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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 35,613

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My apartment has been taken over

I leave the doors open so the natural breezes keep it cool.

This little guy walked in the front door and refuses to leave.

Omarosa's "every critic will bow down to Trump" is straight out of the Bible

This is Philippians 2.9-11:

9. Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,
10. that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11. and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Today's marching order: Donald Trump is trying to ride into the White House on a black horse with a pair of scales in his hand, and he is trying to use the votes of people who only care about a candidate's religion to do it. Many of these people read newspapers, so your task for this week is to write a letter to the editor explaining how un-Christ-like Trump actually is.

Hang on for a second...HILLARY is the racist in this campaign?

Donald, Donald, Donald...Hillary's not the one who's ENDORSED BY THE KU KLUX KLAN! There's no "Hillary Youth" group run by white supremacists. Her foreign policy doesn't require suspending the Constitution to achieve.

Does Donald Trump even know what country he wants to be president of?

What a lovely day in baseball...

On the day when Alex Rodriguez, one of baseball's worse assholes, retired as a player...


Ichiro, one of the nicest people in the sport, scored his 3000th MLB hit.


North Idaho strip mall burns to the ground (story gets very weird)


There is a minister in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, by the name of Tim Remington. To keep from typing the name of the town over and over, I will abbreviate it to CDA.

Pastor Remington runs a megachurch called The Altar. It's your standard far-right church.

The church runs a drug and alcohol rehab program named Good Samaritan Rehabilitation. To fund this, the church set up a thrift store.

On March 5 of this year, Ted Cruz had a rally in CDA. Pastor Remington gave the invocation.

On March 6, a Marine veteran named Kyle Odom allegedly shot Pastor Remington six times with a .45-caliber pistol - I don't know what brand it was, but in case you're wondering, the Remington Arms Company makes .45-caliber pistols - at point-blank range as he was leaving the church after services. (Remington survived, which brings into question the adequacy of Marine Corps marksmanship training. He's back at work.) Mr. Odom then drove 385 miles to the Boise Airport, boarded a plane to Washington, DC, and threw a manifesto over the White House fence - the manifesto claims he shot the pastor because the pastor was a Martian. The Secret Service arrested him, ran a check on him, found he was wanted for attempted murder, and eventually mailed him back to us. Thanks to Mr. Odom, TSA now checks to see if you're on the lam before they let you on a plane. As far as anyone knows, Odom never had contact with Remington before Odom decided Remington needed to be ventilated.

Last night, the thrift store, plus the two businesses sharing the strip mall it was in, burned to the ground. Our fire chief says there's nothing left.

I made a Hillary-Kaine logo...what do you think?

The C goes without saying.

I did a lot of fiddling around with the K in its normal orientation, then realized that if I flip it around it does four things for me.

It evokes the arrow in Hillary's original logo. I made the stem of the K into an exclamation point to anticipate the excitement of having Hillary as president.

It causes the mouth of the K to face left, to suggest Kaine is to the left.

It keeps Trump's brownshirts from claiming we're running the "Calvin Klein" ticket.

And I think it looks cooler this way.

I have figured out Melania's speech

Day 1 of the RNC didn't go well. It started out with the party having to shut down an attempt by the delegates to overthrow the will of the voters. We were then treated to a long list of essentially worthless people, like the homophobe Phil Robertson, outcast SEAL Marcus Luttrell and free-market absolutist Scott Baio.

The only way they were going to keep this grade of disaster off the front page Tuesday is through a futile and stupid gesture meant as a diversion. The quickest and most effective way was to slip a little bit of Michelle Obama's 2008 speech and a quick rickroll into the address Trump's third wife made to the nation.

Signs of the Apocalypse: OFF! Named Official Insect Repellant of 2016 Olympics


Growing concerns among athletes and visitors about Zika-carrying mosquitos in Rio de Janeiro has led it to sign SC Johnsonís OFF! as the Olympicsí first-ever insect repellent partner.

Sheriff's badges have little balls on the star points

Google "picture of a sheriff's badge" and you'll find two kinds: stars and shields. A star-shaped badge almost always has a ball at the end of each point of the star; whether it's just "tradition" or a way to keep the criminal element from stabbing the officer with his badge I'm not sure, but with very few exceptions they all have it.

The thing Trump put on Hillary's picture has no balls on the star points. It therefore cannot be a sheriff's badge.

Phoenix-bound airplane turns around due to heat


PHOENIX (KPHO/KTVK) - A flight from Houston to Phoenix had to turn around due to concerns about the heat on Sunday.

United Airlines' flight 6186 left Houston and made it into New Mexico.

Due to heat-related concerns, the plane diverted back to Houston International Airport, Ericka Wilkerson with Sky Harbor International Airport said.

The plane was an Embraer 175.
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