right to say that working people's wages are too high.


* A guy who's been married multiple times and has a creepy erotic interest in his own daughter has the moral authority to call Bill Clinton sexist.

* Just because Neo Nazis and the KKK love Donald Trump doesn't mean he's a fearmonger pandering to racists.

* Barack Obama is a horrible tyrant, and the only way to save our country is to vote for a man who admires Vladimir Putin and Kim Jung Un.

* It is terrible that all of our jobs have been sent to China, so you want to elect a guy who has Chinese laborers manufacture his own "signature line"

* A sure sign of the Presidential toughness needed to deal with Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, and Daesh is refusing to show up to a debate where a woman may ask tough questions.

* Donald Trump's business record is one of the reasons he is qualified to be President. Do not talk about Donald Trump's business record because doing so is a liberal smear campaign and he'll sue you.

* It is inappropriate of the Pope to question the religious faith of a man who constantly questions Barack Obama and Ted Cruz's religious faith.

All-New All-Different More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* Valid for Hitler Comparisons: A black man wants to make health care more affordable to more people. Not Valid for Hitler Comparisons: A bombastic bigot with a bad haircut wants to stop immigration, persecute believers of a religious minority, torture people, demand loyalty oaths, and punish those who criticize him.

* You're the son of immigrants and support new standards so stringent that your own parents wouldn't have been allowed to stay in the country.

* You can ignore your duties as spelled out in the Constitution if you don't like the current President.

* You think politics has gotten polarized and vile in this country. You approve of Donald Trump encouraging his supporters to beat up protesters.

* The Democratic and Republican parties have the exact same positions on race relations as they had 150 years ago.

* As the Constitution clearly states, Supreme Court Justices are nominated by the Heritage Foundation and approved with the advice and consent of the National Rifle Association.

* You've spent the last seven years making fun of everything Michelle Obama says or does, but are horrified that people are saying things about Melania Trump and Heidi Cruz.

* You resent satire that depicts conservatives as violent and misogynistic, and think the dumb whores that create it should be raped and murdered.

* Laws protecting LGBT Americans are "government overreach". Laws preventing the protection of LGBT Americans are not.

* Threat Requiring Immediate Action: Planned Parenthood. Not A Threat Requiring Immediate Action: Zika.

* A prized endorsement: a failed gubernatorial candidate who emailed pictures of a woman having sex with a horse.

* You complain about musicians "discriminating" against Christians just because they canceled their shows due to your law discriminating against LGBT people.

* You're glad the "Fairness Doctrine" was junked, but are enraged by allegations that Facebook blacklists "topics of conservative interest" from their news feeds.

* Discussing what Hillary Clinton's husband did in the 1990's is a valid topic for criticism. Discussing what Donald Trump did in the 1990's is a "low" blow and a smear campaign based on dredging up old, irrelevant news.

* A True Christian will forgive Donald Trump for cheating on his three wives, but not Bill Clinton for cheating on his one wife. Or her for being cheated on.

Because, of course, as we saw on the last list:
* The embodiment of Christian values: a thrice-married avatar of Mammon who doesn't know much about the Bible, lusts after his own daughter, and can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is.

* "Acting Presidential": insulting a sitting female United States Senator on Twitter.

* The proper response to an editorial writer comparing Trump's campaign positions to fascism is clearly to call the writer a dumb Jew and suggest that he and all the other dumb Jews be shipped to concentration camps.

* Violent felons who have served their time should be allowed to have whatever firearms they want. Violent felons who have served their time should never be allowed to vote ever again.

* Donald Trump's campaign being broke despite getting the equivalent of two billion dollars of free, obsequious media coverage is a sure sign that he's the kind of financial wizard we want making Federal budget decisions.

* Indiana is in Mexico. New York City is in Afghanistan.

(I guess we shouldn't be surprised at this from someone who also thinks Hawaii is in Kenya)

* Four justices out of nine would have made a majority.

(I think we're seeing one of the reasons Drumpf has been bankrupt so many times--he can't freakin' count!!!)

I think opiods ARE involved here, but not in the way they're suggesting...

* Ethanol causes drug abuse.

Oh, just one more shot at Hair Furor's followers...

