Retreating Clinton Campaign Torches Iowa Town To Slow Advance Of Sanders Volunteers

[cali]

I Cannot stop laughing.


HUMBOLDT, IA—After making sure to douse every home, farm, and business located in the municipality with gasoline, retreating Clinton campaign staffers reportedly set the central Iowa town of Humboldt ablaze Friday to stem the advance of Bernie Sanders volunteers. “Once we received word the Sanders campaign had begun canvassing in nearby Fort Dodge, we only had a matter of hours to burn everything to the ground,” said communications director Jennifer Palmieri, who tossed a lit torch through the window of the town’s hardware store before rushing over to help a group of Hillary for America workers erect a roadblock made of dead livestock to prevent all entrance to and exit from the city. “With so little time left before voting day, we simply can’t allow them to establish a foothold in this part of the state. Besides, you can’t convince anyone to caucus for Bernie Sanders if the civilian population is gone and all that’s left is smoldering rubble.” At press time, Clinton campaign staffers were spotted rigging a nearby bridge with C-4 as they hastily retreated to Algona.

http://www.theonion.com/article/retreating-clinton-campaign-torches-iowa-town-slow-52261

[AtomicKitten]

1. I laughed so hard my dog is looking at me alarmed.

k/r

[cali]

12. I know. I just read it again

I feel sick I've laughed so hard

[AtomicKitten]

14. It's almost show time.

[VulgarPoet]

2. Houston, we have a problem-- my sides have gone into orbit and do not appear to be coming down.

k/r

[Health Wagon]

3. Ah, our favorite newspaper

[jfern]

4. They clearly felt the Bern!

[IdaBriggs]

10. ^=== ROFL!

[Punkingal]

5. Thanks...I needed a laugh.

[pangaia]

6. Why did you post that?

My reply to a 5 minute later dupe thread....

Shit, I just used my new Crock Pot for the first time,.. made beef stew. Now it's all over the keyboard.

How the hell do you clean the goop from between the keys???

[VulgarPoet]

9. Think your keyboard might just be toast :(

my condolences :/

[cui bono]

7. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

[Fumesucker]

11. OK, I nearly pulled something and I can see the screen again and the dog has calmed down too

You may not have seen this..

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/3/26/485014/-

As bullets clawed the air around us and screams echoed down the rubble-strewn tarmac, I felt almost peaceful.

It was a simple mission, they had told me - get in, shake a few hands and mouth a few platitudes, get out. Simple. Yeah.

Things had started going wrong while we were still in the air and only gotten worse from there. So here we were, pinned down, choking on the acrid tang of cordite and the heady scent of human blood. The mission was even simpler now: survive. Whatever the cost, survive.

There was a grunt and a clatter of equipment as Sinbad threw himself down at my side. Sweat glistened on his bare arms, and I could see tendons contracting and relaxing as he squeezed off bursts from his M14. The motion was hypnotic, like a snake about to strike. Perhaps, when all this was over- .

<snip much Hillarity>