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Sat Feb 23, 2013, 11:53 AM

Anyone have a friend in an abusive relationship?

Someone suggested I post this here, as I couldn't find a place-
My best friend of 35 years is in an emotionally abusive relationship and doesn't recognize it as such. She thinks he has an "anger management problem". I am not allowed to say any anything about it to her.

Would like to know if anyone else is in such a postion.


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Reply Anyone have a friend in an abusive relationship? (Original post)
ellenrr Feb 2013 OP
elleng Feb 2013 #1
ellenrr Feb 2013 #2
elleng Feb 2013 #3

Response to ellenrr (Original post)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 01:06 PM

1. I was in one for years,

treated for depression until I recognized (was told by a friend) that partner was a sociopath. Upon that recognition, I was immediately able to stop taking meds.

My younger daughter has been subjected to my older daughter's emotional abuse for many years. Hoping for both of them to receive treatment, but they haven't gotten there yet. The younger recognizes she could benefit from counseling, but she's not taken appropriate action. The older one? Don't know HOW she might get to the right point.

I don't know what to say to help your friend, but others here may.

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Response to elleng (Reply #1)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 06:15 PM

2. glad that you were able to hear your friend's response,

recognize the truth of it, and take action.

My friend is in such deep denial that if I even suggest that her partner has problems, she gets really mad at me.
I've tried for years to keep my mouth shut, but lately his behavior worsened. There was an episode where she told me that "it was the worst ever" it was so bad that she wouldn't even tell me what happened. - some explosion of temper, I assume, he has never been physical with her, that I know of.
She called me from outside the house and told me she was afraid he was going to toss her possessions.

The next day, she had returned to the house, and told me he forgave her.

This is crazy-making. Later he told her she should "acknowledge him more". This is after several years of him telling her she is stupid and worthless.

And the worst part - to me - is that she agrees, she agrees that she should acknowledge him more. To see this is driving me crazy. I'm trying to find a group like al-alon - for loved ones of an abused person, but there doesn't seem to be anything like this. there should be.

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Response to ellenrr (Reply #2)

Sat Feb 23, 2013, 06:37 PM

3. Yes, there should be such a group.

My 'friend,' who told me this, is my attorney, who represented me seeking what my husband, the sociopath, owed me. I had left the house when he hit me; THAT was the straw that broke this camel's back.

After ridiculous back and forth, one day, during a pause in a negotiation session, my attorney told me what he had noticed. That night, I had my 'AHA.' SO SORRY that your friend reacts so differently. Would drive me crazy too.

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