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Gender: Male
Hometown: America's Finest City
Current location: District 50
Member since: 2001
Number of posts: 9,682

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'Pharma Bro' asks judge for leniency, saying he was a fool

Source: AP

"Pharma Bro" Martin Shkreli admitted that he was "very far from blameless" in a letter to a judge asking for leniency, according to court filings.

"I was wrong, I was a fool. I should have known better," Shkreli wrote in his letter to Brooklyn federal court Judge Kiyo Matsumoto.

"I accept the fact that I made serious mistakes, but I still believe that I am a good person with much potential," Shkreli said.

The brash former pharmaceuticals company CEO was convicted in August of cheating investors in two failed hedge funds. He remains in jail and faces up to 20 years in prison when he is sentenced March 9.

Read more: https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/pharma-bro-asks-judge-leniency-saying-fool-014259513--finance.html

Boo hoo hoo. Poor little asshole snowflake.

Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Organizing Million Liars March to Support Hope Hicks

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said on Wednesday that she was organizing a “Million Liars March” to support her co-worker Hope Hicks.

Calling on “American liars from every walk of life” to march, Sanders said that she had already received commitments from hundreds of liars in the White House, the Cabinet, and Congress. “These people realize what’s at stake,” she said. “It’s not just Hope Hicks’s career—it’s the lying life style itself.”

“White lies like Hope’s were the lies of a promising beginner,” she said. “If Hope had been allowed to grow as liar, I have no doubt that someday she could have been as consistent a dispenser of ginormous whoppers as I am.” She said that, if Hope Hicks is villainized, “where will the next generation of liars come from?”

Sanders said that the Million Liars March would address other issues of importance to the nation’s liars, such as a ban on lie detectors and a mandatory waiting period before statements can be fact-checked. At the end of her announcement, Sanders appeared to choke back tears as she swore loyalty to her embattled colleague. “I believe in the mendacity of Hope,” she said.

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