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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 45,447

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I had a little black-and-white visitor last night

Someone in my neighborhood has a little tuxedo cat - female, hopefully spayed, about six pounds - that they allow to run free. I know it isn't a stray because it looks well-fed. The first time this kitty made it to my house was the day my patio door was installed. (I was joking with the installers about free cats coming with every Andersen patio door.)

I got off work at midnight. When I'm home and awake, I always open the patio door for ventilation.

Anyway...at 1 am this cat just strolled into my house, walked into my computer room, and started begging for attention.

Public opinion question

Today I was driving to Spokane to buy a shower base when my phone rang. I don't answer the phone while I'm driving, so I figured I would wait until I got to Home Depot and call them back. When I got to the store, I looked at my missed-call log and it was from Kingston, Jamaica. (I didn't call them back, of course.)

So, what could it have possibly been? Your choices are:

a. I owe the IRS $127,000 in back taxes, penalties and interest and I can pay it in Google Play cards.
b. My Windows machine is infected with a virus and they can remove it for the low sum of $1595.
c. I got three women pregnant during my last vacation in Jamaica and I owe them $2545 per month in child support payments.
d. They need my help to move $242 million secreted by General Sani Abacha out of Nigeria, and would like to use my bank account as the conduit for that transaction.
e. My refrigerator is running and for $250 in Amazon Gift Cards they can catch it for me.
f. I can buy a box of genuine Jamaican cigars for the low sum of $975 and have them shipped next-day air.

There is the minor sticking point that my taxes are up to date, I'm 100-percent Apple, I've never gotten anyone pregnant and don't plan to start now, General Sani Abacha's money MUST have been moved out of Nigeria by now, my fridge is bolted to the floor and a $975 box of cigars better have about 100 sticks in it.

Bonhomme Richard sailor charged with aggravated arson, hazarding


The Navy has filed charges against a sailor for allegedly deliberately starting a fire last year that quickly spread and consumed much of the interior of amphibious assault ship USS Bonhomme Richard (LHD-6), the service announced Thursday.

“The sailor was a member of Bonhomme Richard’s crew at the time and is accused of starting the fire,” Cmdr. Sean Robertson, a U.S. 3rd Fleet spokesperson in San Diego, said in a statement.

The charges were Aggravated Arson (Uniform Code of Military Justice Article 126) and Hazarding a Vessel (Article 110). Of the two charges, Hazarding is the most serious - it is punishable by "death or such other punishment as a court-martial may direct."

Trump the Paratrooper

So it seems that after Trump got reinstated, his first stop was to Fort Bragg because they have a great golf course there. Ivanka told him, “but daddy, you have to visit the troops if you don’t want the fake news to say bad things about you.” So, off he went to Green Ramp to meet some troops.

He found the 82nd Airborne’s most important jump master standing next to a captain and told him, “ I’m going to be the greatest jumper in history. None of you will ever be greater than me. So, tell me how to jump out of a plane.”

The jumpmaster pointed at a C-130. “Mr. President, that’s a plane. You get in it. When it gets to where you need to go, someone will tell you to jump, and you jump out.”

“And then what?” Trump asked.

“And…that’s it. It’s real easy. Anyone can do it.”

Trump ran off toward the plane screaming, “Everyone’s going to know what a great jumper I am. You just watch.”

When Trump was out of earshot, the captain turned to the jumpmaster. “Sergeant, shouldn’t you have told him about parachutes?”


Capitol invader busted by Bumble match


Andrew Taake, 32, future resident of the Terre Haute Federal Pen, tried to pick up a woman on the dating app Bumble by bragging about participating in the January 6 insurrection by carrying a metal whip and pepper spray to attack police with.

Unfortunately for Mr. Taake, chicks don't necessarily dig guys who try to overthrow the government. This one turned his ass in to the FBI.

Oh lord...Boebert tweeted her "prescription" to BDS

BDS = Boebert Derangement Syndrome.

On the list of verbal diarrhea is “tell the Karens to chill out.” Interesting coming from one of the worst Karens in America.

She also said something about rewarding work, not staying at home. Apparently she’s having trouble hiring people who will work for tipped minimum wage.

I have a better cure for BDS: vote this useless eater out of Congress next year if we don’t expel her sooner.

No seat is safe when Ohtani is at the plate

Seattle’s T-Mobile Park features a dining venue called the Hit it Here Cafe. No one ever hits it there, so a couple fans decided the seats next to it would be a nice safe place to take in a little baseball.

Naturally, Shohei Ohtani decided to hit it there. Those poor fans were left scrambling so they didn’t get hit.

It’s only the sixth time anyone’s ever hit into the upper deck in the history of that ballpark.

After this season is over, President Biden should invite Ohtani to the White House. After four years of Trump and a year of pandemic, Ohtani is exactly what we needed to recover as a nation.

I've been reading up on toluene diisocyanate

And you're thinking, "what the hell is toluene diisocyanate?" Polyurethane foam is made out of four chemicals: that one I just named and that we'll call TDI from here on in; a "polyol" like ethylene glycol; the catalyst 1,4-diazabicyclo[2.2.2]octane (better known as DABCO) that causes the first two chemicals to link together; and a blowing agent like carbon dioxide or water that makes the polyurethane foam up before it gets a chance to cure.

There are reports that TDI causes neurological damage.

TDI is used to make the foam that Mike Lindell uses to make his pillows.

Is it possible that Mike Lindell's insanity is from the chemicals he uses to make his lumpy pillows and not from the drugs he used to do or the company he currently keeps?

I was a bit of a Karen last night

So I had a really long day at work and decided to go to Carl’s Jr. for lunch. I ordered, and while they were putting it together I noticed something on the menu. So I called one of the employees over.

“Can I speak to your manager? Don’t worry, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

So the manager comes out. “May I help you?”

“Yes. Could you call corporate and tell them their electronic menu says (named three items) are free?”

“What do you mean?”

“Turn around and look.”

She did. Next to the three items were the prices: $0.00.

She then started laughing. “Oh my god. I never noticed that before! Yeah, we’ll get that fixed right away. Thanks!”

Hawaii begins accepting vaccine cards on July 8


Right now, the only way to bypass Hawaii’s quarantine for off-island travelers is to show a negative COVID test. But on July 8, you can upload a photo of your vaccine card (must be fully vaxed at least 2 weeks prior to flying), show it to authorities at the airport, and run around Hawaii freely.
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