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Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 07:46 PM Oct 2017

Ok, I need to vent. It's a female veteran thing, but the door is open

A lot of us (female veterans) have had to deal with our service being marginalized and disrespected. When it comes from a ‘civilian’ it is irritating. When it comes from someone purporting to be another veteran, it is insulting and infuriating.

I was posting in a group, on another site, concerning the whole ‘take a knee’ situation. Someone had shared a post from someone claiming that doing so is a slap in the face to all veterans. My response was that, as a veteran, it didn’t bother me a bit. I know the hearts and minds of the protestors are focused on a righteous cause, and I am with them. Quite a few other veterans, mostly male, were in total agreement with me.

That’s when it happened. Someone, claiming to also be a veteran, disagreed with us. However, he ignored any remarks made by male veterans, and launched the most vitriolic, sexist, disrespectful attack against me. At first I thought maybe he was being sarcastic. So I FOOLISHLY asked, just to clarify where he was going with the remarks. He then more than doubled down with his attack, focusing solely on me. And he was attacking me for something that I didn't even write!!!

Admittedly, my stress and anxiety levels have been pretty close to redline, over the past few veiled threats, err, I mean weeks. And I know I shouldn’t engage with people whose mental or emotional stability seem questionable. But, DAMN, THAT SO TOTALLY PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!

Deep breath. I'm done. Thanks for listening.

30 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Ok, I need to vent. It's a female veteran thing, but the door is open (Original Post) Siwsan Oct 2017 OP
There are still some people out there, veterans or not, who are so cowardly Aristus Oct 2017 #1
I had the exact same experience JennyMominFL Oct 2017 #2
Most, if not all, women in the military have experienced their own form of a battle Siwsan Oct 2017 #4
He was way off base Angry Dragon Oct 2017 #3
Vent all you want-- the guy was dead wrong. But... TreasonousBastard Oct 2017 #5
Actually, that was part of my reason for ending the communication Siwsan Oct 2017 #9
As a vet I have no problem with this TEB Oct 2017 #6
I learned a long time ago TexasProgresive Oct 2017 #21
American Misogyny Has Crawled Out From Under Its Slimy Rock - It's the Trump Effect dlk Oct 2017 #7
My family- 3 served in the Marines, one of those served in the Navy, another member served in the TexasProgresive Oct 2017 #8
I come from a family who has been serving, since the Revolutionary War Siwsan Oct 2017 #10
As veterans of the United States military you have me beat. TexasProgresive Oct 2017 #14
The long line of military heritage comes from my paternal grandmother's side of the family. Siwsan Oct 2017 #16
MiLord, the coal mining jester. TexasProgresive Oct 2017 #20
They are amazing people (yes, perhaps I am a bit biased!) Siwsan Oct 2017 #22
As a veteran, l really don't care one way or another demosincebirth Oct 2017 #11
Maybe if I had stated that, this guy wouldn't have attacked. Ok, who am I kidding. He probably would Siwsan Oct 2017 #13
It's tough situations we get into without knowing it, then it's too late. Fucks up our whole day. demosincebirth Oct 2017 #15
I just checked - it appears he has finally given up on trying to get a response from me. Siwsan Oct 2017 #17
Navy Veteran here bluecollar2 Oct 2017 #12
So sorry that you had to experience that, but marked50 Oct 2017 #18
I ventured a look. He gave up on me and is now attacking other female veterans Siwsan Oct 2017 #19
I am a female veteran Skittles Oct 2017 #23
This was one of those situations where fighting was just going to feed him Siwsan Oct 2017 #24
well if he is unhinged just ignore him Skittles Oct 2017 #26
Once I realized what was going on, with him, that's exactly what I did Siwsan Oct 2017 #28
As a retired Army guy, TomSlick Oct 2017 #25
Probably not a Veteran SJMULE Oct 2017 #27
That's my suspicion Siwsan Oct 2017 #29
This retired Army Officer of CRK7376 Oct 2017 #30

Aristus

(66,308 posts)
1. There are still some people out there, veterans or not, who are so cowardly
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 07:51 PM
Oct 2017

and self-loathing, that the only boost to their egos comes in attacking women.

JennyMominFL

(218 posts)
2. I had the exact same experience
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 07:52 PM
Oct 2017

When I called one guy on it he said that obviously I had never been in combat so my opinion was not valid.

Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
4. Most, if not all, women in the military have experienced their own form of a battle
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 08:02 PM
Oct 2017

I've dealt with some pretty sexist situations and harassment in civilian life, but combined, they all pale in comparison to what I experienced in the military. Sometimes it was just irritating. Sometimes it was downright frightening. Especially when the person you should be able to turn to for help, is participating in the same transgression, against someone else.

TreasonousBastard

(43,049 posts)
5. Vent all you want-- the guy was dead wrong. But...
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 08:10 PM
Oct 2017

(there always that damn "But&quot

He may have been a combat vet who saw a little too much combat. You have no way of knowing, but he didn't hurt you (I hope) and he's off dealing with his demons. And his wife might have recently dumped him, or screwed his best friend.

Still, he shouldn't have taken it out on you. He needs help. (Or maybe just a good asskicking-- it's tough to tell from here)

I'm a non-combat VietNam era vet-- I didn't see action, but I saw plenty of broken bodies and souls.

Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
9. Actually, that was part of my reason for ending the communication
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 08:28 PM
Oct 2017

I have no idea if they guy is actually a veteran, or just posing. But I have been getting continuous notifications that he is still responding to something I wrote, even though I haven't responded to him is a long while, now.

I will say that all of the other veterans, in the thread, and the 'civilians', too, have come together to my defense. That makes me smile. Hopefully this guy will move on, soon.

TEB

(12,840 posts)
6. As a vet I have no problem with this
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 08:11 PM
Oct 2017

We took oath to defend the constitution not flag or national anthem. Remember their is a lot of wannabes vets around ,And they talk out their assholes.

TexasProgresive

(12,157 posts)
21. I learned a long time ago
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 09:19 PM
Oct 2017

If someone claims to be a combat vet and runs their mouths about their great exploits, they are lying. I did not see combat but all those I know did- DO.NOT.SPEAK.ABOUT.IT. except maybe when with other combat veterans. They tell stories about silly or weird stuff but not the fighting and killing. It is too raw.

dlk

(11,540 posts)
7. American Misogyny Has Crawled Out From Under Its Slimy Rock - It's the Trump Effect
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 08:11 PM
Oct 2017

I'm really sorry you had to deal with such poisonous garbage.

TexasProgresive

(12,157 posts)
8. My family- 3 served in the Marines, one of those served in the Navy, another member served in the
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 08:16 PM
Oct 2017

Army twice, and 3 in the Air Force, myself included and one still active. That's my weak credentials for saying Screw that guy. Your service is as valuable and perhaps more valuable than mine. In fact I am sure yours was more so.

Keep breathing and don't let the bastards grind you down.

Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
10. I come from a family who has been serving, since the Revolutionary War
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 08:32 PM
Oct 2017

Although I am the one and only female veteran. I think we have everything covered, except for the Coast Guard.

And those are most definitely NOT weak credentials. We all serve towards the same high purpose.

TexasProgresive

(12,157 posts)
14. As veterans of the United States military you have me beat.
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 08:52 PM
Oct 2017

I think my family served from the 13th century in France and in Louisiana for the French, the Spanish and then the French again until sold to the U.S.A. Then there ancestors served in the U.S. and sadly the C.S.A. I don't know the motivation of my long ago relatives but my grandfathers, father, sons, grandsons and myself served because it was the right thing. I don't think it's because we like war but when it comes we are there.

Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
16. The long line of military heritage comes from my paternal grandmother's side of the family.
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 09:00 PM
Oct 2017

We are currently working on a family tree, for my Grandfather's family. The came over from Wales, in the mid 1800's. It will be interesting to see how far back we can go. A cousin of my Dad's did a family tree, years ago, but it was lost, when he died. But from the stuff my Dad remembered, they went from what passed for Welsh aristocracy, to become coal miners and circus acrobats. I am not anticipating finding much in the way of military connections, but none the less, it should prove to be interesting!

TexasProgresive

(12,157 posts)
20. MiLord, the coal mining jester.
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 09:15 PM
Oct 2017

I like that. All I know of Wales is "How Green was my Valley." I'm sure that I have a very wrong idea of the Welch.

Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
22. They are amazing people (yes, perhaps I am a bit biased!)
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 09:23 PM
Oct 2017

The Welsh are a very proud people who are struggling to regain their national identity, and to preserve their culture and language. And it is a beautiful country.

