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Mon Jun 30, 2014, 01:24 AM

My Tony is gone. (Updated with thanks)

Last edited Tue Jul 1, 2014, 12:48 AM - Edit history (2)

I met my partner twelve and half years ago in a club. As we got closer, we started spending more time at his place in Oklahoma City. He had roommates, all human, except for one, Tony, the cat. I got along with all of them except Tony. For some reason, he and I just didn't "hit it off." A year and a half later, I had moved in with my partner and his human roommates had decided to leave (well, that's my version ), but Tony stayed. I usually love cats, but Tony and I -- we just didn't get along. Then it happened, one day he got in bed with me and cuddled, as opposed to sitting on my face to get me to get out of the bed. Our frosty relationship began to thaw.

Soon, we moved from OKC to NE OK. We had to drug Tony because he didn't travel well. He was an outdoor kitty, but for three days, he needed to stay inside. The day of his "reprieve " a kitten was run over in front of our house. That day Tony became an indoor kitty. Somewhere, somehow, he became "my" kitty, instead of my partner's. He got pissed when I left town and showed it by not allowing me to pet him when I came home, but never letting me out of his sight; including my trips to the bathroom. If I did manage to give him the slip to use the john, I would see his little white paws under the door and hearing him meowing. He was mad at me, but he loved me.

We ended up in that house for three years, then moved to New Orleans, then back here (been here three years). He would sleep in the bed with me, follow me around, sit in my lap, and head bump me. Oh, and he loved sneezing on my food! He tolerated the addition of the Chihuahuas, including the two youngest ones who loved to punch him in the face so that he would "clean" them. He was very even tempered. I only once saw him growl at another human. To this day, I think that man probably kicked him or something. Despite being a short-haired domestic, he shed ALL the time! If he saw something without his fur on it, he quickly rectified it.

In April, we took him in for his yearly check up, other than his hair being disheveled, he was in good health, according to the blood panel. Mid May, I noticed he wasn't feeling well. He seemed snippy and wanted to sleep more than normal, even for a cat. I took him in and more tests were run...nothing. A week later, while playing, I was play slapping with him, and he fell over. Cats don't fall over! I immediately rushed him to the vet. His back legs weren't strong and picking him up there, his underside, made him cry. We have been together so long, I knew his different cries. More tests. Nothing. Then he ripped a hole in his tail and I rushed him back to the vet. At first, it was looking like a hot spot that really drove him nuts, but he was losing hair and his back legs still seemed weak. He didn't jump anymore, he climbed up on things and jumped down using his front legs only. He was losing weight. He got a few shots, but his tail didn't improve...at first. Then it started to look better!! He perked up. He was the old Tony again!

Last Saturday, his tail started looking bad again and began to smell. Monday (6/23), back to the vet. It was a tumor and several more had suddenly grew all over his legs and his lymph nodes were completely swollen. It was cancer. He also had lost even more weight. In April, he was 16 pounds, now he was 8.5. The doctor gave him a shot and told him we could keep giving him shots and pills, but he wasn't going to recover and would only last a few more months. All we could do is try pain management. I was devastated! My partner came in, and we were given the option to put him down then. I balked. He got a pain shot, which should last a week and a few pills. We decided, next week (this week we are entering), we would send him on his way. My partner was going out of town for three days (Wed-Friday). Then I got so sick, all I could do was sleep. My partner came home Friday night, and Tony was weak, but doing OK. He came downstairs to go out, but mainly just slept. This past Saturday, he slept all day!

Saturday night/Sunday morning (12am), we were watching a movie and I hear Tony at the baby gate. I turn around to see him jump the gate and immediately fall. He gets up, stumbles to the carpet and collapses. We give him a pain pill. He perks up and my partner goes to bed. I placed Tony on the loveseat in a blanket and came upstairs. After an hour, I went down to check on him. He was back on the floor and crying in a way I had never heard. I laid him on a blanket on the floor and sat down with him. It was 1:30am. My partner was upstairs asleep with the dogs. I put on a movie and just sat on the floor with Tony. I cried. I told him how much I loved him. I told him we would miss him. I told him I was so sorry for being selfish and not letting him go earlier. He screamed, twitched, and then laid still. He lifted his head and looked at me and meowed and I grabbed his head and kissed him. He sighed, but kept breathing and talking to me. He moved around a few times. I just laid with him.

I heard the mini-elephants, the Chihuahuas, running down the stairs to go outside to potty. It was 5am. Tony screamed and seized. I screamed for my partner, normally, I would just let the puppies out, since I am a late night person and he goes back to bed. He came into the living room and saw us on the floor. The puppies pottied and came back inside and sat around Tony. My beloved and I sat together, he petted Tony, I kissed him. Tony looked at me and meowed softly. Then it was over. Marigny, the Chihuahua who really loved him something crazy, sat by me, shook and cried. We wrapped Tony in his blanket, and placed him on his favorite pillow. Everyone went back to bed...I cried for another hour.

