i know i've been away for a while but i need some advice

[fizzgig]

my old lady is not terribly well and i'm worried that i'm not considering all the factors i need to be in making that decision we all dread.

an emergency and follow up vet visits right before christmas turned up high blood pressure (which lead to a detached retina before we caught it) and kidney problems, which we were managing fine with medication and she was starting to put some weight back on when a visit in march for what i thought was an abscess on her gums turned up a tumor instead.

i've spent the last two months watching the damned thing grow larger on her gum, knowing it was growing under her face as her eye started weeping but, just in the last week, the side of her face has become noticeably disfigured and i can now see something pushing up from under her lower eyelid. she was never more than a petite thing, even in her prime, but she was just five pounds at her check up two weeks ago.

the metrics my family always used were eating, drinking and using the box. she's still asking for treats throughout the day (that's all she'll eat, even now), she's drinking a lot of water and has only had a few accidents right next to the box but i look at her poor, sweet face and i worry that i'm not taking everything into consideration that i should be. she spends her days sleeping and has stopped getting into the window to nap in the sun (which may well be at least partly because she is also pretty well blind in the other eye), but she still loves to cuddle and fights me at med time (which is four times a day when you add in the stool softener she needs because the other two issues have really caused issues with that).

i'm struggling not so much with the idea that i will need to help her cross but reconciling the fact that, although she is still checking off all those boxes, i may be asking her to stay with me longer than i should.

i'm sobbing as i write this and there she is, in my lap and purring away as always and i can't help but rage at the universe about this. she is the sweetest, gentlest, purest soul i have ever known and does not deserve this. she has loved me unconditionally through every mess i've made for, or found myself in, as an adult living on their own. she has wanted little more that to be close to me, be it as a ball in my lap as i sit on the couch or balanced precariously on my hip as i sleep.

she's given me 13 years of love and i want to do as right by her as she's done by me all these years. so i ask you wonderful people this: am i missing anything as i weigh this decision?

she's never liked having her picture taken, but i was able to catch her good side last night.

[shenmue]

1. Lots of hugs

Sorry, I don't have any answers. Sending you lots of positive thoughts.

[fizzgig]

3. thanks, friend

[marybourg]

2. I don't know if this is actually true,

but I've read that they also purr when in pain, as observed during giving birth. Theory: self- distraction.

She doesn't look like a well kitty. Poor little angel.

[fizzgig]

4. they do purr when they're in pain or not feeling well, too

she's always purred like a motorboat and i haven't noticed her doing so when she's not on me but i will start paying closer attention.

thanks for mentioning that.

[catrose]

5. I felt the same way about my girl

She had carcinomatosis, cancer throughout her body. But she caught mice, loved me and her daughter, demanded her treats--full of life, if slower. She had Chinese herbs and pain meds. Finally one evening I decided that I had to take her in the next day, and she died that night, with me and her daughter by her side, the daughter meowing at me like "Do something!" But I'd done all I could do, except stay with her.

Moral of the story? I dunno. I look at her photos now and think I should have gone in earlier, but she was so lively, and her systems were working. It's a hard decision. I know you'll do what's best for her, whatever that is.

[fizzgig]

13. thanks for sharing your story

it's not the first time i've had to make the decision but this time around it's much less clear cut and that's what is making it so hard.

[irisblue]

6. ((Fizz))

I waited too long with Majik, my grey Angel cat. I bitterly regret that.
I wish I could give better advice.

[tblue37]

8. I waited too long with two of my old girls, too. It is so hard to let them go. nt

[fizzgig]

14. hey, friend

[TomSlick]

7. Been there a few times through the years.

Every time I go through this, I ask whether having pets is worth it. The answer is always "yes."

[fizzgig]

15. they are absolutely worth it

i know i am better for having them.

[Duppers]

9. My heart goes out to you and your older baby.

I cried reading your post because I've been in your shoes. Wish I could give you definitive advice.

I kept my 17yo girl alive 6wks after I should have helped her go, when her quality of life was probably worse than your girl's. But who's to say if I was being too selfish.

