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Sun Jul 5, 2020, 06:43 PM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

Me, anxiety & depression, and the cat

Hi all: I am new to this forum. I was on DU for years, years ago, but fell away. I am glad to be back, and glad there is a safe space like this.

I suffer from bipolar, depression, and anxiety. I am under the care of a psychiatrist and psychologist, who are both very good. I take medications as prescribed and try very hard to function. My job is very stressful, and I am considering going on SSDI soon. I have worked full time many years, and my doctors think it may be best for my health to be on disability.

I really have no one else to talk to about this. I love animals, and support cat-charities. This entails sponsoring a cat at my usual cat charity. I regularly visit the website to view the cats, and if I see one that "speaks to me", I sponsor them. If I win a lotto, I will donate enough to have them build a new wing!

I saw this cat a few weeks ago, and I really wanted to adopt her. This wonderful, no-kill shelter is about two hours away from me, in the same state, but I would have happily traveled to adopt this older cat, abandoned, with trauma issues from being discarded by a previous owner. I just fell in love with her! I have one cat I love who is FIV+ , and our vet made us promise to not get a second cat. So, we promised.

My sponsored cat was adopted a few days ago. I am so happy she found a home at age 8- she has a funny little face with her tongue hanging out all the time. But I just am heartbroken. I really wanted to adopt her. I keep thinking about this, and it is making me sad.

So, while I am happy for her that she has a forever home, I am so sad that it is not with me, and I keep thinking about this. I also have OCD. I am trying to take my mind off this, and am glad a terrible situation (abandonment of cat, being rescued and taken to this great cat shelter, being sponsored, and finally finding a home) turned out great for the cat.

This has never happened before. I told my psychologist about this, and he was very sympathetic to me.

Thanks for listening. I feel really sad and empty tonight, and also feel like a crazy person for feeling like this.

29 replies, 2189 views

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Arrow 29 replies Author Time Post
Reply Me, anxiety & depression, and the cat (Original post)
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 OP
LineReply She will always be with you in your memory.
 cayugafalls Jul 2020 #1
LineLineReply Thank you so much!
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #3
LineLineLineReply Tiddles! I love that name! Give her some extra rubs from me!
 cayugafalls Jul 2020 #10
LineLineLineLineReply Thanks for reading and responding
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #16
LineReply All of us are crazy persons.
 raging moderate Jul 2020 #2
LineLineReply Thank you
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #5
LineLineLineReply Do you get an emotional lift from watching dodo or other cat/animal vids?
 JudyM Jul 2020 #19
LineLineLineLineNew Reply I love the Dodo
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #20
LineReply I think feeling like this is perfectly natural
 Rhiannon12866 Jul 2020 #4
LineLineReply I remember your username, and thank you!
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #7
LineLineLineReply I think you joined about the same time I did, back on DU.1
 Rhiannon12866 Jul 2020 #15
LineLineLineLineReply Yes, my first username was Libertychick
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #17
LineLineLineLineLineReply Ah, that second one was the one I found, went back to DU.1
 Rhiannon12866 Jul 2020 #18
LineLineLineLineLineNew Reply Omg I remember you.
 I_UndergroundPanther Jul 2020 #22
LineLineLineLineLineLineNew Reply I remember you!
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #28
LineReply Welcome home.
 sheshe2 Jul 2020 #6
LineLineReply Great to be back
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #8
LineLineLineReply You take care.
 sheshe2 Jul 2020 #13
LineReply You imagined she was yours.
 voteearlyvoteoften Jul 2020 #9
LineLineReply Thanks
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #11
LineReply Separation anxiety is rough especially when one already feels alone, that adds
 42bambi Jul 2020 #12
LineLineReply Thank you
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #14
LineNew Reply Good to meet you.
 3catwoman3 Jul 2020 #21
LineLineNew Reply Thank you
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #27
LineNew Reply I totally understand, you took Tiddles into your heart and it's normal to feel
 LiberalLoner Jul 2020 #23
LineLineNew Reply Thanks!
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #26
LineNew Reply Hi XanaDUer
 CatLady78 Jul 2020 #24
LineLineNew Reply Thank you so much
 XanaDUer2 Jul 2020 #25
LineLineLineNew Reply You are welcome
 CatLady78 Jul 2020 #29

Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:03 PM

Star Member cayugafalls (5,401 posts)

1. She will always be with you in your memory.

Be grateful for her blessing you with her time. Cats need to help lots of people sometimes.

