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sheshe2

(86,365 posts)
Sun Oct 26, 2014, 10:28 PM Oct 2014

There was a gun in my house

Preliminary reports from yesterday's school massacre is that the shooter had just broken up with his girlfriend, one of his victims. When a gun is present in a household with domestic abuse, women are 5 times more likely to be murdered with it. When a gun is present in the house, even without domestic abuse, a woman is 3 times more likely to be killed with that gun. It's a simple fact: gun access to angry people means dead people.


Found on FB: https://www.facebook.com/thereprimandproject?hc_location=timeline

There was one when I was growing up. As a teen, my sister had already left for college when my mom came to my room. She handed me a manila envelope and asked me to hide it. I asked her what it was, she said it's your fathers gun. I was never sure if it was fear for herself or fear that he would commit suicide. I suppose it was a toss up...yet I think it had more to do with suicide. There was abuse, yet there were suicide attempts that we the children were in front row seats for. Weren't we lucky.

My brother committed suicide 7 years ago. My sister and I were stronger, we survived.

My marriage, a gun there as well. I found it when I was remaking the bed one morning. It was tucked under the mattress on his side of the bed. I went cold when I pulled it out. Yes there was spousal abuse both verbal and physical. We had not been married long, yet we dated for years. It took me little time to walk out the door.

I was done with it. Did I have a lot of support, in the end with my leaving? Yes. Yet it is a quite crime that happens to so many women. You just don't talk about it. You are silent

Sssh~ don't tell.



35 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
There was a gun in my house (Original Post) sheshe2 Oct 2014 OP
I followed the link and found no data to support your assertion. DeadEyeDyck Oct 2014 #1
The link was to a comment made on a face book page. sheshe2 Oct 2014 #2
Here's another for you! sheshe2 Oct 2014 #3
Post removed Post removed Oct 2014 #5
It is a fact if you live it. sheshe2 Oct 2014 #6
Scientific research drmeow Oct 2014 #7
Even more... theHandpuppet Oct 2014 #13
Thank you! sheshe2 Oct 2014 #22
Maybe that is why in Eastern Native American Cultures, Weapons belonged to the women happyslug Oct 2014 #21
You mean the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School for Public Health theHandpuppet Oct 2014 #15
ahhh, what an empathetic guy you are. BlancheSplanchnik Oct 2014 #9
Blanche... sheshe2 Oct 2014 #24
... BlancheSplanchnik Oct 2014 #26
So many tears.... sheshe2 Oct 2014 #27
Actually. sheshe2 Oct 2014 #23
This is how you choose to respond to a heartfelt and personal sharing of trauma? MadrasT Oct 2014 #33
It's on Facebook, it has to be true! pipoman Oct 2014 #4
pipoman... sheshe2 Oct 2014 #8
This didn't surprise me. I got a few similar comments when I told my family's experience with CTyankee Oct 2014 #34
Please delete your post. This is a group where we support seabeyond Oct 2014 #10
Please delete your posts in HOF. sheshe2 Oct 2014 #17
Pipo: there are times and places, and this is not one. Recursion Oct 2014 #28
Why any man would feel the need to come in this group and disrupt your post us beyond me seabeyond Oct 2014 #11
See the saying "if you tell a lie often enough, it becomes the truth." alp227 Oct 2014 #12
It's on "Trending Now" on the front page Recursion Oct 2014 #18
My guess is it is beyond there vision to understand sea. sheshe2 Oct 2014 #19
+1 I did the same and had the same reaction. Live and Learn Oct 2014 #20
You are so right. leftieNanner Oct 2014 #14
Truth, sheshe2. littlemissmartypants Oct 2014 #16
Yes lms.. sheshe2 Oct 2014 #25
Ugh so sad. When are we gonna repeal the barbaric second amendment? ncjustice80 Oct 2014 #29
shhh...don't tell. brer cat Oct 2014 #30
Kick.... daleanime Oct 2014 #31
K&R! n/t RKP5637 Oct 2014 #32
There was a friend's domestic situation I got involved in recently where a gun was of concern. NutmegYankee Oct 2014 #35

sheshe2

(86,365 posts)
2. The link was to a comment made on a face book page.
Sun Oct 26, 2014, 10:59 PM
Oct 2014

No, there were no links as it was a comment that I was linking to.