All day I have cried off and on. My poor partner, bless his heart, he wasn't sure if it was because I was upset about Tony or in physical pain (yeah, I am still sick). It was always for Tony. Next week, he would have been 13. He was my "bad kitty." I used to sing to him, very off key, "Bad Kitty!! You are the baddest of the bad! You such a bad kitty! Nobody can compare!" It was stupid, but he seemed to like it.

My favorite picture of him:



I will miss him so much.

[hr]

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied with such nice condolences. Today (Monday), he was scheduled to be euthanized. Perhaps he knew. I don't know. I still feel bad for the choices I made, but thank you for those who expressed your sympathies and stories about similar situations. All day today, I was "hearing" his collar jingling. I knew it wasn't really him, and I wasn't really hearing it other than in my mind, but I kept hoping I would turn around and see him. Last night, Marigny (the Chihuahua mentioned above), went looking for him, then started to shake and cry. I lost it. I know with time it will get better, but for now, I just miss him.

Again, thank you all for your supportive words.

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Arrow 30 replies Author Time Post
Reply My Tony is gone. (Updated with thanks) (Original post)
Behind the Aegis Jun 2014 OP
area51 Jun 2014 #1
Granny M Jun 2014 #2
busterbrown Jun 2014 #3
shenmue Jun 2014 #4
Violet_Crumble Jun 2014 #5
Live and Learn Jun 2014 #6
bearssoapbox Jun 2014 #7
eridani Jun 2014 #8
phylny Jun 2014 #9
angstlessk Jun 2014 #10
brer cat Jun 2014 #11
sinkingfeeling Jun 2014 #12
alsame Jun 2014 #13
Phentex Jun 2014 #14
Rhiannon12866 Jun 2014 #15
fizzgig Jun 2014 #16
Mnemosyne Jun 2014 #17
catrose Jun 2014 #18
Curmudgeoness Jun 2014 #19
virgdem Jun 2014 #20
Skittles Jun 2014 #21
roguevalley Jun 2014 #22
Blue Owl Jun 2014 #23
countryjake Jul 2014 #24
leftynyc Jul 2014 #25
TorchTheWitch Jul 2014 #26
mike_c Jul 2014 #27
Stinky The Clown Jul 2014 #28
Mosby Jul 2014 #29
CountAllVotes Jul 2014 #30

Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 02:47 AM

1. I'm so sorry.

I also lost a cat to cancer.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 02:55 AM

2. So very sorry for your loss.

He sounds like a wonderful one, and I know he will be sorely missed. He had a great life with you and your family. May your happy memories give you peace and comfort.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 03:49 AM

3. Thank you for allowing us to get to know Tony.

A couple of years ago I was in the waiting room with my guy Jebby waiting for the Vet.. I was crying a bit because I knew it was time..A guy sitting across from me heard my story of the medical problems and looked at me said, would you rather have not had the experience..

I felt better...

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 03:52 AM

4. Rest in peace

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 04:11 AM

5. I'm so sorry for yr family's loss, BtA. Please give them all hugs from me...

That's a beautiful pic of him. I know how much it hurts right now, but don't think that you were selfish because you weren't. It all happened over such a quick period of time, and I know from experience that even having months and months notice, it's so hard to decide when the time's come. Tony passed away at home with people who loved him. He would have known that. I hope that the many good memories you've got of him will stay with you for a long time and make you and yr partner smile...

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 04:21 AM

6. If it is any comfort, putting them down is no guarantee

of being pain free either. I have had many, loving critters and have only had the unfortunate experience of taking 2 to the vet to be put down. One, (a rescue cat with leukemia before they had the vaccine and fought his death sentence for an abnormally long time) and the other a very elderly dog that was diagnosed with dementia.

The cat, I wasn't even sure made it to the vet since he was so weak when I started off and the vet was closed at the time except for emergencies, They asked if I wanted to come in and be there but I declined because I really thought "Tom" was already gone.

The only other good friend that I tried to ease the death experience for was our dog, "Toto," but I am pretty sure I did him no favor. He was on his death bed and I knew it so I rushed him to the vet to ease his pain. I stayed with him and it was horrible. The vet (and these are usually excellent vets) couldn't fine a vein that was big enough to deliver the drugs but refused to give up and kept prodding him even as I begged them to quit and just give some pain medication. They finally got it but it was absolutely horrid what he went through beforehand and I am not sure I could ever go through that again.

Luckily for me, with most of the other pets I have owned deaths have been (although always traumatic for us) sudden and (at least seemed) relatively pain free.

I am very saddened by your loss but do think that you shouldn't blame yourself for not putting him down earlier. He may well have been happier going naturally with your comforting hand beside him.

