HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Topics » Home & Family » Ancestry/Genealogy (Group) » Desperately Seeking my Bi...

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 05:55 PM

Desperately Seeking my Birth Father

I have no idea how to make this happen, though. My maternal Grandma claims not to know, though something in my guts makes me feel like she's lying to me. But I can't press her on this, unfortunately; she's very old and her health is frail. The stress of bad memories might hurt her.

I was born in late June of 1979, which means I was conceived in late September through very early October of 1978. The only information that I have to go on are a few things people have told me, that my mother supposedly told THEM. She and my Dad both died relatively young, so I have been a total orphan for 5 years, this year. No parents. No grandparents who actually WANT to see me, no full siblings, most of my extended "paternal" family are either dead, or have disowned me for telling the "Family Secret" in public (a.k.a., They're NOT lily-white. Grandpa Heinze's family is listed as "mulatto" in the 1910 census). For telling the world THAT, my two remaining aunts broke their vows to my Dad JUST to let me know that I have NEVER been a part of their family, and I'm unwelcome pretty much everywhere.

I have never felt so horribly alone in my whole life.

And it just EATS at me that my Dad's family decided to break their vow of secrecy to his poor murdered soul, and tell me the ONE thing that he asked all of his family to SWEAR they'd never tell me. That he truly meant that LITTLE to them. And they didn't even do it for a good REASON. They were just mad at me for revealing that the Heinze family is NOT pearl-white, and wanted to hurt me by revealing that I wasn't REALLY related to the family I had spent my whole life thinking I was a part of.

And my poor son. He's 18 now and struggling with identity issues even worse than MINE, because not only did he just lose half of his maternal family heritage--he was abandoned by his father before even being born, so we know almost NOTHING about his paternal family, either.

I am unbelievably angry with my late Mother right now. She HAD to know that SOMEDAY, my Dad's vicious, gossip-mongering family was going to tell me the truth in the WORST possible way. I HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW! She failed me...failed to protect me. And for all I know, she failed to give a man who might have WANTED me, any I notice that she was even pregnant, or any chance to be in my life.

That is WRONG. Just like every child deserves to know his/her parents, every PARENT deserves to know if they have a child out there. Maybe my biological father would have LOVED me, too. Maybe he was better off, financially, so I wouldn't have grown up in a household full of substance abuses, hunger, fear, and extreme poverty.

Or maybe not. Maybe he wouldn't have wanted me. Maybe he DID know about the pregnancy and deserted my Mom. Since SHE NEVER TOLD ME, I have no way to know what the truth of the matter is! And my Dad's family told me all of this when Mom and Dad are BOTH deceased, and aren't here to defend THEMSELVES, or ME.

Please...if you were friends with Debbora Jo Johnson (deceased) back in the late 70's, and you know of ANYONE she might have been intimate with, even briefly, during the late part of '78....come forward and let know me. My email address is [email protected]

And to help jog memories:

Picture of my mother holding me when I was only 5-6 weeks old (summer of '79):


Closeup of Mom's face back then:


Closeup of Mom's beautiful green eye color--the same as my own.
|]

Photo of ME:
|]

Photo of my adult SON:


One source told me that the man who fathered me was a doctor of some kind. I have no idea what that means, or even if it's real, but if it IS real, then HE of all people should understand my desperate need for genetic information and my family medical history.

Her name was DEBBORA JO JOHNSON from the MORGANTOWN, WV area. She was working at Lum's department store while pregnant with me. Please, world. If you know ANYTHING, help me find out who I am?

Cross-posting to the West Virginia forum...

9 replies, 2605 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 9 replies Author Time Post
Reply Desperately Seeking my Birth Father (Original post)
Lyric Sep 2018 OP
The Velveteen Ocelot Sep 2018 #1
pansypoo53219 Sep 2018 #7
femmedem Sep 2018 #2
Lyric Sep 2018 #3
Delmette2.0 Sep 2018 #4
Dem2theMax Sep 2018 #5
WePurrsevere Sep 2018 #6
Louis1895 Sep 2018 #8
Haggis for Breakfast Sep 2018 #9

Response to Lyric (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 06:05 PM

1. One possibility might be DNA testing. You can get a test done by Ancestry DNA and

once you get your results you can go to the section of the web site called DNA Matches. If others who are related to you have been tested by Ancestry those relationships could turn up there. It's a long shot but maybe worth a try. Others have found lost or unknown relatives this way. Good luck!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to The Velveteen Ocelot (Reply #1)

Mon Sep 24, 2018, 08:10 PM

7. we did our & was connected by a close relative who had been adopted.

turns out she is a kid from a bad seed on my gradpa's side. very odd.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Lyric (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 06:05 PM

2. Have you tried genetic testing?

I'm so sorry that you are alone, searching for family.