Your girl is still purring - that's something. Take it day by day. You'll get a sense when she's in constant pain and any intervention is very temporary.


A little dark humor, hope it's not too inappropriate...remember...day by day. You'll know when she's suffering too much.

[fizzgig]

16. that cartoon made me smile

because it is so true.

i had to keep her inside for the last nine years or so because we didn't live in places where she was safe to go out but she became the master of jailbreaks. she never wanted to do more than go eat some grass (she never once threw it back up, she just liked to eat it) but i may have forgotten her outside once or twice to only be woken around 4 am by a plaintive mew outside the window.....

[lunasun]

10. Has the vet given any advice on if it's time? My kitty the blood work was getting bad and the

last test the vet told me it would be weeks not more than 6 and what signs to look for . He had ckd so it was progressive and coming to an end. They just can't be around for our long human lifespan is the fact
A little over 6 wks and I could see the vet had called it and was right as there was a steady downhill with the signs the vet had given me all presenting and at 19 having lived a good life I felt it was the right thing to do .
Rec so you get more input

[fizzgig]

17. she had some blood work done at her last visit

and, other than her kidney levels getting a bit worse, things were unchanged from her tests around christmas. i did ask the vet during the last visit what he thought as far as a time frame and he said, just based on her weight loss over the preceding six weeks it likely wasn't going to be more than a month but told me to use her eating/drinking/box usage as the primary indicators. my worry is just letting her linger a bit too long even though she may seem ok.

thank you for sharing your experience with me.

[Stonepounder]

11. I can't give you any advice, but ...

when we had to help our last kittie over the threshold to the Rainbow Bridge, we knew it was time when she stopped responding to us. She used to love to sleep on the back of the sofa as we watched TV, then, instead she would just sit in the doorway and ignore us. We had to do the same thing for our beloved Cavalier Dulcinea a few months ago, and again, she started avoiding us. She had a cancerous tumor in the back of her throat and about the time we heard her having trouble breathing was the same time that she started spending all of her time behind the bookcase instead of snuggling up to Mrs. Stonepounder on the sofa.

Talk to you vet to help get insight as to whether she is in pain and, if so, and she is still eating, drinking, and using her litterbox, there are pain pills available. The only thing I can say is that our experience your baby will tell you when it is time to let her go. And it is the hardest and most loving thing you can ever do.

[fizzgig]

19. i need to go pick up a refill for her tomorrow

and i will ask about pain meds.

she is spending less time with me during the day than she used to but she is still all over me as soon as i'm done working (i work from home, something for which i am extremely grateful right now).

i've never had to make this decision on my own and the previous times were much more clear cut, i just worry that my idiot ape brain is missing something she's trying to tell me.

thanks for your reply.

[Leghorn21]

12. fizzgig, what is this dear old lady's name, please?

It’s obvious she is a complete sweetheart, and you two have been devoted to each other for all these many years, which only people who have experienced this really understand. My whole heart aches for you both, and I don’t doubt that 99.9% of the DU people who read your post feel that ache as well - it is THE WORST, and it’s a crushing pain, mixed with a feeling of helplessness and outrage at the injustice of having to witness such a dear creature suffer as she is.

I had to put down my two dear kitties two years ago. They had different issues, but when it was time, it was time. I put Bill down in May and Kippers in June, 2016. And boy I hated it. Just hated every second of it.

As you are doing, I hauled them to the vet repeatedly, got them this med and that med - and dosing cats who are already not feeling well is THE WORST, it’s AWFUL. But we go to any lengths, emotionally and financially, to get our dear ones mended and on the road to recovery.

Finally - enough. That’s enough. Kitty is getting worse, not better. Kitty is in terrible, horrible physical pain. Sometimes vets can get kitty some good morphine-type painkillers...but usually, not. So they really hurt, and hurt terribly.

I realized after they were gone for a couple of months that not only, HEY. I DID THE RIGHT THING, but I really “got” that you and I and all the people who have dearly loved other creatures, well, hey: they don’t have a couple of bad days and then we just go ahead and put them down, right? A couple of bad weeks, even bad months?

