Back in the days of cheap American-made black-and-white sets,

they didn't come with remote controls, but they did come with annoying commercials:

"Louann, you look like you could use a truckload of Ex-lax!"

"Ha! You think you're soaking your hand in lotion, but it's actually dishwashing liquid!"

"Mr, Whipple, please don't squeeze my.... Charmin!"

One day I was in Radio Shack and found a great new gadget that I could use to zap, or at least mute, those commercials. So I bought one and installed it as follows:

"First, unplug the TV. Failure to unplug the TV might result in getting the shock of your life.

"Then, let the unplugged TV sit for a while to disperse the static electricity inside. If you don't do that, well, see above.

"Now, remove the cork backing of the TV and find the speaker wire. Are you sure *that's* the speaker wire? You'd better be darn sure it is. Otherwise...

"Have you made sure that's the speaker wire? Really? You're sure, now. OK, good. Now, cut the wire. You read that right-- cut the wire. Just cut it, OK?

"Are you sure you cut the *speaker* wire? OK, then move on to the next step.

"Strip off about an inch of the plastic at the two ends of the cut wire with a wire stripper (available at Radio Shack). Now, make sure the two wires of your commercial zapper are also stripped. OK, now intertwine one set of exposed wires from the speaker wire with one set of exposed wires from the commercial zapper, and wrap tightly with electrical tape. Then do the same with the other exposed wires.

"OK, you're almost ready to go! Now, run your commercial zapper cable through the hole in the cork backing that the power cord goes through, and reattach the cork backing. Then plug in your TV and turn it on. The moment of truth is here! Are you seeing smoke coming from the back of your set? No? Good! Now try your commercial zapper. It works! Hooray! Now you can zap those pesky commercials, as long as you're within about 10 feet or so of your TV and have your commercial zapper in hand!