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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 45,434

Journal Archives

Armed blind man killed by Yakima, WA, police


When officers arrived, they found a 31-year-old man barricaded in his apartment. The man was blind and had an “extensive criminal history” of assault behavior, police said.

Over the next five hours, officers attempted to negotiated with the man and heard him talking as if someone else was inside the apartment, according to the release.

Once they obtained a search warrant, officers eventually "breached" the door to the apartment but continued to try to negotiate with the man, officers said.

“…after a few minutes the situation deteriorated and two officers fired shots at the suspect killing him,” according to the release. A firearm was found in the apartment, officers said.

Very sad situation.

A Trump Christmas Carol

Trump asked, "Who are you?"

"The Ghost of Christmas Past."

"Long ago past?"

"Yes. France, in 1792. You're about to see what used to happen to people like you. Now close your eyes."

When he opened them again, he was sprawled out on a cobblestone street in a pleasant French village.

"Hey!" yelled one of the townsfolk. "He looks like royalty!"

"Off with his head!" screamed another.

Trump, having paid someone to take his French exams for him, knew not of what they spoke. When the villagers gathered around him, he thought he was being surrounded by an adoring crowd...an idea that vanished as ten men grabbed him, bound him with their belts, and carried them off to the city guillotine. Just before the blade fell, a thought passed through his orange head: Why does this crappy town have no McDonald's? I could really use a sack of Quarter Pounders right about now."

* * * * *

Trump sat bolt upright in his bed. "What a terrible nightmare!" he screamed out loud.

Melania rolled over and scratched her ass a little. "Shut the fuck up, asshole," she commanded. "I'm trying to sleep."

Trump grabbed his phone. "I have to send thirty tweets right now!" he shouted. "A vision like that should happen to no man!"

"Well, would you please do it in another room?" said Melania. "It's bad enough you steal all the fucking covers. If you're going to be seeing things, don't do it in here."

Chastened, Trump slunk off to the gold-plated toilet in his private bathroom. He attempted to log onto Twitter, but received only a "password not recognized" message.

"No! This can't be happening!"

A stiletto heel collided against the bathroom door. "I'm going back to New York. It'd be easier to sleep in Grand Central Terminal...on the floor."

As out of a mist, an apparition appeared.

"Let me guess: you're the Ghost of Christmas Present."

"You guessed right."

"How come you look like that commie traitor Robert Mueller?"

The ghost smiled.

"And what the hell do you want?"

"I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present...and I have a present for you." He handed Trump three cases of paper.

"What's this?"

"Your indictment. Oh, and there's a .45 in one of those boxes, in case you want to take the coward's way out."

"You brought a loaded gun into the White House?" Trump screamed.

"No, Donald. I brought an unloaded gun, and the barrel is welded shut. You might want to kill yourself and save Ivanka the pain of what's about to happen to you, but I'm going to be sure it's never going to happen."

"Aren't we supposed to fly around so I can see what is supposed to happen to me if I don't mend my ways? I read this book."

"Donald, look at yourself in the mirror. The only way you're 'flying' is if I bring a cargo plane, and thanks to your ridiculous tax cut we don't have the budget for that. So you just think about what could happen, then think of something a hundred times worse."

* * * * *

Trump awoke to someone punching him in the head.

"Melania, please...hang on, who the hell are you? Oh, let me guess: You're the Ghost of Christmas Future. What the hell do you want?"

"Now that's a stupid-ass question, fat ass; you know exactly what I want. Put your fucking slippers on."

They reappeared in a small New England community. The streets were full of people cheering, making toasts and dancing.

"What happened?" asked Trump.

"Your obituary was in the news this morning. Did you know they can say the words 'fucking asshole' on TV now?"

"Really?" asked Trump.

"Yeah, but only if they're referring to you."

* * * * *

Trump awoke to a soft kiss on the forehead.

"Who the fuck is it this time?"

"You silly boy, you know who it is," said Melania. "Come on, get up. We're supposed to have breakfast with the Pences this morning, remember? Get up and get dressed. I'm going to the bathroom to get ready, and then we'll call for the limo to bring the Pences here. If you get up quick, there's the most incredible sunrise. You just have to see it."

Melania goes into the bathroom.

Trump thought to himself, "it's a good thing that was all just a bad dream."

A soft thump is heard. Melania pokes her head out the bathroom door.

"Donnie? There are three cases of paper and a gun that won't work in the bathroom. Do you know anything about this?"

Pyongyang International Airport is named for their leader

A couple days ago I was in a small discussion about an Australian sovereign citizen. Someone mentioned that it would probably be pretty cheap for him to buy a one-way ticket to North Korea - the grand destination all logical citizens want sovereigns to go to.

So I thought, "how much WOULD it cost to buy a ticket from Sydney to Pyongyang?" and started looking.

Every airport in the world has an International Air Transport Association airport code. Now, this is no shit: The IATA airport code for Pyongyang Sunan International Airport is FNJ.


Would you eat vegan at McDonald's?

This is no shit: in Sweden and Finland, the world's biggest meat restaurant is launching a "McVegan" burger.


It looks like a pretty standard veggie burger: soy patty on a bun with tomato, lettuce, pickles, onion, ketchup, mustard, oil and eggless sandwich sauce.

This is worse than the tax cut: Bundy trial ends in mistrial


Does anyone know why I'm getting sidebar ads for combat boots?

I wore combat boots every day for a long time, but haven't needed any since then. Are they trying to tell us something?

Kansas is not the best model for what is about to happen to the US

Greece is.

To compensate for the lack of tax revenues we will be put under austerity.

When that doesn’t work, more austerity. And more. And more.

Today's War on Christmas joke

Little Rotten Johnny, the worst kid in the world, asked his mother for paper and pencil to write a letter to Santa Claus.

"Little Rotten Johnny, you've been so bad this year Santa Claus doesn't want to hear from you. You need to write to the Baby Jesus."

Okay, thought LRJ, if that's what I gotta do...he sat down at the table and wrote, "Dear Baby Jesus, I want lots of wonderful presents and I promise to be good all year long."

No. You can't lie to the Baby Jesus. So he threw that one away and started again:

"Dear Baby Jesus, I want lots of wonderful presents and I promise to be good for a whole month."

No. Into the trash.

"Dear Baby Jesus, I want lots of wonderful presents and I promise to be good for a whole week."

No. Into the trash.

By the time he managed to write a believable letter he knew the Baby Jesus wouldn't be interested in him being good for a whole millisecond and decided to take another approach to the subject. He dug around under the bed until he found a shoebox and some t-shirts. He went into the living room and got the Madonna from the nativity scene on the mantel. He carefully wrapped the figurine, put it in the box, and buried the box under all the stuff in his closet. Then he went back to the table and took pencil in hand...

"Dear Baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again..."

Amtrak notice about the Cascades derailment

http://www.amtrak.com (link is on their homepage)

Service Disruption South of Seattle
Amtrak Cascades services impacted
9:30 a.m. PT

Amtrak Cascades Train 501, operating from Seattle and Portland, derailed south of Tacoma, Wash. There were approximately 78 passengers and five crew members on board. Initial reports are that some injuries are reported to passengers and crew, and taken to local medical facilities for treatment.

Individuals with questions about their friends and family on this train should call (800) 523-9101. Local emergency responders are on the scene.

Service from Seattle to points north and east is continuing to operate. Amtrak Cascades Trains 504 and 509 are cancelled. No alternate transportation will be available.

Additional updates will be provided when available.

This information is correct as of the above time and date. Information is subject to change as conditions warrant.

(Please note the time of this posting. They probably didn't know anyone had died.)

Only on one condition can I accept a tax cut

The GOP always brags about how their tax cuts will supercharge the economy. If we cut taxes millions of jobs will be created, millions of new businesses will be formed, and the new tax revenue from all this growth will more than pay for the tax cut.

Second verse, same as the first: the last time a tax cut actually did all that was when Kennedy cut the top rate from 93 to 70 percent, and that worked for three reasons - lopping that much off your tax bill is going to put serious ducats back in your bank account, the new "computer" thing gave corporations something to invest in, and the new tax rate STILL left enough money in the Treasury to build the Interstate Highway System and shoot men into space.

So...back to it. I can accept a tax cut IF this happens: the architects of the tax cut will create a Minimum Amount of Growth this cut could conceivably produce. Then every member of Congress who voted to pass the tax cut and the President will write a letter of resignation, seal it in an envelope and present it to the Sergeant at Arms. If the cut doesn't produce that much growth, all the envelopes are opened.
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