Oh HELL no. We do everything and anything we can to get them better. We change diets, spend another couple hundred we don’t have for this test and that, we have great hope, we are bummed when our hope recedes again, and then we start cooking them special foods and we get another test, have another procedure, double up on this med or that, and we do it until our eyes are crossed and our wallets are empty. DON’T WE, FIZZ??

Yes we do. We by God do.

Both of my kitties peed and pooped and ate and drank through all their months of misery, meds, new diets and getting hauled YET AGAIN to the vet...but they were suffering terribly, fizz. There was no hope, due to their advanced years and failing health, that they could ever recover and “carry on”.

So - I’m just saying - you have done and are doing every possible thing you can to get this “old lady” back to her robust, healthy, lively self. You have not shirked your “duty” as her “owner”...you have not ignored or neglected this tiny doll baby of a kitty...!!! And the next moves you make will be just like the others you have made on her behalf: they will be earnest, heartfelt, difficult and full of a boundless, grateful LOVE.

Accept my warmest wishes and a huge hug for you and a “scritch” behind the ears for “Old Lady”!!!

- Sandy

[fizzgig]

20. her name is mira

short for miracle, the name her previous human (an old friend of mine) gave her after she survived about 70 miles in the engine compartment of her car.

i knew going into this last leg that there was no recovery, only maintaining comfort for as long as i could. the vet said they could try surgery but we both knew that the risks far outweighed any reward and would, more likely, decrease the quality of the life she had left.

i so appreciate you taking the time to respond in the fashion that you did, this is why i love du.

[mr_lebowski]

29. Something in my eye ... I have my nearly 15 year old boy on my desk in front of me, just PRAYING

he maintains his health for at least a while longer because I can't afford bunch of treatments and diets and all that ... and cannot imagine life w/o him, esp. since my wife of 7 years (10 year serious relationship, 17 year friendship overall) just left a couple months ago and now going thru a divorce ... it's just him and me now (again), and I cannot bear the thought of losing him.

My heart goes out is what I'm trying to say, I don't know what you should do but I've been the 'decision making process' in the past, and it's just ... so not fun.

I'm sure you'll make the right choice ... take care ...

[Leghorn21]

31. Thank you, fizz - morning hugs to you and scritches to darling ----Mira----

Many, many people are thinking of you both today...
- sandy. ❤️

[Kittycow]

32. Thanks for a great post, Sandy.

My 16 yr old Queen of the World.. errr..cat has a mast cell tumor in her spleen. She's doing well for a terminally ill Kitty living on borrowed time and I think you did a good job of providing insight to other pet parents going through this. It's hard to see the forest for the trees when your eyes are blinded by tears.

[Leghorn21]

35. What's to say except ((((((Kitty and her Queen of all))))))

[procon]

18. It you had a tumor large enough to distort your face, you'd be in great pain.

Your poor kitty probably is too. Animals often don't react to pain, not like a human would, they tend to stay still, or some will hide, others come to you seeking relief because you are their protector, the food giver, the source of all good things.

If you're asking what you should do, you probably already know the answer. We've all been there and it's always terrible decision, but be brave, she needs you to help her so she's not hurting.

[fizzgig]

21. i appreciate your forthrightness

the fact that it got so bad, so quickly was something i wasn't prepared for.

[radical noodle]

30. I will say this

My daughter had a cat with a similar type tumor. Then one day the tumor sort of exploded through her skin, which was extremely painful for the cat and traumatic for my daughter. I always like to think we'll know when it's the right time, but we're human so we really don't. Give her all the love you can and when you finally feel it's right, give her a gentle journey to the rainbow bridge.

I know how hard this is, and my heart goes out to you and Mira.

[CountAllVotes]

36. It sounds like an abcess

Have they checked out Mira's teeth?

I was watching a program yesterday re: a dog that had dental surgery due to a huge abcess that was under his eye. It was from a rotted out tooth!

So sorry to read about this!