Genetic testing isn't free, of course, and it isn't a guarantee that you'll find him. I wish for your sake that it was--even though you can't predict how he'll react if you find him.


https://blogs.ancestry.com/ancestry/2017/12/07/5-tips-for-discovering-biological-family-with-ancestrydna/

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Lyric (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 06:19 PM

3. I'm definitely GOING to try it.

I just can't afford the tests right now. I have to test myself, AND my sister (because we KNOW she really IS Dad's child) so we can exclude any matches that come up for us both. What we want to see are where her matches and my matches *differ*. Does that make sense?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Lyric (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 06:38 PM

4. I understand to some extent what you are going through.

My Mother was taken in by a family in 1926. My sister and I searched on and off for 15 years. We found her birth certificate and claimed it for her when she was 65 years old. Only a few years ago did we find one of her cousins who told us the rest of the story.

My advice to you is search high school year books for her and her classmates. Perhaps some of the classmates are on Facebook or on a genealogy site like Ancestory.

Good luck, I wish all the best for you and your son.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Lyric (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 08:41 PM

5. Lyric, you may remember me. We are cousins.

But I'm adopted, so although I've had my DNA done, it won't help you.
But a blood cousin recently had her DNA done, and there were zero African percentages.

Which Heinze line are you in? Our line, (it's still my line, because it's the only family I've known,
and the only history I have,) is Augustus Heinze, originally from Prussia. Came to the states in
about 1854-55. Married Mary Ellen Chambers. (If that is her correct name.) I have been working on
them for years, and they are next to impossible to find. They are both in the 1860 and 1870 census,
she is in the 1880 census, as a widow, and by 1900, she is gone too.

Anyway, what is your grandfather's name? Maybe I can help you out a bit. There are Heinze cousins,
(if you can remember, we were all in touch for a while some years back,) and they live in PA and Virginia.
Maybe they can help. Family gossip travels around, no matter what. So they may have heard something
over the years.

Let me know what your grandfather's name was and we'll go from there. I'll see what I can do to help you find
your birth family. I found mine, but I did have the help of my adoptive parents. THEY are my parents, not my
birth parents. But I had a very loving home. I wish you had had a whole lot more love and understanding in your life.
Hang in there. Just maybe we can find answers for you.

Your cousin,
Dem2theMax

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Lyric (Original post)

Sun Sep 23, 2018, 08:56 PM

6. I'm truly sorry you're dealing with this. IME...

the best way to go is with DNA testing. Start saving but since you're low income you can try and apply to DNA Detectives Kits of Kindness for an Ancestry kit. There's a waiting list but if you're on FB join their page and it will give you a boost. http://ddkitsofkindness.blogspot.com I also highly suggest joining the FB group 'DD Social'. It's DNA Detectives social site and not only are people incredibly helpful they're also generous in sharing their knowledge once you get your results. You'll also find quite a few who have found themselves in the same, or very similar, shoes you do now and are very supportive.

Anyway, I'm an adoptee who tested at both 23andMe and Ancestry last year. I too am low income but I was in a place where I could juggle and got the kits on sale during the Summer at a great price two months apart so that helped. FWIW my husband tested recently using a kit from eBay and it was fine but you need to be careful.

I was very lucky and found my maternal side via 23andMe and my paternal side mostly on Ancestry and am now in reunion with both sides (sadly both of my parents have already died). Anyway, I suggest Ancestry first. Having the ability to attach your raw data once your results come in and create what's called a mirror tree on Ancestry can be very helpful. Once you have your raw data you can upload to other testing sites for free and you can upload it to two excellent sites to get your analysis to potential medical issues.

I'm not a DNA expert but am always willing to help especially those looking for bio parents so if you need help once you've gotten your DNA results, bookmark this, message me here and I'd be very happy to help you.

Oh and my birth last name, my bio mothers maiden name, was Johnson too. So far they seem to be in NY mostly though.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Lyric (Original post)

Mon Sep 24, 2018, 09:56 PM

8. DNA testing could help you out

I would recommend Ancestry.com for your DNA testing. I believe they have the largest database.

You also might want to look into the DNA NPE Facebook group.

NPE stands for "Not Parent Expected". The Facebook group is a private group for those who discover their birth certificate parent is different from their birth parent. You are not alone. There are a lot of us NPE folks out here and the people at the NPE Friends groups are very supportive.

When a DNA test upends your identity, some find 'family' in secret Facebook group

You must request permission to join the private Facebook group.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Lyric (Original post)

Mon Sep 24, 2018, 10:31 PM

9. I hope you find some answers, but please

I urge you to get some counseling, too. You are in so much pain and may never get all of the answers you seek. You need to find peace, even if you don't find closure (though I hope you do), but you deserve better than the mindset that haunts you now.

I understand your quest, believe me. Most of my grandmother's past has been kept from all of us for reasons we still don't understand.

Wishing you all the best of luck.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread