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Tue Sep 10, 2013, 07:00 AM

I hate bipolar disease

i have been having the worse time with mania lately. Not saying that depression is a cake walk but mania, to people who don't get it, can be very aggravating, causes all sorts of social and even dangerous problems, and is just plain tormenting.

I finally went to sleep around 5pm today after being so manic and rageful all afternoon and now it is almost 7am am I am still awake. I took another Saphris, (anti-psychotic) after the 2 I took this after noon to go to sleep and it is not working. And all I am thinking about is whether I should just stay up all day so I can sleep tomorrow, (Wednesday) or try and go to sleep sometime this morning and hope not to sleep too long to ruin my sleep for tomorrow night.

This has been my life. I have always been a night owl but it get just stupid sometimes.

And I have lost a friend this time around. But I am pissed at her because she is Schizophrenic and I never threw her problems back into her face but this time when I wrote a nasty letter to someone and then apologized she still told me how, "shocked" she was at my letter. Of course she forgets the time when she thought her co-workers were witches who were putting spells on her. But MY outburst just looks like someone who has no class so I am vilified for it.

I hate that I lose control and do things I regret. They aren't big things anymore but usually just raging or sending raging emails. but still I wish I had the sense at that time to see clearly and realize that I am just in a mood and it will pass and my thinking is not all that straight right now.

So that's my rant right now. I feel a little relaxed so I hope I will be able to sleep within a couple hours.

To all you who battle with mania I understand, I really do. And to everyone dealing with brains that are wired fuckedup-idly I understand too. God bless us everyone.

9 replies, 2276 views

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Arrow 9 replies Author Time Post
Reply I hate bipolar disease (Original post)
Maraya1969 Sep 2013 OP
mopinko Sep 2013 #1
annm4peace Sep 2013 #2
jeffrey_pdx Sep 2013 #3
Maraya1969 Sep 2013 #4
No Vested Interest Sep 2013 #5
Maraya1969 Sep 2013 #6
jeffrey_pdx Sep 2013 #7
Maraya1969 Sep 2013 #9
GreenPartyVoter Sep 2013 #8

Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Sep 10, 2013, 09:10 AM

1. will your doc give you something for sleep?

i cannot stand insomnia. and mine is not that bad. maybe something to help you keep on a schedule of sorts will help you stay a little more balanced.

and i know what you mean about raging. in my old age i am finally learning to type up an email, save it till morning, and send it if i still mean it. usually i do send them. but i usually tweak them enough to not be embarrassed by them.

peace and low stress.
and be grateful you didn't gamble all your money away, or buy a car you can't afford.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Wed Sep 11, 2013, 12:24 AM

3. I feel your pain

I've been up for five days now having a massive panic attack. The lack of sleep, the lack of food, it just gets to you. I can't sleep, when I do get out of bed, I can't eat because I feel nauseous since I haven't eaten since Wednesday. I know eating something will help, but I just can't make myself care.

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Response to jeffrey_pdx (Reply #3)

Fri Sep 13, 2013, 01:19 AM

4. Oh no. Are you on medication?

I hate panic attacks and I feel for you! I've been where you are when you are so nervous you can't eat.

Are you seeing a doctor or calling your doctor to get your meds changed?

Besides that this group is the best I've ever gone to for help with panics.

http://www.lowselfhelpsystems.org/

I'm going to past a list of some "spottings", (things you tell yourself when you are having symptoms that help you relax and see things more, "rationally".