I too have had many cats in my day and each one of them was a treasure. Today I have three of them and my life would be quite pointless without them!

Hang-in there!

[haele]

41. Both my baby boys developed tumors like that in their jaw structures...

It's apparently a type of growth in the bone that's become more common in older house cats. Both were gone within a month of those tumors becoming obvious - and both around the winter holidays. First Willy-Bear, a healthy and active Korat mix who was 15 at the time and looked just like your old lady cat, then two years later, his litter-mate Moggy, a black panther type kitty who had been ailing with a nerve disorder and diabetes since the poor boy was 12. We thought Willy-bear was going to outlast his brother, but he went so quickly.

The local mobile vet told us she thought there's a possibility to a link for those tumors to asbestos and other types of the fireproofing chemicals used in old industrial carpeting and furniture; she's seen that type of tumor develop mostly in cats that live in older homes, or in homes where there's a lot of thrift store or "found" furniture.
The place we had been in a long-term lease at the time used obviously used industrial carpet to protect the original 1940's wood floors. She thought it was because the kitties are so close to the surface and love to lay on carpets and mark furniture.

I'm so sorry for your love bug.

Haele

[elleng]

22. :hug:

[sinkingfeeling]

23. Hugs. There will be a time when the tumor will prevent her from eating.

Consider she may be in pain.

[padfun]

24. I put a good cat to sleep last month.

It is a hard decision to make. He was 19 years old and could barely walk. I thought maybe I waited too long as I didn't want the poor thing to live in pain but the SPCA said I did it about right. He had a cancerous lump on the back of the neck and it was near baseball size when I took him in.

As long as she can function and doesn't seem to be in pain, you can keep her around longer. You will know when it is time.

In the mean time, give her lots of love for her last days. We all feel for you.

[RiverStone]

25. A final act of love

Lots of empathy your way fizz.

I chose to put my very much loved cat Jamba (at age 20) down 3 days after she stopped eating and drinking.Pretty active up to then. She had stage 4 lymphoma and had a tumor that grew to block her intestine. She was still purring, but pretty much stopped moving around and stayed on the couch.

It was gut wrenching, but more suffering was inevitable if I did nothing. She may have lived a week or two longer, yet i wanted to help her die before she got too uncomfortable.

My Vet said this was my "final act of love" for her and my decision allowed her to pass in my arms content and not in much pain.

No easy path forward, but your cat feels very loved and helping her go before the pain gets too bad is likely what she wants too (at least, that's what i told myself with my dear cat).

[pnwmom]

26. Have you talked to your vet about pain relief? When she has adequate pain relief,

it might be easier to decide if you can have a little more time.

When our dog had cancer, our vet was in denial -- said he wasn't eating because he was manipulating us! And that he wasn't having any trouble breathing. I knew he was too thin and that he had to sit up to breathe at night. We finally brought him to an emergency vet hospital, where they found tumors in his heart and lungs.

We felt so bad, in retrospect, that he had gone through unnecessary pain in the last few months. That's what we'd do over if we could.

P.S. In my city there are vets who will come to your house and put an animal to sleep there, so they don't have to go through the stress of a visit to the clinic. But the emergency hospital we went to handled it well, too. They let us spend as long as we wanted in a private room with family members and our dog, who had spent the night in an oxygen kennel. We spent a couple hours saying goodbye, as different family members arrived. After their visit my son-in-law took our granddaughter to a park. Then my husband held our dog while the vet gave him the injections.

It was so sad but we knew we'd done the right thing for our dog. Wishing you all the best as you travel this difficult road.

[Tucker08087]

27. I wish there was something better to say

But I I’m sorry for the pain that you are going through. I’ve been there many times, and it’s never easy. I have always said that, when the time is right, somehow they always let you know. Perhaps you are asking this now because, somehow she has communicated her wishes to her most trusted friend and family member. (?)
Either way, believe that your love will bring you to making the right decision at the appropriate time and try not to doubt or second guess yourself.
I know thoughts and prayers are looked down upon here, but you are in mine.

