HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Topics » Home & Family » Ancestry/Genealogy (Group) » I don't know that this is...

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 08:44 PM

I don't know that this is the place to post this

But I feel like this fits in a way. So I grew up on my family farm in southwest Missouri. My great great grandparents homesteaded the land. My great grand parents built the house I grew up in. It is a beautiful 4 story brick house with a lot of land attached.
My father whose family it was that homesteaded the land died almost 10 years ago. When that happened my mom set up a trust for my brother and I. It said that I get the house and land surrounding and my brother gets the land down the road that has the school house my grandpa went to and the land surrounding that.
So between us (my brother and I) we have hundreds of acres of land.
But my mom is considering selling all of it. Which to some degree I get because she lives there all by herself now. But at the same time I can't imagine anyone else living in that house. Do I have options since it was put in a trust?
Part of the problem is that I'm married to another woman and Springfield is a cess pool of gay hating people. And my wife is a minister with no prospects out there because of that.
I'm just really trying to figure out options righ now. Any insight would be great. Thank you.


21 replies, 1686 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 21 replies Author Time Post
Reply I don't know that this is the place to post this (Original post)
blur256 Apr 2019 OP
applegrove Apr 2019 #1
blur256 Apr 2019 #3
Phoenix61 Apr 2019 #2
blur256 Apr 2019 #5
Phoenix61 Apr 2019 #11
csziggy Apr 2019 #15
Phoenix61 Apr 2019 #18
csziggy Apr 2019 #20
sinkingfeeling Apr 2019 #4
blur256 Apr 2019 #6
sinkingfeeling Apr 2019 #7
blur256 Apr 2019 #10
Phoenix61 Apr 2019 #19
sinkingfeeling Apr 2019 #21
dawg day Apr 2019 #8
blur256 Apr 2019 #9
mercuryblues Apr 2019 #12
blur256 Apr 2019 #13
dawg day Apr 2019 #17
radical noodle Apr 2019 #14
eppur_se_muova Apr 2019 #16

Response to blur256 (Original post)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 08:55 PM

1. When my mom died we gave the last acres she owned in the county

she was from, a valley my peeps had lived in for over 200 years, well we gave it to the local church. But we could afford to do that. Still it feels awful to be physically and finally cut off from a place you love. So I know where you are coming from.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to applegrove (Reply #1)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 08:59 PM

3. Thank you

The rub is that if she really does sell it I have family surrounding it. I have two cousins and an aunt and uncle there. So it would be our family surrounding someone living in my house. Ugh.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to blur256 (Original post)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 08:56 PM

2. Depends what type of a trust.

If it's a revocable trust with you and your sins as trustees upon your mother's death, she can do whatever she wants.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Phoenix61 (Reply #2)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 08:59 PM

5. I'm not sure

I'm going to try and get a copy of the trust

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to blur256 (Reply #5)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 09:10 PM

11. That would be a good idea. To become

a trustee you'll need the original or a motorized copy.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Phoenix61 (Reply #11)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 11:32 PM

15. Notarized copy?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to csziggy (Reply #15)

Mon Apr 8, 2019, 08:38 AM

18. Yes, the UPS store usually has a notary

on staff. They check the copy against the original then put their notary stamp and signature on the last page.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Phoenix61 (Reply #18)

Mon Apr 8, 2019, 09:06 AM

20. Read the message I responded to

You commented: " That would be a good idea. To become a trustee you'll need the original or a motorized copy."

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to blur256 (Original post)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 08:59 PM

4. If your mother set up the trust she is the sole decider on what

happens to her (inherited from your father) assets. She would have to have an attorney change the trust before she could sell any property already allocated in the current document.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to sinkingfeeling (Reply #4)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 09:00 PM

6. Thank you for that

But what options do I have? I mean do I have a say?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to blur256 (Reply #6)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 09:02 PM

7. Only one I can think of is you and your wife buying the house from your mom.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to sinkingfeeling (Reply #7)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 09:06 PM

10. Me too

But we can't afford that right now sadly. The house and land is worth over a million.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to sinkingfeeling (Reply #4)

Mon Apr 8, 2019, 08:42 AM

19. Not true. If it's a revocable trust

She can do what she wants with it. Upon her death the trust will be executed by whoever she has appointed as trustee.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Phoenix61 (Reply #19)

Mon Apr 8, 2019, 09:36 AM

21. Her mother set up the trust and her mother is still alive.

She is not the trustee, but will be a benefactor after her mother passes.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to blur256 (Original post)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 09:02 PM

8. I'm sure it's wonderful, but if you're not going to live there--

it might be best to let another family grow up in that house.

I hope your mother intends to leave the proceeds to you and your brother when she passes. But you don't want the house to be left vacant for years if she can't deal with it anymore.



Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to dawg day (Reply #8)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 09:06 PM

9. I want to live there so badly

I can find a job anywhere because of my background in communications and management. But I always told my wife we would go with her and I stand by that. So it just sucks all around.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to blur256 (Original post)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 09:11 PM

12. it will be tough

to give up the family land. It sounds like you have no plans to ever live there, so when your Mother passes on the house will fall in disrepair. So what is the better option? Selling it to a family to make their own happy memories or leaving empty?

I actually think a compromised can be made. Let you mother sell the house and most of the land. Pick some acreage to build a smaller, more easily kept up home and that goes to you to use for vacations.

If she doesn't want to live there anymore just ask for acreage for you to build a cabin on.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to mercuryblues (Reply #12)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 09:17 PM

13. I do appreciate that

But honestly it is the house I am attached to. I have been through a lot there and even at 37 it is still my home.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to blur256 (Reply #13)

Mon Apr 8, 2019, 12:48 AM

17. That's kind of heartbreaking--

it's linked to your memories of those who have died, and happy memories of childhood, and the long family history. It's going to be very hard to lose it.

Is there a chance the family-- your brother, your cousins-- can make your mom an offer? She might well accept much less if she knows someone in the family will be taking care of it. How is she fixed financially?

Consider her viewpoint. She probably wants to get out from under the work of taking care of the house and land, and also she probably wants some money to be secure. You might be able to persuade her to sell to family, or lease it back to you, so that she has an income or some capital, and someone else will take care of the house.

You might talk to her about this. A long time ago, my parents sold a house that wasn't anything special, but it was home for me. They did it because they needed the money. IF they would have told me and my brothers, we might have managed to buy them out... but they were ashamed and so did it quickly.
Talk to your mother-- lovingly-- she might be willing to discuss some options. What does she want out of this, what would make her happy? It might not have to be a million dollars.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to blur256 (Original post)

Sun Apr 7, 2019, 11:28 PM

14. If you and your mother are on good terms

is there a compromise you can work out with her? If she wants to get out, perhaps you can help with that in exchange for her not selling the house. Another option might be for her to keep the house and a few acres for you and your brother and sell the rest. It doesn't have to be all or nothing with so many acres involved. I'd guess that the farm ground is worth much more than the house.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to blur256 (Original post)

Mon Apr 8, 2019, 12:16 AM

16. Actually, just try posting this in the Lounge -- that's where everyone post personal stuff.

You're sure to get more eyeballs there.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread