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Sun Sep 9, 2012, 02:11 PM

UPDATE on elder son: First day was freshmen orientation and

went pretty well. The class size is larger than his entire former elementary school, but 3 other classmates came along with him and he knows and is friends with some upper classamen from our town.

Unfortunately, the next two days did not go as well. He refused to go buy lunch and came home very hungry and grumpy. I think he was overwhelmed because all the rest of the students were now there, and the cafeteria is loud and the line is long. And of course there is always that awful sense of self-consciousness that seems to accompany being in a school caf for some reason.

The new plan will be to make sandwiches so he has a lunch, and if he ever feels up to getting hot lunch, he can save the cold one for a snack later. The question is whether or not it will fit in his backpack. (The school does not use lockers.)

And we just found out today he was mistakenly put in the wrong level of one of his classes, and it's going to screw up his schedule putting him in the correct one. Cross your fingers that the transition period is a short one, and that his schedule can be fixed!

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Response to GreenPartyVoter (Original post)

Sun Sep 9, 2012, 09:43 PM

1. Hang in there with him.

 

School is so challenging for someone like him. My advice is to try to get him to connect with a group that will accept him as he is. My oldest, now 29, has Asperger's, only we didn't figure out that there was a name for his differentness until halfway through his senior year of high school.

One thing that helped him a lot was that he got involved in the science bowl and knowledge bowl groups. Lots of overlap between the two.

The other thing is to make absolutely certain that all his teachers and the administration are aware of his situation. Do your best to see that they nip any bullying in the bud.

Oh, as for the cafeteria thing, is there any chance some one of the other classmates, or better yet the upperclassmen, will be a lunchroom buddy to him?

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Response to SheilaT (Reply #1)

Mon Sep 10, 2012, 01:41 PM

2. Elder son is in band and wants to join the chess team. Putting off sports for this year. He probably

will be ok from bullying. He's pretty socially adept and has a few friends already for a support group.

I sent him to school with a sandwich. We'll see how that goes. It had to be a toasted bread sandwich. Not sure how it held up and if he will still eat it once it is cold. (Actually, he wanted it for breakfast when it was still warm. LOL)

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Response to GreenPartyVoter (Reply #2)

Mon Sep 10, 2012, 01:47 PM

3. Chess team! Excellent choice for

 

a person like him. It may well be that at least several others on the team are somewhere on the autism spectrum, diagnosed or not.

And when he goes off to chess tournaments, he'll probably meet many others like him.

My son's science bowl team went to nationals two years running. I, of course, think it's entirely due to my son. Anyway, both times my husband and I took that as an excuse to visit DC, and spent only a little time hanging out where the teams were. When we did go there, we'd have to search for our son, and invariably find him in friendly and very social conversation with other science bowl kids, not just his own team. It was wonderful for him.

Chess should do very much the same thing for your son.

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Response to SheilaT (Reply #3)

Mon Sep 10, 2012, 01:50 PM

4. I hope so! His Dad is excited both about band and chess, as they were also

activities he did in school himself. He bought a chess clock so they could practice playing, since some people have trouble adjusting to that, but elder son said he didn't feel like he was playing any differently.

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Response to GreenPartyVoter (Original post)

Wed Sep 19, 2012, 04:48 PM

5. College survival tips here

 

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Response to GreenPartyVoter (Original post)

Wed Nov 7, 2012, 09:59 AM

6. I have nothing but compassion and encouragement for you

 

My A/S son is 22 now and you are bringing back many memories, mostly good, but equally difficult for my son, and of course the parents always feel worse. Hang in there, you'll make it through alright.

I love my son, and I will stick by him however much it takes, however long it takes. He'll need some support the rest of his life, but as long as I'm around he'll get it.

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Response to AAO (Reply #6)

Wed Nov 7, 2012, 10:22 AM

7. Thank you! He is doing well for the most part, but his grades slipped in one class when he

accidentally missed the deadline on an assignment and then had trouble on a couple of quizzes. He brought it back up to a B-, though, so he won't have to be bumped down from Honors to the regular class.

I keep telling him to do his work based on when it is assigned not when it due, but he is a teenager now and won't hear anything I have to say. LOL

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Response to GreenPartyVoter (Reply #7)

Wed Nov 7, 2012, 05:13 PM

8. I hear you. That's because they find their own interests that are sometimes so obsessive that

 

dry, rote schoolwork will never be on the front burner - that didn't ever change much with my son.

My son had a gift for either forgetting assignments, losing them, just not telling us about them, etc. He really has no time for organized activities, unless he's the one organizing, and as such he loses the rest of the team.

It's a unique experience, that's for sure. But there is also a lot of love. It all evens out.

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Response to AAO (Reply #8)

Wed Nov 7, 2012, 05:46 PM

9. He is doing pretty well overall, because he does have an interest in keeping his grades up. He

prides himself on his intellect, so that really keeps him motivated. It's also why he is yea close to making Eagle Scout.

Younger son, not so much. He is ADHD and mostly all he wants to do is play video games. And as for being organized, just not gonna happen. But even so, he is doing all right in school.

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Response to GreenPartyVoter (Reply #9)

Wed Nov 7, 2012, 08:28 PM

12. I'm so happy for your son. Your other son seems close, but mine hates any structure .

 

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Response to AAO (Reply #12)

Wed Nov 7, 2012, 09:36 PM

13. Younger son refuses to play sports because "they have rules and stuff." LOL

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Response to GreenPartyVoter (Reply #13)

Thu Nov 8, 2012, 12:36 PM

14. Natch!

 

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Response to GreenPartyVoter (Reply #7)

Wed Nov 7, 2012, 05:47 PM

10. Missing deadlines is a very common Aspie problem.

 

Make sure his teachers contact you when he's not turning in assignments. That may need to be put in an IEP, but do it. I never had a formal IEP for my son because he wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until he was halfway through his senior year of high school. Fortunately he attended a small (45 kids in his grade) independent school, and I was at school frequently. When teachers would see me in the hallway they'd let me know if he was missing homework.

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Response to SheilaT (Reply #10)

Wed Nov 7, 2012, 06:00 PM

11. One of the great things about his school is they post the grades online, so we can see how things

are going.

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