She is probably already helping the person who adopted her.

Hold your kitty and love her and she will make you happy inside. I am glad you are here.

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Response to cayugafalls (Reply #1)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:06 PM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

3. Thank you so much!

Thank you for your kind response. The shelter has an intensive vetting process for adopters, so I am sure she is with good people (person?) who are happy to have her. I just hope she is safe and happy and settling in to her new forever home. I just need to stop obsessing about it. I will pay more attention to my wonderful cat I have now, Tiddles

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #3)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:15 PM

Star Member cayugafalls (5,401 posts)

10. Tiddles! I love that name! Give her some extra rubs from me!

I know how hard it can be. Maybe Tiddles can help! Talk to Tiddles (I just love saying that name, ok, typing it...), I am sure she loves you!

Be well and know you are loved.

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Response to cayugafalls (Reply #10)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:31 PM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

16. Thanks for reading and responding

And kind words

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:06 PM

Star Member raging moderate (4,107 posts)

2. All of us are crazy persons.

You are also a very loving person. Sometimes that hurts, but it is worth the pain.

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Response to raging moderate (Reply #2)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:08 PM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

5. Thank you

I am struggling mightily to get through each day, and I wonder if that has something to do with how I feel. I felt that having another cat would be impetus to get up and get through another day at work, ie, to have enough money to take care of them. My boyfriend loves cats, too, and pays for all our current cat's medical care.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #5)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:56 PM

Star Member JudyM (27,816 posts)

19. Do you get an emotional lift from watching dodo or other cat/animal vids?

I do! My mother is alone in Covid lockdown and loves the vids I share with her, mostly coming from DUer catbyte’s posts.

Hang in, it’s a wild ride but you’ll get through it.

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Response to JudyM (Reply #19)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 08:11 PM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

20. I love the Dodo

I also like Tiny But Fierce..
Sharing this here is making me feel better.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:07 PM

Star Member Rhiannon12866 (189,265 posts)

4. I think feeling like this is perfectly natural

I have pets, too, am also an animal lover from way back. And I think it's normal to get easily attached and to feel that no one could give a pet the care that you could, especially one with issues or special needs. And now that the cat you've become attached to is no longer accessible to you, you're going to wonder and worry. I think that's perfectly natural.

I also follow dogs and cats in need in shelters online and I also worry and find it makes me anxious. I know I can only do so much, but that doesn't help my anxiety. I hadn't thought of it before, but I'm also OCD, so that may be a part of it. And the anxiety about what's going on in this country - and the world - right now certainly doesn't help.

Welcome back to DU, this place is a haven for so many of us right now. I've also been here for quite a few years, but was shut out after this site experienced an election day hack back in 2016 like so many were and EarlG helped me access my original account. If you'd like help with that, I'm sure he could help you as well. Hang in there and welcome back! You're in the right place...

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Reply #4)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:13 PM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

7. I remember your username, and thank you!

Glad to be back. It has been so long since I was on DU. The last 3.5 years have been such a nightmare, and I remember here when George Bush 2 was in power and how we all discussed that all the time. And now Trump. And all that that entails. It's just brought me back here to my DU family. I need strength, hope, and encouragement and I knew I would find it here again. My mental-health issues have gotten worse the older I have gotten. So happy to see this mental-health support gathering here.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #7)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:30 PM

Star Member Rhiannon12866 (189,265 posts)

15. I think you joined about the same time I did, back on DU.1

I was here during the lead up to the Iraq war, was here on the night that started, and then through the 2004 election, and we thought that things couldn't possibly get worse back then!

But that's the thing about DU, we're among kindred spirits and someone is always here 24/7. And we're all going through an unprecedented period of stress and anxiety right now, so having DU and knowing we're not alone can make all the difference.

As I said, you can ask the admins (EarlG helped me) for help in accessing your original account if you want to. And you're right, DU is a community, a family, and we're so glad that you found us again. You're in the right place.

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Response to Rhiannon12866 (Reply #15)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:38 PM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

17. Yes, my first username was Libertychick

Then when DU2 came about, I was XanaDUer, so I stuck a 2 onto that now.
I'm happy to see so many familiar usernames still here. I saw the In Memorium link. Those we've lost, sadly

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #17)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:47 PM

Star Member Rhiannon12866 (189,265 posts)

18. Ah, that second one was the one I found, went back to DU.1

Over the years so many have come and gone, but so many come back, just like you have. There really is no other place like DU where we can always find the latest most accurate news and others here who will identify and understand on issues both political and personal.

