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Thu Feb 20, 2020, 03:30 PM

How do you forgive yourself?

I'm having alot of and feeling self loathing.

I'm trying self healing by music, smudging and journaling, so far so little.

19 replies, 653 views

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Arrow 19 replies Author Time Post
Reply How do you forgive yourself? (Original post)
irisblue Feb 20 OP
krissey Feb 20 #1
irisblue Feb 20 #11
ProudMNDemocrat Feb 20 #2
blm Feb 20 #3
irisblue Feb 20 #12
blm Feb 20 #16
TlalocW Feb 20 #4
irisblue Feb 20 #13
TlalocW Feb 20 #17
Fresh_Start Feb 20 #5
irisblue Feb 20 #14
GreenPartyVoter Feb 20 #6
Bayard Feb 20 #7
get the red out Feb 20 #9
irisblue Feb 20 #10
Chainfire Feb 20 #8
irisblue Feb 20 #15
littlemissmartypants Feb 20 #18
B Stieg Feb 21 #19

Response to irisblue (Original post)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 03:35 PM

1. Give your little kid a hug. Acknowledge what you have done. Realize it is a past that

 

cannot be changed or undone. Accept and move forward being your better self.

Living in the past is an illusion because it is gone. Living in the future has not come, it is an illusion. Look at your now. You are safe. You are good, sit in the now. When you start going to the past thinking what you have done, realize and shift to the present. Close your eyes, and an even tone ohhhhhhmmmmmm and let the rumble inside soothe. The now. You uncondition living the past rewinding and rewinding an event and condition to live in the now.

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Response to krissey (Reply #1)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 05:36 PM

11. Thanks for the reply

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 03:38 PM

2. I AM WORTH IT!!!!!

I do not suffer from Depression, as many of my family members do, but I keep telling myself that I am worth it to live as healthy a life as I can.

I took a lot of Psychology in College as part of my Degree in order to Teach. When I screw up at times, I make sure I do not beat myself up over it. Beta eating something I should not, make an error and atone for it right away, etc.

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 03:39 PM

3. ((iris))

I had a very hurtful upbringing in so many ways. The child I was needed warmth and hugs and encouraging words. I try to give that to myself by giving to others, especially those who seem beaten down.

With you, sweet iris.

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Response to blm (Reply #3)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 05:36 PM

12. Childhood PTSD

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Response to irisblue (Reply #12)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 05:52 PM

16. Took decades to get it behind me.

You can. Your goodness has always shined through here, iris.

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 03:45 PM

4. If amends can be made, make them

If you're struggling with depression, you shouldn't go it alone and should seek professional advice.

If you're upset about doing something "stupid" or "screwing up" it's a lesson learned.

I have a generally zen/fatalistic look on life - try not to be too big of a dick with others, realize it's okay to get down on yourself but you're not defined by a single past action, and don't let past actions keep you from being put in a situation where you might screw up again. Unless we have some sort of fame now, after we die, we'll be forgotten in 2 to 3 generations. Things tend to look pretty insignificant compared to that.

TlalocW

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Response to TlalocW (Reply #4)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 05:37 PM

13. Thanks for the reply

No one will care in 100 years, good point

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Response to irisblue (Reply #13)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 05:52 PM

17. Chances are

No one cares now.

(About most things). There's my fatalistic-yet-hopefully-humorous view on life again. Hope things get better.

TlalocW

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 03:56 PM

5. I struggle with this

I try to remind myself that what's done is done...and it is more important what I do today and in the future.

Acknowledge your mistake...if indeed it was a mistake. You might not have seen a different alternative at the time.And if that is the case, try to figure out what you overlooked so you can find a better alternative the next time you are in a challenging situation

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Response to Fresh_Start (Reply #5)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 05:38 PM

14. Yeah, more journaling on that

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 04:24 PM

6. I don't, and it's caused a lot of problems for me because I make

unhealthy choices to avoid my pain.

Glad you are working on your stuff. Someday I might make those good choices, too.

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 04:33 PM

7. I have PTSD from my experiences living in Calif.

(No offense Californians).

What pulled me through then, and helps me with flashbacks now, is my animals. They are literally, lifesavers. They depend on me every day to pull myself out of bed and take care of them. They are always grateful, generous with affection, and make satisfying experiences. My reward is that they always make me feel better, and focus on NOW. Its hard to hate yourself when you have a dog or a horse saying--you are my everything.

No animals? Volunteer. Shelters are always looking for volunteers. You will make a real difference in these animals' lives, and they will enrich yours.

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Response to Bayard (Reply #7)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 05:03 PM

9. Same here!

I have been helped by my dogs twice when I had hit a wall and collapsed into depression from lack of meds the first time and my meds ceasing to work the second. When I say collapse, that is both mental and physical for me, and my self-hatred makes me feel like I don't deserve help and that I should consider dying. But these sweet companions need me, whether I feel like I am irredeemable or not. My love for them breaks through and I get to the Psychiatrist and my Therapist ASAP.

That being said, I have been in therapy for years working on forgiving myself and ending the self-loathing. The therapy has been slow going, for me it's rewriting my thinking from childhood on, but there is steady progress.

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Response to Bayard (Reply #7)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 05:35 PM

10. I have 2 indoor cats and at least 3 ferals who stop by for a bite of the crunchies

Also, gotta clean the litter pans.

Shaw does not hesitate to walk over my rib cage if the bowl is empty, Dixie sleeps on my lower abdomen, so that pressure does get me up.


Thx for the reply

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 04:34 PM

8. A hard question

If you figure it out, let me know. I have been working on it for 60 years without a solution.

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Response to Chainfire (Reply #8)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 05:39 PM

15. Welcome to DU

Yeah , I'm a 'woman of a certain age'

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Thu Feb 20, 2020, 08:42 PM

18. Thinking of you. Wishing you well.

Stay encouraged. ❤

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Response to irisblue (Original post)

Fri Feb 21, 2020, 04:42 AM

19. IB. Find a way to feel good about yourself, first.

I try to do something that makes me feel good before turning my gaze inward.
Something like getting my cat to purr or completing a task, even one as simple as folding the laundry.
I found it takes some of the sting out of my inevitable "orgies of self-loathing."
And remember, you are not alone.

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