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Sat May 15, 2021, 08:49 AM

Broken

Last edited Sat May 15, 2021, 09:35 AM - Edit history (1)

BROKEN
By Al Garcia

I don’t know what to feel right now. I don’t know how to accept the plight that we’re in right now. The world is in a state of chaos and madness, and I find myself in a state of denial and rejection, and wallowing in self-pity and in thoughts of what could have been or should have been.

Gone is the joy and passion that I used to know, now replaced by the slow and agonizing death of all that used to be. Sleepless nights and endless days, consumed by ways to cease and ease the misery. But still the insanity persists, as I see the empty streets, and as I hear the silence that now surrounds the bare and barren landscape of the remnants of my life.

I think about the days gone by, and about the frivolity and playfulness that used to make each day a joy. I also remember hazy moments and stark realities that jolted my life and my direction. So much time to think and to reflect. So many regrets along the way. So much left unfinished and unspoken. It is days like this, when I feel down and wretched, that I begin to see and feel the insignificance of what I once thought to be more important, and to be more valuable, than the simplicity and the humility of sharing human affection and kindness.

I find myself living in a defining moment. A time when vision, ideas and ingenuity on a global level will determine the life or death of millions, and of our humanity. It is a time of great expectations, anticipations and opportunities. A turbulent and unstable time where we must not remain oblivious to the changing attitudes, outlooks, thoughts and feelings being shared by people and by nations around the world. This is a time when a unifying world mindset is overwhelming the status quo, and a time that may be the beginning of a new chapter in our world history.

This is not the time to circle the wagons in a de facto segregation or isolation. There is no “us” versus “them” mentality involved in the crises we are experiencing. We cannot isolate ourselves inside a cultural, social or political time-warp or bubble, were an invincible virus can be kept outside our gates and out of sight. This is a cataclysmic event that will affect and change life the world over.

And through this sudden, abrupt and massive assault on the life of our humanity, I find myself unable to fully understand or accept the mental stress, anxiety, strain and trauma, or the physical restraints on my ordinary life. And I feel I am not alone. For we were not meant to live our lives hiding from one another, or afraid to touch or feel the beating heart of those that made our lives complete. Life is better than this – we know it, because we have experienced it. We have lived it, and we want to feel again the good, the bad, the laughter and the joy, and the sorrow and the tears that come with ordinary lives in ordinary times.

And to think that this is probably just a simple and mild dress rehearsal of the one and final cataclysmic event the world will see – the unleashing of the dogs of war by nuclear powers determined to obtain superiority and power over dead dreams and ashes blowing in the wind.

I don’t know what to feel right now. I don’t know how to accept the plight that we’re in right now. I just feel broken and alone. And I don’t like the thoughts that invade my mind and make me feel afraid to close my eyes and dream.

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Response to acg (Original post)

Sat May 15, 2021, 09:04 AM

1. this thing has been hard on my mental health too. and my physical health.

it's been so crazy here.
a lot of my neighbors lost their minds. i've never had so much conflict in my life.
my intestines have stopped working right. i have a scope this week.

but i've talked to a few people about what last year was like for me and mostly they relate.
everyone seems to have endured some insanity in all this.

what i worry about most is the amount of free floating grief in the world right now.
so many dead, alone. family shut out. as a hospice worker, i know what happens next and it's not good.
it one of the things weighing on me, because i COULD have done something. i used to do something about this once a week. it's something that matters to me.
and i'm locked out.
it meant so much to me to do that small thing to make the world a better place.
now i a stuck here stewing in my own juices.

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Response to acg (Original post)

Sat May 15, 2021, 10:59 AM

2. Too many people are raised on false values and not taught to question the status quo. To limit the

Lies, families could at least question two areas, Christianity and American culture. Actually, if people taught Christianity truthfully, more of us would question the value of materialism and superficiality. Even within the complete ignorance of Christian beliefs for about 1700 years, if Christians would just amend one thing, it might be a big help. "Jesus saves" as understood is wrong and unscriptural. "Jesus teaches us how to save ourselves" is scripturally accurate. Those teachings, if followed, would make America and the world a heckuva better place!

Damnation! And here I've been so good about avoiding my spiritual rants! Time to start over!

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Response to acg (Original post)

Sat May 15, 2021, 11:17 AM

3. I have felt a lot of that weight lifted with the inauguration. It was a long, dark four years.

There is bound to be some residual depression. I have also felt better after tens of millions of Americans have acquired some immunity from the Trump Virus. I am feeling more optimistic than I have in four years. There is some relief, that at least a small majority of Americans can still come together to right a great wrong. Try to hang on to the positives and work to change the negatives.

I still fear that somehow, the 30 something percentage of Fascist prone Americans will pull off a Brown Shirt Revolution and it doesn't help to see states marching down the path of voter suppression and denial of the truth. History has proven that this fear is not without some justification. It breaks my heart to see that so many Americans are willing to blindly follow the big lie; I just can not understand it and I don't know where we have gone so wrong. Americans seem to somehow think that we are above the lessons of history and it simply is not the truth. We are at the fork of two paths, the path to the right is the highway to hell, the path to the left is full of hope.

We must all, through our fear and depression, keep our eyes on the ball and resist the rise of Fascism in our country by what ever means we each have. We must recognize that it is a minority of Americans that long for some right-wing revolution to make our country great again by returning to the days of robber barons, and white supremacy. We must remember, that while they have the guns, we have the brains; a far more powerful weapon.

We must show strength through the pain.

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Response to acg (Original post)

Mon May 17, 2021, 06:54 PM

5. Such Powerful Responses

. . . I was amazed at the shared response we all seem to feel and understand. We are not alone. We never were. We were just made to feel that way in order to further demoralize us, weaken us, and undermine our unity and our resolve. They almost succeeded. This isn't over yet, however. We must remain vigilant and strong.

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