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Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 43,128

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It was a good day in the world of sport

At the Brickyard 400 NASCAR race, which this weekend was sponsored by a hand-sanitizer company:

My favorite driver, Kevin Harvick, won the race. He also holds the series points lead by 85 points.

Bubba Wallace came in 9th, a very good finish for this young driver.


The fucking Trump 2020 car was scored 39th out of 40 drivers after a Lap 15 pile-up on Pit Road.

Why does this seem like Trump's Reichstag Fire?

Dear President Trump:

President Obama urges all Americans to not attempt to use any of these things to treat coronavirus:

Chlorine trifluoride
Monomethyl Hydrazine
Perchloric Acid
Butyl Mercaptan

He especially urges that Americans not attempt to inject any of these things.

There's a nationwide shortage of acrylic sheet, Lexan and glass

My publisher wants to reopen the reception desks of the five newspapers in our media group. To do so we need to install shields for the protection of staff and guest alike. Up he comes to the wide format shop.

“Jim, do we have any clear acrylic in stock? I need you to pull five sheets, cut them in half, print the logos of our papers on them, build wooden frames and put the acrylic in the frames.”

“No sir...all we have is Opaque white and translucent.”

(We have an HP Scitex FB750 printer. It will print on 4x8 sheet stock up to 2 inches thick, it can be loaded with white ink for printing on clear media, and before you ask yes it does come with the settings to print on plywood, doors, sheet aluminum and anything else you want to put in it.)

So off I go to call Grimco, who sells me all my sign supplies.

“Hi. I need five sheets of quarter-inch acrylic, size 48x96, delivered tomorrow morning.”

“We need that too. No one in the country has any, and we don’t know when it’s coming back. There’s no more large sheets of anything anywhere in the US. We’re even sold out of quarter-inch Lexan, which normally sells very slowly because of price.”

Thinking of people who I'd like to see at one of Trump's "press conferences"...

I really wonder if we could convince Richard Sherman of the San Francisco 49ers to take a guest job at MSNBC?

Do you know what today is?

Today is May 10, 2020.

Or in numbers...

5 - 10 - 20

Your next YouTube obsession

Advanced Cleaning Systems.

The channel is run by this guy named Miles, who is the lead technician for a carpet cleaning company in Rome, Georgia. He is also the son of the founder. He is super enthusiastic about floor care. He is very skilled. He’s great on camera. And all this together makes him fun to watch.

I got a suggestion to watch one of his videos. A little while later I looked at my system clock and realized I had just spent three hours watching someone shampoo carpets.

Is there a statue of Donald Trump anywhere in the US yet?

If so, could someone please go over to it and paint the hands red?

Please stay out of Coeur d'Alene, ID, on Sunday afternoon

A Coronavirus Spreading Party (aka a "Freedom Gathering" will be conducted at the abandoned Shopko store in CDA from 1 pm to 2 pm. Hundreds of Trump worshippers will descend upon our beleaguered burg to call our Republican governor a communist, cry about the loss of their freedoms and contract a deadly disease. Expect Heather Scott, Idaho's Worst Embarrassment, to grace us with her presence.

Needless to say, I'll be taking a route to work on Sunday that doesn't pass that rally.

How we know Thrillist is completely useless

The title of this piece is "The Best Stoner Movies on Netflix."


In it, we find:

Cheech and Chong: Up in Smoke (1978)
Cheech and Chong's first full-length movie is straightforward stoner slapstick. The duo smoke up, veer into the real world, and wake up under the thumb of the law. They smoke at home, they smoke at concerts, they smoke in their "Love Machine" Chevrolet Impala, they smoke in court. Small joints, big joints, oversize clown joints: anything goes. And when lawmen come a-knockin', Cheech and Chong smoke their way out of danger. In the 40+ years since, stoner comedies have gone soft compared to Up in Smoke's rambling sense of defiance. Really, there's never been a more carefree attack on the establishment than these two desperately traversing LA for a good hash.

So...uhh...how do you watch that movie and not know the whole plot of the thing is "two hippies unwittingly smuggle three tons of marijuana out of Mexico"?

The best line in the whole movie: While sitting in a van "made entirely of high-grade marijuana" discussing the cannabis shortage this van was being driven to LA to alleviate, Chong said to Cheech, "somebody in this town's gotta have a lot of smoke."
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