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Thu May 25, 2017, 09:55 AM

Got antagonized today...

And now it's rolling downhill.

Suicide and abandonment of hope permeates.

20 replies, 1946 views

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Reply Got antagonized today... (Original post)
retrowire May 2017 OP
furtheradu May 2017 #1
retrowire May 2017 #3
Nictuku May 2017 #6
retrowire May 2017 #7
Nictuku May 2017 #9
retrowire May 2017 #10
furtheradu May 2017 #8
steve2470 May 2017 #13
mopinko May 2017 #2
steve2470 May 2017 #12
JayhawkSD May 2017 #4
retrowire May 2017 #5
JayhawkSD May 2017 #18
retrowire May 2017 #19
JayhawkSD May 2017 #20
steve2470 May 2017 #11
Nictuku May 2017 #14
mopinko May 2017 #16
MedusaX May 2017 #15
furtheradu May 2017 #17

Response to retrowire (Original post)

Thu May 25, 2017, 10:07 AM

1. What's going on, Friend?

We're here for You.

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Response to furtheradu (Reply #1)

Thu May 25, 2017, 10:14 AM

3. I have a MAJOR problem

That ties my self esteem to my issues with memory. I'm only 29. But I'm very forgetful.

Getting a memory loss issue in old age is one of my greatest fears and it runs in my family.

So often when someone says something snarky like, "you've asked me this twice before" or "you already know this" it fucking destroys me.

So I recede and think, "what is existence without memory? And thus, what's the point of going on through this humiliation?"

I'm so angry about it.

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Response to retrowire (Reply #3)

Thu May 25, 2017, 10:34 AM

6. Something my mom taught me

When you find your mind going in downward spirals, one thought leading to another, the advise my mom gave me helped a lot.

She said that when you recognize that your mind is going in this downward direction, that you must replace the bad thoughts with something that makes you happy.

Make a cognizant decision to alter your thought patterns. Think of a place or time or future dream that makes you happy.

It sounds kind of simple, and even somewhat silly, but I swear it helped me when I was feeling depressed. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.

Thoughts are powerful things.

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Response to Nictuku (Reply #6)

Thu May 25, 2017, 10:39 AM

7. Puppies puppies puppies puppies

Puppies puppies puppies puppies puppies puppies puppies

Okay so this actually causes friction with the spiral which is good.

But I feel stupid because it corrects and distracts my mind but it doesn't solve the problem does it?

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Response to retrowire (Reply #7)

Thu May 25, 2017, 11:01 AM

9. I think being able to recognize the thought pattern

I think that being able to recognize when the negative thought patterns are triggered does actually help to solve the problem because you have the ability to change them within yourself.

The next step might be to identify what sparks the downward spiral thinking in the first place, and maybe be able to figure out how to change it there. (Not let it spark you)

Someone antagonized you today, your mind went down that path.

Maybe try to figure out why you were antagonized by them, if it was intentional on their part, then see if you can avoid that person. If it wasn't intentionally meant to hurt you, see if you can figure out why, within your mind, you let it hurt you.

The advice JayHawkSD gave was pretty good, the Ziggy Rule, it is possible that this person who antagonized you is just completely unaware of the effects of their words. So that is surmountable, in that case, let it roll off you like water off a ducks back. It wasn't intentional. Let it go. It can't hurt you.

If it was intentional, then see if you can avoid that person. You don't need someone in your life like that.

I know it sounds 'easy for you to say', where I am not in your shoes, and dealing with the issues that you are dealing with, so I don't know how much this will help you. But hopefully it will give you something to think about. Only we can control our own thoughts, and I stand by "Thoughts are Powerful Things".

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Response to Nictuku (Reply #9)

Thu May 25, 2017, 11:03 AM

10. I can't avoid the person

They are one of my only 3 coworkers.

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Response to retrowire (Reply #3)

Thu May 25, 2017, 10:52 AM

8. Thanks for sharing this..

My thoughts..
Highly intelligent, creative people OFTEN have memory issues. I know YOU are intelligent & creative.. to be so Gifted is a Wonderous thing.

