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Sun Jan 9, 2022, 12:39 PM

Does anyone here have chaos in their environment?

My last sublet was roomy and beautiful, and I kept it up. Due to ongoing mental-health issues. And feeling drained constantly, my current apartment is messy and there are unpacked boxes around. Dust bunnies and fur around the baseboards. I do keep on top of the dishes and laundry.

The apt is a bit run down, and the area around the tub not grouted or waterproofed, so there's some recurring damage in that corner. I'm terrified of the lease not being renewed. I am grateful to have a place to live, however.

Anyone else struggle with a chaotic life , home, etc? I'm off work, so I should do more, then I feel guilty and worse.

Thanks for listening

39 replies, 1099 views

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Reply Does anyone here have chaos in their environment? (Original post)
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 OP
BlackSkimmer Jan 2022 #1
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #2
BlackSkimmer Jan 2022 #7
MOMFUDSKI Jan 2022 #9
BlackSkimmer Jan 2022 #15
Walleye Jan 2022 #3
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #5
Walleye Jan 2022 #18
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #21
Walleye Jan 2022 #28
jimfields33 Jan 2022 #4
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #6
Bayard Jan 2022 #8
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #10
MOMFUDSKI Jan 2022 #11
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #12
gristy Jan 2022 #13
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #14
Quakerfriend Jan 2022 #19
Cracklin Charlie Jan 2022 #20
gristy Jan 2022 #25
Cracklin Charlie Jan 2022 #16
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #17
Cracklin Charlie Jan 2022 #22
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #24
markie Jan 2022 #23
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #26
Ziggysmom Jan 2022 #27
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #32
3Hotdogs Jan 2022 #29
FirstLight Jan 2022 #30
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #31
leighbythesea2 Jan 2022 #33
Scrivener7 Jan 2022 #34
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #35
hunter Jan 2022 #36
whathehell Jan 2022 #37
XanaDUer2 Jan 2022 #38
whathehell Jan 2022 #39

Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 12:44 PM

1. I'm a terrible housekeeper most of the time. My passion is gardening.

My mother used to chide me that no matter what needed doing inside my house, Iíd find something more ďpressingĒ to do outside.

I really should clean my spare/workout/storage room today, but Iíll probably be planting bulbs and working on a brick pathway in the side yard lol.

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Response to BlackSkimmer (Reply #1)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 12:45 PM

2. Thanks for replying

My place is so cluttered and dusty. It seems I dust, and an hour later, there's dust again on the same surface

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #2)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 01:24 PM

7. I have a ceramic sign I found in a thrift store. I have it hanging on my porch.

It says: Dust is a Country Accent.

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Response to BlackSkimmer (Reply #7)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 01:46 PM

9. I have a little sign

that says "Dust will Keep if you don't get it wet"

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Response to MOMFUDSKI (Reply #9)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 02:19 PM

15. Lol!

Love it!

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 12:46 PM

3. Oh definitely. It's been a lifelong struggle for me.

Donít know whether itís attention deficit or autism spectrum or what. I do my best now that Iím old and live alone itís OK. But I am relieved every time my lease is renewed. Just know that you are not the only one who suffers with this kind of thing Hang in there donít let it get you down. My motto used to be 100 years from now nobody will care. But day to day can be very tough

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Response to Walleye (Reply #3)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 01:04 PM

5. Thank you

We'd like a modest condo of our own.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #5)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:08 PM

18. I think all these issues are getting exacerbated in this strange time we're in

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Response to Walleye (Reply #18)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:15 PM

21. It's been like this 9 years. I took, what I thought, was a good job. It was a nightmare

I'm out on disability, hoping to get SSDI.

I was so disturbed by this toxic work environment, I didn't unpack some boxes. I kept hoping to get out of the job, but it was not happening.

I have PTSD. I let things go, I know.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #21)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:27 PM

28. Well good luck a toxic work environment is just the worst

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 12:46 PM

4. It's huge for everyone

Chaos is ongoing in our hustle bustle lives. Even in the pandemic, I feel busy all the time. I understand the ďlived inĒ situation. Itís a constant struggle. I make one item a day that must get done. Maybe itís a box to unpack or get the large dust bunnies the next day. It makes it bearable and you wonít have that lingering guilt. Good luck. Weíre all in this together.

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Response to jimfields33 (Reply #4)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 01:05 PM

6. Thank you nt

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 01:42 PM

8. It depends on what you call chaos

I used to be fanatical about cleaning house when I was younger. It took up way too much of my life--time for things that became more important to me--my animals mostly. Along with my large garden, and projects we always have going on (finishing the inside of our cabin-like actual walls and doors, putting up fencing, building more animal structures, etc). Even though we are both retired now, we are busier than ever, and ENJOY it.

Yeah, my house is usually a mess. We have 3 Great Pyrenees that are walking shedding machines. Fighting cobwebs and dust in a log home can be a full time job because of the uneven wall surface and beamed ceilings. Like most horse people I know, my barn is usually cleaner than my house! Mr. Bayard, for all his wonderful qualities, is something of a slob about leaving clothes and stuff laying around. But he does the laundry, and occasionally vacuums. He does so much of the outside work, I can't begin to tell you.

I've learned to walk through our little home, and close my eyes about some things. I'll get to the cleaning when I can, but I'm not obsessed with it anymore. Most of the time, I'm happy as a clam, even though I'm bipolar. Rarely now, depression can still raise its ugly head. But, my meds have been literally life-saving. I've been on the same stuff for a long time, and it works well for me.

Right now, I'm trying to make time to take down the Xmas decorations!



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Response to Bayard (Reply #8)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 01:46 PM

10. Thanks

I'm bipolar too, with anxiety and depression. I really need to get down on my knees and scrub the floor clean. Mr XanaDUer is disabled, so no help there.

I just want to feel in control and competent

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 01:49 PM

11. Think of your daily issues

as your proof of being alive and living life. We are all in that boat with you. NAME the dust bunnies if you'd like.

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Response to MOMFUDSKI (Reply #11)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 01:56 PM

12. Lol

Big Mama. I worry about the owner being horrified

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 02:11 PM

13. I have a few suggestions

I've dealt with both dirt/dust and boxes issues in the recent past.

1. Buy a vacuum. Not just any vacuum. This one: https://www.amazon.com/Hoover-Commercial-Lightweight-Backpack-C2401/dp/B005NASZG8/ The thing is a dream.

2. Start going through the boxes. Find a place for everything in them, even if it's just another box! Throw out what you can. Do this when you can and feel up to it. You may well find that you can get on a tear and get through a lot of them in a short time. And other times you won't feel like working on the boxes at all. That's ok! As you re-box/organize/throw stuff out, move boxes around your place. Say, from a dusty corner to a newly cleaned corner. Buy some new, clean boxes. U-Haul is a good place to get these.

3. To fix the bath, buy some caulk and a putty knife to scrape loose caulk out. $12 or so. If you aren't sure what to do or how to do it, search youtube.

Good luck!

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Response to gristy (Reply #13)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 02:13 PM

14. Thanks

DUers are such great, supportive people. Some days I have energy; others, not. I'm going to attack the floor when I feel like it

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Response to gristy (Reply #13)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:08 PM

19. Excellent advice, gristly!

I too used to be a real Ďneat nickí but, then kids & dogs etc. helped me to be a bit more relaxed, if you know what I mean .

Now getting older & getting rid of things is the hard part.

But, two things that really motivate me are 1) that great feeling you get when everythingís neat and tidy and 2) watching those hoarding shows- gets me going every time!!

If you lived nearby I would come by and help you get started
Itís always easier to help with someone elseís cleaning than your own!

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Response to gristy (Reply #13)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:11 PM

20. I like that vac!

Does it have to be worn on the back during use?

I have a kenmore canister vacuum that I have been using for 20 years, and I will be in tears when it fails, but I know it is coming. This would make a great replacement!

48 foot cord! Lots of great attachments!

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Response to Cracklin Charlie (Reply #20)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:24 PM

25. For small touch ups, it works well enough sitting on the floor or holding it in one hand

while holding the wand in the other. Though when on the floor it will want to tip over since the hose enters at the top. On the back is where it's at!

