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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 45,400

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Make Crack the Idaho State Recreational Drug...immediately if not sooner


The Idaho Giant Salamander. What can be said about this noble beast?

Well, it's a salamander...t's really big for a salamander (average size is 8 inches)...it lives in Idaho...and it separates the adults from the Republicans in our state legislature, and not just because most Republicans' slime coats are thicker than the one on any salamander.

On the 19th of January in the Year of Our Ford Twenty and Fifteen, one Ilah Hickman, Boise junior high student, traveled the fog-shrouded wasteland that is our state capital to plead for this magnificent creature to be named Idaho's State Amphibian.

By a basically party-line vote of 10-6, the assembled worthies in our legislature said no.

Reason? "Federal overreach." The slimier-than-a-salamander Repukes we sent to Boise to do the people's work decided labeling these salamanders - these plentiful salamanders, I must add - as an official state symbol would inevitably lead to the federal government taking over the state.

Therefore, I urge - nay, I plead - the Idaho state legislature to declare Crack the Official Recreational Drug of the State of Idaho, since so many of our elected officials are on it.

I e-filed today; will report when my refund arrives

Screw the "rapid refund" loansharks.

Is Shake Shack's IPO a good thing?

Tomorrow Shake Shack will go public. (Shake Shack, for those of us who don't keep up with the East Coast, is a very small chain of very small hamburger restaurants known for good food and extremely long lines.)

My feeling is, this isn't such a great thing. Here's why:

1) No first-mover advantage. There are a LOT of these kinds of places on the market already.
2) New Yorkers and Bostonians will stand in line for an hour for a hamburger. People in Ohio or Minnesota probably will not.
3) Their food might be "fast food" priced in New York City, but in Montana that's sit-down money.
4) There is NO guarantee McDonald's won't create a "hamburger boutique" chain within their own system. They've got the supply chain and - more important - the huge amount of money it would take to build a better-burger brand. (No, it wouldn't be "Mickey D's serves fancier food. They tried that shit and it didn't work. This would be a whole new label.)

America's greatest sniper vs. America's most famous sociopath

Gunnery Sergeant Carlos Hathcock was America's finest sniper. (This is the guy who put a round down the barrel of another sniper's scope, and also the guy who made a 2500-yard shot with a .50-caliber machine gun firing standard ammunition.) Don't believe raw numbers: when Gunny Hathcock was active, a kill wasn't official unless it was observed by a commissioned officer. He estimates he killed at least 300 enemy soldiers.

Chris Kyle you already know.

In Kyle's book, he claims to have enjoyed killing people.

Gunny Hathcock said he never enjoyed killing people; it was a job he did to protect his fellow Marines. MOST combat arms troops feel the same way.

The NFL will probably supply game balls next year

Brady was one of the instigators of the "each team provides its own footballs" rule, and this is how his team repays the league?

My feeling is, next season Wilson will be directed to ship 24 "lightly scuffed" (throw 24 balls and 1000 lbs sand in a cement mixer and tumble for five minutes) balls to each game under the same shipping regime as kicking balls are shipped, and both sides will use the same ball.

The original version of Nugent's "Cat Scratch Fever"

Who among us wore bread bags on our shoes while growing up?

I didn't grow up rich either. No one in St. Maries, Idaho, grew up rich. In my family, we got one pair of shoes at the start of the school year, and we made them last.

But neither I, nor any kid in my school, ran around in the wet and the snow with fucking bread bags on our shoes. Those of us who could afford them had rubber overshoes, and the few kids who came from really poor families...well, that's what the Elks Club is for. (Fortunately for the Elks, they were only buying about five pair a year.)

Joni's "we was po but we was proud" act doesn't resonate.

When would the Patriots get a chance to deflate their footballs?

This is from the NFL rulebook:

Rule 2 The Ball
Section 1
The Ball must be a “Wilson,” hand selected, bearing the signature of the Commissioner of the League, Roger Goodell.

The ball shall be made up of an inflated (12 1/2 to 13 1/2 pounds) urethane bladder enclosed in a pebble grained, leather case (natural tan color) without corrugations of any kind. It shall have the form of a prolate spheroid and the size and weight shall be: long axis, 11 to 11 1/4 inches; long circumference, 28 to 28 1/2 inches; short circumference, 21 to 21 1/4 inches; weight, 14 to 15 ounces.

The Referee shall be the sole judge as to whether all balls offered for play comply with these specifications. A pump is to be furnished by the home club, and the balls shall remain under the supervision of the Referee until they are delivered to the ball attendant just prior to the start of the game.

Section 2
Each team will make 12 primary balls available for testing by the Referee two hours and 15 minutes prior to the starting time of the game to meet League requirements. The home team will also make 12 backup balls available for testing in all stadiums. In addition, the visitors, at their discretion, may bring 12 backup balls to be tested by the Referee for games held in outdoor stadiums. For all games, eight new footballs, sealed in a special box and shipped by the manufacturer to the Referee, will be opened in the officials’ locker room two hours and 15 minutes prior to the starting time of the game. These balls are to be specially marked by the Referee and used exclusively for the kicking game.

In the event a home team ball does not conform to specifications, or its supply is exhausted, the Referee shall secure a proper ball from the visitors and, failing that, use the best available ball. Any such circumstances must be reported to the Commissioner.
In case of rain or a wet, muddy, or slippery field, a playable ball shall be used at the request of the offensive team’s center. The Game Clock shall not stop for such action (unless undue delay occurs).

Note: It is the responsibility of the home team to furnish playable balls at all times by attendants from either side of the playing field.

From other websites I've been reading, the way this works is: The home team has a collection of game-usable footballs. On the day of the game, they deliver 12 balls to the referees two hours and 15 minutes prior to kickoff. (In Foxborough on Sunday, that would have been by 4: 25pm.) The referees have an air pump in their locker room. They check all 12 balls to be sure they're in game-worthy condition, test and adjust the air pressure in them, and turn them over to a ball attendant who takes them to the field.

My suspicion is the balls are never in the presence of only one person at any time between when they leave the refs and the end of the game...and as open and heavily-monitored as NFL sidelines are, if someone were to let the air out of the balls he'd be seen and stopped.

'Course, when you win a championship game by 38 points, people are going to assume you're cheating.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Seahawks

From the Onion:


Green Bay:
• Given Marshawn Lynch's ability to break tackles, don't be afraid to put a seventh or even eighth man on him.
• Keep pressure on Russell Wilson by whispering to him that this is his contract year.

• Be prepared for Aaron Rodgers to quickly move outside the pocket and toward the direction of medical treatment.
• Consider benching Richard Sherman, who didn't once touch the football when the Seahawks met the Packers in the regular season.

Fine Penn State $1395 and erase almost all the rest of the penalties

I'm not going to rehash all the recent Penn State developments. Hit GD and you'll find them.

In the spirit of the thing, I have a suggestion.

Penn State built a monument to ol' See No Evil, Hear No Evil over there. It's a larger-than-life bronze statue of Joe Paterno that you can find pictures of online. This thing weighs 900 pounds.

Scrap bronze sells for $1.55 per pound. Multiply by 900 pounds and you get $1395.

I would be willing to erase every penalty, except the multimillion-dollar fine that still stands, if Penn State would cut up the Joe Paterno statue, melt it down, sell the metal as scrap, divide the proceeds among all the schools that played Penn State in football when Joe was alive for use in fighting child abuse, remove the rest of the monument with a bulldozer, never allow another monument to Joe Paterno to be erected anywhere, and never use the land the monument was on for anything ever again - including an outhouse.

That, my friends, is the only punishment that will mean anything to them.
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