Hannukah begins Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving.

[IrishAyes]

I heard once how many thousands of years it will be before they coincide again.

But that's not the point of my little OP this afternoon. I want to give public thanks for a special blessing received, one that presages better times ahead.

Our local parish mission holds a big dinner on Thanksgiving Day itself, and I wondered whether I'd be able to enjoy it this year. That's a 3/4 mile roundtrip walk for me, the weather promises to be frightful, and I don't feel entirely up to the challenge right now. So I threw caution to the winds and called a lady who'd actually always been very nice to me there, to see if by any chance she knew of someone who might be able to swing by and give me a ride. Ohhhh, how I hate asking for a ride even one way! I did that several years ago with a lady I'd been able to help with her computer, and she raked me over in public for my audacity even though she lives 3 blocks on the other side of my home from the church, so she goes right by my house on her way home. Well, I guess that's what I get for pigging out and not feeling up to a long walk, but the memory still makes me twitchy.

The lady I called yesterday is the sister of the woman who made it her personal mission to get rid of me, even down to denouncing me as a heretic one weeknight Mass when she and I and the priest were the only ones who showed up. Yeah, heretics are known to walk 3/4 mile in the dark and cold for Mass.

Anyway, even though the nice lady invited me to Thanksgiving dinner with her family that first year, it didn't work out too well with the unholy inquisitor there. She knows if she invited me again, I'd have enough sense to arrange to be busy otherwise. But what she did this year was the best she could do under the circumstances; she said several of the people coming to her house were going to deliver dinners to shutins anyway, and they'd be delighted to swing by and provide transportation both ways for me. I almost cried.

Presumably I'll get to meet the new-to-me priest from Korea, and there are always other nice people around. The meanest woman typically stands at the serving table and stomps off to the kitchen as soon as I appear. That I can handle easily compared to what she used to do if she found anyone sitting with me. She'd rush over and run them off with that sharp tongue. Most people are afraid of her.

Anyway, my fondest hope is that at least occasionally someone will think to offer me a ride to Mass. I miss it terribly, but feel in control of myself enough now to be certain I wouldn't blow up if Mean Lady keeps being herself. I did chew her out one time elsewhere when she caught me off guard. Don't know that I'd ever get over it if I lashed back at her in church. I'd never be able to show my face there again if I did that. Part of the trouble is that I know I'm too capable of outdoing Mean Lady if I lose my temper with her. So I've been praying for patience.

One reason I prefer Thanksgiving Dinner at church is because most people won't start political battles there, and if they do I have the right and obligation to insist on tabling the subject. In a private home, where I have been invited on occasion, I don't have a leg to stand on so far as quashing hate speech because it isn't my house or God's house or anywhere public in the secular sense. I hate fighting, especially on holidays, and know things will be safer in church - if I can get there. Not only have I been working on my own temper, but ML has lost a couple of times already when she pushed her game too far, and she remembers it, from what others tell me. Her long suffering brother-in-law secretly gave me a thumbs up after the last round.

Maybe it's terrible for me to even mention the situation online, but I could use everyone's prayer help regarding my own deportment. And that things might eventually smooth out enough for me to darken St. Luke's door again! Lord help me, I do miss Mass. And I know how wrong it is to take communion with hardness in your heart toward anyone.

[rug]

1. It sounds like a lovely place to share Thanksgiving.

I don't know what it is that makes some people so consistently miserable to be around. ML sounds very familiar to me. Take comfort that she's not the first one like that you've encountered and probably won't be the last. Don't let her keep you away from what you enjoy. Call the parish office. I bet they'll set you up with a ride.

[IrishAyes]

3. Well, this one is the ML to beat all ML's, but as I said, she's fading somewhat. It's never been

HER I'm afraid of, rather my susceptibility to this unbelievable venom. I'm not a rock. I can brush off more of it than most people, not always for the holiest of reasons either. But I'm feeling stronger self control of late and hope I'm not deluding myself about it.

A funny or at least cheerful way to look at it is that this extended experience has convinced me even more of where I most truly belong. The UMC is hardly around the corner from my house; only a couple hundred feet if I cut across the alley. A lot of them are very nice, even nicer now that we've gotten to know each other better and they realize I don't actually have horns. But it's still not my home and never will be. I will call the office as you suggest. This is such a small mission, only one part time staff, so I don't want to get my hopes up too much. But it's worth a try; I can't very well continue pining for what I miss if I don't keep trying to press forward, can I?

[rug]

4. No, but they may know someone who can give you a ride.

[IrishAyes]

5. You're right, of course.

Will let everyone know how my adventure turns out. Most of all I need to learn to really, truly love ML. That's the best protection for both of us!

[rug]

6. Have a slice of pumpkin pie for me.

I'll do the same.

[beemer27]

2. Do what YOU want to do.

Don't let the Mean Lady run your life, and don't let her spoil your mood. If she wants to be that way, let her live with herself. That is the worst punishment she can get. People like that enjoy seeing others hurt. Don' let her do it to you. there are other people there, you don't have to tolerate this woman.
Have a very Happy and Blessed Holiday

[No Vested Interest]

7. Did I understand that you will have rides to and fro from the guests

of the ML's sister? Or was that if you were going to her house?

Why isn't the ML having dinner with her sister and her sister's guests? Maybe she enjoys being queen of the church kitchen on thanksgiving.

At any rate you go to the church dinner and meet the new priest from Korea, hopefully. Your church, being a mission, means that presumably he has another church and may be involved at that one. Hope he can make it to your church for the holiday meal.

As for the ML, one way to deal with the situation is to envision that person as a small child, preschool or slightly older, who has vexations of her own which hurt her so much that she is now damaged (and maybe even unloved) and doesn't know how to properly get past her childhood problems. That lets you excuse some of her behavior and even feel a little sorry for her.