Your forgetting some things, some times, does NOT mean You are destined to lose Your memory, genetics or not.
Lots of reasons we forget..maybe we are stressed, overwhelmed, or not sleeping, not taking goood Care of Self, not eating right, exercising, not enough "ME Time"..
I enCourage You to let go of that fear. Know YOU are a Gifted Person. BELIEVE IT.

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Response to furtheradu (Reply #8)

Thu May 25, 2017, 11:06 AM

13. wonderful post! nt

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Response to retrowire (Original post)

Thu May 25, 2017, 10:10 AM

2. hang on. get some sleep.

take a nap if you can. go to bed early tonight if you cant.
eat something tasty.
do whatever you can to drown out the lies your brain is telling you. and they are lies.

tho an exercise regimen can be good, sometimes it leads to being overtired. that is when i am absolutely the most negative and vulnerable.

keep in touch here. we are listening.

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Response to mopinko (Reply #2)

Thu May 25, 2017, 11:05 AM

12. excellent advice! nt

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Response to retrowire (Original post)

Thu May 25, 2017, 10:16 AM

4. Remember what I call "the Ziggy rule"

 

Guy I knew who was called Ziggy used to tell this one.

I'm driving down the road and a guy cuts me off, and I'm all tourgued off. I say to myself, "That guy just made me angry." Then I stop and realize, "No he didn't. All he did was drive his car. This anger is coming from within me." If I want to cure that anger, I don't have to go back and make him drive differently, I just have to solve what is happening inside me right this minute.

I can't tell you how many times I've used that lesson, and it has worked every time.

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Response to JayhawkSD (Reply #4)

Thu May 25, 2017, 10:29 AM

5. Difference is

Guy driving car could be absent minded and didn't notice.

Co-worker who smirks and says, "you've asked me that twice already" is intentionally impressed with your inability to remember simple things.

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Response to retrowire (Reply #5)

Fri May 26, 2017, 11:02 AM

18. You managed to completely miss the point.

 

Whether the guy driving the car cut me off on purpose or not is irrelevant. The anger that exists within me cannot be cured by the guy driving the car. Nothing he can now do would make my anger go away. It is up to me to deal with what is going on inside me.

The guy who made the remark does not know what goes on inside your head. He made a remark. What you do with it is your choice. If he made it deliberately, then it's still your choice what to do with it. If he knows what your issue is and deliberately made the remark to hurt you, then it's still your choice what to do with it.

You went into an emotional death spiral not because he made the remark, but because you chose to go into an emotional death spiral. Make a better choice.

I know, I'm not being nice. When I first got sober I had a sponsor who told me the truth. He told me he could make me feel better in a bad moment by being nice, but that it would not help me grow if he did. He asked me if I wanted to be patted on the head or if I wanted something that would help me grow and would help me manage a similar problem better in the future.

People say stuff. What you do with it on on you.

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Response to JayhawkSD (Reply #18)

Fri May 26, 2017, 11:06 AM

19. ...?

It was never an attempt to attack you.

I'm just saying, handling my own emotion will not remove the fact that a peer thinks less of me. My remark about the coworker is a statement of what my coworker did to me. Nothing to do with you.

Again, no shots were fired. This forum is not for that.

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Response to retrowire (Reply #19)

Fri May 26, 2017, 11:13 AM

20. Got it, I rewrote my post.

 

If a peer thinks less of you that is his problem. Make the choice not to let it be yours. Recognize that he is wrong, and let it go. Allow him to be wrong.

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Response to retrowire (Original post)

Thu May 25, 2017, 11:04 AM

11. My friend retro, I also have ALWAYS had memory issues

They are minor, yet my mother died of Alzheimer's Disease. Overall my memory is pretty good.

Do your best to overcompensate for your faulty memory. Also, I'd recommend talking to your psychiatrist about perhaps getting a memory assessment by a trained psychologist. It could be stress. It could be other things.

Until you get that professional assessment done, when someone gets nasty, just say "I have a medical issue" and watch them squirm with guilt. Technically, you are not lying. We don't know yet what the issue is. As I said, it could be stress related. It could be medication related. You need to find out, long term, for your own comfort.

