What can I do (at my wits end and I do mean it)
Last edited Sat Jan 14, 2012, 11:32 PM - Edit history (1)
Since the death of Old Kitty, her friend in life, the kitten she raised from the age of 10 weeks, aka "Mr. Flame" is absolutely devastated. He is now almost 12 years old and he really never knew a day in his life without Old Kitty by his side guiding his every move.
Every night about 12:30 p.m. he begins to wail and cry, wanting to go outside. So I get up and let him outside for about 15 minutes. During this time, he paces frantically around the backyard searching for Old Kitty. He stops on her grave and moans and moans so loud you can hear it echoing in the silence of the night.
He is very very sad and the kitten we adopted (knowing this day was coming) is now 5+ years old and doesn't seem to be of much comfort to him.
He's been getting Rescue Remedy administered and it helps for a short while, only for him to start up the crying again.
Old Kitty's headstone arrived the other day and he was there in the yard as it was placed on her grave. He rubbed his head on the stone marking it hundreds of times.
I wonder how long will his grief last?
Does anyone know what else can be done to help him get over this nightmare?
Mr. Flame has some health problems but he is doing pretty good quite honestly.
I finally passed out last night, weary from seemingly weeks of no sleep since Old Kitty died on Dec. 19. I heard his moans during the night and was too exhausted/sick with the flu to get up (luckily Mr. CAV got up and dealt with him a few times during the night).
This is horrible really.
I just wish it was over with.
When will it ever end? 
Any idea at all?
= new reply since forum marked as read
The kitten (Jules) is now a cat and yes, she is the same sex as the one that passed away. Mr. Flame is neutered and has no very serious issues other than the fact he is getting a bit old and has mild kidney problems, but not kidney disease. Jules normally sleeps in bed with me. The other night she slept in the other room with him and he was quiet throughout the night. He wakes up and realizes he is alone and that is when it begins as Old Kitty was with him always his entire life.
Last night, Jules gave up and returned to sleeping with me and the behavior of Mr. Flame commenced.
I remember when we adopted Jules (the kitten that is) I said, "We'd better get another cat because if something happens to Old Kitty, Mr. Flame won't know what to do with himself". I was right about that but the idea of another cat in the house has not solved this problem that I knew would come. Jules is a people cat, preferring people to other cats/animals.
As I said, Mr. Flame is doing ok and will be going for another check-up soon. I contacted his vet yesterday and they didn't know what to say and offered no suggestions other than cat Prozac or something like that.
I hope this clarifies this situation.
I'm dealing with a grief stricken old cat now and personally I am wiped out too. I've tried giving him extra attention, etc. He doesn't seem like he likes music a whole lot. He likes food, that is what comforts him, especially tuna which isn't really very good for an old tomcat (he gets a tiny bit of this anyway spiked with Rescue Remedy).
You got it right, this is a living hell of a situation. I'm being haunted by Old Kitty and I have heard her cries at night coming from that grave myself. Eerie as all hell and now this whole mess.
Check with your rescue groups and tell them what the problem is and what kind of kitty you need...
a 'cat-oriented' one who will not challenge Mr. Flame's position in the clowder but will help ease his loneliness.
I'm getting this from your OP...that Jules is more into people, but when Jules is with him Mr. Flame seems less lonely.... and poor Mr. Flame is lonely enough to break a heart.
A good rescue knows its kitties and you might find a tailor-made fit.
My Esme was such...I needed a cat who played well with others and didn't mind being second banana. Esme was exactly what Bast decreed...especially since Riktor came home from his extended 'business trip'/walkabout the morning of the day I was scheduled to bring her home...and I had three cats instead of two.
She and Riktor bonded immediately...and while Misha's attention was mostly for his padawan/apprentice/sidekick Riktor, he came to be buddies with Esme fairly quickly.
Some of the Bach Flower remedies might be helpful too. They're made up going by the symptoms (can't sleep, 'calling' constantly, etc.) and might help more than the Rescue Remedy (which is a good product, don't get me wrong!). 
My Sainted Vet mixed up a few of these for Riktor when we lost Misha...Riktor's grief changed him into a completely different cat. Misha's death turned my sweet, affectionate Riktor-Pye into an aggressive, hostile, unhappy cat who'd bite when I went to pet him...poor baby was grieving for the Boss.
The Bach remedies helped make his world a little easier for him to deal with...and I got my Purry Boy back.
I hope you find something that helps.