* Donald Trump's constant boasting and construction of gaudy buildings bearing his name in giant letters show that he's a humble servant of the people and God. Hillary Clinton is a dangerous egomaniac who's only in it for herself.

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Leap Day 2016 Edition

There are a number of things that happen only once every four years:

* The Summer Olympics

* February has 29 days instead of 28 (well, technically, in years ending with -00 but not equally divisible by 400 they don't, but that won't happen again until 2100 and I doubt most of us will be here to see that)

* The Republican Party puts on a circus of the inane to find the dumbest, most bigoted asshole they can--and run him for President!!!

So here we go, on this Leap Day we leap into the swamps of right wing doublethink once more.

(No. 22 in a series)


A few returning entries, first.

The staggering hypocrisy of Birthers who support Calgary Cruz:

* A man born in Canada to an American mother and a foreign father is eligible to be President; a man born in Hawaii to an American mother and a foreign father is not.

Since Cliven Bundy's hellish drop were in the news in January:

* The government has no right to stop cattle grazers from illegally using public land for their private gain.

* You revere the Founders, the Flag, and the Constitution, but deny the existence of the Federal Government created by the Founders and the Constitution.

* A deadbeat rancher who refuses to pay his grazing fees has the moral authority to cast aspersions on other people accepting "government subsidies".

More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* You're not a bigot. You just think homosexuals are sick, unnatural, Satanic, and deserving of no legal protection or the right to marry.

* You're not a sexist. You just think women are nothing but baby machines and servants.

* Anybody who sheds tears over the brutal murder of first graders has to be faking it.

* A guy who's been married multiple times and has a creepy erotic interest in his own daughter has the moral authority to call Bill Clinton sexist.

* Just because Neo Nazis and the KKK love Donald Trump doesn't mean he's a fearmonger pandering to racists.

* Barack Obama is a horrible tyrant, and the only way to save our country is to vote for a man who admires Vladimir Putin and Kim Jung Un.

* The release of 10 US Sailors and five other prisoners by the Iranians, using diplomacy instead of threats and warfare, is a bad thing.

* The water crisis in Flint, Michigan was undoubtedly caused by excessive government regulation. (I haven't actually seen that claim yet, but give it time...)

* You're big on "small government" and "personal responsibility" right up until your own policies poison thousands of people and you need federal disaster relief money.

* Daesh is going to invade the posh section of Miami any day now.

* It is terrible that all of our jobs have been sent to China, so you want to elect a guy who has Chinese laborers manufacture his own "signature line"

* The embodiment of Christian values: a thrice-married avatar of Mammon who doesn't know much about the Bible, lusts after his own daughter, and can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he is.

* A sure sign of the Presidential toughness needed to deal with Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, and Daesh is refusing to show up to a debate where a woman may ask tough questions.

* You blame the shooting death of an unarmed black teenager by a policeman or a vigilante on the black teenager. You blame the death of a militant occupying a Federal facility who pulled a gun on the FBI on the FBI and the entire US government.

* The protections of the 14th Amendment apply to embryos, but not to LGBT adults.

* Donald Trump's business record is one of the reasons he is qualified to be President. Do not talk about Donald Trump's business record because doing so is a liberal smear campaign and he'll sue you.

* It's okay if the highest court in the land is short handed for basically an entire year.

* Ronald Reagan nominating a Supreme Court justice in the year his successor would be elected was a just and proper use of Constitutional executive authority. Barack Obama nominating a Supreme Court justice in the year his successor is to be elected is a blatant overreach and antithetical to the proper use of Constitutional executive authority.

* We must honor Antonin Scalia's devotion to "strict constructionism" of the Constitution by keeping the President from nominating a Supreme Court Justice during the last year of the President's term. It's got to say something about that in the Constitution somewhere, right?

* You can literally wallow in your own shit for a month to avoid begin sent to Vietnam but still call yourself a war hero.

* It's impossible that a 79 year old man with a history of heart troubles and high blood pressure could have died of natural causes.

* It is inappropriate of the Pope to question the religious faith of a man who constantly questions Barack Obama and Ted Cruz's religious faith.
Go to Page: 1 2 3 Next »