However here you go~

Guns Make Domestic Violence Deadlier



In fact, research from Mayors Against Illegal Guns, one of the groups joining Everytown, found that the presence of a firearm in a domestic violence situation increased the risk of homicide by 500 percent for women. A September 2013 Violence Policy Center study called "When Men Murder Women" found that women were more than three times more likely to be murdered when there was a gun in their household, even when domestic abuse wasn't a factor. Black women are two and a half times more likely to be murdered by a gun than white women, and a majority are killed by intimate partners. In fact, "More than twice as many women are killed with a gun used by their husbands or intimate acquaintances than are murdered by strangers using guns, knives, or any other means," according to a study published in the Journal of Trauma by the RAND Institute of Health.

These findings remain true across states and when controlling for other factors. A study from the Harvard Injury Control Research Center found that the more guns there are in a state, the more likely women are to die violent deaths, from unintentional shootings, suicides, and homicides. The Atlantic reported that this is true "even after controlling for factors such as urbanization, alcohol use, education, poverty, and divorce rates."

Women are less safe when they live in a house with a gun, they're less safe when they live in states with more guns, they're less safe when they live in the United States, period. Women in this country represent 84 percent of all female firearm homicides throughout the developed world, a finding that is clearly linked to the prevalence of guns.

To make matters worse, the NRA has opposed legal efforts to keep guns away from domestic abusers -- the policies Everytown supports. In theory, federal law prohibits individuals from owning a gun when they've been convicted of misdemeanor domestic violence or are subject to a permanent restraining order, but in many states there are few enforcement mechanisms available to get the gun out of the hands of abusers. The NRA has opposed new efforts to ban abusers from keeping their guns, leaving women's lives in danger from known threats, and conservative media figures have defended them along the way.


read more http://mediamatters.org/blog/2014/04/18/guns-make-domestic-violence-deadlier/198942

sheshe2

(86,365 posts)
3. Here's another for you!
Sun Oct 26, 2014, 11:09 PM
Oct 2014
Domestic Violence & Firearms Policy Summary

Guns pose a particular threat in the hands of domestic abusers.
Abused women are five times more likely to be killed by their abuser if the abuser owns a firearm.2

Domestic violence assaults involving a gun are 12 times more likely to result in death than those involving other weapons or bodily force.3

More than two-thirds of spouse and ex-spouse homicide victims between 1980 and 2008 were killed with firearms.4

In 2011, nearly two-thirds of women killed with guns were killed by their intimate partners.



http://smartgunlaws.org/domestic-violence-firearms-policy-summary/

Response to sheshe2 (Reply #3)

sheshe2

(86,365 posts)
6. It is a fact if you live it.
Sun Oct 26, 2014, 11:39 PM
Oct 2014

Sadly you think it is not true.

You do know you are posting in HOF, correct? This is a group not a forum!

drmeow

(5,196 posts)
7. Scientific research
Sun Oct 26, 2014, 11:49 PM
Oct 2014

Having access to a gun:

http://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/abs/10.2105/AJPH.93.7.1089

One or more guns in the home:

http://archinte.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=623145

These are just two which describe the finding in the abstract, which anyone has access to.

The potential number of papers is limited by the fact that the NRA has effectively blocked funding for research on the topic of guns in the home and safety.



sheshe2

(86,365 posts)
22. Thank you!
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 01:44 AM
Oct 2014

How many tears do you have to cry before someone believes you!

How dead do you have to be before they understand.

