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Sun Jan 1, 2017, 05:29 AM

Writing about food: Helen Fielding, "Bridget Jones's Diary"

"Sunday 1 January.

Food consumed today:

2 pkts Emmental cheese slices
14 cold new potatoes
2 Bloody Marys (count as food as contain Worcester sauce and tomatoes)
1/2 Ciabatta loaf with Brie
coriander leaves -- 1/2 packet
12 Milk Tray (best to get rid of all Christmas confectionery in one go and make fresh start tomorrow)
13 cocktail sticks securing cheese and pineapple
Portion Una Alconbury's turkey curry, peas and bananas
Portion Una Alconbury's Raspberry Surprise made with Bourbon biscuits, tinned raspberries, eight gallons of whipped cream, decorated with glace cherries and angelica.

11.45 p.m. First day of New Year has been day of horror.
I set off for the Turkey Curry Buffet far too late. ... The worst of it was that Una Alconbury and Mum ... kept making me walk round with trays of gherkins and glasses of cream sherry in a desperate bid to throw me into Mark Darcy's path yet again. In the end they were so crazed with frustration that the second I got within four feet of him with the gherkins Una threw herself across the room ... and said, 'Mark, you must take Bridget's telephone number before you go ... .'
'I'm sure Bridget's life in London is quite full enough already, Mrs. Alconbury,' he said. Humph.
'Can't I tempt you with a gherkin?' I said, to show I had had a genuine reason for coming over, which was quite definitely gherkin-based rather than phone-number-related.
'Thank you, no,' he said, looking at me with some alarm.
'Sure? Stuffed olive?' I pressed on. ... 'Silverskin onion?' I encouraged. 'Beetroot cube?'
'Thank you,' he said, desperately, taking an olive.
'Hope you enjoy it,' I said triumphantly.

2 a.m. I am horrible. Hate the New Year. Hate everyone. ... Anyway, have got giant tray-sized bar of Cadbury's Dairy Milk left over from Christmas ... also amusing joke gin and tonic miniature."

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