You are God. You get the following prayers at the same time. Which one do you answer

[Heddi]

I mean, let's be honest. God probably get at least more than 10 prayer requests an hour (I can't even get through to my local radio station's Lunch Request Line at lunch ((I have a bunch of songs that I'd like them to play to get me through my day)) and they boast that they have 4 lines coming in. I'm going to guess that God is more popular than the station that plays the Greatest Hits of the 80's, 90's and Today).

If you were God, and got the following prayer requests ALL at once, which would take priority for you? Maybe this comes more naturally to people like me...people who are gifted at seeing patterns. Also, you may not know this but I'm a nurse, so I'm used to triaging people and prioritizing their whiny-ass needs.

So, good atheists...you're god. Which prayer gets answered first?

6 votes, 0 passes | Time left: Unlimited
	Dear God, please let me get a raise
	0 (0%)
	Dear God, please let THE MOTHERFUCKING SEAHAWKS GO TO THE SUPERBOWL **AH-GAIN** WOOT WOOT yah baby
	1 (17%)
	Dear God, where are my keys?
	0 (0%)
	Dear God, please give the banned trolls a second chance
	1 (17%)
	Dear God, let there be food in the fridge when I get home
	0 (0%)
	Dear God, don't let the car break down again don't let the car break down again don't let the car break down again
	1 (17%)
	Dear God, let them have the Magnificent Lettuce nail color when I get my mani-pedi this weekend IT TOTES MATCHES MY DRESS
	0 (0%)
	Dear God, let me sleep in 10 more minutes
	1 (17%)
	Dear God, save the starving Children in Africa
	1 (17%)
	Dear God, please let me enough of a good grade on this test that I don't have to repeat Math II in Summer School
	1 (17%)
	0 DU members did not wish to select any of the options provided.
Show usernames Disclaimer: This is an Internet poll

[Major Nikon]

1. When I beat the red light I always say thank god for small favors

[Heddi]

2. I have a co-worker who always says "God forgive me, and god I forbid you to do it" when she gossips

Like she'll say "God forgive me for saying this, and god I forbid you to do anything to her, but that woman smells like dirty feet. I don't know why and god forgive me for saying this, and I forbid god for doing anything to her, but i really wish she'd wear closed-toe shoes."

it makes no sense. Like God was going to strike her dead and was like "Whoops...nevermind, Margaret just forbid me to do anything....."

[bvf]

3. Haven't decided yet,

but #4 immediately reminded me that I'm banned from the prayer circle (a.k.a. "The Casino&quot .

[Heddi]

4. you can always change your vote

just like your prayers!

[bvf]

5. Excellent point.

I went with what I saw as the most superficial, because if I'm god, why the hell not?

Don't fuck with me. I'm god, dammit!

[Heddi]

6. You're god. You can do whatever the hell you want

You can mess this hair up if you wanna mess this hair up

[bvf]

11. Spit take!

[frogmarch]

12. No, I am, and

if I'd wanted you to have lettuce green fingernails, you'd have been born with them.

So there.

[Heddi]

13. Hey stop taking the high-road and making us all look bad.

I'm the god of "whatever you guys wanna do is fine with me" and "yeah, Chinese is fine, Mexican, pizza...or we can just eat here. whatever y'all wanna do, I'm okay with that.", so I'm waiting on everyone else to vote before I do.

[frogmarch]

32. I posted that before I knew

I was really GOD. I was joking then. THEN.

snrk

[edgineered]

7. Banned trolls should be less like organized religions and recognize their mistakes. nt

[Heddi]

8. And so far, Frogmarch is the only ethical one of you sonsabeeches

Thanks, Frogmarch, for being an awesome god. Unlike these other schleps who only care about the posting status of their friends.

YOU WIN YOUR OWN UNIVERSE :raah:

[frogmarch]

14. aw, geez...

I am humbled.

No, wait, I am GOD! I am awesome!

[Heddi]

15. And you have a song in Your honor

that's pretty cool. Is the kind of song they always show on the KTel "Greatest God Songs" greatest hits album BY THE ORIGINAL ARTISTS

[AlbertCat]

19. And you have a song in Your honor

I couldn't get past all that noodling on the piano....

[Heddi]

21. Swing Em High Swing Em Low

[Heddi]

16. Like this.

[AlbertCat]

20. I don't remember, in the 70's....

.... country women dressing so much like Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke.


But speaking of K-Tel commercials.....

[Heddi]

22. I'm from the south...you are too, right?

When I was growing up, I thought this was like documentary filmmaking

[AlbertCat]

23. Geeez

I never realized Hee Haw had such high production values..... seriously.