Poor Mr. Flame! I read or hear stories like this and I just want to smack people who claim that 'Cats don't care, don't have emotions, don't love'. 
Mr Flame's obvious grief over the loss of Old Kitty.
Provided MR. CAV is ok with this, would it be possible to bring Mr. Flame into your bed w/you at night instead of letting him outside where his mourning for Old Kitty doesn't seem to be helping? Maybe you can somehow soothe him that way while still getting your own much needed rest.
Yes, I realize that not all kitties like to snuggle in bed w/their owners (especially if it is not their own idea 
) but maybe it would help in your case? It's possible that Mr Flame may take to it.
If that is not do-able, how about a bit of 'Nip' or some other thing that he finds pleasurable... Of course, I'd be very careful with this, as to not positively encourage an indefinate routine of nightime needs/wants. IOW, perhaps this sort of thing ONLY when all else has failed and he seems inconsolable.
Another suggestion: Maybe during the day, you can keep Mr Flame as busy as possible w/play so that he will hopefully be so tired, he may sleep thru night? Yes, I realize that cats prefer their instinctive nocturnal rthyms, but if you get him nice and tuckered out from his daytime activities, maybe he will want to sleep through the entire night?
Good luck, and I hope over time, both you and Mr. Flame's grief may ebb a bit.
This is what is going on alright although I don't try to encourage him. He does what he wants as all cats do.
He is not an overly friendly cat and he used to sleep curled up with Old Kitty at night. Now, no Old Kitty.
I've tried the idea of wearing him out but he'll just go hide somewhere and sleep. He was in the closet where he used to sleep with Old Kitty yesterday. The closet has been cleaned out good but I'm sure he can still smell her.
Even the heated cat bed I got for Old Kitty before she died -- he sleeps on that too and it is spiked with catnip.
He has a very good life actually. He is just plain sad, sad sad.
Poor old guy. I know how he feels and the other cat is a happy cat and seems to go on with her life in an unmitigated fashion as always.
Hopefully, this will stop before I personally crack up.
Thank you for your kind reply. 
How about his own brand new cat-bed (also spiked w/some nip) but this time in an entirely different place?
This, along w/a change of the routine(s) he had been used to w/Old Kitty?
This is not meant to be an attempt to wipe out his loving memories of Old Kitty (I'm sure he will always have those), however and entirely new routine may help.
I wish I had better solutions to offer... sounds like a tough situation, and I wish you and Mr Flame the best of luck and an easing of both of your feelings of loss.
We have rabies where I live and quite recently a skunk was spotted across the way. He is not a fighter although appears tough being he is indeed a huge cat.
He has skin cancer and shouldn't go out (note the updated recent photo of him, you can see the scars from the surgeries on his forehead).
I must take him in soon to have this looked at and have the kidneys checked as well.
He learned a lot from the old cat, including how to be very finicky. He rarely eats anything but dry food but likes cooked turkey/chicken at times. He doesn't care much for seafood.
Thanks for you clear ideas and I know you are right.
I think the updated picture I just posted says it all really. Lots of sad faces around here.
I filter all of the water here so he gets the best!
As for the wet food, he doesn't like it but he'll eat canned tuna (and that is not good for him and I know it so he doesn't get much of that).
He drinks a lot of water and has bowls of it everywhere (outside, inside, garage, bedrooms, etc.).
Last time I had his tested, he was hanging in there ok. I'll have him tested again soon (must be done every six months).
I'll see if the vet has any other food ideas other than Science Diet ...
He was better last night. I heard him moaning a bit around 4:30 a.m. but he didn't do it at the strike of midnight. *whew*
He is pacing around right now but isn't going outside because it is cold and wet out there today.
Thanks again!
I hope it doesn't take 6 mos.!
I wish I knew what else to suggest. This isn't something I've ever run across before, but I have heard many times that animals can grieve just as strongly as people. I would guess that in time he'll get over it, but it's early days for him now, and he really seems to be feeling Old Kitty's loss very accutely. It might be a good idea to look into some kind of anti-depressant for him even if it just helps him get through the nights so you and the spouse can get some rest.
Poor Mr. Flame! He seems so terribly upset without his bestest buddy. Just like with people perhaps a little chemical help might be in order to help him get over the hump while he adjusts to this upheaval of losing his long time companion. Other than that it sounds like you're already doing everything imaginable to try to help in his grief. I just don't know what else to suggest while you wait for the passage of time to heal.
Since I'm generally hopeless here I'll send you and your dear kitty some good vibes and hugs and hope that he feels more like himself soon...
