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jmowreader

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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 36,169

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Title Katy Tur's campaign memoir

Katy Tur is the embedded reporter in Donald Trump's campaign entourage. You KNOW she's going to write a book...then disappear into an undisclosed location to protect herself from a Trumpler fatwa. What's the title going to be?

My best guess: Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 2016. Yes, it's a ripoff of a great author's work, but any proper book on the Trump campaign will have to be written in the style of Hunter S. Thompson.

I heard Trump plans to start a vacuum cleaner company after he loses

He wants to sell at least one thing that doesn't suck.

Early voters, fess up: How many Republicans did you have to vote for?

I voted for only one: Ben Wolfinger, our county's sheriff. He earned my vote for two reasons:

One, he's been a decent sheriff.

and

Two, this is the Democratic candidate:


Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Democratic candidate for sheriff in my county is a sovereign citizen who built her own working Gatling gun, has never worn a badge in her life, is squatting in her foreclosed home, and promises to not allow her deputies to enforce any law she doesn't like if we're stupid enough to elect her. She's more of a catastrophe than Donald Trump, and that takes work.

May 20, 2017 - Trump's first night

While it is usually true the wheels of justice grind exceedingly slowly, that didn't happen in the case of America's Greatest Near Miss, the 2017 Republican candidate for president. On May 20, a scant four months after Hillary Clinton was inaugurated, one Donald Trump Jagoff reported to the Federal Bureau of Prisons to begin his three-thousand-year sentence for breaking every federal law there is. Yes, my friends, they even caught him tearing the tag off a mattress before he sold it.

That night, as he laid in his bed thinking about how "Crooked Hillary" subverted the will of the electorate by the evil method of getting seven million more votes than he did, men started to scream out numbers. "Thirty-six!" yelled a man, followed by laughs all around. "Seventy-three!" More laughs.

"What the hell's going on?" Trump asked the guy in the next cell.
'We're telling jokes.'
"But those are just numbers!"
'Yeah, that's true. We realized we were telling the same jokes over and over, so about twenty years ago someone gave each joke a number. Now we just yell out the number of the joke instead of telling it, and we get a lot more laughs in.'

Trump thought about it for a second, then decided to join the fun.

"Forty-eight!" yelled Trump. Dead silence.
"Forty-eight!" yelled louder this time. Crickets.

"What's the damn problem? Isn't 48 a good joke?"
'Forty-eight is really the best one, but you always sucked at telling jokes.'

Julian Assange is now the alt-right's new best friend

Six years ago, they wanted to string him up by the nuts for his document dumps. Now? They can't get enough of him. Go figure.

If you're going to shoplift from Walmart, you've got to do it BIG!

http://cdapress.com/news/local_news/article_fd4c86ca-94b0-11e6-acb2-1bea17c568ff.html

Jennifer L. Dossett, 43, was arrested Sunday by Kootenai County sheriff’s deputies who allege she was in the parking lot of the store pushing two carts full of merchandise she did not pay for. The carts contained 360 items from the store.

Total value of the items: nearly $2300.

She was arrested on charges of burglary, grand theft and giving false identification to a peace officer; she also has an outstanding theft warrant for stealing from the same Walmart last month.

This is what the "Downfall parody" scene looks like with the correct subtitles

Alex Jones, repugnant Trump-troll, does it again

According to Jezebel...

http://theslot.jezebel.com/people-are-disrupting-clinton-rallies-with-bill-clinton-1787711958

that worthless piece of shit Alex Jones is having a "contest."

If you can appear on local or national television for at least five seconds while wearing a shirt that says, "Bill Clinton is a rapist," you receive $1000. (Oh yeah: you have to wear the official "Infowars" t-shirt to get the money.)
If you can be heard on local or national television saying the same thing, you receive $5000.

Tell me again: Which country is Trump running for president of?

In the country I live in, "jailing your political opponents" is NOT an acceptable campaign pledge.

I think Donald Trump deserves a round of applause

He just put all fifty states in play, and I never believed until a couple days ago we'd ever take Idaho or Utah.
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