Date rapists are widely assumed to be basically good guys...

[ismnotwasm]

[TW: rape]
Date rapists are widely assumed to be basically good guys who, because of a combination of too much alcohol and too little clear communication, end up coercing sex upon their partners. This image is widely promulgated, but it is flatly contradicted by research.

In a New England study published in 2002 in the journal Violence and Victims, 120 rapists were identified in a sample of 1,882 college students. Of the 120, 76 were serial rapists who had each, on average, left 14 victims in their wake. Their collective, grim tally included the following: 439 rapes and attempted rapes, 49 sexual assaults, 277 acts of sexual abuse against children, 66 acts of physical abuse against children and 214 acts of battery against intimate partners.

These statistics leave little room for perceiving these men as basically good guys who fall victim to miscommunication and too much alcohol. Their violence and predatory behavior mirrors precisely that of the sexual predators who have been incarcerated and studied, except that by targeting non-strangers and by refraining from gratuitous violence, they have escaped prosecution.
David Lisak (via rabbleprochoice)
(Source: wretchedoftheearth)

http://tumblinfeminist.tumblr.com/post/63214905122/tw-rape-date-rapists-are-widely-assumed-to-be

[longship]

1. Obviously your title means, IN HELL.

Date rape, or any other so-called justification, is never justified.

That's something my mother taught me, her only son. I was born in 1948 and yes, my mother was a very great woman.

[ismnotwasm]

3. Yup

There a certain type of defense along the lines of "he was drunk too", or variations of some sort-- this study puts the lie up front. I have no idea why anyone would want to defend date rapists, but defend them they do.

Your Mom sound awesome.

[Ava Gadro]

2. Good guys my ass.

They may refrain from gratuitous violence, but the emotional trauma is far worse.

[intaglio]

4. Bonobo (!!!) has just published an OP in the Men's Group saying, reasonably,(!!!)

http://www.democraticunderground.com/111411294

Let's not use the word "Date Rape"
It's "rape" and whether they were on a date or not shouldn't be used to minimize the crime.

Rape is rape is rape.

And calling it "rape date" minimizes it.

Let's be better than that.

Now I completely agree with that and that classifying rape just sets up the apologetics of:
"Ah, but it wasn't a real rape, we were on a date and I just got carried away;"
"Well, we went out on a date and I understood that sex was to be included;"
"It was a date and we both got a bit drunk;"
"It was a date and she kept on drinking the drinks I bought her;"
and on to "well, it wasn't a real rape was it?"

Of course someone gets hold of the wrong end of the stick and links to the RAINN page listing the types of sexual violence and justifies classifying rape on those grounds

[ismnotwasm]

5. You know I agree with that

The term "date rape" does minimize the act. The thing about statistics is no matter how you slice it, there are far too many rapes. All over the world. I think people forget that rape culture is a world wide phenomenon, not just a US one. And it involves more that just white women. Looking at stats for Native American women for instance, is pretty horrifying

[BainsBane]

6. Except

People in a hole should stop digging and not post about rape at all. The well has been toxic for far too long.

[ismnotwasm]

7. ...

[seabeyond]

9. i think it is kinda important to use the term date rape. too many people will only see rape as

stranger behind the bush. the vast majority of rape is not the stranger behind the bushes. i do not think the term date rape was to make rape less, but to establish and understanding that a very date often can evolve to rape. education more than anything else.

it is not the term "date rape" that lessens the wrong of this rape. it is the people that dismiss it that are the issue.

[Dash87]

10. I agree w/ you SeaBeyond

I can understand Bonobo's point, but I don't think using the term "date rape" lessens or takes away from what it is. The term itself is useful, imo, because there's sometimes an assumption that rape is more often from strangers attacking you on the street or in an unlit area vs. a supposedly safe environment with a man you thought you could trust.

[seabeyond]

11. a lot of people are working really hard to make friend/family rape, not rape.

and put us back to the 70's when "bad" rape was the stranger in the bush that held a knife to our throat. feminists have worked to hard to educate. we cannot/willnot dumb down again, to make is acceptable, allowable. an unseen consequence of removing definitions of rape.

we are actively working on education to our boys and court system, the definition of rape. be it a soccer coach that drugs to unconscious a 14 year old and rapes her, to the neighbor in Arkansas who gets absolutely no time at all, raping a 14 yr old.

this would be taking us backward. we desperately need to move forward.

[ismnotwasm]

12. Hmm

That's also a good point.

[nomorenomore08]

8. A predator is a predator. I wouldn't assume one "type" to be greatly different from another.