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Wed May 27, 2015, 03:11 PM

what would you do if you were the devil?

It seems that god is powerless to do much of anything, but the devil is still around and kicking, with all the divine power we don't see from god anymore.

I'd give the opressed the power and means to fight their oppressors.... Wait they say the devil is doing that already, god dammit!

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Arrow 18 replies Author Time Post
Reply what would you do if you were the devil? (Original post)
Lordquinton May 2015 OP
gcomeau May 2015 #1
truebrit71 May 2015 #2
trotsky May 2015 #3
MissDeeds May 2015 #4
TheCowsCameHome May 2015 #5
Act_of_Reparation May 2015 #6
LostOne4Ever May 2015 #7
Fumesucker May 2015 #13
Lordquinton May 2015 #17
Warren Stupidity May 2015 #8
AtheistCrusader May 2015 #9
hrmjustin May 2015 #10
xfundy May 2015 #11
Curmudgeoness May 2015 #12
DavidDvorkin May 2015 #14
Iggo May 2015 #15
Lordquinton May 2015 #16
beam me up scottie May 2015 #18

Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 03:16 PM

1. Hire better PR people... -eom

 

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 03:19 PM

2. Schedule a vacation, because apparently he's really, really, REALLY busy...

 

..unlike that god bloke who can't even be bothered to show up...well...not counting on toast of course...

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 03:26 PM

3. Keep doing what pisses god off.

Which, according to the bible, is encouraging people to develop their own reason and agency.

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 03:34 PM

4. Learn Dick Cheney's whereabouts

 

and then pay him a visit.

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 03:35 PM

5. Change my name to Dick Cheney

and become real evil.

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 03:56 PM

6. Write better music.

What passes for devil music these days is but a weak facsimile of that which came before it.

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 04:00 PM

7. If I was an evil devil I would...

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]create several organized religions and launch the most elaborate false flag operation the world has ever seen.

I would create some scapegoat for all the atrocities I commit and get the entire world to blame him rather than me. He would hurt no one, accept everyone, and try to help people selflessly and yet still get all the blame for EVERYTHING that goes wrong.

I would get said scapegoat blamed for causing death and suffering of all mankind when all he actually did was give them the gift of knowledge and morality. I would flood the world, kill first born, turn people to salt, smite people for idiotic reasons and breed prejudice and hate amoungst the people, but HE would be the one they hate.

The entire time I am doing this I would be tricking the people into blaming my scapegoat for all the ills in the world while giving me nothing but praise. I would do this by convincing people that they are all wicked and evil from (get this) the moment they are born, and deserve nothing more than to burn in the hell I am going to punish them with for all eternity.

Then I would say, if you believe in me and worship me like mindless slaves I will deliver you from this torture. I would call this "salvation by faith" and it would be the most incredible mental torture device ever invented. It would convince people to mindlessly follow the rules in some bronze age book I wrote while ignoring their own morality. It would also scare anyone from ever questioning my motives.

And whenever something really good happens, like gay marriage being legalized by popular vote in Ireland, I would have the religions I create come out and declare it a "defeat for humanity."
____________________________________________________________________



Of course, that is what I would do if I were an evil devil. If I were good, I would get off my butt and try to put an end to all the pain and suffering in the world.[/font]

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Response to LostOne4Ever (Reply #7)

Wed May 27, 2015, 06:48 PM

13. If you can't say something good about someone

Come over here and sit by me... -Alice Roosevelt Longworth

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Response to LostOne4Ever (Reply #7)

Fri May 29, 2015, 07:57 PM

17. well played

Gotta rewatch The Prophecy.

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 04:52 PM

8. 1. kill god.

 

2. abolish death.
3. get rid of ticks.
4. make female mosquitoes eat fruit instead of blood.

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 04:56 PM

9. If I were the devil, I wouldn't exist.

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 04:57 PM

10. Make the mets opponents lose their games.

 

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 04:59 PM

11. Vote Republican.

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Wed May 27, 2015, 06:17 PM

12. I would go up against ISIS.

I would gather all the believers in God together and start a Holy War against the fundie Muslims. I would accomplish this with fear of Muslims and get the Christians all worried about being taken over and forced to submit to Islam.

Oh wait. That is already being done...by the devil's arch enemy, evangelical Christians.

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Thu May 28, 2015, 01:17 PM

14. Encourage religiosity

Because it causes so much evil behavior.

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Response to Lordquinton (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2015, 11:39 AM

15. Share all the knowledge.

Just like the fictional one.

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Response to Iggo (Reply #15)

Fri May 29, 2015, 07:56 PM

16. all of it

ALL THE KNOWLEDGE

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Response to Iggo (Reply #15)

Fri May 29, 2015, 08:02 PM

18. Yes.

This.

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