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jmowreader

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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 45,434

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We can't run the obvious Arizona attack ad in next year's election...

This would obviously have to be animated, but...

The scene: A beautiful desert landscape with a dead horse in the middle of it.

As the camera zooms in on the horse, suddenly five or six people wearing GOP or Qanon shirts and MAGA hats run up to the horse and start beating it with baseball bats.

The voiceover: "Arizona's schools need urgent repairs. Our roads are terrible. Our sewer and water systems need maintenance. But faced with all these needs, what did Senate President Karen Fann and the Arizona GOP decide to spend $10 million of your tax dollars on? Auditing the most secure presidential election in the history of the state because they didn't like who won it, and hiring a firm whose only qualification for the job is love of Donald Trump to conduct the audit."

The card at the end: "Vote Democratic in 2022. We don't beat dead horses."

I'm certain President Biden will be blamed for this too

The MAGAts have something new to complain about.

https://www.jayski.com/2021/03/15/nascar-still-considering-moving-car-numbers-back/

I was driving to work today and decided to put my radio on the NASCAR channel. The subject of discussion was numbers.

Since most of you don’t follow NASCAR...as Darrell Waltrip put it, what makes a car go fast is on the hood. Each team’s biggest sponsor is their hood sponsor. When the announcers talk about Kevin Harvick and the Busch Ford, or Jimmie Johnson and the Ally Chevrolet, they’re naming the hood sponsor. Hood sponsorship is really expensive...$15 to $25 million depending on the team and how good the race shop’s negotiator is. For their money, they get to advertise on the hood, both rear quarter panels and the bumpers.

Right now, each race car carries a number in the middle of the doors and on the roof. Keep that in mind.

In 2022 NASCAR is introducing a new car, the Next Gen. It features smaller rear quarter panels than the current car, so the teams have gone to NASCAR and asked them to push the side numbers back about a foot so that sponsor logos can go on the doors.

And as a result, two-thirds of our Trumpist population is up in arms.

The host of the show had some fun with this one guy who was really pissed...

“Are you calling into the show on a cell phone?” Yes.
“So you’re not calling from the wall phone in the kitchen?” No.
“Do you heat your house with coal?” No.
“Do you light your house with oil lamps?” No.
“Do you cook on a wood stove?” No.
“Did you ride your horse to work this morning?” No, I don’t even have a horse.
“Are you listening to this show on a Victrola?” No.

“Well then, I see you’re okay with change.”
“But I don’t want my NASCAR to change!”

So yeah, I figure that flake Marjorie Greene will post a tweet claiming that not only did Biden steal all the Chick-fil-A sauce, he made NASCAR violate the sacred Numbers In The Middle of the Door tradition at the same time. I heard he’s also responsible for athlete’s foot and excessive farting.

Heavy-duty short film about PTSD

I'm going to make a bold prediction about Congresswoman Greene

Sometime before the 2022 election, someone is going to flatten that waste of perfectly good semen because of some of the vile trash that comes out of her mouth.

She will soon thereafter learn all about the Chaplinsky Doctrine. She'll also learn what happened to Buzz Aldrin after he punched Bart Sibrel for claiming Aldrin was lying about having walked on the moon.

Today's bit of good news: Vimeo banned Mike Lindell

https://www.rawstory.com/mike-lindell-2652890007/?utm_source=push_notifications

"Your account was terminated for violating Vimeo's Terms of Service…and Community Guidelines," Vimeo told Lindell, according to a screenshot of an email he shared with The Daily Beast. "We do not allow accounts that upload content created by or mainly featuring a banned user. As the purpose of your account is to promote content from a banned user, it has been removed."

"Who is your daddy and what does he do?"

On the first day of the 2021-22 school year, a teacher decided to use the old game of "who is your daddy and what does he do?" as an icebreaker.

One kid stood up. "My dad is an out-of-work bum. All he does all day long is sit around the house eating fast food and screaming at the TV. Mom keeps on trying to get him to go get a job, but he just tells her to fuck off and orders more fast food."

The teacher was aghast. "Barron! You know perfectly well your father is the retired president of the United States."

Barron shrugged his shoulders. "That's what I said."

Could elections for federal offices be classified as articles of interstate commerce?

Elections have consequences, and federal elections - president and Congress - have consequences for us all.

As Mitch McConnell's actions over the last few years have proven, what the voters in one state decide can ultimately affect, for better or worse, life in the other 49.

As we speak, the We the People Act is wedged under Mitch McConnell's right butt cheek and it probably isn't coming out.

However, there is an alternative.

Government can, loosely, be described as a service. Commerce is the trading of goods and services, normally for money. Interstate commerce is the trading of those goods and services across state lines.

Because the people elected by the several states cross state lines to travel to Washington, DC, for work, and governance is a service purchased with the votes of their constituents, elections to federal office qualify as articles of interstate commerce.

Classified as such, the federal government would then be free to publish a single regulation prescribing the conduct of federal elections and describing all those who are eligible to vote in these elections. This would, with the stroke of a pen, invalidate both state level voter suppression laws and gerrymandered districts - and no congressional input would be required.

I think it's worth a shot.

Two government agencies set to probe the worst act of idiocy in years

https://www.keysnews.com/ap/national/2-us-agencies-send-teams-to-probe-tesla-crash-with-no-driver/article_cccc599c-a182-11eb-8a3f-039089e7427e.html

So here's the situation: On Saturday night, a 59-year-old man and a 69-year-old man boarded a 2019 Tesla Model S automobile in the vicinity of the city of Spring, Texas. One of them sat in the front passenger seat, and the other sat in the back seat. No one sat in the driver's seat. It is not known who either man voted for in the 2020 election.

The car then proceeded to miss a curve at high speed, travel 100 feet, plow into a huge tree and catch fire. Both men were, as you would expect, killed.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the National Transportation Safety Board are investigating.

And one of the things they SHOULD be investigating is the fact the Spring Fire Department pumped 32,000 gallons of water on the car before the fire would go out. The fire department called Tesla and were told to "just let it burn out on its own."

But seriously, even if your car has "full self driving capability" that the manufacturer swears will not drive itself, who the fuck thinks not at least sitting in the driver's seat is a good idea? Were they, like, drunk off their asses and thought they wouldn't get busted for DUI if they weren't driving?

Songwriter Jim Steinman has died

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/jim-steinman-meat-loaf-songwriter-dead-obituary-1158472/amp/

Steinman is famous for writing Meat Loaf’s hits and Bonnie Tyler’s Holding Out for a Hero and Total Eclipse of the Heart, among other huge hits.

I figured out how to shoot the Trump movie

Imagine a mash-up of The Princess Bride and Goodfellas, with Samuel L. Jackson as the narrator and his real-life child as the one being read the bedtime story. Of course it will be directed by Quentin Tarantino and will, as a result, be entered in the Guinness Book of World Records under the heading “most uses of the word ‘motherfucker’ in a motion picture.”
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