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Response to steve2470 (Reply #11)

Thu May 25, 2017, 11:12 AM

14. Alzheimer's history in my family

My Great Great grandmother had it, my Great grandmother had it, and my Uncle had it.

My Grandmother was OK, and my mom is OK, but this disease seems to skip generations sometimes.

Every time I can't think of a word that I know, or can't remember something I know I knew, I freak out about it maybe happening to me (which then totally sidelines my ability to actually grasp the word I want)

I need to nip that thought process in the bud! (take some of my own advice)

But it is incredibly stressful, even thinking about the possibility of losing your mental capabilities.

And so I do understand.

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Response to steve2470 (Reply #11)

Thu May 25, 2017, 11:44 AM

16. i second this.

at the very least, it gives a good baseline. as it was explained to me- better to compare you to you than you to the average.
i passed my w flying colors, but it wasnt that comforting, because i always could ace those multiple guess tests. but again, next time it will be more accurate.

i would, however, skip the psyche part if you can. i think it is checkbox psychiatry at it's worst. mine had some unpleasant things to say about me.
based, i think, on 2 things- i have an illness that docs dont understand. yeah, fibro is a thing, and they dont understand it. also- i have enemies. guess what? strong women make enemies. other people's misogyny is not my problem. being a strong woman is not a mental illness or a personality disorder.

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Response to retrowire (Original post)

Thu May 25, 2017, 11:25 AM

15. Just for a moment shift your focus away from yourself and take note of the "snarky" one's issues...

How sad for Snarky that they go through life compelled to lash out at those who feel it necessary to ask a question more than once...

After all, there are a myriad of reasons people ask a question more than once...

- clarification of Q/A because of background noise or hearing challenges

- clarification of Q/A when the format /syntax is not straightforward..., jumbled / mumbled

- not sure if Q/A was clearly understood or heard by other parties ... so providing opportunity for info. To be stated again

- to make sure that how one interprets the Q/A meaning is in sync with how the other party intended the info to be understood...

- something in the Answer triggered the mind to make a new connection ... thus a temporary distraction occurred

Bottom line is that obviously Snarky has a low tolerance level for anyone who dares to ask them to repeat anything....
That is their problem....

And they lash out in order to make others feel responsible or inferior....
which, again, is their problem....


It is tough to separate one's own internal issues from other's externalized issues... especially when they come together in an interaction....

For me, I embrace my challenges... and find a way to make it known that I am very well aware of my 'tendencies' and that I do my best to compensate but am not always successful ...

IOW, I use humor to let everyone know what to expect....
otherwise I would be eternally consumed by internal perseveration on any given "mistake/flaw/public embarrassment"....

We are who we are...

I constantly take notes.., write stuff down.,. And then have no f*cking idea where I put the paper/notes...
or my keys...
or know what it was I went into a certain room to get/do...
I put things "where I won't lose them"...but have no idea where the safe place was when I need the crap later..

But I can tell you exactly where the answer to a question is in a given "text"...
or where so-in-so left Their whatever in the house...
Or verbally guide you (long distance) to a location using obscure landmark/ locational references ... after having personally been there only once or just from having researched the area..

But I will also stop in the middle of a sentence... and have no idea what I was saying 2 seconds later..
Or can be brainstorming out loud and have no idea what I just said ...

I have learned to compensate to the point that I am ok with my tendencies...

if others can't deal with my 'tendencies'..
that is their problem...

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Response to retrowire (Original post)

Thu May 25, 2017, 05:16 PM

17. How You doin? !

Some goood advice & support on here 💖
I HOPE(!) You are feeling better..
What's coming through to me, is this has less to do with Your "problem" or perceived limitation.. this is more likely snark dude's deficit.
For some sad reason, he needs to make others feel belittled. Maybe he thinks that makes him "superior".. he ISN'T.

Rather than kicking YourSelf for a minor thing (in YourSelf) that You are aware of & attempting to overcome.. feel pity for his character flaw.
He's a jerk. YOU can't fix that But You CAN deny him the power to upset You.
Sending positive Vibes Your Way!

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