A great Welsh themed movie I highly recommend is called 'Very Annie Mary' starring Rachel Griffiths and Jonathan Pryce. It's kind of hard to find, but well worth the effort.

Right now there is a group trying to install an "Iron Ring" at Flint Castle, to represent the ring of castles built by Edward I, to subdue the Welsh. As you can imagine, that went over, with the Welsh, like a proverbial lead balloon.

Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
13. Maybe if I had stated that, this guy wouldn't have attacked. Ok, who am I kidding. He probably would
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 08:47 PM
Oct 2017

This was just so bizarre. He was just making up stuff to be livid about, and blaming them all on little old me. BTW, he's apparently still yelling at me. I'm just not bothering to look.

demosincebirth

(12,536 posts)
15. It's tough situations we get into without knowing it, then it's too late. Fucks up our whole day.
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 08:58 PM
Oct 2017

Been there, done that.

Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
17. I just checked - it appears he has finally given up on trying to get a response from me.
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 09:03 PM
Oct 2017

Not sure if he's found a new target for his outrage. I'm thinking he might be a bit of a rage a holic.

bluecollar2

(3,622 posts)
12. Navy Veteran here
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 08:46 PM
Oct 2017

You're fine...

That asshole will meet his Waterloo one day...

Probably at the hands of a lady.

marked50

(1,366 posts)
18. So sorry that you had to experience that, but
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 09:05 PM
Oct 2017

also am really glad that you have a place to vent on it, with those that feel your disgust and pain. Go DU!

Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
19. I ventured a look. He gave up on me and is now attacking other female veterans
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 09:15 PM
Oct 2017

He's going at the males, too, but not with the same obscene venom. I guess that kind of validates what I suspected was going on.

And, yea, DU can be a great place to vent.

Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
24. This was one of those situations where fighting was just going to feed him
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 10:06 PM
Oct 2017

I've taken trolls down, many times before, but this guy was pretty much unhinged. I hadn't written anything confrontational or the least bit objectionable to anyone but him, so I think being offended and picking fights was just on his agenda.

I tried to ask what did I write that he found so objectionable - he went off on a rant. I told him that it was obvious his issues had nothing to do with anything I wrote, so let's move on. He went off on a more vile and nonsensical rant. So I finally told him I'd been out of the Medical corps for a long time and my direct patient care skills weren't up to snuff enough to deal with someone with his issues. So 'goodnight'. That triggered the 5 or 6 responses that I never bothered to read because, what's the point. He ended up getting pretty much swarmed and called out by a large number of people.

I check out his profile page, and my suspicion is that he was just a right wing poser who was trolling a Democratic site. And, honestly, I think ignoring him was a bigger slam than anything I could have written.

Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
28. Once I realized what was going on, with him, that's exactly what I did
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 10:19 PM
Oct 2017

Sometimes it is hard to determine if someone is rhetorically responding to the original post, or responding directly to your comment so my first mistake was in asking for a clarification. Man oh man, did I get one!! I've been called some names, before, but never quite so many, at one time.

It was a really fun and positive thread, for a while. Then the crazy arrived.

 

SJMULE

(193 posts)
27. Probably not a Veteran
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 10:16 PM
Oct 2017

the loudest aholes complaining on my FB pages are all overweight male trumpkins who never served.

Siwsan

(26,256 posts)
29. That's my suspicion
Mon Oct 9, 2017, 10:22 PM
Oct 2017

I should block him, but I'm curious to see if he's going to pop up in a future thread, and if I get targeted, again. Then I hit the block option. Although ignoring him did seem to really piss him off.

CRK7376

(2,199 posts)
30. This retired Army Officer of
Mon Oct 16, 2017, 10:54 PM
Oct 2017

38 years in uniform stands and kneels with you. The cowards and blowhards have no clue. I have no problem with taking a knee during the playing of the National Anthem. Not that I personally would kneel, but my time in uniform and getting shot at, rocketed mortared, IEDs etc....means that I can and do speak out in support of those who do kneel. As an Army officer I took an oath to support and defend the Constitution.....then there is that little thing that they call the....1st Amendment of the US Constitution...freedom of speech, press, religion, petition and what's that last part.....oh yeah...PROTEST! Stay Strong Navy, we got your back!

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