Mon Apr 24, 2023, 11:45 AM

100 years young

My mother celebrated her 100th birthday yesterday. My daughter and I traveled from NC to NY for the celebration. I hadn’t been able to travel since 2020 due to Covid, then breast cancer shortly followed by a broken back. Over the next few days I realized how much care my sister-in-law provides. She calls her twice a day, makes her meals, does her laundry, takes her to all her appointments and spends all day Friday taking her to her hair appointment, then lunch, and a stop at the store. This enables my mother to live in her own house which is very important to her. This has opened my eyes to the amount of care and time and attention it takes to be a caregiver. I feel guilty that I can’t help out and any help you can give me regarding how I can contribute more I would appreciate it.

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6 replies	Author	Time	Post
100 years young (Original post)	Lilaclady	Apr 2023	OP
I'm the live-in caregiver for my 99-year-old mother.	Staph	Apr 2023	#1
This was going to be my suggestion, as well.	hippywife	Apr 2023	#2
Thank you	Lilaclady	Apr 2023	#3
There's a reply link on each post...	hippywife	Apr 2023	#4
Thank you	Lilaclady	Apr 2023	#5
I'm caregiving my 98 year old mom	JudyM	Apr 2023	#6

Response to Lilaclady (Original post)

Mon Apr 24, 2023, 12:39 PM

Staph (6,182 posts)

1. I'm the live-in caregiver for my 99-year-old mother.

Mom is, blessedly, all there mentally, though she has slowed down physically. I do much of the stuff that your sister-in-law does.

The best gift that you could give to you SIL - give her a break. Go to visit your mom for a longer period of time, a week or more, and tell your SIL to take a break, to take a vacation. I can leave my mom for an overnight trip, but I don't feel that I can leave for any longer than that. I'd love to take a week's vacation!

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Response to Staph (Reply #1)

Mon Apr 24, 2023, 12:53 PM

hippywife (22,767 posts)

2. This was going to be my suggestion, as well.

I worked in senior/elder care facility for a decade. Caregiving is really hard on the relatives who are doing it all the time, as well as a detriment to their health. Sometimes the stress becomes so overwhelming, the caregiver passes before the person they are taking care of, especially spouses.

Some assisted living facilities have what they call respite care, where someone like your and Lilaclady's moms can stay temporarily in order to give their caregivers a break. It's not cheap, but it's available if it's affordable for the family.

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Response to Lilaclady (Original post)

Mon Apr 24, 2023, 01:05 PM

Lilaclady (51 posts)

3. Thank you

I hope I am doing this correctly since i am new to posting. I will look into the respite care . I am sure that would be a great help.

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Response to Lilaclady (Reply #3)

Mon Apr 24, 2023, 01:33 PM

hippywife (22,767 posts)

4. There's a reply link on each post...

so if you want to reply directly to someone's post so they get notification, that works. I just happened to check back for anyone else's suggestions.

Another option that would keep her at home would be to hire caregivers to come into the home for a while.

Either option: be cautious and do your due diligence so she gets really good care. It's not always easy to find a place or person you can really feel is trustworthy, in either case. The suggestion to take some time to substitute for your SIL yourself, if you can swing it, will probably give you the most peace of mind.

Good luck.

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Response to hippywife (Reply #4)

Mon Apr 24, 2023, 10:28 PM

Lilaclady (51 posts)

5. Thank you

I appreciate your help

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Response to Lilaclady (Original post)

Tue Apr 25, 2023, 04:33 PM

JudyM (27,816 posts)

6. I'm caregiving my 98 year old mom

As you noticed, there’s a lot involved, more than you can imagine from the outside, and - guaranteed, much more than you were able to observe. Endless issues, complications, scheduling, confusion, etc. Endless. Life changing. How wonderful that you are moved to help! The suggestion of time off is great, no question. Other things you could do would be, if you can afford it, buy her massage certificates or something like that… you can think about what she’d most like to help her get cared for, herself. You could also call her to talk about your mom more often, so she can share anything on her mind and feel supported. That psychological boost of feeling like you’re on her side can help a lot, too.

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Elder-caregivers (Group)