[Laffy Kat]

28. Oh, fizzgig, I am teary reading this..

I can only offer my own experience: With my last kitteh, he was 19-years-old, I was struggling just like you are. After several days of hand-wringing and tears, I woke up one morning and just knew it was time, I knew in my heart. I wish for you the same comfort of certainty. I will add, and take this for what it's worth, if Mira has a large tumor in her mouth, she more than likely has metastatic disease as well and other areas you cannot see.

Wish I could give you a hug. Sending vibes of strength your way, my friend.

[irisblue]

33. Thinking of Mira and You today

[Kittycow]

34. Thinking of you and dear Mira with love this morning.

Just know when it's time to go to Rainbow Bridge, Mira has many furry and feathered friends from DU who will be waiting to welcome her. Maybe even some with scales swimming around beneath the Rainbow Bridge or sunning themselves on the rocks. Mira will be greeted with warmth and love.



all around for us all

[raven mad]

37. We're crying with you, fizzgig.

Your beautiful little lady loves and trusts you with every fiber of her being. I can only promise that every DU'er whose kitties have walked the Rainbow Bridge 🌈 are here with you. And all our kitty angels are with your precious little one. 😿😿😿😿😿😿😿 My 7 angels are sending both of you love.)

[iscooterliberally]

38. My condolences fizzgig. I know it's very hard.

I had to help our Sassy cross over last month. She was just a month shy of her 23rd birthday. She didn't really have any major problems her whole life, but she stopped hanging out in her normal spot and quit eating. She was very lethargic so I took her to the vet thinking it was time and the vet agreed. That's my advice to you if you like your veterinarian ask them to help you with the decision. You have my empathy.

[phylny]

39. I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now with your beloved cat.

I am traveling the same road with one of our dogs right now. This road is so different than our first two that I'm doubting I'll know when the time is here. My vet said, "One week too early is better than one day too late" with regard to euthanizing. I'm carefully considering that.

I wish you peace. What a sweet cat.

[voteearlyvoteoften]

40. Grey cats are the best

When we went through this we decided later that we had kept our dog going for us. We decided next time that what was right for the animal was more important. Easier said than done. Trust yourself to know when it’s time.
😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽

[HeiressofBickworth]

42. This is what I wrote in January about my lovely kitty, Jasmine

I took her to an oncology vet. She has a sinus tumor that is pressing on her eye, increasing the pressure in her eye and ultimately pressure on her brain.

I have had to do the one thing I didn't want to have to do. I had to make a decision for my kitty based on finances. The vet was very explicit about the various treatments available. I then asked her for the cost of each treatment type. Radiation - about $8,000 and would extend her life by maybe a year or so. There is a new type of radiation treatment that is only available in a clinic on the opposite side of the state which would be about $10,000 plus travel and lodging expenses. Chemotherapy would be $450 A WEEK! for eight weeks. Again, only extending her life by a year or so. And there is no way to know if she would even tolerate the treatments. It just isn't possible to come up with that much money for so little outcome. The plan now is to give her steroids to reduce the pressure of the tumor and a glaucoma eye drop to reduce the pressure in her eye. There are two different cell types for sinus tumors. It would cost another $200 to take a test to determine which one. If she has one type, the steroid/eyedrop treatment could work for one to two months; if she has the other type, it could work for up to six months. I opted to forego the test because it doesn't make a difference in the long run.

So far, she has come out from under the bed and is engaging with us as before, she is eating and drinking just fine. Her eye looks odd but I was told that the eyedrop would raise the third eyelid and contract the iris. We'll just watch her for signs that she is getting worse or suffering. Vet said she would eventually lose the sight in that one eye (not so far!) and that when the pressure is on her brain, she will have a seizure. We won't let her suffer.

Jasmine hung on for about six weeks after diagnosis. It was expensive to go to a kitty oncologist, but knowing how the disease was going to progress, it helped us know what we were sparing her from when it came time to let her go.

I'm so sorry to hear that your kitty seems to have the same thing Jasmine did.