Getting an earful with the Virgin Mary...

[onager]

Has anyone else ever heard this? I sure hadn't. Mysterious ways, indeed...

Possible mechanisms by which Mary could have remained virgo intacta have exercised the minds of theologians since the fourth century. During the Middle Ages, it was widely believed that Mary had conceived by being inseminated by the Holy Ghost through her ear, a belief that resulted in female ears being treated with the utmost modesty for a time.

An ear would hardly serve for the delivery. One possibility was that Jesus had exited Mary's womb through a sort of door in her abdomen. Statues of Mary with the whole Trinity snuggled behind an opening door in her belly were once popular objects of devotion. Characterised in this way Mary was known as the vierge ouvrante ("Opening Virgin&quot .

http://www.badnewsaboutchristianity.com/de0_mary.htm



Her EAR?

The "door in her abdomen" is pretty funny too. But that ear thing is really amazing. How could anyone have preached that with a straight face?

[Curmudgeoness]

1. I thought I had heard everything

but this one is new to me. I guess God can do anything. I just assumed that he snapped his fingers and wished hard and created a fertilized egg....but that must have been too hard to believe, hence ear sex.

I won't even comment on the belly door. If that were true, I would think that we would have heard about that in the Bible---it is quite a big deal.

[AlbertCat]

15. I guess God can do anything.

He musta asked Zeus for advice.

[Warpy]

2. I've never known a med school or nursing school student

who didn't wish we'd evolved with zippers. Human childbirth is complicated as hell. It would have been so much easier on mother and baby if they could have simply been unzipped then Mom could be zipped back up, none the worse for wear and her hair and makeup perfect to receive all sorts of family.

I wonder why they didn't do then what they do now, just say it's a mystery (i.e. magic) and that it's sinful to speculate on mechanics.

And yeah, her EAR? How disappointing for Mary. Not only was it the wrong orifice, but apparently he fit into it.

[bvf]

3. Interesting.

"But that ear thing is really amazing. How could anyone have preached that with a straight face?"

There are people who would buy into this today.

[LiberalAndProud]

6. It's possible the blessed virgin was plumbed especially.

Her ear canal was connected to her birth canal, maybe?

it couLD happen!

[bvf]

7. LOL! "With God all things are possible." n/t.

[LiberalAndProud]

4. I will say that I got over the virgin birth part long before

I got rid of the rest of the religious baggage.

[Curmudgeoness]

16. But but but

wasn't that the most important part? Without the virgin birth, and insemination by the Holy Spirit, what have you got? Some teenagers who got in a little "trouble" before she got married and convinced some schmuck to marry her?

[LiberalAndProud]

17. At the time, I thought that disposing of the virgin birth brought the message into sharper focus.

The sanctification and glorification of the least among us. Cherries*. Mmm-mmm good.



ETA: * Cherries, as in cherry-picking. I think I wasn't referring to the vernacular term for, you know, virginity.

[Curmudgeoness]

18. Bwahahahaha.

Yes, that edit was necessary.

But you are not alone in picking cherries. Every religious person I have discussed religion with has that same job.

[LiberalAndProud]

19. Damn Freud! and double entendres!

And yes. I didn't notice my cognitive dissonance, until it stopped.

[Lordquinton]

5. When Gabriel told Mary he was only into aural

she thought he meant something else.

[uriel1972]

8. God moves in mysterious ways... nt

[JNelson6563]

9. I grew up Catholic in the midwest

And I never heard of such a bizarre thing! That's quite something!

Julie

[frogmarch]

10. That is hilarious!

I wish I had one of those statues.

[mr blur]

11. Never heard that one but nothing surprises me about religionistas,

Not at all surprised by the idea of them trying to produce a "realistic" explanation of how a virgin could have got pregnant and given birth without using her "naughty bits".

I was going to say that it's as ridiculous as learned Greeks working out exactly how Zeus was able to transmute into a swan but in fact it's more ridiculous: the Greeks would just have accepted that he could do it.

[Rainforestgoddess]

12. Brings a whole new meaning to

Fucked in the head.

[wavesofeuphoria]

13. There is a Family Guy episode

in which a big abstinence/purity craze is brought upon the high school ... so to remain pure, kids were engaging in ear sex ... who knew there was some basis for it

[deucemagnet]

14. I can't get past the mental image of the Holy Spirit inseminating Mary through her ear.

Ow! Stop it! Ow! Stop it! Ow! Stop it! Ow! Stop it!

[Silent3]

20. It never even occurred to me to think of normal child birth...

Last edited Sun Sep 14, 2014, 05:35 PM - Edit history (2)

...as something that would constitute a loss of virginity -- the birth part, in and of itself -- and then people coming up with bizarre ideas like wombs with doors to satisfy their doctrinal needs. A baby seems more to me like strong evidence (under normal, non-supernatural circumstances, i.e., reality) of previous loss of virginity, a symptom, not a cause.

To the extent that virginity even matters, does anyone normally think of it being anything other penis-in-vagina sex that ends heterosexual virginity? A baby exiting a vagina ends virginity as much as a penis going in?

Because impregnation via turkey baster probably wouldn't inspire much religious awe, I guess there have to be special rules about this.

If human parthenogenesis ever happened, I'd consider that a possible non-supernatural virgin birth, without the need for doors or C-sections.

[Goblinmonger]

21. "Most Offensive Song Ever" South Park

If you haven't heard this one, see if there is still a version up on YouTube (South Park pulls things pretty quickly). And if you do hear it (or can't), you'll need the lyrics.

[AtheistCrusader]

22. Here's another option.