Nah.... we were the Country Club set. Couldn't be caught watching Hee Haw..... even tho' my parents loved it. Our household was more like the Hubards and the Giddens in "The Little Foxes".....with more football and alcoholism.

[Heddi]

24. My family was like Mama's Family

but trashier

[onager]

35. Gawd loves sequins...

"Satan's River," Porter Wagoner & Dolly Parton.

Best Dolly Parton quote ever, in an old interview with Rolling Stone magazine: "If I ever had a cherry, it got shoved so far back I could use it for a tail-light."

Since I just re-located to the South, I discovered the RFD cable channel. It runs those old Porter Wagoner shows. I recently caught one with Dolly Parton's first TV appearance ever. Singing her first hit "Dumb Blonde."

Which reminds me of another great Parton quote. Interviewer: "Does it bother you when people call you a dumb blonde?" Parton: "No. I'm not a blonde."


https://m.

[Act_of_Reparation]

40. Is that Ray Comfort?

Sure looks like Ray Comfort.

[frogmarch]

31. Cool!

I think I'm liking this god gig.

[Warren Stupidity]

9. I gotta go with banded trolls.

This is a hugh crises

[Heddi]

10. I agree, my son.

let us pray

[LostOne4Ever]

17. Why should I answer any prayer?

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]I am omnipotent and omniscient, I know your petitions before you even make them and if I was going to grant it I already would have done that.

Obviously I don't give a shit.[/font]

[Heddi]

25. OH yeah well if you know what I'm going to say

Then...yeah. Okay then. :0

[AlbertCat]

18. Hey.... god can answer all of them at the same time

....even tho' he hadn't a clue as to what Adam and Eve were up to until it was too late.

[Warren Stupidity]

27. That is not how God works.

It has Laser Focus Omnipotence. Anything anywhere but only one focus at any moment As we all know prayers expire from moment to moment. That's how God works. It explains why miracles are so pathetic: poor shot selection.

[NeoGreen]

26. Sleep...

...at least it might shut you up and give me 10 minutes of peace from your whining, you ungrateful, undeserving, insignificant specks.

Otherwise, I'd likely smite you verses answer another pitiful request to save Jimmy from that well.

Ingrates, all ya all.

Put a cover on that damn well, and GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

[mountain grammy]

28. If I'm God, I will do what a god should do.. not have any fucking starving children..

and that's why I don't believe in god, but I sure enjoyed this thread.

[Delmette]

29. #4 food in refrigerator. ...

I raised two boys, both are now over 6 feet tall. When their four teenage 6 foot + friends would show up there wasn't much food left. Don't get me wrong they were all very nice and polite but they can put away the food.

[Arugula Latte]

30. Other: It All Depends On What's In God's Magical Sparkling Bedazzled Plan

I mean, I'm all about The Plan, The Plan, The Plan -- No Random.

[Solly Mack]

33. My own.

[progressoid]

34. As God, I will create beings that aren't allowed to pray to me.

But if they do, they'll get punished.

[Yorktown]

36. Dear God, please let me enough of a good grade on this tes

Not really true or my first choice, but it was the funniest.

[cleanhippie]

37. Being god, I would be able to fulfill all the prayers, but only if they prayed in a circle...

...while posting their prayers on the internet.

And then, only maybe.

[nil desperandum]

38. None of them

as god my followers need to understand that not all prayers get answered, in fact most of their prayers will get zero response. It will create confusion about my master plan for my creations requiring them to accept poor outcomes while retaining faith there is a master plan for their lives.

The reality of course is that there is no plan, as god I have a lot of godly projects underway and the trifles of day to day living hardly ever interfere with my larger plans for the remainder of the heavens.

[F4lconF16]

39. I am tired of the Seahawks.

They are everywhere in Seattle. It is an onslaught of flags, stickers, streamers, banners, posters, advertisements, merchandise, and an exhibit at the EMP. During game season, a lot of the fans range from mildly annoying to bordering on harassment. These people have another religion as well. I'd argue many worship it even more than their professed belief.

So, if I was God, I reward my most sincere followers. But I'm a kind and loving God; since I am the entire universe, I figure any worship to anything is basically worship to me--benefit of the doubt, right? The details are off, but then again, no one's really quite managed to explain my existence anyways.

This is why I tend to reward narcissists and sociopaths in the world. They worship themselves. But these guys go hard...you should see the tailgaiters. I grant them their request.

[Lordquinton]

41. We're getting the banned back together

We're on a mission from god.