Atheists & Agnostics
Related: About this forumUsing s/o's religious beliefs to comfort them when they're grieving.
Obviously they don't want to hear our opinions regarding heaven, etc. but it seems to help to remind them of what they believe.
Bf's grandmother is dying and it's been a horrible 2 days.
kdmorris
(5,649 posts)Luckily, my husband is also an atheist, but anything you can do to ease a loved one's pain is a good thing, in my opinion.
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)His family is seriously fubar and none of them have noticed how much this is hurting him.
But I see his pain, I feel it, I get it.
kdmorris
(5,649 posts)Curmudgeoness
(18,219 posts)Most of the people that I know are believers, so they seem to find solace in god and heaven and seeing their loved ones again. I don't go gushy on it, but I do tell them to lean on god and find peace in it. When people believe, they can find that it helps to think that god is there supporting them.
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)He isn't religious at all but does believe in heaven -sort of.
Reminding him that his grandmother is in excruciating pain and she would soon be at peace wasn't enough, I just hope I'm helping him.
Curmudgeoness
(18,219 posts)And there are times that nothing can help. We have to go through the grief. Don't feel as if it is your job to make it easier for him. Just be there.
Jokerman
(3,517 posts)My mom was the only religious member of my family. She was raised a catholic but had to choose between her religion and divorcing an abusive husband. She never really gave up her faith but the experience soured her on organized religion and caused her to raise her children as non-religious, free-thinking people.
When the doctors told us that she was dying I asked for a priest to administer the last rights. It meant nothing to me or my sisters but I knew she would have wanted it that way.
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)Atheists deal with death differently, when my mom died people didn't know what to say to comfort me, they never realized that I didn't want or need that kind of comfort.
Curmudgeoness
(18,219 posts)I ran into an acquaintance who has a mental deficiency and people do not look kindly on him. He said he was sorry to hear about my mom, and then asked me if I was ok. You know, not one person had asked me if I was doing ok, and that meant the world to me. No religion, no gush, just a simple question that showed that he realized there was pain involved.
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)I remember those people.
They see you, they don't avert their eyes or fumble around for the right thing to say.
MineralMan
(146,192 posts)religious beliefs are wrong. Why would anyone do that?
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)Who said I was doing such a thing?
I am glad to say I don't know anyone who would.
Bf's grandmother is dying, not bf!
MineralMan
(146,192 posts)It was a general comment.
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)Way to feed the lurkers, dude!
Warren Stupidity
(48,181 posts)I think that is when I transitioned from not thinking much about religion ( a none) to overt atheism, and in doing so gained a deeper appreciation for the conscious decisions my parents made in raising their children.
Grief is about coping with loss, and in my opinion religion denies the reality of loss. The religious don't accept that death is real, they invent stories for us to believe instead. Those stories obscure a more profound understanding of what it is to be human.
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)I do think that some people are so badly damaged that ripping that band aid off could kill them.
Warren Stupidity
(48,181 posts)I was just taking the opportunity to give a different perspective and to publicly thank my parents for what they did.
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)My parents deserve credit too, critical thinking begins at home.
trotsky
(49,533 posts)You don't want to lie or be insincere, but at the same time, they're going through a tough time.
I don't really have any specific advice, just reiterate that you are there for them.
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)Seeing her suffer so much has done him in, but I gotta give him credit, he wants to be there for her and his mom.
Honest_Abe
(155 posts)She wasn't a churchgoer, but near the end it was clear she wanted some comfort from religion. So I called in some pastors I knew and even participated in some prayer services. It gave her comfort, and I feel no sense of hypocrisy over it. I would have done pretty much anything to make her feel better.
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)Thank you for reaching out, you must miss her very much.
Honest_Abe
(155 posts)But I think in a real sense that I am better off grieving for the loss, rather than spending my days longing for the for the day when, as so many try to tell me, "You'll be together again."