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Gender: Female
Member since: Fri Nov 26, 2004, 05:56 AM
Number of posts: 27,017

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since you mentioned this:

"if the person has even a scintilla of aptitude, they can have some experiences with those who have crossed over"

i've been debating where to post this--i usually post things like this in the bereavement forum but...? think i'll post it here instead.

so the other night, experiencing a major low and sadness over missing my mom, i decided to have a talk with her. it was about 2:40 am and i sat down on the couch across from her apparently empty chair and cried and talked to her until after three o'clock in the morning.

i talked about how lonely i am without her, how i love her so much and miss her beyond words. i talked about how, for the last four years, i have assumed her to be the calming influence when i start losing my mind over her, and that she has been a reassuring voice in my head and because of that my perception of her has been that she is really okay with everything. and i told her it has only been lately that it has occurred to me that when i fall into my deep abyss and cry desperately for her that maybe she cries too--maybe she isn't as calm and okay as i have thought--maybe she cries sometimes when she sees me going off the deep end because her heart breaks for me.

and i told her i wonder if she's even around tonight. was the spell of her powder that i walked through each time i went up and down the hallway earlier all just in my head? because i haven't smelled that for quite awhile now. and i told her there haven't been any signs from her in a long time. i wondered aloud if she has gone off, finding better things to do than hang around here and watch me in my states of sadness. the idea that she is moving on from me and forgetting about me is so devastating i can't even begin to express it.

i told her how i would love to see her--and that there is a major irony here. because i have read that when children see ghosts it is usually an adult who tells them there is no such thing, and that can't be, etc. and when i was little and saw my great aunt, it was my mother who told me i couldn't have seen her, that she wasn't really there, etc. etc. so the irony is that the one person who i long to see so very much is the same person who might have taken that ability away from me! and if she wants me to see her, then she is probably kicking herself for what happened when i was a kid. but at that time--who knew? she was comforting me, doing her best to console me because i was so upset and scared by the experience. she was reassuring. she tried to be reasonable. she took a lot of my fear away.

i begged her for another sign. please--just to let me know. walking through clouds of her scented powder in the hallway didn't seem enough. i wanted more. please, mommy. please.

eight hours later i pull into the gas station for cigarettes. my usual two parking spaces are blocked by a truck so i pull up alongside a gas pump. i get out, go around the front of the pump and go into the store. when i come out i go around the back of the pump and i see, on the ground, by my back door, the "sign": a large, silver paperclip (signifying a running joke her and i had for several years before she died, a "sign" i have found 39 of since she has passed--plus a large blue one which i count as a sign since blue was her favorite color.) the 40th large, silver paperclip! as i reached down and picked it up i was so happy i started to cry.

so--regarding the rest in peace business: my mom might have rested a bit but overall, considering all the other signs she has given me, she has worked pretty hard, off and on, to reassure me and let me know she is still with me. and for that i am so grateful because i cannot imagine my life without her in it.

cute pictures

i had a cat named...Cata
two of her kittens were named Bacon & Cookie

(we never did that to our dogs)

omg videos (video heavy)

i never saw these before and i'm ... floored/shocked/surprised

i looked for other videos by that band that does that crazy fox video and found these:


& don't forget to watch this incredible video/song:
someone like me

omg! and this one:

i'm starting to love this band:
the cabin:

their music is great
jan egeland

and apparently they play elevator pranks

i'd better stop listing videos but this one had me laughing too
work it

here's a few suggestions

The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief
1. I am so sorry for your loss.
2. I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
3. I donít know how you feel, but I am here to help in anyway I can.
4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
5. My favorite memory of your loved one isÖ
6. I am always just a phone call away
7. Give a hug instead of saying something
8. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you
9. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything
10. Saying nothing, just be with the person

The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief
1. At least she lived a long life, many people die young
2. He is in a better place
3. She brought this on herself
4. There is a reason for everything
5. Arenít you over him yet, he has been dead for awhile now
6. You can have another child still
7. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him
8. I know how you feel
9. She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go
10. Be strong

also--because we all seem to have different time tables when it comes to grief, your friend may need to talk about this person and cry for them long after you feel she should have "moved on" or gotten beyond the loss. if you're a close friend, just be patient and show a lot of empathy and understanding. and listen. and let her talk. and let her cry.

"Grief is the internal part of loss, how we feel. The internal work of grief is a process, a journey. It does not end on a certain day or date. It is as individual as each of us. Grief is real because loss is real. Each grief has its own imprint, as distinctive and as unique as the person we lost. The pain of loss is so intense, so heartbreaking, because in loving we deeply connect with another human being, and grief is the reflection of the connection that has been lost."

i put together quotes on grief in the bereavement forum (check it out):

do you like harmonia by the shortwave set


i was just watching a ghost whisperer and this song is in it--i had to hunt it down because they aren't credited in the show

here's another one by them

i am truly sorry for your loss

parting is filled with sorrow

she is beautiful. looking at that photo from last year i can tell she has very soulful eyes.

sounds like you had a nice morning together.

i'm sure you'll be with her again.

here's to Lady Puppeh Girl

absolutely great song & vocal & arrangement. i love this song. so did my mom. n/t

moms are good at stuff like that

when i had a c-section my mom sat beside me and kept blotting the tears from my eyes. (i was crying because i was so emotional--not in pain--and my arms were strapped down so i couldn't move, and i was so numb with the drugs that i either couldn't blink or the tears wouldn't fall from my eyes. thanks mom!)

hope your toe feels better soon.

one of the cutest videos i've ever seen. thanks for posting this! n/t

ask a mortician videos

are wonderful! they are funny & fascinating and, well, see for yourself...


episode one:

episode five

i just ran into these today. just wanted to share

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