And yes, the extra-long cord is fantastic.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:00 PM

16. Temporary chaos.

Iím getting a new kitchen floor, and the tear out of the old one has left my kitchen floor looking like the surface of the moon! I can almost not stand to walk on it, but I have to. Everything, and itís a considerable amount, from my cupboards and drawers is sitting in boxes, on tables, in my family room with me. All mine and hubís Christmas gifts are there in the pile somewhere. We have two weeks to go, and I gotta admit, itís starting to get to me. The stuff has to sit there until all done. I keep going to put it away, but thereís no place to put anything.

Craters, screw heads, dust and crustÖitís everywhere. Iím a bit of a clean freak, so this is really bad for my mental health. I love to cook, and prepare elaborate meals three or four times a week. But I canít cope with standing on the lunar surface to do so. I have taken to pretending that none of this ever happened.

Two weeksÖ

Thanks for letting me vent

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Response to Cracklin Charlie (Reply #16)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:02 PM

17. You're welcome

Hope it turns out good

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #17)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:20 PM

22. Gristy gave some great advice upstairs, Xana.

I would like to add that it always helps me to set easily realistic goals when approaching a project.

When I go to unpack my boxes, I will set a goal of emptying one box every day. Anything else is a bonus. That way, even if I get busy doing something else (quite likely), I should have time to empty and put away one box. There will be three pilesÖkeep, trash, give away. Eventually I will get through them all, it will be spring, and I can go back to walking through my kitchen thatís full of my favorite things. Win, win, win.

Good luck to you. Happy New Year!

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Response to Cracklin Charlie (Reply #22)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:24 PM

24. Happy New Year!

Love this forum and my DU family. I talk to a therapist, but don't have a lot of outlets. I finally admitted to him the living situation. It's not hoarding level (tv show), but not what is like

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:22 PM

23. compartmentalize

solution to all problems!!

and remember guilt is so very destructive... of no use to anyone, although sometimes difficult to be rid of, I know

be kind to yourself!

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Response to markie (Reply #23)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:25 PM

26. Thanks!

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:27 PM

27. I'm a sentimental person and have trouble letting go of things. A great trick I found is to

take a photo of items that you are attached to, but don't have room for. Keep a photo album of these things and donate the items to charity.

The husband and I downsized to a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment when he became disabled years ago. Going from a house to apartment with inside parking was a blessing, not having to do yard work etc. But the decreased space means it can get cluttered quicker. I have to do all the housework, and I still work full time. I try to do a little each day so I don't need to waste my weekend time cleaning.

Take Care!

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Response to Ziggysmom (Reply #27)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 04:20 PM

32. Thank you nt

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:44 PM

29. Lucky for me, we own the house. My room is a shit hole. Depression is part of it.

I got rid of a lot of stuff last week, at a local thrift shop. Stuff that no longer fits or I ain't gonna ever wear again. I also pick up at least one piece of paper or other object to take out of the room when I leave it. That either goes into trash, recycling or a box for the next trip to thrift.

One object out of the room when I leave it..... = 3 or four things a day. It is making a dent and it is not overwhelming.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 03:58 PM

30. I am right there with you, and it seems like a spiral in many ways

I've been dealing with health issues and disability for years, moved into this house 5 years ago...brand new.

Over time and with pets and things breaking, I am now surrounded with projects and grime and crap I need to get rid of...

The washer brooke over a year ago...so now the laundry room is stagnant and there's bundles of blankets and things I'd like to get clean and put in the linen closet... or maybe I should just throw it all away since I havent used them in months. (Also keeps me from changing sheets on a regular basis, so I feel like my bed is grimy)

The bathroom sink flooded onto the carpet last year and with the dog pee in the carpet it smelled so bad... so I cut out a huge chunk of carpet and put down a space rug, but now I feel like my bedroom looks like shit. (also, all the nasty towels that my son used to try and dry the floor with are now sitting on the back porch, waiting for the day I can get a dump run together and dispose of them)

I'm not a hoarder, thank god. My dad has that gift. But I have SO much that I want to "fix" and clean up, but between not being physically able and not having the $ it has just been compounding upon itself.