A Sampling of Tools and Terms


A purpose for using a Tool List is to enable newcomers to more easily and rapidly participate in a Recovery meeting. With this in mind Recovery International encourages you to use this list when you initially attend our meetings, until you feel comfortable without it. Your Group Leader may have other guidelines for you regarding the use of this list in meetings. We are glad that you are here and encourage you to participate and endorse for your participation!
These tools are quoted or adapted from Dr. Low’s books: Mental Health Through Will Training (MH), Selections from Dr. Low’s Works (SEL) and Manage Your Fears, Manage Your Anger (MYF). Citations to Dr. Low’s books are listed for each tool. Many other tools can be found in these books.
Some Basic RI Tools
•
Treat mental health as a business and not as a game………………..…...……………MH ch.25
•
Humor is our best friend, temper is our worst enemy……………………………….…..MH p.108
•
If you can't change a situation you can change your attitude towards it...MYF p.108, Sel. p.31-32
•
Be self-led, not symptom-led. …..………………………………………......MYF p.114-118, 280-283
•
Nervous symptoms and sensations are distressing but not dangerous .SEL p.53, MH p.115, 119
•
Temper is, among other things, blindness to the other side of the story …………MH p.159
•
Comfort is a want, not a need. ………………………………..……………......….....MH chs.13, 22
•
There is no right or wrong in the trivialities of every day life………...SEL p.39, MH p.157, 195-196
•
Calm begets calm, temper begets temper………………………….…...…….MYF p.245, SEL p.31
•
Don't take our own dear selves too seriously………………………………....………….MH p.109
•
Feelings should be expressed and temper suppressed…………………....……...…....MH p.178
•
Helplessness is not hopelessness………………………..……………….……MH ch.7, MYF p.184
•
Some people have a passion for self-distrust…….…………...…..…….MH ch.29 & MYF Lecture 2
•
Temper maintains and intensifies symptoms………………………..…….……….……MH p. 219
•
Do things in part acts……………………………………………….…….……….……MH p.246-249
•
Endorse yourself for the effort, not only for the performance……...…….MYF p.13, SEL p.46, 132
•
Have the courage to make a mistake………………..……….MH p.203, ch.30, MYF p.60, SEL p.108
•
Feelings are not facts……………………………...……………..………….MH ch.9, MYF Lecture 14
•
Do the things you fear and hate to do……………...………..…………...MH p. 329-330, MYF p.197
•
Fear is a belief –– beliefs can be changed………………………………………….MYF p.266-269
•
Every act of self-control leads to a sense of self-respect....…………….…….………..MH p.166
•
Decide, plan and act. ………………………….……………………………………………...MH p.42
•
Any decision will steady you……………………………………...……………….………...MYF p.5
•
Anticipation is often worse than realization….…………………..…..………….MH p.114-115, 146
•
Replace an insecure thought with a secure thought……………..……….….……..MYF Lecture 1
•
Bear the discomfort in order to gain comfort…………………….………….…………….MH p.149
•
Hurt feelings are just beliefs not shared………………………………….………………..SEL p.21
•
Self-appointed expectations lead to self-induced frustrations…………….…………….SEL p.35
•
People do things that annoy us, not necessarily to annoy us………..…...…………….MH ch.48
•
Knowledge teaches you what to do, practice tells you how to do it……...……………SEL p.118
•
Muscles can be commanded to do what one fears to do………………………..……..SEL p.123
•
Tempers are frequently uncontrolled, but not uncontrollable.…………………………..MH p.392
Some Basic RI Terms

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Response to Maraya1969 (Reply #4)

Fri Sep 13, 2013, 02:30 AM

5. I attended Recovery International's meetings when I was in my early 30's

over 40 yrs ago. It was a great help to me then, in getting through the panic attacks I experienced from my unpreparedness for raising four young children.

Finding a good group that fits one's availability may be harder now, depending on one's location, but it is worth seeking out a group and giving yourself a chance to benefit from the structure of the program.

"Feelings are not facts" has always remained with me.

I continued to have panic attacks off and on over the years, invariably in the night hours, but now I've sort of wearied of them, knowing that a trip to an emergency room is more bother than it's worth, so I've learned to get through them for the most part without the distress I formerly suffered.

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Response to No Vested Interest (Reply #5)

Fri Sep 13, 2013, 11:38 AM

6. They have online meetings now and a chat room where you can go and do an example

I went into the chat a few days ago. It is amazing how well you feel just doing one example with some other, (in this case it was just one) recovery members spotting with you.

I used to go to regular meetings in my 20's and now I am 55 and I still remember several spottings. I think I say, "there is no danger" to myself more than anything when I have symptoms. I probably should say it the way it is written, "It is distressing but not dangerous"

I also take open up a word document sometimes and just start writing out all the spottings I can remember. I'm glad we are talking about this because it puts it back in my head. I think Recovery Inc. is one of the best self help programs ever to have existed.

Oh, and I can spot sabotage of myself for not taking my medication the way I was told to take it! And then endorse myself for spotting the sabotage.

For you

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Response to jeffrey_pdx (Reply #3)

Tue Sep 17, 2013, 01:45 AM

7. Just so everyone knows. I'm ok now.

I have these once a year or so. You ever get to a point where it feels like nothing is going right?

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Response to jeffrey_pdx (Reply #7)

Thu Sep 19, 2013, 11:24 PM

9. Yup

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Thu Sep 19, 2013, 08:15 PM

8. I feel your pain. *hugs* "MY outburst just looks like someone who has no class so I am vilified for

it." Oh, ain't that the truth! People think we're crazy in a social sense, but not in a medical sense, if you get what I am trying to say. *sigh*.

Hope you can get some good sleep and even out quickly!

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