An Easy and Helpful Guide to the Upcoming Presidential Debate
It's repeatedly been shown that a substantial number of US voters select their candidate for the highest office in the country SOLELY on their performance in the Presidential debates. Yet, there is always confusion over how to determine which candidate objectively "wins" a debate. Naturally, each candidate has their own supporters who will always think their own choice is far superior to the sad, shabby opponent.
In order to provide a more objective, even scientific, means to determine the winner of the first Presidential debate, I have prepared this handy guide of important things to watch for. Have this, and a pencil, by your side the night of the event, and you can compare notes with your friends, family, and coworkers the next morning. I assure you that the pundits you follow in your favorite news media are adopting a similar process for determining the victor.
1) Lester Holt will ask Clinton: "How much do you feel that your use of a private e-mail server has compromised national security and jeopardized American lives?" Observe her body language as she is asked that. Does she blink? Does she step away from the podium? Does she look away when answering? All are possible signs of deception.
2) Holt will ask Trump: "You have proposed that the US will make Mexico build a wall between our two nations, and you say that Mexico will pay for it. Yet, you have offered no specifics whatsoever about how you intend to implement this plan. Do you propose that Mexico will pay in dollars, pesos, or baseball trading cards? At the same time, Holt will begin unzipping Trump's trousers. Observe Trump's reaction. Does he recognize which of the options presented are actual US currency?
3) Holt will ask Clinton: "How guilty do you feel every night about the deaths in Benghazi? Will this affect your performance as Commander in Chief?" Again, observe Clinton's behavior carefully. Does her voice warble? Does her cheek twitch? Do both cheeks twitch? Does she defecate, faint, and crumple to the floor? All are important signs to watch for in judging her response.
4) Lester Holt will then begin fishing Trump's diminutive penis from his Chinese silk boxers and wild tangle of bright orange and grey pubic hair. "Mr. Trump", he will say, "What are some specific reasons you feel that Ronald Reagan is this nation's greatest President?" He will then take the Donald into his mouth and tease the diminutive, shriveled penis frantically with his tongue in an effort to get it to tumesce. IMPORTANT!: Observe Trump's reactions while this is happening.
5) "Mmmmm Succmmmmumm-- Excuse me. Madame Secretary..." Holt will say, rapidly pounding Trump's member with hearty, slapping masturbatory strokes. "How do you assuage ongoing concerns about your health? How do you assure the country that if you were elected, we wouldn't just end up with President Kaine?" He will then take Trump back into his mouth and begin sucking sloppily like a starving newborn calf. Observe Clinton's reaction. Does she appear indifferent? Does she seem surprised? Is she vomiting uncontrollably? Maybe the rumors about her health are true.
6) Very carefully observe Trump's reaction. Is he sweating? Does he appear confident and Presidential? As Holt begins lapping the tip of his tongue just under the tip of Trump's tiny bell-end, does Trump change expression? Does he seem to be enjoying it? When Holt begins doing "that wonderful thing he does with his teeth and lips", how is Trump's posture? Take careful notes, because you will need to compare these with your colleagues later.
7) As Trump's orgasm builds, observe his body language. Does he pull Holt's head closer to him? Does he lovingly caress Lester's temples? Or does he push Holt away, thereby spewing his climactic juices all over Holt's face and glasses? Trump's behavior here is very important, as it will provide a great deal of insight into how he would behave under extremely stressful circumstances in the White House.
Once you have gathered together your detailed notes and compiled them in outline format, you will be able to assess the winner of the debate on the following scale, which will also be used by the mainstream media.
1 - Neither candidate seemed more confident or poised than the other. Neither candidate seemed to answer any of the questions better than the other. Therefore, A DRAW.
2 - Trump only hurled a few personal insults, while Hillary didn't seem to respond adequately to any of them. Therefore, TRUMP HAS A SLIGHT WIN.
3 - Trump seemed quite confident in his answers, although providing no real details about any of his plans. Hillary seemed to take too much time explaining things. Therefore, TRUMP HAS A SURE WIN.
4 - Trump was in solid attack mode throughout the debate, while Hillary seemed to spend the entire night on the defensive. Trump's cum shot at the end was also a nice touch. Therefore, A HUGE AND DEFINITE WIN FOR TRUMP.
And there you have it. I hope this guide proves useful to you. Share it with your friends, and be sure to reuse it at the other Presidential debates. You will only need to change Lester Holt's name to something else.
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