Thank you for the link theHandpuppet

 

happyslug

(14,779 posts)
21. Maybe that is why in Eastern Native American Cultures, Weapons belonged to the women
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 01:33 AM
Oct 2014

Like the Farming instruments, in Eastern Woodland Culture, Weapons belonged to the women. If a man wanted to go on the warpath (or even to go hunting) he had to ask her for permission to use the weapon. If she said no, he did not go (Most times she gave permission).

That she owned the weapons meant she could put them out of his reach. It is one way to resolve issue of spousal abuse.

Side note: Abuse among Native Americans is a subject of much debate. Reports of husbands beating wives among Native Americans are common from White reports, but almost always reports of reports of reports (denied by Native Americans when asked directly), thus given little weight. It occurred for such abuse incur in all cultures, it is the level that is debated. Given that the wives had control over weapons, cooking tools AND farming instruments, that would be one way to minimize such abuse.

Please note, this control over weapons seems to disappear as the Plain Indians adopted the Horse starting about 1700, and become a much more macho and male oriented culture then had been the case with the Eastern Woodland Native Americans. This change can be seen in the differences between the Woodland Sioux and the Plain Sioux. The Woodland Sioux (or Dakota) retained more of Eastern Woodland culture when compared to the Plain Sioux after the Plain Sioux adopted the horse, abandon farming and turned to a male oriented Bison hunting culture. There was a good bit of intermixing between the two as late as the 1860s, but the cultural divide had set in. Through it also appear that the Dakota never did embrace farming as did tribes to their east:

http://books.google.com/books?id=vRAQm175ii0C&pg=PA86&lpg=PA86&dq=Woodland+Dakota+-parks+-resort&source=bl&ots=oFX9--QJXo&sig=QxFvGUEknc_zfS8guEuaXqXUtiM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=cdZNVI7iONOHsQTZ7IHYDg&ved=0CFoQ6AEwBw#v=onepage&q=Woodland%20Dakota%20-parks%20-resort&f=false

theHandpuppet

(19,964 posts)
15. You mean the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School for Public Health
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 12:49 AM
Oct 2014

I could provide a link if you like.

But then, we all know Johns Hopkins is a research facility of such ill-repute. <sarcasm>

BlancheSplanchnik

(20,219 posts)
9. ahhh, what an empathetic guy you are.
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 12:25 AM
Oct 2014

I can see you really care about your fellow "man", given you dropped by for one purpose: trying to invalidate the OP.

Of course, if you had doubts, you could have googled for yourself (even though it's data that's been researched and is fairly widely known. Certainly known by those who care about feminism). Search keywords--women and guns in the house.

Will you be back, Dick, to admit that the stats are true? I doubt it.

sheshe2

(86,365 posts)
24. Blanche...
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 01:58 AM
Oct 2014

I love you! Thanks.

No Dick won't be back. I would say something here, yet I would get a hide.

sheshe2

(86,365 posts)
27. So many tears....
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 02:44 AM
Oct 2014

They will never support us,Blanche.

Many here just do not like women. That is so incredibly sad.

sheshe2

(86,365 posts)
8. pipoman...
Sun Oct 26, 2014, 11:51 PM
Oct 2014

I assume you are male. Am I correct?

Do you have any comments about what I posted about myself. My personal experience, as a child and a wife?

Try listening to the victims, trust me they have many stories to tell you. You would cringe if you heard them, yet it seems likely that you would not believe anyone of us.

Your response is so very sad and so expected. You are posting in HOF. This is a group, not a forum!

CTyankee

(64,645 posts)
34. This didn't surprise me. I got a few similar comments when I told my family's experience with
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 04:38 PM
Oct 2014

gun violence (told I had psychiatric disorders, etc) and the later repercussions. However, there is one regular in the RKBA who treated my "account" with respect and we have had some brief conversations in gun threads that were positive, even tho he did not budge from his basic 2nd Amendment stand, nor I from my gun control stand. But at least it was a respectful dialogue.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
10. Please delete your post. This is a group where we support
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 12:33 AM
Oct 2014

Our women. Your post is inappropriate. Self delete

sheshe2

(86,365 posts)
17. Please delete your posts in HOF.
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 12:59 AM
Oct 2014

We are a group and not a forum.

