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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 45,434

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The REAL reason Trump didn't get to throw out the first pitch

Baseball has a very long memory. If Donald Fucking Trump would have walked onto the diamond in front of 42,000 people who don't like him, the field would have looked like they were selling beer for ten cents a cup by the time the riot had been broken up.

Breaking: New site for 2020 G-7 summit announced

WASHINGTON (Spurious News Network) -- After days of debate and an irate retraction by President Trump, the site of the 2020 meeting of the leaders of the world's seven most powerful nations, also known as the Group of Seven or G-7, has been released by the White House Office of Protocol.

"It's going to be held in the lunchroom at the United States Penitentiary, Terre Haute, Indiana," said a spokesperson who wishes to remain anonymous for his or her own safety.

When asked why they would choose to hold an important meeting at a prison, the spokesperson shrugged the spokesperson's shoulders. "President Trump really, really wanted to attend the G-7 Summit next year...and that's where he's gonna be. So, why not?"

The rest of the leaders of the Group of Seven have already expressed their approval. "Of course we'll all be there," German chancellor Angela Merkel said. "There are a few things we've always wanted to say to the sorry son of a bitch, and he'll need to be in a cage when we do."

Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau points out a few small logistical problems. "Terre Haute doesn't have any fine hotels. They don't really need them. I've talked to my friends at Bombardier, and they're willing to loan us a few jets to fly the attendees from Chicago or Indianapolis to the prison. Everything will be great."

In case Mr. Trump is locked up in a different prison when next year's G-7 Summit rolls around, the leaders of the other six members of the Group of Seven have stated their willingness to sleep just about anywhere so long as they get their five minutes alone with Mr. Trump. "We're drawing the line at sleeping in vans down by the river," said Italian prime minister Giuseppe Conte, "but in America you have 'bed and breakfast inns' and they sound really nice."

I just checked the map of That Part of Miami

You know, the part where the Grifter in Chief has a run-down, bedbug-infested excuse for a hotel.

There are quite a few hotels and restaurants in that area - more than enough to handle all the delegates to the conference.

Trump should be awarded the G7 conference on condition he not sell room nights or meals to any of the attendees.

Columbus Day, here is your song

Trump's biggest problem right now

He has fired SO MANY government employees who have dirt on him, and they’re willing to talk.

Today's Trump joke

It was Meat Identification Day in Mrs. Smith’s third-grade class.

She handed out the first sample. “Everyone try this and tell me what you think it is.”
Johnny stood up. “Mrs. Smith, that tastes like beef.” Beef it was.

Then comes the second sample.
Mary said, “I think that’s turkey, Mrs. Smith.” It was turkey.

Then the third sample was presented. No one knew what it was.
Mrs. Smith said, “It’s something that your mommy sometimes calls your daddy.”

Tiffany Trump started screaming, “Spit it out. It’s asshole.”
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