Abraham's family tree

[Bucky]

Going by Genisis, when Abraham was in Egypt (and again when in Canaan) he was worried that his wife was so hot that someone would kill him and take her for his own. She was about 66 at the time, but I'm guessing like a really young 66. So he came up with a plan: "When we go through this foreign land, I'm gonna tell everybody that you're my sister, not my wife."

Seems a little wacky? Guess what... she really was his sister. Well, his half sister. They shared a dad (Terah) but not a mom. Oooo, then this gets messy.

24 years later, Abe finally gets that girl preggers. She was a really young 90. Their son/nephew was named Isaac. Isaac went on to marry Rebecca. She was his first cousin once removed, the daughter of Abraham's nephew Bethuel (son of Abraham's kid brother Nahor and his wife Milcah, the daughter of Abraham's other kid brother, Haran).

Haran's son was Lot, whose wife (either "Ado" or "Edith" by tradition, but unnamed in the Bible) was turned into a pillar of salt because she looked backward when her hometown went BANG. So Lot has to canoodle with his daughters in order to father the nations of Moab and Ammon.

Meanwhile, Issac and his triple-cousin Rebecca have a son named Jacob. They arrange to have him marry Rachel, the granddaughter of Betheul.

Eew.

[Yorktown]

1. Lot wasn't the only one to commit incest

His daughters got good old Noah drunk to do the dirty with him. On repeated nights.

The Bible, that inerrent source of objective morality.

[Lordquinton]

2. Of course the whole biblical inbreeding of Adam and Eve

Or Abraham, regardless of where these mystery women came from is wholly irrelevant, as a little while later God kills everyone but one guy and his daughters, so that makes things really awkward in Jesus land.

[mountain grammy]

3. The history channel did a bit on that pillar of salt thingy..

you know, cause it's history..

[Bucky]

4. If he had a second wife, he could've asked for a pillar of pepper too

No, wait, a pillar of Sriracha.

[mountain grammy]

5. Sriracha for sure, it's all the rage!

[mr blur]

6. You know far too many details about this nonsense!

I fear for your sanity.

[Bucky]

7. my dirty secret

There was a family tree on the Wikipedia page. I was stunned and wanted to share this giggle. But doing so at work seemed ill advised.

[trotsky]

8. Well silly...

that part obviously isn't LITERALLY true because it's so unbelievable.

But a guy being dead for 3 days (actually a day and a half), then coming back to life, and floating up to the sky? Totally legit. Don't you dare mock that belief, either.

[deucemagnet]

9. It was the olden days.

Homer: Bart, I'm not asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy. You may not realize it now, but when you save a rich guy's life, he showers you with riches. Don't you know the story of Hercules and the Lion?

Bart: Is it a Bible story?

Homer: Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time, there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the villagers tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough, so they got Hercules and he used his mighty strength, and bingo. Anyway, the moral is, is that the lion was so happy, that he gave Hercules this big... thing... of riches.

Bart: How did a lion get rich?

Homer: It was the olden days.

Bart: Oh.

The Simpsons, S02E22, Blood Feud