I dont know what the answer is, except to finally get some help and work through each peice and clear out the crap. Meanwhile I feel like a slob and a loser.
It's not fun... and the cycle of depression and home showing the effects is real.
Whike I dont have any advice for you, I can comisserate.

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Response to FirstLight (Reply #30)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 04:18 PM

31. I'm sorry

Thanks for sharing. It's not easy.

You can just do your best, but I understand how these issues just cascade until they seem insurmountable.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 04:33 PM

33. 2021

Was first-class chaos environment for me. Some good things happened. But the universe delivered many trying events.
One step-son has aspergers. Diagnosed early. Just, covid school shutdowns really derailed his age 18 and 19.
The younger one, 15, has been in mental health intake a few times. Kids are struggling everywhere.
They went to their mothers, which actually helped.
However, she had lost her job like I did in 2020. And her husband left, was back, left, was back. She has a job again.
My husband fell apart, bc he felt like he failed his sons. He quit his job & fell into a depression. Job loss & marital stress has been prevalent everywhere too.

I had found a job. Miracle. Yay! & was working many hours.
I finished my masters. Yay! Which was a lot of hours.

The house has been remodeling project, going on 5 years. 100 years old. So many projects. So many boxes we've moved around and around. So much dust. (I had been in our other house, long story that involves my mom living w me--but we had all convened into this one "not ready" property)
When you start with run-down surroundings, i think it runs you down mentally? started trying to make just 1 room look nice. & would stay in there. Lol.
Decades ago, i read some decent advice about cleaning. If it's overwhelming, get plastic bins, take everything off, say, the sideboard, that's messy & put it in bin. Label it "diningroom sideboard". Put bin somewhere. Keep going. It alleviates "i cant sort, bc i cant decide, bc im overwhelmed " issue. I LITERALLY PUT BOX CONTENTS STRAIGHT INTO BINS---haha. You aren't actually deep cleaning. You aren't deciding anything. (I couldn't!) & u can still retrieve said items. But you ARE creating space & some zen.
Its my go-to low energy method now.
Try to give yourself some grace. Its not just you. It's everybody!

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 04:57 PM

34. I started with 30 minutes a day while listening to a really good book on tape. I was

only allowed to listen to the book while cleaning for 30 minutes. Not 31 minutes. I stopped as soon as the timer went off. But I did it EVERY day. After a while the mess was gone and the time limit wasn't necessary. I'd be able to do a room in under an hour and keep on top of things.

Try whatever advice sounds good to you. Then try another suggestion. Something will work for you.

You've got this. But do it. Every one of those boxes, every dust bunny, weighs something on you. Get rid of them and that goes away.

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Response to Scrivener7 (Reply #34)

Sun Jan 9, 2022, 07:30 PM

35. Thanks!

I'll start the floor tomorrow

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Mon Jan 10, 2022, 08:46 AM

36. It's a PTSD thing with me. As an adult I don't think I've ever felt secure in my person or place.

Intellectually I know that's not true, but I can't ever get that feeling out of my gut.

Whenever I'm not doing well the first thing that flies out the window is my ability to judge my own mental state.

The terror is real.

My life's somewhat a mess at the moment but every day I try to do a few positive things.

I'm recognizing it's time again to spin the roulette wheel of psych meds again and see where the ball lands. And I'll take that recognition as evidence I've still got a handle on things.

Alas, I got up just before 3:00 AM this morning 'cause the wheels in my head won't stop turning, and most of the voices rattling around in there are as cold and as dark as the long winter night.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Wed Jan 12, 2022, 05:14 AM

37. OMG, Yes!

I have boxes in my living and dining rooms which have been there for years!..Dust bunnies? Yes! Cat fur? Yes! ..Clutter I can't seem to get on top of?..Most definitely!
..So don't feel bad, as you can see, you've got lots of company!

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Response to whathehell (Reply #37)

Wed Jan 12, 2022, 04:14 PM

38. Thanks

That's us all over.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #38)

Wed Jan 12, 2022, 06:06 PM

39. You're welcome!

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