Please do not fuck with us. Our stories are painful and so very sad, yet we sure as hell have survived.

Recursion

(56,582 posts)
28. Pipo: there are times and places, and this is not one.
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 05:10 AM
Oct 2014

This is intended as a safe space, and your post isn't helpful towards that.

If you want to argue the in's and out's of gun control I'll be with you in the relevant groups, but please just let this go, here.

 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
11. Why any man would feel the need to come in this group and disrupt your post us beyond me
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 12:37 AM
Oct 2014

I was on my way to bed. I checked in du, and read your post. Another powerful op.

And then to read a couple replies. Shame on them

Love you sheshe. I am sorry you experienced so much of this in your life. Thank you for sharing. It was powerful, for those of us that have never been touched by this.

alp227

(32,432 posts)
12. See the saying "if you tell a lie often enough, it becomes the truth."
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 12:41 AM
Oct 2014

Those "men" are soooooo insecure they need to listen to themselves bleat their BS all the time even in women's safe spaces.

Recursion

(56,582 posts)
18. It's on "Trending Now" on the front page
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 01:03 AM
Oct 2014

And people often don't look at where they land when they follow those links. People probably should...

sheshe2

(86,365 posts)
19. My guess is it is beyond there vision to understand sea.
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 01:22 AM
Oct 2014

It was a sad time growing up, my dad, from my understanding had a very sad upbringing. Abused, maybe not, ignored yes he was. My grandparents were into there profession. Doctor and Nurse. The children were not the priority.

I loved him and he was never abusive to us. The marriage was ugly at times they fought and it was ugly. I came out of my room at night and sat on the stairs listening to them fight. I cried.

I posted here once that he backhanded my mom. An argument at the dinner table. We were so young. My mom got a bloody nose. We did our best to care for her. We were young, so very young.

leftieNanner

(15,566 posts)
14. You are so right.
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 12:46 AM
Oct 2014

I'm sorry for your experience, but I respect your courage in sharing with us.

This is all verifiable fact. And the reason we don't have a Surgeon General right now (with the ebola issue especially) is because the physician that was nominated by PBO believes that gun violence is a public health issue. Even more so in homes where there is domestic abuse. The NRA didn't like that.

Once again people, the essence here is GOTV!

littlemissmartypants

(24,146 posts)
16. Truth, sheshe2.
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 12:54 AM
Oct 2014

The statistics are real as the lives lost. I don't think many realize the facts are so blatantly weighted.

Truth doesn't preempt sadness.

Peace and Shelter.
~ littlemissmartypants 🙇

brer cat

(25,836 posts)
30. shhh...don't tell.
Mon Oct 27, 2014, 09:09 AM
Oct 2014

So many men might be offended, and we must not do that.

( just in case.)

I am sorry you lived with that she, and even more than you have to endure the barbs of DUers who should know better. What part of "this is a haven for women" do they not understand?

NutmegYankee

(16,292 posts)
35. There was a friend's domestic situation I got involved in recently where a gun was of concern.
Tue Oct 28, 2014, 02:52 AM
Oct 2014

The couple is divorcing and the husband is pulling all the strings to make the wife/mother look mentally ill in hopes of taking the kids. He's a total scumbag. Things were getting violent and another family friend who knows I own firearms asked me for help. The wife wanted the gun out of the house by handing it to someone, but under CT law that requires a legal transfer, and that would have required the husband's permission. Instead I pulled the firing pin from the gun. So while it is still there if he checks on it, it will not fire and cannot be used to harm her. The pin is sitting safe with her other friend.

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