And we have lost so many, too, over the years, but it does help that we can acknowledge what they gave us and remember them.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #17)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 08:53 PM

Star Member I_UndergroundPanther (12,057 posts)

22. Omg I remember you.

On Du1 I was UndergroundPanther.
Couldn't get in after the hack and lost the original account I had,and switched from Verizon. Than I lost my home. I couldn't get my old account back. But I made the name almost the same Anyways great to see you are still here.

DUers are awesome.

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Response to I_UndergroundPanther (Reply #22)

Mon Jul 6, 2020, 06:09 AM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

28. I remember you!

Glad you were able to get back in. Nice to see you again.
EDIT typo

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:10 PM

Star Member sheshe2 (80,765 posts)

6. Welcome home.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #6)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:14 PM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

8. Great to be back

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #8)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:25 PM

Star Member sheshe2 (80,765 posts)

13. You take care.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:15 PM

voteearlyvoteoften (1,716 posts)

9. You imagined she was yours.

And then that dream did not come true. It’s OK to feel bad.
But when you do get your second kiddle you will know it was meant to be.😽😽😽

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Response to voteearlyvoteoften (Reply #9)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:17 PM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

11. Thanks

I did imagine it. Tiddles will have to be an only child, and I knew this, so should not have even entertained the idea of adopting, but just did it. I think OCD, depression and anxiety issues caused this, though I do love cats!

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:23 PM

42bambi (1,753 posts)

12. Separation anxiety is rough especially when one already feels alone, that adds

to a sense of loss for your fur baby. We here at DU welcome any and all thoughts, fears, sadness, anger ... we welcome you back. I hope that each day that passes, good memories will help ease your sorrow.

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Response to 42bambi (Reply #12)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 07:26 PM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

14. Thank you

The cat issue, oddly, was the tipping point to re-create an account. I knew I could come onto DU and talk about my feelings, and have a positive experience. So happy this group exists, it's great

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 08:36 PM

Star Member 3catwoman3 (22,965 posts)

21. Good to meet you.

I’m not as long time as some here, only since 2012.

15 years ago, our 2 sons and I drove from the greater Chicago area to Chattanooga to adopt a cat we saw on PetFinder. He reminded us of a much beloved cat who had died way too young as the result of an unknown cardiac problem. Part ragdoll, with beautiful blue eyes. This cat was pretty much a doppelgänger.

The woman fostering him had 80 (!) cats in her house. She had another ragdoll kitten, quite tiny and full of personality. Her name was Milkshake. I soooooo wanted to take her, too. So many times, in the years since, I have thought about her and regretted no giving into that impulse.

I think what you are feeling is totally understandable.

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Response to 3catwoman3 (Reply #21)

Mon Jul 6, 2020, 06:06 AM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

27. Thank you

It comforts me that she got a home, but there's a tiny hole I my heart

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Sun Jul 5, 2020, 09:07 PM

Star Member LiberalLoner (9,563 posts)

23. I totally understand, you took Tiddles into your heart and it's normal to feel

A bit sad. I’m glad you are here, fellow cat lover!

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Response to LiberalLoner (Reply #23)

Mon Jul 6, 2020, 06:03 AM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

26. Thanks!

Glad to be here again

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Original post)

Mon Jul 6, 2020, 12:31 AM

CatLady78 (1,041 posts)

24. Hi XanaDUer

Loving animals can be hard...I had a cat I was very fond of years ago and he was attacked by either a male cat or a dog. My cats are all outdoor cats - I am in India right now.
He died in a couple of days but it haunted me for a long time.
I wasn't sure whether to share that unpleasant story or not. I do not know if it helps but I suppose my point was that at least your kitty will be happy.

I too drifted away from DU in the Obama years when things seemed less dire. I have liked being back.

I understand how you feel. I am a cat person too..
Feel better soon. Being here will help. It is a good online community. I almost have no other web presence but I like coming here.

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Response to CatLady78 (Reply #24)

Mon Jul 6, 2020, 06:02 AM

Star Member XanaDUer2 (8,487 posts)

25. Thank you so much

Knowing people understand makes it easier.

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Response to XanaDUer2 (Reply #25)

Mon Jul 6, 2020, 06:11 AM

CatLady78 (1,041 posts)

29. You are welcome

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