As for yourself, Irish, I'm sure the attendees will be glad to see you and have your company for the Thanksgiving meal. To keep away from political discussions, have several topics or news stories of interest ready for them. So many wonderful topics here on DU, and, of course, you have your house repairs and your dogs to discuss, among many other experiences of your very interesting life.

Yes, I'll remember you in prayer, not only for deportment, but that you will be able to attend the mission more frequently as you wish, with transportation offered both ways. Most people are very willing, but don't realize the need unless it's brought to their attention.

Have a good time and be sure to tell us about it.

[IrishAyes]

8. Sorry for the miscommunication.

ML's sister's family will be providing transportation for me to and from the noon church dinner, since some of them will be out delivering meals to shut-ins anyway. No way I could survive the late afternoon dinner at the nice sister's house, since ML will be there after she finishes at the church.

As for rides to and from Mass, that's been a moot point for over 3 years now. I know other parishioners understand why; more than once I heard people slide into a pew behind me, almost swearing under their breath after some exchange with ML at the door. One muttered, "It's like running a damned gauntlet!" Most people around here grew up with her so they could tell me more than I already know, which is quite enough.

I appreciate your thoughts. Keeping them in mind will surely help me follow the right path. Yes, the poor woman has suffered uncommonly, and financial power (and its fellow traveler, social power) has not really been her friend. She knows people call her the Head Hen behind her back. Well, a few have called me a lot worse, such as heretic because I love the Jesuits and Dorothy Day and remain stubbornly liberal instead of slipping into decorus conservatism in my old age.

But I never had the treacherous 'benefit' of inherited wealth either. So I had to learn to fight my own battles, and that's been my share of the problem, whatever part of it I own. The percentage mystifies me, though I can't be pure as the driven snow either. I'm way too good at fighting when pushed into a tight corner, as I have unerring perception of an opponent's Achilles' heel. Can't remember ever having actually struck full force, but just knowing I could terrifies me that I might. I've been known to forget my parents' good advice: Only a jackass answers every donkey that brays.

Another matter has factored into the equation as well. Some people don't realize the tactical advantage of having nothing (or less than others) to lose, and some may be acutely aware. I honestly believe ML falls into the latter category. That would go a long way toward explaining why, when I exited the church after my first Mass there, she came up behind me and snarled, "Well, you sure made a big hit with the priest!"

Half dead as I was from the perils of my recent move from out of state, I'd done no more than stand to face the congregation and incline my head to everyone when the priest called the congregation to welcome me. No one had so much as spoken directly to me and I honestly don't know if I could've formed a coherent verbal reply at that point. So I just stopped for a second on the steps as I left; therefore she knew I heard her. But I didn't care to reply, and I just went on home. She must've realized immediately that I was not under her direct control, and that would've been alarming indeed to someone who's used to ruling the roost. Further events bore this out, no matter how hard I tried to please her conscientiously. At least at first. When it proved impossible, I stopped caring.

Sorry if I've dragged this subject out too long. I don't mean to wallow or whine or whatever else. But it's always helped me to contemplate any situation as truthfully and analytically as possible so I can listen (at least once in a blue moon!) to the angels of my better nature. I know I have one somewhere, if only I could find where I left it!

[No Vested Interest]

9. Controlling people seem to panic when they realize they are losing

control, which ML likely realized right off.
Let it be her problem, not yours. Who needs another problem, especially at this stage of life.
In a small congregation like your mission, each individual soul counts for bettering the whole.
Have a good time tomorrow!

[IrishAyes]

10. Thank you, I can hardly wait!

[Fortinbras Armstrong]

11. I live in one of the southwestern suburbs of Chicago

If you live anywhere near there, I might well be able to give you a ride to Mass. Drop me an e-mail if I can help.

[IrishAyes]

12. You're an angel. But I retired to the central MidWest. Long drive!

It will work out one way or another. As I've said, if nothing else this whole situation has convinced me of my genuine attachment to the church. This particular mission is fairly plain - ML burned half the place down one year when she failed to extinguish some candles - but the statue of Mary was salvaged. While very simple, it's one of the most beautiful I've ever seen. I don't suppose I qualify as a Marian technically, but when I've really hit a rocky stretch, I've found that singing the Hail Mary in as many different tunes as I can think of always cheers me up a lot. Before you know it I'm dancing around the house as if nobody's watching. I'm trying to say that a period of enforced comparative isolation can be turned to healthy purposes if we choose.

If I'd had any real concept of what I'd be up against, I never would've had the nerve to move here despite all the other advantages. But I'd been on my own so long, always used to moving a lot and settling in easily, that it never crossed my mind how long it would take here. I've heard any number of people say with pride how hard they like to make it for outsiders with no family roots here. They had a hard time digesting the idea of someone just deciding to do it w/o knowing (or asking) anyone else at all. Unheard of! After 8 years now, most seem to be growing resigned and a few are downright friendly. In another decade or so, someone might slip up and let me join the book club or something. I swear this is true, it's amazing how many groups have just that week shut down! when I look in their direction. The previous UMC pastor went racing to their church in a panic when his wife told him I'd gone over there one evening to listen to the bell choir practice. He found me sitting in a side room out of sight and started stammering that "It might not be such a good idea to ask to join them because these people have been playing together for years and they've got everything just the way they like it..."

Well, at least people don't shoot each other at church the way they did during the Civil War. Which is basically still on, didn't you know? During that period every church in the county had to close, they were losing so many people to lead poisoning. But I think I'm slowly making a little progress at least. I'm good at out waiting the other guy. So at the end of the day, it's all good.