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Tue Oct 15, 2019, 01:40 PM


Alexandra Petri: Warren's old job offers guidance on women in workplace

Wow! It sounds as though Elizabeth Warren’s past did not get the memo about how gender-based discrimination is supposed to work.

This is embarrassing (mostly for her), but fortunately, I have made some guidelines so this won’t happen again! Please, give these to your workplace. If they goof up, it is on you.

Firing a Pregnant Employee

DO NOT simply establish a tacit understanding that no visibly pregnant employees will retain their positions! This is confusing.

DO NOT make eye contact with someone’s belly and ask, “What are your priorities in the upcoming nine months?” This is too subtle.

DO go up to pregnant employees and say, “I see that you are pregnant. I am firing you because you are pregnant. This is sex-based discrimination. Here is a letter that says that I am firing you, not just implying that you should leave, but actually firing you, because you are pregnant, which I have signed and dated. Now, I am going to stand on a chair and shout, ‘WE DON’T STAND FOR PREGNANCIES IN THIS OFFICE! THAT’S NOT OUR CULTURE! WE DON’T VALUE PREGNANT EMPLOYEES!’ so that you may film it and several people who were here will have contemporaneous recollections of my stating this, directly, out loud.”


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