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bif

(22,685 posts)
Tue May 30, 2023, 08:01 AM May 2023

Survived a two-week vacation in the UK.

The first week was easy. It was just my wife and me. We visited Edinburgh, York, and Lincoln. But the second week we rented a house in London and our kids and my daughter's FIL all stayed with us. They're all drinkers and every night ended with them pounding the wine. That was a bit harder to deal with but I excused myself and went to my room and watched movies. The real hard part was going out to two dinners.

It was a retirement party for my wife. One night we went to an Italian restaurant and I was the only one not drinking. Then the next night was the retirement dinner. It was an Argentinian steak house and they kept bringing out various wines and describing them to the whole table. The waitresses asked me several times if I was sure I didn't want to have some wine. By the end of the night, everyone was blasted. It was an excruciating 5 1/2 hours. And I couldn't cut out early, because they were honoring my wife.

But in the end, I prevailed! The thing that kinda bugs me is that no one else really understands what we go through.

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Survived a two-week vacation in the UK. (Original Post) bif May 2023 OP
Congratulations, I understand what you went through, and what an accomplishment it is Walleye May 2023 #1
Way to stay strong! Hope22 May 2023 #2
I hear you. They all likely suffered a headache in the morning, while you were singing a tune... Joinfortmill May 2023 #3
welcome back Tetrachloride May 2023 #4
... sprinkleeninow May 2023 #5
That is amazing. Your kids, wife and so forth, didn't support you? 3Hotdogs May 2023 #6
My wife and kids do support me. bif May 2023 #16
But we go though it and we come out as strong and stronger. Good on you! marble falls May 2023 #7
How did you like York? Applan May 2023 #8
It's one of my favorite cities in England. bif May 2023 #15
Congratulations h2ebits May 2023 #9
Fortitude! LatteLady May 2023 #10
The pressure to join can be relentless. halfulglas May 2023 #11
A med I take requires alcohol avoidance. People spooky3 May 2023 #13
Early research suggests confirmation of intuitive logic...legal cannabis means less consumption. Alexander Of Assyria May 2023 #17
people also assume you're 'missing out on the fun' stopdiggin May 2023 #18
You don't hear this point of view often. BradBo May 2023 #12
Well done! ChazInAz May 2023 #14
Congrats! Wife retired and you graduated! Was a tough oral examination you passed w flying colours.n Bernardo de La Paz May 2023 #19
You have a lot to be proud of! Marthe48 May 2023 #20
Brits love drinking heavily IronLionZion May 2023 #21
Congratulations, you did amazingly well wendyb-NC May 2023 #22
WELL DONE! Skittles May 2023 #23
Congratulations ..very late, but my hat is off to you Stuart G Jun 2023 #24
Thank You for Posting & Sharing With Us...K and R You Prevailed!!!!and you are totally correct..... Stuart G Jun 2023 #25

Hope22

(1,790 posts)
2. Way to stay strong!
Tue May 30, 2023, 08:06 AM
May 2023

That must have been extremely difficult on so many levels. People can be so clueless! My hat is off to you. You are are doing amazing work.

3Hotdogs

(12,324 posts)
6. That is amazing. Your kids, wife and so forth, didn't support you?
Tue May 30, 2023, 08:38 AM
May 2023

Didn't tell the waitress to fuck off?

My friends go on motorcycle trips every year. Been doing that for 30 years. Evening drinks by the fire pit or wherever was part of the fun. Tony would go through a bottle of chianti eery evening.

Then, his liver got shot. He quit drinking. WE stopped buying alcohol on the trips and don't order alcohol at supper.

bif

(22,685 posts)
16. My wife and kids do support me.
Tue May 30, 2023, 10:36 AM
May 2023

But at this dinner, it wasn't about me. My wife was the focus. I was tempted to tell the waitress to sod off, but the gentleman in me prevailed. It's not her fault she had a duty to push the wine drinking.

bif

(22,685 posts)
15. It's one of my favorite cities in England.
Tue May 30, 2023, 10:33 AM
May 2023

We actually toyed with giving our younger daughter the middle name York. But alas, we chickened out

h2ebits

(640 posts)
9. Congratulations
Tue May 30, 2023, 09:45 AM
May 2023

What you are doing is difficult. Cripes! You have survived quite the ordeal sitting with all of those people so many times.

