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Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:07 PM

God,, I love her,,but

She wants to blame all om me,,cuz she thinks I drink always. yeah I used to,,but when LilBit went into ICU Mom changed,,I went back into my work mode,where I watched many hcp people die,,and I went times 10 because it was my daughter.im giving her shots and meds,,, Mom went back to Tn and we had an issue today,,I made HORRID lasagna for LilBit yesterday today I went ,,bought some pasta sauce,,mushrooms,, garlic,,blah blah blah,,Lil Bit ate 2 plates full this morn and thunderstorms rolled in. and she wanted to sleep,,so I hugged her and we slept...deep. LilBit didnt wake,, I did and was in Wander land am?pm? where the hell are we? and then Mom calls.Supposedly I was drunk and drinking.. I do NOT WHEN I HAVE LILBIT to myself,,,.Im exhausted,,Lil bit pooped all over bed last night, and I did laundry ,,put fan on bad to get rid of smell.. cooked some great, breakfast for her, and thunderstorms ro;;ed in and she wanetd me to hug her,,we woke 10 hours later ..My point is ,,,we arent all drunks,druggies or otherwise, we can care,,my wife wants to look at me as a drunk,,,but Im not,,Im a Dad who worked in Hcp field and I KNOW these people.. AA is great,,but they dont look at real life,,they just do their notes.. Ive Lived these deaths
,yeah,,I drank,,but I dont anymore,,I take are of lilBit and tonight,,I took care of LilBIt Mom ran back to Tn,,, I cooked last night,,sucked,,today,,great,,,LilBit wanted nap and me hug so I did,,and now,,I get phone calls,Im still wrong,I truly want to crawl into a bottle,,but I never drink when I have lilbit with me alone,,why is Mom doing this? the hugs felt so good,,I havent slept well in weeks as I setting up camper and everything seems to be broken... Dammit why?I love Mrs and love lilbit,,, just dammit why?
rant over

Koz

14 replies, 1261 views

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 14 replies Author Time Post
Reply God,, I love her,,but (Original post)
kozar Aug 2020 OP
elleng Aug 2020 #1
kozar Aug 2020 #2
elleng Aug 2020 #6
kozar Aug 2020 #12
mr_lebowski Aug 2020 #3
kozar Aug 2020 #5
mr_lebowski Aug 2020 #7
kozar Aug 2020 #8
irisblue Aug 2020 #4
SheltieLover Aug 2020 #9
kozar Aug 2020 #10
sheshe2 Aug 2020 #11
kozar Aug 2020 #13
Stuart G Aug 2020 #14

Response to kozar (Original post)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:11 PM

1. :hug:

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Response to elleng (Reply #1)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:15 PM

2. This world is sucking Ellen,,

Mrs K getting caught up in world. ,,, Damn this world..... Lil Bits hugs, are truth,,,Mrs K retireed from Post Office,,and she is wired right now,,,,,not sure I can do all and calm,,,
Koz

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Response to kozar (Reply #2)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:22 PM

6. Yes it is, koz;

wish I could disagree.

Glad you have Lil Bits hugs. I have only 'virtual' hugs from my daughters and grands, tho I drop gifts @ daughter's house near me, and occasionally see her and them through window. Now concerned, daughter feels sick.

Post Office retirees must ALL be wired. HOPING for the day we can rescue them (and ALL of us.)

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Response to elleng (Reply #6)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:38 PM

12. ty nt

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Response to kozar (Original post)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:16 PM

3. Presumably LilBit is Tess?

Hang in there Koz ... and remember nobody can MAKE you feel any particular way ... without your permission.

What I mean is ... I'm sure you're a great dad, don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

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Response to mr_lebowski (Reply #3)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:22 PM

5. yes Leb,,,

LilBit is Tess,,you heard my music to her,, she was in ICU for 6 days this month.. I understand my permission,,but it's Mom... nd mom is having issues..LilBit and I can sing,,cook,,eat,,which we did today,, and we slept,hugged,and lost track of time,,Mom is great!! she just kinda loses her thoughts along the way,,her whole family had dementia,, she is 65,,,,Im just wondering out loud....


Koz

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Response to kozar (Reply #5)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:25 PM

7. Well ... I'm sorry she was in ICU but glad to hear that she's out, presumably things are better

Keep on keeping on brother. One foot in front of the other, doing the next right thing.

All you can control in this life ... is your own actions

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Response to mr_lebowski (Reply #7)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:30 PM

8. one foot hits piano pedal,for a chord,,,, the other one searches sometimes..

Yeah LilBit looks good,,,, we got this Leb,,thanks for thoughts,,,,,



KOz

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Response to kozar (Original post)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:18 PM

4. Brother Koz, I send you hugs

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Response to kozar (Original post)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:35 PM

9. Hugs, K!

Sorry things are tough at the moment. Hopefully, things will mellow out soon!

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Response to kozar (Original post)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:36 PM

10. gonna do some DU mail for responses

to those I know for a while Lebowski slipped by ,,but he heard me sing and play,,so Im ok... so did Tess,,,lol


Koz

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Response to kozar (Original post)

Sat Aug 8, 2020, 10:36 PM

11. Sending hugs, Koz.

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Response to kozar (Original post)

Sun Aug 9, 2020, 01:15 PM

13. well crap,,,,

it just gets better,,,,, picked up Lil bit this morn and heard a crack,,fairly certain I fractured my wrist. dunno how or why other than old bones getting tired. Mom heading back now so I can go in while she watches lil bit. I cant even pick up a glass of water. I make Trump look like a water drinking pro right now.

Like I told Mrs,,good news,LilBit is obviously gaining weight back if I cant pick her up without hurting myself.

It just gets better and better!

Koz

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Response to kozar (Original post)

Sun Aug 9, 2020, 10:33 PM

14. Koz, there is one idea that I feel when I read your words, and that word is..".LOVE."

....Quote...."as I setting camper and everything seems to be broken...Dammit why?..I love Mrs and
love lilbit, just dammit why?"

One thing that is NOT broken: your wonderful heart and caring for Mrs. and lilbit.


WHY?....there is no answer......(in my opinion, but I really don't know much)

I am sorry that I have not been around much, I wish you the best every day. We got to hang in there
together.

.......

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