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Clint Eastwood Propositions Film Critic To Obtain More Positive Review Of 'Richard Jewell'
ATLANTA—His hands shaking a bit as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, director Clint Eastwood reportedly propositioned Susan Parker of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution Monday, offering to sleep with the critic in exchange for a more favorable review of his latest film, Richard Jewell.
“Just sweeten it up a little, make it sound like a fun movie to watch, and you can take me right here,” the 89-year-old Oscar winner said to a panicked Parker before lifting up a pant leg and rolling down a dress sock to reveal his bare, varicose-veined calf to the reviewer.
“It doesn’t even need to be a glowing review—just scrap all that stuff about how it treats the FBI and the media the same way the Trump administration does. What do you say? You do a little something for me, I’ll do a little something for you.”
At press time, Parker was gently patting the back of Eastwood, who was doubled over in a prolonged coughing fit after a failed attempt to caress the critic’s crotch.
https://entertainment.theonion.com/clint-eastwood-propositions-film-critic-to-obtain-more-1840467030/amp?__twitter_impression=true
Brazilian man dresses as mother to take driving test after she failed three times.
A man has been arrested for attempting to take a driving test on his mother’s behalf – by dressing like her in a bold attempt to fool examiners.
Heitor Márcio Schiave, 43, wore a stuffed bra, floral top, long skirt, earrings, and a handbag to impersonate his mother at the State Department of Traffic in Novo Mutum Parana, in the Brazilian Amazon. Mr Schiave’s mother, Dona Maria, had failed her driving test three times before he decided to take the matter into his own hands.
Brazil police were tipped off by an examiner who became suspicious that Mr Schiave was not the person on the ID he handed over, reported local news site G1.When police arrived at the department, Mr Schiave had started the parking test. He was arrested for fraudulent misrepresentation. They then called Ms Maria to inform her of the impersonation, and she reportedly did not know her son was attempting to take her driving test for her.
The examiner, Aline Mendoça, told local media: “He said he stole his mother’s documents, went to the school, printed and paid the retest fee unbeknownst to her, that everything was planned by himself.
“I think he pitied his mother for failing three times.” Ms Mendoça added: "I thought she was drunk at first. As I had a lot of people to evaluate, I left her last. When I realised that the student was actually a man, I decided to proceed normally and wait for the Military Police to take action."
Mr Schiave has since been released by the court and may face a fine for his actions.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/man-dresses-mother-driving-test-112327585.html
WaPo: The Trump impeachment inquiry, told with maps and dancing Rudys.
105 tweets/retweets on Sunday.
https://twitter.com/brianstelter/status/1203867491124031488https://twitter.com/brianstelter/status/1203902968745082880
Somebody sounds nervous.
Trump won't be impeached because we don't have a smocking gun.
Damn! 
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1203783393852493826
Onion: Pelosi Says House Will Proceed With Articles Of Impeachment
Saying the president’s behavior gave her “no choice” but to continue the process, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi signalled plans to proceed with articles of impeachment against President Trump for his solicitation of foreign interference in the 2020 election from Ukraine. What do you think?
“I can’t believe they’ve stooped to actually doing their job.”
CALISTA LITTLE • MAYORAL ASSISTANT
“Nothing in the prior two months of rigorous impeachment investigations could have prepared me for this.”
RED BARNETT • FUNERARY LITIGATOR
“Wasn’t winning back the House enough? Now they want to actually use that power?”
JULES LEON • LIVESTOCK APPRAISER
https://www.theonion.com/pelosi-says-house-will-proceed-with-articles-of-impeach-1840271560/amp?__twitter_impression=true
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