You have my complete support. Keep on; keeping on!!

LatteLady

(21 posts)
10. Fortitude!
Tue May 30, 2023, 09:55 AM
May 2023

My mom lived thanks to AA. Your perseverance in the face of great temptation is amazing! Hope you are super proud of yourself ‘cause you should be!

halfulglas

(1,654 posts)
11. The pressure to join can be relentless.
Tue May 30, 2023, 09:58 AM
May 2023

At my age I rarely drink because even a small amount can affect my reflexes now. But the pressure to drink isn't mean, just people seem to think there's something wrong with you if you don't drink. My good friend when she was with her ex had to attend a lot of parties and get-togethers with him for his job and would nurse a ginger ale or water. One night when guys would come up to her and pressure her and say come on, have a drink, she decided to just tell them she was an alcoholic (she wasn't really, she just thought this would stop the pressure to drink). She was shocked when these people would say, well, one drink won't hurt you.

It can be really annoying watching people who feel they have to have a drink with their meals, and then another and they get louder and the more they drink the louder they get.

I like the way you described it as "survived" the vacation.

spooky3

(34,405 posts)
13. A med I take requires alcohol avoidance. People
Tue May 30, 2023, 10:10 AM
May 2023

Like this back off if I tell them this. I never reveal the med’s name.

 

Alexander Of Assyria

(7,839 posts)
17. Early research suggests confirmation of intuitive logic...legal cannabis means less consumption.
Tue May 30, 2023, 10:38 AM
May 2023
https://www.addictionresource.net/blog/marijuana-legalization-effects-on-alcohol/

Recent studies have shown that people are using marijuana more, and drinking less, in states that have passed recreational marijuana laws. Although marijuana is not a treatment for alcohol addiction, this finding could be important for future policy decisions.

stopdiggin

(11,242 posts)
18. people also assume you're 'missing out on the fun'
Tue May 30, 2023, 10:43 AM
May 2023

( nope. sorry. anybody that has more than just the mildest of buzzes - is a really terrible definition of fun. tedious. embarrassing. occasionally offensive, indiscreet and destructive .. but 9 times out of 10 - neither a 'fun' time, or companion. )

BradBo

(528 posts)
12. You don't hear this point of view often.
Tue May 30, 2023, 10:06 AM
May 2023

Non drinkers do suffer in silence when they cannot leave an event like that. I rarely drink at social occasions. It always seems to be about having to drive since my wife always wants me to drive home. Makes it easy but it is annoying sometimes and highly boring after a few hours.

ChazInAz

(2,559 posts)
14. Well done!
Tue May 30, 2023, 10:22 AM
May 2023

Forty-one years sober, here.
One my most difficult experiences was a wedding in San Carlos, Mexico. I was the abiding Dudist minister, there was the best man, bride and groom and the photographer. Lady photographer and I were the only sober ones in the group. Bride and groom were mean drunks who fought constantly. Photographer and I wound up staying in my room and ignoring the brawls as best we could, and we bonded over the trauma. We're still friends.
The marriage lasted four months.

IronLionZion

(45,380 posts)
21. Brits love drinking heavily
Tue May 30, 2023, 11:10 AM
May 2023

it can be challenging but doable.

Nondrinking friends will sometimes tell the server to bring them soft drinks in a cocktail glass or something so they can still cheers.

wendyb-NC

(3,302 posts)
22. Congratulations, you did amazingly well
Tue May 30, 2023, 11:14 AM
May 2023

That's true no one understands what it's like to be in our shoes. It's insane at times. I come from a family of drinkers. I don't preach to them, I just hang back and try to focus on the occasion, or anything but the drinks.

You are stalwart in the face of drinking mayhem. Excellent work.

Skittles

(153,111 posts)
23. WELL DONE!
Tue May 30, 2023, 07:58 PM
May 2023

you should feel very proud indeed

remember that someone is always here on DU, we are here for you!

Stuart G

(38,414 posts)
25. Thank You for Posting & Sharing With Us...K and R You Prevailed!!!!and you are totally correct.....
Sun Jun 18, 2023, 01:30 PM
Jun 2023
....."bugs me is that no one else really understands what we go through."

NO TRUER WORDS WERE EVER SPOKEN!!!
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