The thing about intersectionality and having an intersectional life

[La Lioness Priyanka]

is that i hate it. i would much prefer to have a group where most of my identity could be vested in. i hate being frequently disappointed in groups that i otherwise feel affiliation towards.

When there is racism or xenophobia or sexism in LGBT spaces, i feel rejected.

When there is homophobia or sexism in south asian groups, i feel rejected.

when there is racism, homophobia or xenophobia in feminist spaces, i feel rejected.

Having multiple oppressors just makes it than much easier to feel alienated from so many spaces. Having your loyalty contested (am i more feminist or more queer activist or more committed to immigrant rights) is tiresome.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. ...

[Rex]

11. I second that hug.

[maddezmom]

2. so sorry to see you get pulled in every direction and people questioning your loyalty

and motives of one group over another.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. i question my own loyalties too

last year, this guy i knew who was gay went back to india and got married to a girl. i was furious because there is no reason to ruin someone's life. that poor girl has no business being dragged into this mess. however many of the men in my community were sympathetic to his cause.

it made me question how important being a feminist was to be vs being part of the lgbt community etc.

when these conflicts occur, its not just the external world that questions you, you question where you stand too

[maddezmom]

6. just as you were torn, I'm betting he was as well

seems the patriarchy struck again here, not only for your friend but his new wife. Very sad indeed.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. no, he picked the easier path

and didnt care that some poor girl got trampled in the process.

(i say this for many reasons, its 2010 not 1970. he lives in the US and is financially independent and has citizenship. coming out takes courage but deliberately ruining someones life is unethical.)

[unapatriciated]

17. Some can not deal with the pressure and rejection of family, friends and their religion.

My nephew was out only to a few in the early 90's. He was rejected by his father and my now ex-husband, they insisted it was just a "phase" (I didn't lose touch with him until 2005 that is a long time for it to be just a phase). I supported him and so did my daughter (who came out her senior year in HS '94). I divorced his uncle in 1998 and we lost touch when I moved to Georgia. Last year we reconnected through my daughter on FB and he friended me. He started telling me how he had been cured and wanted to help my daughter and lead her to the path of forgiveness in the lord (his words not mine). We had a few arguments regarding his religion and their wrong-headed beliefs that went nowhere. He de-friended me shortly after that. It truly saddens me that he felt that he had to deny who he was in order for his family to love him. He used to be a very compassionate sweet young man, now he is a full fledged right wing republican just like his uncle and dad.

[TriMera]

3. Some of us can, and must, multitask.

However, we should never be forced to choose or prove our loyalty to any group. I've said this before; the oppression comes from the same place, although it may be experienced differently by each individual, it is the same source. It is up to all of us to fight that source and each of us brings a different set of experiences to that fight. It is this diversity that makes us stronger.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. true. i suppose my other point was

that i dont want people to think that we created this group because intersectionality sounds trendy living in intersectionality has real consequences to people's lives, not just theoretical consequences.

the bigotry we perpetuate too has real consequences.

[TriMera]

10. So true.

I think that, as we put a personal face on intersectionality, it will become more tangible. The other thing about having a group that is more diverse is that people get to learn about bigotry from different angles and the real effects will become more clear to them. At least I hope that's how it works. I have so much to learn from others here and I am really glad this group is coming together.

[obamanut2012]

14. That's a good point, Lioness

[Spazito]

7. I look forward to a time when no one has to feel as you do...

a time when you can feel welcome in any and all groups because we (all of us) will have learned it really is the 'content of our character' on which we should be judged and nothing else.

I had not heard of intersectionality before the request for this group and the discussion that took place in the thread. It describes best, for me, how I feel in that we need to address inequalities and fight against discrimination wherever we find it and against whomever it is being perpetrated.

[kdmorris]

9. You shouldn't have your loyalty contested

For me, whenever one of us is allowed to be oppressed, we might as well be doing it ourselves. I am a woman and I've been discriminated against because of that. Therefore, I know what it feels like and I would never sit by while another is discriminated against, even though I do share the same trait (being a minority or gay, for example).

[Rex]

12. My son

why don't you have a girlfriend?

Son

why don't you like girls?

Son

do you like men?

Son

why don't you have a boyfriend?

Son

why don't you have anyone?

Son

why are you not 'normal'?

Son

we still love you.

my son.

[yardwork]

13. I hope that this can be such a group, where everybody feels valued for all their identities.

[obamanut2012]

15. Remember what Dr. King said about this

"We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly."

The task is for everyone else to realize this, so that a day may come when you (and everyone else) will never feel this rejection again.

[Ms. Toad]

16. Different arena - but here is part of the statement of a community I'm part of

(and just spent a really wonderful weekend with)

It is our hope to offer an oasis to those who have been spurned by the world at large. We are learning that radical inclusion and radical love bring further light to Quaker testimony and life. Our experience with oppression in our own lives leads us to seek ways to bring our witness to bear in the struggles of other oppressed peoples.

We gather twice a year, at our Mid-Winter gathering and at the Friends General Conference Annual Gathering of Friends in the summer. At these times we worship together, discern our corporate witness through Meeting for Worship with attention to business, share our individual journeys, celebrate our lives, heal old wounds, and draw sustenance from the Spirit for our work and life in the world. After almost thirty years, we are still learning to spread love in the face of rejection and hostility and to embrace new friends. We have found faith and voice to speak truth to power and the courage to be open to new revelation.

(This was written about 9 years ago - we turn 40 next year. We're not perfect. Sometimes we step on each other's toes - but we do so less and less - and when we do we sit down and talk about it so it is less likely to happen the next time.)

I share the sentiment of a friend of mine: "I wish that everyone could have the experience of feeling as loved as I felt this weekend."

I wish it for you, as well, LLP