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Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:24 PM

So I go to the lawyer with my mom who has Aphasia to try and take care of this trust issue

that has been a problem between me and my brother for 4 years now. That is when since she gave him power of attorney after her stroke. I don't want money, just transparency which my brother completely refused for about 3 years and then, after this lawyer sent him a letter he gives me bits and pieces of information and there are always things missing.

So I asked my mom if we could change something legally to force him to keep everything transparent.

That is why we went to the attorney today.

So we go in and mom talks but then has trouble so I tell him the issue and then he says he thinks that she needs to get a note from her doctor saying she is capable of making this decision and then he says it is to make sure I am not manipulating her.

She has APHASIA! She is not stupid. She understands everything that is said!

She still works at her church thrift store on Saturdays and she still plays Bridge. She lives alone, cooks, drives and just made another knitted Christmas stocking for her newest grand baby.

And this asshole wants her to go to her doctor to get a note saying she has enough marbles to make a fucking decision!

I've read about people treating people with disabilities and if they are dumb or mentally challenged.

So we left, kind of with the agreement that she will see a doctor to get a fucking note.

We both were upset about him asking her to get a note saying the she was capable of making a decision!

I want to write and email but I'm not sure how to go about it. God forbid the asshole thinks I am trying to manipulate anything!





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Reply So I go to the lawyer with my mom who has Aphasia to try and take care of this trust issue (Original post)
Maraya1969 Dec 2016 OP
DURHAM D Dec 2016 #1
Maraya1969 Dec 2016 #11
The Velveteen Ocelot Dec 2016 #2
SpookyDem Dec 2016 #3
kimbutgar Dec 2016 #4
marylandblue Dec 2016 #5
Johnathan146 Dec 2016 #6
vlyons Dec 2016 #7
Dustlawyer Dec 2016 #8
Phoenix61 Dec 2016 #9
unblock Dec 2016 #10
Maraya1969 Dec 2016 #12
Johnathan146 Dec 2016 #14
No Vested Interest Dec 2016 #15
citood Dec 2016 #13
Ilsa Dec 2016 #16

Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:29 PM

1. Does she have a health care power of attorney.

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Response to DURHAM D (Reply #1)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:58 PM

11. I don't know. She gave me a living will several years ago but I don't think that is power of

attorney.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:34 PM

2. Don't be angry with the lawyer. He is trying to protect YOU

from any possible future accusations by your brother that you are trying to manipulate your mother. If there is a doctor's letter stating your mother is competent that problem is much less likely to come up. The lawyer is thinking ahead; he's almost certainly seen those situations before.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:37 PM

3. Sounds like the lawyer is doing his job

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:38 PM

4. This is pretty standard

My mother had dementia and I had to get a doctors note attesting this. I also ended up going to court tp get a conservatorship for her. Every other year I had to show how the money was spent. The threat of her being conserved and a lawyer from the attorney will force your brother to show exoenses. The only bad thing about doing a conservatorship is it is costly because of attorney fees every two years to get a court review.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:38 PM

5. Seems the lawyer is just protecting your interests

Your brother could argue that your mother is not in fact capable of making her own decisions, and therefore anything she signs is invalid. But if you first have the doctor's note proving she is capable, then that could prevent a nasty legal battle later.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:41 PM

6. I agree with the lawyer

 

He is a lawyer. I'm going to assume he does not have a medical degree. He may believe you that your mom has the mental capacity to make that decision, but he can not legally make that diagnosis. He is not a doctor.

If something is brought up in court, the first question an opposing lawyer is going to ask would be about her mental capacity at the time. The lawyer can not testify to her mental capacity, he is not qualified. By getting a doctor to sign off, the doctor can testify to her mental capacity, and whatever she signs will hold up in court.

The lawyer is certainly covering his ass a little bit, but he is also looking out for you. You are going to a lawyer because you want something official that will hold up in court, and he is taking the steps to ensure it will hold up in court.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:43 PM

7. I understand your frustration, but

the attorney is only protecting himself, you, and your Mom. There have been plenty of elderly with dementia, who were exploited by their children, spouses, guardians, etc over the years. Your brother, or another relative, could cause a lot of problems and accuse you of manipulating your Mom. So think of it as crossing your T's and dotting your I's. So if someone wants to make a case that your Mom was not in full mental capacity, you will have a piece of paper from a physician stating that she is mentally competent to make financial and life decisions for herself. The attorney has given you some good advice.

You don't say who you want to write and email. I assume it's your brother. Does he need to know why your Mom goes to see a doctor? If he asks, I would just say that she went in for a check-up. If he wants to know more, he can ask your Mom. And she can tell him, or not, as she pleases.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:43 PM

8. If you want it to work you need to do what the attorney says.

It sounds like your brother is hiding something and will attack whatever your attorney files for undue influence. Attorneys and judges are not medical experts and rely on doctors to say she is ok to make decisions. A judge is not just going to take your word that she is OK, they could be liable if they turn out to be wrong. We see a lot of people take advantage of their sick, disabled, and elderly family members.

If it is bad enough what your brother is doing then she should revoke the POA and sign one for you.

Don't be so hasty to label him an "asshole" just because he thinks you will need proof that she is competent to execute contracts and other legal documents.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:44 PM

9. I get it.

Really, I do get it. I understand why you are upset but that attorney is looking out for you and your mom. He is covering all the bases. If you don't have that letter someone could challenge the change she wants made and that might not happen until after she is gone. I know it's a pain in the tail but better safe than sorry.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 08:47 PM

10. i wouldn't be offended.

it seems to me typically careful lawyering. it protects the trust and it protects you. it could be important documentation to have, especially if at some later date she actually can't prove competence (sorry to point out something unpleasant, but alzheimer's or another stroke is always a possibility) and there's a dispute as to exactly when that happened.

*you* know that only her speech was affected, but that's not necessarily obvious to a lawyer, or a judge who doesn't know her nearly as well, if at all.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 09:01 PM

12. OK I get that he is trying to protect me and probably her. But the man should not have

gone at it the way he did. He didn't start off by saying, "Just to protect yourself from being sued" or anything. He just went right in to telling her she should get a note from the doctor.

If he was doing his job both of us would have felt ok about it. As it was we were both insulted and I'm sure she felt hurt.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Reply #12)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 09:17 PM

14. Ok, so you have the right to be mad

 

Go see another lawyer then.

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Response to Maraya1969 (Reply #12)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 09:52 PM

15. It sounds as though the lawyer does not have a good bedside manner. nt

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 09:03 PM

13. He's covering all bases - doing a good job

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Response to Maraya1969 (Original post)

Tue Dec 27, 2016, 10:01 PM

16. Getting the dr's note will help you in the future if your

Sibling tries to claim you were manipulating your mom, or that she was non compos mentis when she requested changes.

Good luck to you!

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