If someone strikes thee on the cheek, turn the other one. Then, having proven thyself impervious to cheek attack, beat the crap out of him.
They say patience is a virtue. They also say he who hesitates is lost. You see my point: They don't know what the fuck they're saying.
As a rule the more someone says they love America, the more Americans they hate.
If Ron Paul is elected President, the first issue he'll have to address is all the flying pigs.
Any idea that's so crazy it just might work, is crazy and won't work.
"Starbucks to Start Selling Beer and Wine." It had better be overpriced, stupidly named and not worth the wait, or no one will buy it.
Talking points are for those whose talking would otherwise be pointless.
Nothing embodies My glory, cruelty and irony more than a piece of bacon.
"Green Eggs and Ham" teaches that good things happen when you allow strangers to stalk you, then serve you bizarre-looking food.
Prediction: If elected, Newt Gingrich will ask for an "open presidency," then run off to be Prime Minister of Sweden.
Live every day like it's your last. In other words, in mortal terror of your impending death.
As the Creator the universe is my intellectual property. Thus, mankind's entire existence has been illegal.
Don't take your life too seriously. Believe Me, I don't.
In the grand scheme of things, there is no grand scheme of things.
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