We always try to do the best for out friends, unfortunately, we don't always know if we succeeded. This much I do know, the know that we tried our best.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 04:59 AM

7. I'm so sorry for your loss.

That's a very nice picture. Tony is a good looking cat.

By the look in his eyes, it looks like he 'allowed' you to take the picture.

Don't beat yourself up over not putting him down. If it didn't feel right then it wasn't. Tony passed surrounded by those that loved him and that is all that anyone can ask.

You and your family loved him and he knew it by coming to you when it was time.

Thank you for telling us about Tony. Sounds like you have many good memories of him.

Once again, my condolences to you and you family.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 05:25 AM

8. Safe passage, Tony n/t

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 05:35 AM

9. Lovely tribute. I'm sorry for your loss. n/t

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 05:35 AM

10. I know how it feels to lose a family member..I lost two in one year...it hurts!

Nothing I can say will lessen your pain, I can only say your companion was lucky to have had you for their friend.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 07:35 AM

11. That is a lovely tribute, BtA

for a beautiful baby. I am so sorry for your loss.

Pass gently, sweet one, and rest in peace.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 08:08 AM

12. I'm very sorry for your loss.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 08:52 AM

13. RIP over the

Rainbow Bridge, Tony.

My condolences to the humans and dogs who loved and will miss him

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 09:25 AM

14. I am so sorry!

It hurts so much. I am glad you got to know each other.

Love that picture of him. I have a cat statue in that same pose.

Take care.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 12:49 PM

15. I am so, so very sorry, my friend...

I have been there and I do understand. What a beautiful eulogy for Tony, who sounds like he deserves no less - a remarkable (and beautiful) cat who was so fortunate to have found you.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 01:24 PM

16. rest eady, sweet boy

i am so sorry for the loss of your friend

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 03:55 PM

17. I am so sorry for your loss.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 04:14 PM

18. I am so sorry. n/t

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 06:26 PM

19. I am sorry for your loss,

and for the traumatic experience you went through. It hurts no matter how they go.

You have written a beautiful and moving tribute. Tony would have loved it. Especially the part about the paws under the bathroom door....they love that you notice.

Rest in peace, Tony.

And may you have peace, Behind the Aegis.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 07:57 PM

20. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Tony...

What a sweet face. It's hard to lose our furkids. They are our constant companions and give us unconditional love.

RIP Tony

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 08:54 PM

21. so sorry


Grieve not,
nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you.....
I loved you so --
'twas Heaven here with you.

--by Ilsa Paschal Richardson

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 09:18 PM

22. how beautiful. i wish you peace

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Mon Jun 30, 2014, 09:30 PM

23. Really sorry to hear...

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Tue Jul 1, 2014, 02:12 AM

24. What a beautiful regal kitty! And such a heartfelt tribute to him...

I am in tears for you. Nothing I can say will ease your pain, just know that you did your best for him and that's probably all that he needed.

I had a special whispery whistle that I used to call my kitty who died a year ago, quiet-like so that our other cats wouldn't respond, like a hoarse chick peeping. Sometimes at night when I'm trying to go to sleep, I find myself still peeping for her. Strangely enough, it makes me feel better...I pat my shoulder where she always slept and finally get some rest, remembering the love she gave to me.

I hope you'll be able to find comfort in your little Tony song (that's the part of your eulogy that broke me up); hold it in your heart always and he will be there for you.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Tue Jul 1, 2014, 06:43 AM

25. {{{Aegis}}}

 

I am so sorry about losing Tony - he sounded like such a great friend. I've been where you are now and know how your heart is breaking. Sending you prayers and good thoughts. It will get easier but not today. Just remember all the good times, all the times Tony made you laugh and comforted you. You have my deepest sympathies.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Tue Jul 1, 2014, 08:00 AM

26. I'm so sorry!

What a lovely tribute to him. Both agonizing yet humorous in remembrance of him.

Try not to feel guilty (I know, I know!). You did what you thought was best at the time, which is all we can really do. It was lovely of you to sit up with him all night so he wasn't alone when he passed.

I know what you mean about thinking you hear his presence and feel him near. Happened to me with both of my dogs that passed, and I believe truly that they are hanging around to help us get through our grief. The times that I've felt my doggies that past have been just too real to deny and would happen when I wasn't thinking about them at all.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Tue Jul 1, 2014, 10:18 AM

27. I'm so sorry BTA....

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Tue Jul 1, 2014, 11:21 AM

28. My deepest and very understanding condolences.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Thu Jul 3, 2014, 07:15 PM

29. sorry to hear about tony

I lost a dog to cancer and it was awful. we probably waited a little to long but some days he seemed ok.

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Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Fri Jul 4, 2014, 11:10 AM

30. Sad to read about Tony and you

indeed.

I lost my late parent's dog to cancer several years ago.

I too should have done something sooner but I waited until it got really bad.

You did the best you could do and that is all anyone can do.



May Tony Rest in Peace!


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